How to break free (from upbringing baggage)…

Ways to forgive the unkindest cuts.

* Choosing to forgive serious offences from childhood can greatly improve our sense of well-being.

* The journey to forgiveness starts with compassion toward self.

* Even small and faltering steps can get the forgiveness ball rolling. 

Forgiving the deepest hurts from childhood is difficult. Why do we do it? Because we see those who practice forgiveness feeling lighter, happier and more at peace. 

Suggestions: (there are 10 in the complete Psychology Today article, see below) 

- Mindfully acknowledge the pain you’re carrying and say or think: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I bring compassion to this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” (Nerf, 2011) … Loving-kindness is what heals. 

- Imagine the offender as an innocent, suffering child. Ask why the child was hurting. In AA, adults are encouraged to think of an offender as a sick friend who is suffering spiritually. Then it is easier to forgive, for we would forgive a sick friend. 

- Don’t personalize. The offence is more about the pain and imperfect past of the offender than it is about you. 

- Write a forgiveness letter 

- Take the offender to neutral. If the person hasn’t earned your trust or goodwill, and forgiving seems like such a stretch, simply say, “I take you to zero, zip, nada; I won’t waste my time thinking about you or remembering.

- Consider positives that have resulted from your pain (Personal resolve, enhanced compassion, ability to envision a brighter future?) 

- Give it time…

Even small efforts to forgive can bring great rewards—and are almost always well worth the effort. 

— Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D. (Excerpt, paraphrased from Psychology Today post Oct 24 2022) 

My big take away from the “work” I’ve done, and in total layman’s terms. It’s about getting unstuck. We come away from our childhood with ingrained habits, patterns of behaviour and likely, reactionary responses. We may also have limitations in our communication/relationship skills because if these skills weren’t modelled growing up, we likely had limited exposure to healthier alternatives thereafter. In a nutshell, it’s never too late to learn how to create better relationships with our self and others. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl