Relationship drama...

"Abracadabra! Nope. You're still a bitch."

- sarcasticquotes.com

The question of the day: how much latitude do we give the people in our lives? Or said in a more politically correct manner, how much tolerance and flexibility do we extend, given ongoing friction and challenge in certain relationships? There are successful love/hate relationships, probably because the love can be so rewarding that we're willing to accept the accompanying difficulties. On the other hand, if the "dynamic" becomes unhealthy and upsetting to an extreme degree, then perhaps it's time to sit down with ourselves and make some decisions. Do we choose self-protection or loyalty/the love part/ history? Tough choice.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Complaining....

"Shut the fuck up and stop complaining."

- Eatthewords.com

Is it just me, or is complaining a way of life for some people? Personally, I'd rather watch a movie. Much better drama, Lol. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How well do we love? ...

"Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati."

- Novelist Mark Z. Danielewski

Does our brand of love stand the test of time and difficulty? Are we delivering unconditional love? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Worry....

"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere."

- an old saying

Easier said than done at times, but great sentiment. Health and wellness experts say, instead of worrying, we should find an action that will give us some positive benefit (i.e. exercise, writing, research etc.). :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Passive aggressive...

"When a woman says 'Do whatever you want.' Do NOT do whatever you want."

- sarcastic quotes.com

Ha ha... But for the men out there, probably not so fun or funny! ;) Do we admit that we can be passive-aggressive/emotional/scary at times ladies? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

White towel....

"Whatever."

- sarcastic quotes.com

Uh, yeah... Passive-aggressive and/or giving up?... sometimes there's nothing else to do, but let it go. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Energy conservation...

"Askhole"

A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them."

- sarcastic quotes.com

We may underestimate the amount of energy it takes to "help" people. When do we offer our thoughts, opinions, help, and when do we beg off and nurture ourselves instead? Up to each of us, I guess... But self care is more important than feeling obligated to others, especially if it doesn't seem to change anything.  Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Putting up....

"I don't hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence."

- sarcasticquotes.com

There are always going to be people we do not like/let alone love. Whadda yah gonna do, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

People pleaser...

"As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. So much easier."

- sarcasticquotes.com

Ha ha :)  ... But seriously, trying to please everyone equals exhaustion. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Perspective...

" It's just as likely that the blessings will be interesting surprises, dizzying adventures, gifts you hardly know what to do with, and conundrums that dare you to get smarter."

- Rob Brezny, from his book Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia

I also love Forest Gump quote "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

We don't like everything we get in life, but the cliche saying is so true - our crazy experiences make for the best stories. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

In truth...

"When I discover who I am, I'll be free."

- Novelist Ralph Ellison

Can we handle our own truths? Can we admit to our strengths and weaknesses? Are we willing to stand by our deepest needs, wants and desires? Speaking from personal experience, the moment I decided to own and live the life I want to be living, I met the love of many lifetimes. Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Social media...

How is everyone feeling about Facebook these days? There are so many options - LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest - and I guess they're all valuable in their own way. Facebook, in particular, seems to bring a certain amount of drama though because we can't control all of our own content. People can post pics of us we may not like and some private info may suddenly become public against our will. On one day of the year, however, I have to admit that connection with lots of good people in our lives is kinda nice. Happy Birthday to me, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Silence...

"Silence doesn't always mean yes. Sometimes it means: I'm tired of explaining to people who don't even care to understand."

- Anonymous

If we don't feel heard, talking can feel pretty irrelevant. When we're at cross purposes and understanding escapes us, maybe we can just agree to disagree, if we can manage it. Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Health tip....

Flu shot or not flu shot? There are mixed reviews, but with the latest super virus going around, I have it on good authority that we should buy in finally. We may not avoid getting sick altogether, but the severity will be much reduced. Sounds good to me!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Tortured or inspired?...

"We have filmmaker friends whose best work flows not from the depths of alienated self-doubt but rather from the heights of well-earned bliss. Singer-songwriter P.J. Harvey is the patron saint of this new breed. 'When I'm contented, I'm more open to receiving a lot of inspiration,' she has testified. 'I'm most creative when I feel safe and happy.' More and more creative people find they do their best work when they're feeling healthy and secure. We know writers who no longer need to be drunk or in agony in order to shed the numbness of their daily routine and tap into the full powers of their imagination."

- Rob Brezny

Pain, shock, acceptance, surrender, then inspiration? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Truth or opinion?...

"The golden rule of conduct is mutual toleration, seeing that we will never all think alike and we shall always see Truth in fragment and from different points of vision."

- Ghandi

Ain't that the "truth."  ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

More on expressing needs and wants...

Extra Tips

Tip # 1: use as much first person language as you can. Using words like I, Me, My and mine help you access and express your truth.

Tip # 2: Ask for what you want more of instead of less of. If you catch yourself saying, 'I want you to stop being so messy', change it to 'I need more organization in our house.' By doing this we express our needs values and educate the other person on who we are and what is important to us. We are also better able to connect with the other person, and limit feelings of judgment and defensiveness.

Tip # 3: Be calm - be aware of your energy while you are speaking. Tone is what creates the majority of the impact in conversation. So stay centred, take a deep breath if needed, and fill your words with calm, grounded energy.

Expressing your needs and desires is essential for living a balanced and fulfilled life. Take time to check in with yourself regularly. If you feel stressed or out of balance , chances are there is a need not being met that wants to be honoured.

Compliments of Vince Gowmon

Words to live by :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Expressing wants and needs...

"Expressing your feelings before asking for what you want helps you to connect to yourself and the other person, as well as communicate the importance of your request. For instance:

* I am feeling tired. I need to leave early.
* I am feeling energized. Let's go for an adventure!
* I'm feeling uncomfortable about that choice. My heart is telling me to go there instead.

Feeling words: Examples of feeling words you may find useful are - uncomfortable, overwhelmed, unclear, stressed, uncertain, tired, confused. These words have less of an edge than words like frustrated, angry, disrespected, and annoyed and are less likely to cause the other person to feel defensive."

- Compliments of Vince Gowmon

I'm a big fan of requests over accusations. Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Relationships 101...

"A great relationship is about two things; first, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences."

- Pinterest.com

That sounds so simple... Yet, somehow it isn't. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Communication the answer?...

Communication is supposed to be the key to a successful relationship. That's so vague though... 

"The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply."

- Scott Fitzgerald 

Ahhh, that makes more sense ;) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Look in the mirror...

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

- Carl Jung 

This one can be hard to digest. A Course in Miracles also says that we need to take ownership of our responses/reactions/feelings. It can be quite freeing to acknowledge underlying issues because sometimes they go away ;) Yay. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Being there...

"People don't always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them." 

- picture quotes.com

Just being there is definitely underrated. At the end of the day, we have to find our own way and advice doesn't always apply.  

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The gift of space in relationships....

It's so easy to get caught up in wanting what we want. It's also easy to get stuck in an expectation of how things should go, especially in relationships. I've had an epiphany lately that allowing space for things to go "wrong" or differently, can minimize friction, especially with the people closest to us. It's not always easy to let up on things we feel strongly about, I'll grant you, but our friends and loved ones just can't do things exactly as we wish they would all the time. For that matter, this philosophy gives us a get out of jail card when we need it as well. Just sayin' ;) 

Blessings,

Chat girl 

Dealing with work stress...

A lot of us are asked to do more with less these days. Our jobs may even be at stake and so personal sacrifices must be made. It takes a toll, most certainly. The tips below might help :)

Compliments of the Province, Coaches Corner with Joni Mar

"When the brain is overstressed, executive functioning shuts down. People experience foggy thinking, poor decision making and memory loss. They are less patient, more reactive and make knee-jerk actions they often regret later."

5 steps to deal with the stress:
1) Name the stress. Vocalizing/articulating emotions can help calm the brain.
2) Determine what support is needed and act on this for some semblance of control.
3) Think big picture, focus on the "why" and find some personal and meaningful inspiration.
4) Find an opportunity to focus on, which may make the situation feel more manageable.
5) Stay in the moment. Let go of past regrets and future worries, which can breed paralysis.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Boundaries and burdens...

My favourite therapist urges us to "have our own backs." What does that actually mean? He tells me honesty and boundaries are the key. We need to meet our own needs first and then we can think about doing for others. Sacrifices are noble, if they do not compromise our own health and well being, in which case we are advised to consider saying "no" when necessary... and without guilt. Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Our own biggest fan ;) ...

"Believe in yourself."

- thedailybeast.com

Frank Sinatra's early music teacher told him he didn't have a great voice and that he couldn't sing. Ha!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just start...

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

- St Francis of Assisi

The rule of thumb is 10,000 hours invested to become an expert. Clearly, doesn't happen overnight. I guess we have to be willing to suck at something for a while, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Sacrifice and success...

"Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice, and most of all, LOVE of what you are doing."

- Pele, Brazilian soccer player and humanitarian

Pele is considered the greatest soccer player of all time. Pele was named one of Time's 100 most influential people of the 20th century. He was listed in the Guinness World Records for most career goals scored in soccer and was, for a period, the best paid athlete in the world. He was given the nickname "The King Pele" or "The King" and was the only player to win three FIFA World Cups. Pele is also hailed as a national hero for his accomplishments in football and for his vocal support of policies to improve social conditions for the poor.

Inspiring... ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Negative a positive?...

According to scientificamerican.com, negative emotions are critical to our mental health and well-being. Attempting to suppress negative thoughts can actually backfire and affect our level of contentment in life. When we repress unpleasant thoughts, our subconscious will likely dwell on them and we may experience "rebound" dreams and/or self-medicate in potentially unhealthy ways.  Acknowledging and accepting the messiness of real life can help us evaluate and manage our experiences.

Some helpful advice...

"Instead of backing away from negative emotions, accept them. Acknowledge how you are feeling without rushing to change your emotional state. Many people find it helpful to breathe slowly and deeply while learning to tolerate strong feelings or to imagine the feelings as floating clouds, as a reminder that they will pass. I often tell my clients that a thought is just a thought and a feeling just a feeling, nothing more."

- Tori Rodriguez, Negative Emotions Are the Key to Well-Being, Scientific American Mind

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Emotional hijacking...

Sometimes we just can't help how we feel. Something hits us the wrong way and we can't shake it. A seemingly invisible bomb, maybe from the past, grabs ahold of us and twists our guts. We want to yell, cry, scream, break something. Even the best therapist or self-help guru in the world brings no reprieve.... nothing to be done, but wear ourselves out. Start over tomorrow. Mental health experts say this is healthy, interestingly enough ;) Just sayin' ...

Blessings,

Chatgirl