Choose worry or faith?

There is not enough room in your mind 

for both worry and faith.

You must decide 

which one gets to live there.

— Unknown 

Great reminder. Hopefully I can remember this the next time I’m hugely stressed out, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

  

Questions that feel like a hug…

Want the last bite? 

When do I get to see you again?

Want to call instead?

Need me to stay a little longer?

Wanna borrow my jacket?

Do you want advice or just a hug?

Why do you feel that way?

Need another blanket?

How can I love you better?

— Unknown 

My favourite questions are “Do you want advice or just a hug?” and “Why do you feel that way?” I would love to hear these statements more, and yet I catch myself trying to solve, rather than listen and support. Note to self. Just saying’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Search for ways to love…

Marriage is not the end of the search for love.  

It’s the end of the search for the person to love. 

The search for ways to love that person has just begun.

— Tank Sinatra 

My favourite therapist says every relationship will inevitably hit the “relationshit” part the union. Early days are all fireworks and rose tinted glasses, but at some point the annoying habits and traits pop up. I don’t know about you, but I find comfort in knowing that certain differences are to be expected. As long as they’re not of the deal breaker variety, of course. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Dealing with the baggage…

Your trauma is not your fault, 

but your healing is your responsibility.

— Unknown 

I remember learning about the “victim mentality” for the first time and it felt so unkind to me. Perhaps what we really need is to be heard, acknowledged and supported for the trauma we’ve faced. And then we may be more willing to do the “work” of healing. It really sucks holding the bag on a difficult upbringing. Having said that, it’s been a breath of fresh air on the other side it. Most of baggage is neatly tucked away, with the odd flare/trigger, and life feels lighter and more joyful. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

  

Energy givers…

Sunlight

Dance

Whole foods

Hydration 

Consistent sleep pattern

Nature

Music

Movement

Resting 

Fresh air

Declutteriing

Future planning 

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling pretty burned out, throughout and post-pandemic. The world seems to have picked right back up, and then some. Some people have completely opted out for 6 months; break from work, off all social media, and hard no to social engagements. I’m not planning a complete hiatus myself, but I will focus on the above list, and bringing more joy to life. I keep saying there is more to life than work, money, gadgets. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

I water you, you water me…

When two givers indulge in a connection, it’s like magic.

It’s alchemy.

I water you, you water me.

We never drain each other, 

we just grow.  

— Unknown 

Geez, I wish I’d figured this out earlier. I found my perfect mate after a few failed relationships, and looking back now, I can see at least two deal breakers with each of those partnerships. Whoops! There’s a great exercise you can do (I think it was from Keeping the Love You Find, recommended by my favourite therapist), that rates all of your past relationships, so you can see your choices clearly. Most importantly, this savvy post mortem allows you to identify any red flags up front and do not pass go. According to my therapist, tendencies and potential warning signs can be identified within two weeks of meeting someone. So when I met my husband to be, I had my “list” and I spent a few weeks and months doing my research on this new person, and our connection together. Even with the crazy chemistry we had, I had no interest in making a big commitment to another flawed relationship. Been there, done that, thank you very much. Chemistry, companionship, similar values, future goals, mutual respect and personal integrity, ability to talk about everthing and resolve challenges when they come up were my primary requirements (Ps. I also realized this sort of due diligence is a great idea regarding friendships as well). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A little braver each time…

The willingness to show up changes us.

It makes us a little braver each time.

— Brene Brown  

I must admit that I’ve “shown up” at times because I had no choice; job loss, relationship break down, unexpected financial meltdown. When you’re desperate enough, odds are you find greater strength, resilience and creativity. Surviving the 2008 financial crisis, and resulting duress, might be my favourite accomplishment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sometimes you just need to breathe…

You don’t always need a plan.

Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go 

and see what happens.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always experienced a somewhat anxious waiting period before big developments (finding/landing the perfect job, meeting the ideal partner, snagging the most suitable home). Patience is not a virtue of mine, but I’m working on it, Lol. We control what we can control, and the rest is clearly up to fate/faith, luck or what have you. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

No desire to argue…

I have no desire to argue with anyone.

I choose to walk away because I just want peace.

— Unknown

This makes me think about the pandemic and vaccination friction. I finally decided to add the issue to religion and politics, as a no go zone, because people seemed to become very entrenched in their beliefs around the topic. There is so much information out there now. I wonder how well we’re doing separating fact from opinions and beliefs? Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Our wounds…

Turn your wounds into wisdom.

— Oprah Winfrey

I’ve done a lot of individual/couples/group therapy, EMDR, life coaching, energy work (Body Talk, Craniosacral Therapy), and I’ve found all of it to be quite freeing really. It’s not easy work and there’s a financial cost, but I’m happy to have unloaded the unwanted baggage. Much of it was unconscious, and I may not have done the work if it hadn’t been for pressing relationship challenges. So, I’m grateful to those relationships for highlighting my silent pain. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Your competition isn’t other people…

Your competition is your procrastination.

Your Ego.

The unhealthy food you’re consuming. 

The knowledge you neglect.

The negative behaviour you’re nurturing 

& your lack of creativity.

Compete against that. 

— Anonymous

That’s some real tough love advice (I wish I knew who actually wrote that)… probably some truth in there though? Personally, I know I ignored some important knowledge/red flags, which led to some less than stellar relationship choices. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What does Buddha say about forgiveness…

But forgiveness isn’t about excusing him. Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness. But because you deserve peace.

— Buddha 

My favourite therapist says it’s not about letting the other person off the hook. It’s about freeing oneself of the burdensome, negative emotions. In my experience, processing old events and feelings has gone a long a long way to moving forward in a healthy way. (Full disclosure, some of the most troublesome childhood stuff has taken many sessions, and years frankly. But it gets better). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The more you heal, the less you force…

Psychology says, the more your heal, the less you attach, chase, force, judge and project.

— Unknown

I feel quite fortunate to have landed in intensive therapy. In truth, I only entertained these weekend seminars (quite the sacrifice of time after a long work week, energy, emotion and money) and one-one-one therapy to save my relationship at the time. I was frequently burdened with family issues and relied on my partner for support. He finally said “who do you have to talk about this stuff with, because it’s not going to be me. This is deeper stuff for a professional.” Thank you ex. You were absolutely right. I came to really enjoy “the work” and I’ve never looked back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Complicated grieving…

Everybody talks about cutting people off but nobody really talks about the grief that comes with having to stand firm on that decision, knowing it’s not what you wanted, but what was necessary for your well-being.

— Unknown 

I’ve been learning about complicated grieving from my savvy Craniosacral Therapy/life coach. My mother passed away a year ago and there’s been some very painful fall out. It was comforting to hear that grieving is difficult for people regardless of the ease or difficulty of a relationship (and just because we’re family, dosen’t mean we’re able to see eye to eye. Such a tough one). Losing anyone in your life causes much emotional unpacking, and if it’s a friend, you don’t typically get support and comfort from people because it wasn’t a death per se. My coach also said that grieving is exhausting and so we really do need the time, energy and emotion to devote to the process. This can be a lengthy and winding road. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Kind or people pleasing?

This is not being kind, it is people pleasing:

* Repeatedly forgiving people who refuse to change 

* Not expressing your feelings when you are upset

* Taking on more than you can handle even when you are very tired

* Not standing up for yourself when people are disrespectful

* Being passive with your concerns and issues

* Being a crutch for others when you are burnt out

* Always apologizing first during conflict because you cannot stand others to be upset with you

* Being everyone’s support system but your own

* Saying ‘yes’ to things and regretting it later

— Unknown 

Yup, some of these definitely apply to my younger self. Fortunately, my favourite therapist taught me how to “have my own back.” He says doing things out of duty and obligation can be fine some of the time, granted that one has the time/energy/emotional capacity, but he taught me that prioritizing self care is healthy, and not selfish. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Life Lessons for Highly Sensitive People…

* You have a powerful intuition. Learning to trust yourself will change your life. 

* Once you accept yourself for being sensitive, it won’t matter if others approve of you.

* Your ability to feel other people’s pain dosen’t mean it’s your responsibility to fix it. 

* You will thrive when you prioritize taking really, really good care of yourself. 

* Boundaries are how you teach people to treat you. Honouring your time and energy portrays self-respect. 

— @lifebyalissa 

The third one resonates for me. I think I may have found the sweet spot of feeling appreciated for my high level of empathy when healthy for me, and an appropriate level of detachment when the scenario is not necessarily my concern… (This is after much individual/group therapy, EMDR, Body Talk/Craniosacral Therapy and re-birthing/breath work. Ps. Apparently 10 - 20 % of the population is wired to feel everything deeply). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Are you an empath?…

Empath’s Overload Triggers

Rushing

Crowds

Arguing

Loud sounds

Low blood sugar

Chemical sensitivities

Too much socializing

Feeling trapped in parties and cruises

— jane_lightworker

As per dictionary.com, an empath is “a person who has a particular tendency or ability to enter into or psychologically identify with the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of others.” I’ve been told I’m an empath, and I certainly check all the boxes above (except low blood sugar. I tend to feel better when I fast and eat less in general). I would say there are pro’s and con’s. If you’re in a relationship-based profession, the extra sensitivity can be a super power. But feeling what’s around you in living colour can also be exhausting. Me time helps a lot. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Need a hug?

Don’t offer a lecture 

to a person who needs a hug.

— Wordology

Great reminder. I have a tendency to wanna solve, as does my handsome partner. We know we typically want the other to just listen in support, and/or potentially offer up a hug of comfort. It’s cool that we can work on this together. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not yet ready to forgive?…

If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions 

I ask their forgiveness. 

If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions

I forgive them.

And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive

I forgive myself for that.

For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions

I forgive myself.

— A Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness

I’ve been working with forgiveness a lot this past year (since my mother’s passing, and a lot of difficult fall out). This is the first quote I’ve seen that makes an allowance for not being ready to forgive. I actually want to forgive and move on to a more peaceful phase, but my mind and heart keep treading back over some particularly painful stuff. In this moment I want to forgive myself for not accomplishing a deep rooted, long standing goal. Fortunately, a handy strength of mine is perseverance. I’m not afraid of hard work, sacrifice, and taking a few risks. I’m a glass-half-full kinda girl, so I can’t help but believe there’s a brilliant day just up ahead. Having said that, I’ve been sitting here mourning a number of things today. A few tears shed for each sad, lingering moment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl