Take bold action…

Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities.

— Unknown 

Yup. I keep working on it. Focus on the possibilities, rather than fear of the unknown. I’ve noticed an aspect of post-traumatic stress/fear from the past as well. When things have gone terribly wrong; being cheated on/betrayed, having to leave a job (tyrant boss/toxic company culture), being on the wrong side of economic disaster (2008 financial crash and/or this pandemic), betrayal of a friend, these things leave an emotional scar. My favourite therapist says there are, however, big learning opportunities (in the post-mortem stage obviously, as we’re recovering). He says we can learn to observe red flags and take bold action. In relationships for example, he says with confidence from 40 yrs of private practice, that we typically notice things within two weeks of dating someone. We just tend to ignore the warning signs because we’re in the throws of infatuation. With work, we tend to avoid change because it’s a hassle. Problem is, the longer we sit inactive in our frustration, we risk life happening TO us. I’ve been bit by this more than once and I know for sure that I’d rather make my own decisions, in my own time frame. There’s nothing worse than the book shelf falling on your head, leaving you to scramble for a place to live, or find a new job in a potentially bad market. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Ten toes in the circle…

I’ll help anyone who is willing to help themselves. 

But don’t expect me to bust my ass while you sit on yours.

— Unknown

This one’s gotten under my skin over the years. I’ve tended to pull more than my fair share of the weight and at times I’ve felt resentful. I’ve learned, however, that this is “my stuff” and something I have to rectify for myself. My favourite therapist says it’s about 100 % and 100% in relationships, for example. Both parties need to have “ten toes in the circle,” meaning each person has to be equally committed. So if one puts in more effort than the other, there is a problematic imbalance. So, I’ve had to learn to not over give, and allow for others to come forward and contribute as well. I’ve mostly learned the lesson, as my precious relationship is very mutual, warm and fuzzy ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Failure may be the very reason for our success…

What hindsight (and 43 years of regular failure!) has taught me, is that often the very things that feel like a failure turn out to be the very reason for our success.

— Jake Humphrey (English TV presenter, best known for hosting Champions League and Premier League football of BT Sport, CBBC’s Bamzooki, and BBC sport’s coverage of Formula 1 Grand Prix. He is the co-founder and Director of Whisper Group and Host at The High Performance Podcast. He was also the youngest ever host of the football shows Football Focus)  

After watching Top Gun: Maverick (loooooved it!!) I was inspired to look up Val Kilmer (very touching scene in the movie) and his career trajectory. I’ve always thought of him as an incredible and intriguing actor (think Willow, The Doors, Thunderheart, True Romance, Tombstone, Heat, The Salton Sea, Wonderland, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Deja Vu). I was surprised to see the lack of recognition for his body of work, and he recently said it bothered him when he was younger. It goes to show you, we don’t always get the kudo’s we deserve (I’m grappling with some of this myself). Maybe the big recognition needs to come from within. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Forgive yourself…

To the girl I was then:

I forgive you. XO

— Unknown  

Because we beat ourselves up a lot, don’t we? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Spiritual maintenance…

Temporarily closed for spiritual maintenance.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I sure need my down time these days. There’s just sooo much scary news out there right now; supply chain issues (like you can’t find some of the most basic things at the store), inflation (high interest rates/mortgages, higher and higher rents), the war, Covid still floating around out there (I keep hearing about people falling ill with this thing). I’m sorry, it just gets to be too much some days, doesn’t it. For me, a big swim, time with animals, writing, seeking out inspiring stories, time with my life/energy coach, movies and music are part of my spiritual maintenance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Only a certain amount of energy…

I just saw this “You’re not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you are using it all to survive.” I don’t know who needs to hear that right now, but I know someone does.

— Unknown

Amen. My younger self had loads of energy. Sadly, as I’ve aged my energy has become a very finite resource. Now, decisions need to be made. My favourite therapist agrees. He says if you have the energy and you choose to devote a certain portion of your time to duties and obligations, so be it, but if you feel you don’t have the energy to spare, prioritize your well being. He says we’re not much good to anyone if we’re overwhelmed and exhausted (and probably pissy) anyway. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anything is possible…

Trust the wait. 

Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming.

When nothing is certain, anything is possible.

— Unknown

Great reminder. I think I’m spending too much time staying “informed” and not enough time nurturing my heart and soul. With the ever increasing demands of work (is it just me, or do companies just want more and more from you, even though salaries are not keeping up with inflation… by a long shot at this point), post pandemic fall out (almost incomprehensible), the war, inflation, it’s a wonder we’re doing as well as we are. I’ve been reading that we’re in a pretty global funk (even President Biden says “People are really, really down”), which made me feel better about my less than stellar mood of late. I’m typically a glass-half-full girl, but wow, this is a whole new world. Having said that, my commitment is to seek out inspiration, motivation and optimism. Because I know good is still out there, and I’d rather be a part of the solution and not the problem. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

It’s not luck…

The reason that I can be 38 and have two kids and wear a bikini is because I work my (expletive) ass off. It’s not an accident. It’s not luck, it’s not fairy dust, it’s not good genes. It’s killing myself for an hour and a half five days a week, but what I get out of it is relative to what I put into it. That’s what I try to do in all areas of my life.

— Gwyneth Paltrow

It’s all about diet and exercise, as they say. I read an article about what some of the models/actors/pro-athletes are eating these days and it’s a lot of veggies (like 80 % for some), with lean proteins and healthy grains, such as quinoa. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs  XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Can’t decide what I need…

Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 shots of vodka or 2 weeks of sleep.

— Unknown 

Lol. I hear that. Some days are simply fit for hiding under the covers. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Respectful and productive dialogue…

You’re not grown until you know how to communicate, apologize, be truthful and accept accountability without blaming someone else.

— Unknown

Sadly, I didn’t learn how to communicate productively until after my second divorce. Duh! But it’s never too late and I did learn how to invite a respectful dialogue with my perfect partner. We always listen to each other and we are happy to honour each others’ requests. Once you learn how to talk about how you’re feeling, what your experience is and what you would prefer, it’s easy and makes for a deeper bond. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing is messy, and there’s no timeline…

It’s okay if you thought you were over it, but it hits you all over again.

It’s okay to fall apart even if you thought you had it under control.

You’re not weak.  

Healing is messy. And there’s no timeline for healing.

— Unknown

Amen. I’ve been working on my “issues” for more than 25 years. My sister recently asked the great question “Are you still working on that old childhood stuff?” And I said “Mostly I address the cumulative stress that life brings, but, yeah, sometimes I get triggered by the old family drama.” And you know what, I don’t feel bad about that. It feels very nurturing to allow myself a few moments of sadness. As my favourite therapist says, we cannot change our legacy; where we were born, our family of origin, the socioeconomic status we grew up in, the traumatic events we faced etc. But it’s never too late, and we’re never too old, to mourn what our “Inner Child” had to endure. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

10 Habits of Successful People…

* They wake up early  

* They read a lot

* They spend 15-30 minutes everyday focused on thinking

* They make exercise a priority

* They spend time with people who inspire them

* They pursue their own goals

* They get enough sleep

* They have multiple income sources

* They avoid time wasters

* They take action even when it’s scary

— Brentney Parks @totalfitbosschick (Certified executive coach and host of Total Fit Boss Chick Podcast, which features realistic winning habits and methods to achieve better productivity and greater freedom and fulfilment in life)

Great tips… for what it’s worth ;) I supposed it all depends on how you define success. We’re all hard wired differently. Many of my favourite people care most about their kids, grandkids and quality time. To each his own. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Start over!…

Don’t be afraid to start all over again. 

You may like your new story better.

— Unknown

I would love to tell my younger self to take that leap of faith. I would say girl, deal with the uncomfortable’ness of change (Because I do not like change! My OCD’ishness really flares up, Lol) because the best is still yet to come. Unfortunately, I dragged my heels with outgrown relationships and sat in ill-fitting company cultures for far too long. So I say, go for it! Chase your ultimate fulfillment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl   

Couples who cuddle more stay happier…

Cuddling is one of the closest and most romantic things you can do with your partner. It is more than just mere intimacy, it is a comforting message.

It tells your partner that you are there for them, they are safe with you in your arms and that they are warm and they are protected.

Studies have shown that couples who cuddle more often stay happier and have a better life together because they share a whole new level of comfort and love that not even sex can bring.

— Unknown 

“Comfort and love that not even sex can bring” stands out for me. I happen to love cuddling, so that’s good news. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The “right” person…

At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.

— Karen Salmansohn (Self-help author, designer and founder of notsalmon.com, a personal development site, which offers books and video courses on anxiety, toxic people, emotional eating, relationships, meditation and happiness. Salmansohn was formerly a senior VP ad creative director (at age 26), who left her career to pursue writing. She is a regular columnist for Oprah, CNN, Psychology Today, Huffington Post and MSN. She is also a relationship expert for msn.com, match.com and Lifetime TV and was previously a career coach for AOL. She is most well known for her self-help books, such as How To Be Happy, Dammit, Think Happy, Life is Long and Prince Harming Syndrome)

I am certainly an example of someone who tended to choose the “wrong” person in love, and who finally got it right. It took being super, duper honest with myself. What kind of person am I and what sort of behaviour am I able to accept or not accept, how do I want to live my life, and what sort of future do I envision. From there, what sort of person is a match for these values, desires and goals. It worked. My future hubby and I had arrived at the same conclusion and had pretty much identical “lists” for the perfect life partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Season, a reason or a lifetime…

Have you ever been so disappointed in someone that you forgive them and don’t say anything, but in your head you detach yourself from them completely?

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had this experience with friends, career and romantic relationships. You don’t always get that moment of absolute clarity and finality. It can be a relief to know, without question, that someone/something is simply not congruent with your values. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl