Cultivating helpful traits...

I read somewhere that when we wish for help in getting through something difficult, we are not just granted the ability or strength, but we are presented with the opportunity to develop the necessary trait(s). For example, if we wish we could be more patient (one of my weaker traits), we will likely face a situation that demands more patience than we've ever thought possible. Then we get to see what we're made of and what we're capable of. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The waves of life...

I seem to write a lot about ups and downs, fears and anxieties, "good" and "bad," ... the whole riding the wave of life thing. Somehow it never gets old to me because the waves just keep on a comin.'  If you've ever had food poisoning, you can probably relate to the anxious anticipation of the next wave of nausea. I try not to, but I know I often sit braced for the next "wave". A wise person recently said to me "when it comes to fear, choose to focus on love" and "when you're feeling anxious, choose to remain curious." I've heard this before, but I found the reminder helpful and maybe even comforting.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Getting out there...

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

- Milton Berle

Lots of ways to frame this one. Bottom line is, we can sit around being bummed when things don't seem to be happening, or we can keep going, keep trying new avenues... if we want something badly enough that is.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mixed bag...

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."

- Robin Williams

.... and we all have our ups, downs, hopes and doubts.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You are what you think...

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

- Norman Vincent Peale

A lot of wise people, spiritual or otherwise, stand by this philosophy. It's kind of like the placebo effect.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self-empowerment...

"Believe you can and you're halfway there."

Theodore Roosevelt

Success stories share this common denominator.... people who couldn't let go of an idea or goal and just kept going, all the way to success.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Acts of kindness...

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

- Aesop

All the wise people say if you wanna feel better in life, give more.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Buddha talk...

"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."

- Buddha

Says it all I think :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Here and now...

"Put your heart, mind and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."

- Swami Sivananda

Ekhart Tolle would call this The Power of Now and being in the moment. It's so easy to get stuck fretting about the past and/or worrying about tomorrow. There is a sense of freedom in doing the task at hand with care and resting the mind, if we can swing it. Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Doing the impossible...

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you're doing the impossible."

- Francis of Assisi

Is it just me, or is inspiration a breath of fresh air? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Dealing with disappointment...

"When you learn to accept instead of expect, you'll have fewer disappointments." - Anonymous

Reactions are understandable when we face disappointment. Of course we need to accept and feel what we're feeling... but then maybe it's time to re-group and adjust. We can find a different and productive alternative. Or we can choose to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and offer compassion and empathy? If we truly love someone, we want to be supportive and unconditional, right? (I'm not talking about the deal breakers of course). Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Negativity bias from way back...

More from Rick Hanson (Neuropsychologist) and Hardwiring Happiness...

"The brain evolved a built-in negativity bias. While this bias emerged in harsh settings very different from our own, it continues to operate inside us today as we drive in traffic, head into a meeting, settle a sibling squabble, try to diet, watch the news, juggle housework, pay bills, or go on a date. Your brain has a hair-trigger readiness to go negative to help you survive."

Feels better knowing some of that pesky negativity may be bigger than us, at least some of the time ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Make some changes?...

More from Rick Hanson, Neuropsychologist, and Hardwiring Happiness....

"Your experiences don't just grow new synapses, remarkable as that is by itself, but also somehow reach down into your genes and change how they operate."

Essentially, Rick Hanson talks about how we can rewire our brains and achieve significant, positive, lasting change (if we're willing to focus on some his of his tips). Very interesting stuff!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Change the game of thought...

"Letting the stream of consciousness run on its own helps you stop chasing what's pleasant and struggling with what's unpleasant. You can explore your experience with interest and (hopefully) kindness toward yourself, and perhaps connect with softer, more vulnerable, and possibly younger layers in your mind. In the light of an accepting, non-reactive awareness, your negative thoughts and feelings can sometimes melt away like morning mist on a sunny day."

- Rick Hanson (Neuropsychologist!), Hardwiring Happiness

I feel more relaxed already ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Sense of purpose...

"If you do not bring the genius within you, it will destroy you. But if you do bring forth the genius within you, it will free you."

- Rob Brezny

I've read elsewhere that lacking in a sense of purpose can cause depression, so maybe there's something to this. Just sayin'...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Solutions...

"All the solutions to all your challenges are within you."

- Anonymous

A lot of wise people say we're brighter, more resourceful and more adaptable than we might realize. :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Happy Valentine's Day to me ;) .....

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, but that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anyone, deserve your love and affection." - a Buddhist Monk, compliments of  Rob Brezny

Happy Valentine's Day to ourselves :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The difficult talks...

Ah, how to have those difficult conversations? When we just know the other person is not going to like what we have to say. When we know we're headed for back lash. This has been a source of stress over the years and my default used to be avoidance of conflict. It took much education/therapy/practice to learn how to "address" issues and still, I will only put out this kind of effort, energy and emotion for important people and situations. What I've been lucky enough to learn is this. Present just the facts and our truth, with as little emotion as possible, so the other person can hear what we're saying. This way we can avoid stepping on troublesome triggers that cause big and scary reactions from others. Just the facts and speaking about how we feel puts the other person more at ease because we're not blaming or accusing. We're simply speaking about our experience and/or making requests for a dynamic or behaviour change. Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Some feel good...

When life serves up lemons, there's always nature  ;) A dear friend reminded me of this when we were both going through tough times, post 2008 financial disaster. He said "When I'm really low, I remember... I'll always have the ocean." My friend's an avid kite boarder and finds solace on the ocean.

Here's another slice of nature...

"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love,  joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." - Papyrus greeting card sentiment.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just the way I am??....

"On average, about a third of a person's strengths are innate, built into his or her genetically based temperament, talents, mood, and personality. The other two-thirds are developed over time. You get them by growing them."

- Rick Hanson, Hardwiring Happiness  (who knew Rick Hanson was a neuropsychologist!)

Hmmmm...... interesting. So anyone who says "that's just the way I am" may not be aware of this, Lol ;) Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Modelling...

"Children learn more from what you are than what you teach."

- W.E.B Dubois

Similarly, "actions speak louder than words." In movies and screenwriting they teach the importance of writing actions because the audience will view a character on screen by their behaviour, rather than their dialogue. For example, if we see a character give food to a homeless person or rescue a dog, we will see that character as a kind and giving person. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Letting go...

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

We are a combination of our genes, upbringing and experiences. The upbringing part, in particular, can leave us tied up in obligatory qualities and behaviours we needed to cultivate for our parents. There is freedom in being open to the new, our new. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Living for ourselves...

"Your time is limited, so don't wast it living someone else's life."

- Steve Jobs

It took me a really long time to make decisions based on my own truth. First off, what is our truth? How do we untangle ourselves from the musts and should's we accumulate over the years. We may face family pressure to live in a certain way, or the pull of societal norms and strong opinions of friends and perhaps bosses? It's not easy to veer away from long standing family traditions or "tribal" commonalities. We stand to lose as much as we gain. Even if we end up feeling more comfortable in our own skin, we may risk the rejection and abandonment of our support system. We might even face consequences at work. So! Having said all that, I don't know that it's so simple living for oneself. It can take a hell of a lot of courage and self-esteem to stand tall, be true to ourselves and face potential back lash. I think most people come around, but it may take some uncomfortable discussions. Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Cleaning house...

It's a New Year and a perfect time to clean house, literally and figuratively. It always feels great to donate items we're not using to good will, freeing up space in our closets and somehow in our minds. Equally important to our well being is freeing up our emotional and mental energy, which may require minimizing contact with certain people and maybe walking away from others. As difficult as it is to throw away items of clothing or household goods that we think we may need down the road, we may also have to make some tough decisions around the people in our lives. How do we decide?? Well, with items, they say if we haven't worn or used something in a year, recycle it! With people... well, if the same old upsetting thing keeps happening, it may be time to walk away from the anxiety caused by certain dynamics and patterns of behaviour. Just sayin'...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Talking behind people's backs...

I'm sure we've all talked behind someone's back at one time or another. Conflict is inevitable in relationships and we're often left confused and/or hurt. I believe we "talk" because we seek to understand, or we crave resolution. Even when the "talk" is malicious, the root is most likely hurt and misunderstood feelings. If the back stabbing comes from jealousy or envy, well that's for the individual to own up to and deal with, or not I guess. We can only deal with our own "stuff" if we so choose and there's not much we can do about someone else's actions. We can clarify issues and make requests, but the rest is up to the other person. Just sayin'...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Two sides...

What to do when we're feeling hurt and/or betrayed by a friend or loved one? It stings, that's for sure. We feel disappointed and wronged. Problem is, there are two sides to every story and regardless of how we feel, regardless of whether or not we feel "right," each person is entitled to their own experience, feelings and "truth." Everything else is sort of irrelevant. Problem number two is how do you reconcile, given these two opposing positions. If the betrayal or hurt is bad enough, we can find ourselves not wanting to patch things for fear of a repeat. Throwing in the towel stings too, whether we want to admit it or not. Check and mate potentially. Sucks. Just sayin...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love Part Two...

"Until you have loved, you cannot become yourself."

- Emily Dickinson

Food for thought... (I'm thinking, love allows us the vulnerability to know ourselves more deeply and completely?)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love...

"If you do not love too much, you do not love enough." - Pascal

I don't know about you, but I'd say there are many different types of love; true romantic love, the love for children/family/parents, the love of a friend, unrequited love etc.. All are beautiful and magical in their own way and worth whatever comes with that love.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Content...

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

- Oscar Wilde

To be content, no matter what's going on is a true gift and sense of accomplishment. Just sayin' ...

Blessings,

Chatgirl