Accept life unconditionally…

I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without me ever seeing it. 

— Audrey Hepburn (British actress and humanitarian. Hepburn was recognized as both a film icon and a fashion icon. The American Film Institute ranked her third among screen legends from the Classical Hollywood cinema and she was inducted into the International Best Dressed List Hall of Fame. Although Hepburn was born in Brussels to an aristocratic family, she faced traumatic life events at a very young age. Her father abandoned the family and then Germany invaded and occupied the Netherlands for five long years, deeply affecting her entire family. She witnessed trainloads of Jews being transported to the train station and she personally suffered malnutrition due to a lack of even the most basic foods, such as flour, which they had to learn to make out of tulip bulbs. Hepburn later became very involved with UNICEF, narrating two radio programs, re-telling children’s stories of war. She was eventually appointed Goodwill Ambassador and on her appointment she stated that she was grateful for receiving international aid after enduring the German occupation as a child and she wanted to show her gratitude to the organization). 

Wow. Watching Audrey Hepburn in movies and in her seemingly glamorous life, you’d never know the trauma and torment she endured in her early life. Perhaps this is where she cultivated the ability to persevere, and live with gratitude. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Gift of love…

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.

— John Lennon (Lennon’s songwriting partnership with Paul McCartney remains the most successful in history. Lennon, who is sometimes called “the smart Beatle,” wrote All You Need Is Love, plus others, which were adopted as anti-war movement anthems, and then into the larger counterculture. Rolling Stone named Lennon the fifth greatest singer and he was inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice —as a Beatle and then as a solo artist). 

The love of my life (and perfectly matched partner) and my BFF come to mind. Acts of love are delightful, plentiful, mutual and effortless. In my earlier relationships, I can see where incompatibilities derailed any chance of lasting love. No one’s fault. We simply lacked common ground and needed to go our separate ways. Most importantly, these experiences helped to re-define myself and my ideal partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Best is still yet to come…

Don’t give up now, 

chances are 

your best kiss 

Your hardest laugh

and your greatest day

are still yet to come.

— atticus

I’ve been in the proverbial ditch in life, and this went on for years (post 2008 financial crisis, which became my financial crisis). Life was pretty much on hold. I had enough money for rent, food, car (because I’ve always had well paying jobs), and not much else. All I can say is, wow. Quite the character building time. I was able to enjoy a low cost morning coffee outing, which is fortunately one of my favourite things, while my friends shopped for brand name clothes, enjoyed live entertainment, went on fabulous trips and bought bigger homes (some of them multi-million). Yup, that was a soul searching, humbling experience. So, I was out of work and I was also single. Doubly whammy, but this left me much solitude to envision my ideal future, which is mostly about greater freedom of life choices and more time off for fun adventures. Although I had limited funds to play with, I had an abundance of time, and fortunately I spent it wisely. I followed the advice of a fantastic life coach who said, girl, you need to sit down and write your lists. For career, what sort of manager do you want to work with, what sort of corporate culture do you want, what do you want your work days to look like, what sort of compensation do you want/need? For a life partner; what you do want your days to look like, how do you want to be treated, etc. I spent a good year on this exercise, meanwhile I also learned how to not spend money. It took a couple more years of searching, but I ended up with my dream job, the love of my life/best, easiest partner ever, and a LOT of savings and investments. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Being yourself…

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

For me, it’s been about quieting that “internal parent.” Instead of allowing my mind to critique and judge, I try to say kind and supportive things to myself . Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“The Not To Do List”…

Here are 9 habits that most people do that add stress and distraction to your day that you should eliminate. Like your to-do list, identify the top 3 stressors that you personally encounter, and make a plan to stop doing them:

1. Do not agree to meetings without a clear agenda or end time.

2. Do not drink coffee all day.

3. Do not answer unplanned calls except for family.

4. Do not e-mail when you wake up or right before going to sleep.

5. Do not waste time on low-benefit, high-cost endeavours.

6. Do not let people talk about nothing.

7. Do not constantly check your e-mail.

8. Do not work more just because you’re stressed.

9. Do not let work consume your life. 

What are your top 3?

— Jordan Buckner, Forbes 30 Under 30, Foodbevy Founder

My top three are: tend to check email a lot, check email when I wake up, overthink work. Thing is, I believe these habits have contributed to my success, over-achievement and higher earnings. I’ll have to manage a “fix” that doesn’t compromise my results. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Do you need better boundaries?”…

Setting better boundaries in your personal and working relationships can improve your mental health, writes best-selling author and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab. Yet many people struggle to do so when they’re most needed. 

Boundary setting advice:

* Try a week of telling colleagues you’ll only respond after hours if it’s urgent.

* The next time you have the choice between people-pleasing and truth-telling, choose the truth.

* Remove temptation by deleting work apps on weekends.

— Leah Smart (Excerpt from LinkedIn News)

I’m a pretty touchy-feely girl and looking back, I can see that I grew up trying to calm the waters and make everyone feel better. I just wanted everyone to get along and be happy. Not much has changed, Lol. Well, actually a lot has changed. I still want peace and calm in my life and I want those around me to be happy, but I take care of my own well being first and avoid taking on the emotional world of others. I seem to have less and less energy for drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Overcoming thoughts…

I am becoming more positive and overcoming thoughts that try to hold me back.

— www.self pause.com

In keeping with my last post on mind management… I’m amazed at some of the crap my mind comes up with. Luckily, I can usually stop and say “Whaaaaa???? Awe, no! That’s ridiculous, or silly or fear-based.” Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Live in the curiosity of it all…

Rather than trying to know and figure it all out, live in the curiosity of it all. You don’t have to know where you’ll be a year from now—you don’t even have to know what you’ll be doing a month from now. Move away from this need for certainty that we all need. Just be. Live in the moment with every bit of your life force, and enjoy the gift of the present moment. The treasures of your life will present themselves only if you really are open to them.

— Robin Sharma (Canadian writer, best known for The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari book series. Sharma worked as a litigation lawyer until the age of 25, when he realized he could not find satisfaction or peace as a lawyer. He self-published MegaLiving (1994) on stress management and spirituality. He originally self-published The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, which was later picked up for wider distribution by HarperCollins. Sharma has published 12 additional books and conducts trainings for companies such as Nike, Microsoft, IBM, FedEx and has become a popular public speaker for organizations such as Yale University, Harvard Business school and NASA). 

Great reminder. I know this (I revisit the Eckhart Tolle books - The Power of Now and A New Earth - and others like it) and yet I still seem to forget about living in the moment. I most definitely get caught up in worrying about the future and replaying the past. Mind management! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

  

Feeling the need to be busy…

Feeling the need to be busy all the time is a trauma response and fear-based distraction from what you’d be forced to acknowledge and feel if you slowed down.

— Unknown 

What I learned from my own healing journey is how much emotional pain idles quietly in the background, in our unconscious. We don’t even remember much of what happened to us while we were young because defensive mechanisms kick in and protect us from some of the acute pain. Unfortunately, those old, unresolved issues carve out grooves in our emotional fabric and tend to wreak serious havoc in our most important relationships. Taking time out to identify and heal old wounds has been transformational for me in every way. Now, I’m not gonna lie. This was very hard work and required much time and financial commitment. I just felt that I couldn’t afford NOT to work on the issues that plagued my relationships. I think this may be what I’m most proud of in my life. I had the courage to take responsibility for everything in my life and I invested heavily in myself. This has paid off in every way, as I’m at an all time high in my career, I’ve been with the love of my life for almost seven blissful years and most importantly, I can meet all of my own needs. My honey’s the cherry on top, but time to myself is my very favourite treat. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The importance of close friendships…

The key to survival: Find five people. Hold them close. 

Close relationships—about five of them—are as essential as food and water…

Loneliness kills, and friendship preserves. There’s really nothing else—not exercise or even quitting smoking— that matches the positive effect on mental health and physical health of having friends, writes the inventor of “Dunbar’s number.” Quite simply, he says, friendship is “the best predictor of your chances of surviving from this moment into the future.” 

For about a century, Dunbar notes, the Western world has held at about half-family and half-friend in its social circles, down from what was almost entirely family not that far back in history, so too will the kin share of inner circles. We are all going to need more friends.

— excerpt from Brian Bethune’s article in, MacLean’s 

I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but it’s about living one culture at your home (family of origin), and a completely different one at school/work. My father moved to Canada from Italy when he was 13 and very much retained his values from the “old country.” I later found out from my cousins that Italy had evolved as well over time, but my father was apparently unaware, Lol ;) Anyhoo, I think this cultural divide veered me away from family at a young age. I love my family, but work, work friends, acquaintances always felt more real world to me than the old traditions. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Loneliness or freedom?…

You come home, make some tea, sit down in your armchair, and all around there’s silence. 

Everyone decides for themselves whether that’s loneliness or freedom.

— Unknown 

When I was younger, I couldn’t be busy enough, and didn’t want to miss out on anything. As I’ve gotten older, I relish in peace, quiet and taking care of myself, nothing but myself (i.e. eat what I wanna eat, watch what I wanna watch, keep things clean and tidy, just the way I like ‘em). I think life’s compromises tend to nickel and dime my energy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO  

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s easy to judge…

It’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. 

Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow. 

— Doe Zantamata 

I’ve sat in numerous weekend group workshops (with usually 16 other people) and at the beginning it’s easy to quickly categorize everyone. As the weekend progresses and the “work” delves into each of us, the strangers become people. After hearing about each person’s story and family background, the people become individuals with justified feelings. After the “clearing” workshop (where you have to approach anyone you have discomfort with, and own up to your feelings as your own stuff), the individuals become brave, humble souls… and many of them become friends. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Less is more at work…

When Subtraction Adds Value

Imagining ways to introduce change is an essential skill no matter one’s occupation, role, or rank. Across a series of experiments, the authors found that people systematically overlook subtractive changes, instead following their instincts to add… 

Subtraction has untapped potential. With subtraction in mind, the designer might rid the app of unnecessary features, the manager might remove barriers to a more inclusive culture, and the advisory board member might suggest divesting from fossil fuels…

A company may be flourishing because the previous CEO removed burdensome red tape. A slide deck may precisely showcase the main point because its editor got rid of distracting secondary arguments. 

— excerpt from “When Subtraction Adds Value” by Gabrielle Adams, Benjamin A. Converse, Andrew Hales and Leiden Klotz

I don’t know about you, but this notion of subtraction feels like a big sigh of relief. I love the idea of less bureaucracy, less red tape, less admin… just less! I’m a minimalist in general though, and I love de-cluttering at work and at home. For me, it offers the space and time to focus on what really matters and what brings the best return. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

You have the power…

You’ve always had the power my dear.

You just had to learn it for yourself.

— The Wizard of Oz

I’m the baby of the family and I got into the habit of being shown how to do things. What a luxury. I didn’t realize how spoiled I was. It’s like having to read IKEA instructions (or any instructions for that matter) vs having someone there to show you how the pieces fit together. Thing is, there’s not always someone there to bail you out, especially if you live alone. I’m also technologically challenged (which may have something to do with my undiagnosed dyslexia). But over the years I’ve had no choice but to figure some things out for myself, and you know what? I’ve been pleasantly surprised at what I can figure out when I have no choice, Lol. Now I have the confidence that I can try different things, and not just assume that I don’t have the know how. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

What you give out…

Be a reflection of what you’d like to receive.

If you want love, give love.  

If you want truth, be truthful.

If you want respect, give respect.

What you give out will always return.

— Kristen Butler (American former four-time professional All-Star softball catcher and current head coach for Rutgers. She won SEC Player of the Year in 2006 and currently ranks top-10 in career RBI’s and home runs for the National Pro Fastpitch league). 

I’ve been paying more attention to this philosophy of late and I love how it makes me feel. For example, when a friend privately comes under fire with our precious group, I’ll take that person’s case on by offering up some get out of jail explanations. When I offer that space and slack to someone else, it’s as though I’m myself giving myself that same permission to be imperfect. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Happiness that works for you…

The truth is, self discovery isn’t this comfortable, miraculous thing. It can get ugly, it can get confusing. It’s gritty, it’s hard. It’s difficult to confront yourself sometimes, it’s difficult to be the person who does things differently, who doesn’t settle. But it’s the greatest gift you will ever giver yourself. It will push you towards figuring out what your own personal version of happiness looks like; and when you grow on your own terms, when you figure out what actually matters to you, and when you carve out your own path, you live on your own terms. You love on your own terms. You become the person you always wanted to be, rather than the person you were always told to be, and that is beautiful. Because when it comes down to it — life is about making yourself proud on your own terms. It’s about finding a happiness that works for you.

— Bianca Sparacino 

My own journey of self-discovery happened somewhat by accident (although I am a psychology major with a passion for human nature and a coachable demeanour). My partner at the time, (and future ex-husband, Lol), had a voracious appetite for personal development. He was a willing sounding board (mostly family/relationship drama) for a bit, but inevitably said “who do you have to talk to about this stuff.” Line drawn. I really wanted this relationship to work, so I enrolled in a weekend workshop he recommended. I sat in an unfamiliar room with 15 strangers and wondered what the hell I was doing there. I was very uncomfortable, but most importantly I was scared shitless. As soon as the therapist (now my favourite therapist) introduced himself, I just knew he was gonna see right through me. It took about an hour, Lol and frankly I became mesmerized. I wanted to learn everything he had to teach. I followed, and still follow, this “work,” which is about understanding how we show up in our relationships and are either a part of the solution or a part of the problem. I can’t tell you how many new skills I’ve learned, but my biggest take away is being clear about my needs/wants and making requests, if/when needed, of those most important to me. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How emotions affect the organs…

Emotions are mental stimuli that influence our everyday lives. Under normal circumstances, they are not a cause of illness but if they go ‘wrong’ they’re considered as one of the major internal causes of disease in Traditional Chines Medicine (TCM). 

Emotions only become a cause of disease when they’re excessive, prolonged or both:

Anger weakens the - liver (rage, fury, aggravation can lead to excessive, damaging energy)

Grief weakens the - lungs (lungs control the flow of energy in our bodies, so grief can be very draining)

Worry weakens the - stomach (too much pensiveness/overthinking weakens digestion)

Stress weakens the - heart and brain (lack of joy can make us feel stuck and cause insomnia)

Fear weakens the - kidney (change of life direction/unstable living conditions can cause energy challenges)

- shineholistic.co.uk 

My father (bless his heart and RIP Dad. You were also amazing in many ways) was quick to anger. He was downright scary at times, particularly when I was younger, but even into my adult years. (Think Al Pacino in Godfather part Two. It’s that southern Italian, mafioso vibe). In some instances that kind of energy can be very commanding (my father was tremendously successful in his line of work) and maybe even cool on some level. But he died of liver cancer at 59. So! I’m a bit of a believer when it comes to emotions wreaking havoc with our system and our health. I’m quieter than my Dad and fall into the pensive/overthinking category. I’ve been working with an energy healer for quite a while now, which works wonders and keeps everything “moving”as it should, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Give it a try…

Attempt the impossible.

— Bette Davis (One of the most celebrated leading ladies of U.S. cinema. Davis, who gained a reputation as a perfectionist in her craft, was known for playing groundbreaking unsympathetic characters and for pioneering female villainy. She was nominated for 10 Academy Awards, winning two. She was the first female president of the Academy of Motion Arts and Sciences and the first woman to receive a Lifetime Achievement award from the American Film Institute. She was placed second behind Katharine Hepburn on the American Film Institute’s list of the greatest female starts of the classical Hollywood cinema era).

As far as I can tell, exceptionally successful, high profile individuals are defined by their commitment, dedication, determination and work ethic. (Of course, inherent talent is integral, but where would these individuals have landed without their tremendous efforts). Just sayin’ :) XO

Hugs,

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The courage to change…

If you don’t like where you are, MOVE. 

You are not a tree.

— Steve Maraboli (Author and highly sought after Consultant and Speaker for more than 2 decades. Recognized as a leading voice in Business, Peak Performance Mindset and Human Behavior. Maraboli was selected by Inc. Magazine as a “Top Leader to Follow”, while dubbing him as “The Most Quoted Man Alive” (2016). Born and raised in New York, he is one of three children born to Italian/Chilean parents. His parents migrated to the US in the late 60’s to escape poverty and to build a better life for their family, which they did. During his early school years, Maraboli struggled with grades, was classified with a learning disability and was placed in an alternative high school for his senior year. After graduation he entered the US Air Force, where he excelled to became a decorated military veteran and was selected to serve as a liaison to the Department of Defence within the Director of Central Intelligence Directive. Maraboli developed a unique style of bridging cutting edge Behavioural Science, proven Business Methodologies, humour, unforgettable stories and Social Insights). 

Where there’s a will, there’s a way comes to mind. From learning disability and special high school to highly sought after consultant and speaker. Wow. Very inspiring and motivating. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Shout out to Tom Brady…

Congratulations to Tom Brady on arguably the finest career an athlete in any sport has ever achieved. He taught us that you don’t always get to start at Number 1, but with enough hard work and determination, you can achieve anything. He’s leaving on top.

— Paul Bacon, Hallandale Beach, FL

Brady is widely regarded as the greatest quarterback of all time, with 7 Super Bowl championships, 5 MVP titles, 3X NFL Most Valuable Player wins, holding nearly every major quarterback record including passing yards, completions, touchdown passes, games started and most Pro-Bowl selections. Interestingly, he was drafted 199th overall, in the sixth round, pretty much making him the biggest NFL draft steal in history. He didn’t become starting quarterback until his second season. Inspirational to say the least. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Realizing what is an opportunity and what isn’t…

Luck? I don’t know anything about luck. I’ve never banked on it and I’m afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work — and realizing what is opportunity and what isn’t.

— Lucile Ball (Actress, comedian and producer. She was nominated for 13 Emmy’s, winning 5 times. She won several other accolades, including the Golden Globe Cecil B. DeMille Award, two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, induction into the TV Hall of Fame, Governors Award from the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences and many more. Her career began with work as a model, leading to broadway, then small contract roles for studio’s, then B-picture roles, then supporting roles in A-pictures, and finally television, where her and Desi created I Love Lucy). 

My take away is that huge success doesn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t happen without stepping stones and a lot of hard work. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Change can be hard…

It requires no extra effort to settle for the same old thing.

Auto-pilot keeps us locked into past patterns. But transforming your life? That requires courage, commitment and effort. It’s tempting to stay camped in the zone of That’s-Just-How-It-Is. But to get to the really good stuff in life, you have to be willing to become an explorer and adventurer.

— John Mark Green

I fell into auto-pilot with my last relationship, which lasted four years. Things began to unravel in year three or so, but looking back, there were deal breakers right from the start. I was just concerned that my expectations were too high and that I should fully commit and work on this relationship. As I sat pondering, love found my live-in boyfriend. So life made the decision for me and I felt very much the fool in the end. Yuck… but also, lesson learned! I’ve been absolutely real and honest with myself ever since. I decided I’d rather be alone, or in a job search, than remain unfulfilled in life. I ended up with the perfect job and the perfect partner by not settling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healthy mindset…

Health does not always come from medicine. 

Most of the time it comes from peace of mind, peace in the heart and peace in the soul.

— Unknown

From working with some alternative health care practitioners (because traditional health care was unable to help), I’ve certainly noticed a link between my stress level and my digestion. For years I thought I had an allergy to certain foods. But after paying for costly tests, that came back negative, and trying the elimination diet, I had to expand my belief system. A friend happened to recommend “energy work” and I was immediately diagnosed with anxious tummy. So far so good, and when my tummy acts up, I know I need to book a session. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl