Forget doctors - use these life hacks…

Forget doctors… Use these tricks

• Drink warm water before meals - boosts digestion and detoxes your gut
• Sleep before 11 PM - heals your brain and balances hormones
• Walk 30 minutes daily - strengthens heart, brain and bones
• Sit in the sun for 15 minutes - natural vitamin D = stronger immunity 
• Eat slowly, chew properly - improves digestion and prevents overeating
• Don’t use phones for 1 hour after waking - keeps mind calm and focused
• Have 1 fruit on an empty stomach - cleanses your system and energizes you
• Practice deep breathing for 5 minutes - reduces stress, anxiety, and blood pressure
• Keep your gut clean - your gut controls your mood, skin and immunity 

— Unknown 

I’m sure I can manage to incorporate a few of these. Why not! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessing,

Chatgirl 

Boundaries are essential for mental health…

Some thoughts on boundaries from a therapist:

• You are allowed to say no and still be a kind person.
• How someone reacts to your boundary speaks loudly.
• Boundaries are essential for your mental health.
• You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for setting a boundary.
• Boundaries may be fluid and need regular editing.
• You are within your own rights to set a boundary.
• Boundaries should be respected.
• You do not need to over explain your boundary.
• Those who react negatively are often the reason why the boundary was needed.

— Unknown 

Well, I can tell you I didn’t learn a thing about boundaries growing up. My parents taught me some useful skills, but emotional intelligence and healthy relationship skills were not among them. I had to seek out such valuable skills via therapy and relationship workshops. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be selective in your focus…

Energy is the currency of the universe. 

When you “pay” attention to something, you buy that experience. So when you allow your consciousness to focus on someone or something that annoys you, you feed it your energy, and it reciprocates the experience of being annoyed. Be selective in your focus because your attention feeds the energy of it and keeps it alive; not just within you, but in the collective unconscious as well.

— Unknown 

I’ve heard this expressed in many ways. For example, you hear “What you focus on expands”. So whatever we think about, and potentially ruminate about, can leave us stuck in negative and harmful thoughts and feelings. I certainly needed help getting past my final break up. I was stubbornly entrenched in anger and hurt when I discovered an affair, and big big betrayal, with someone from our inner circle. Even worse, I had actually betrayed myself. In truth, I had been moving away from the relationship for about a year, but just didn’t tell my partner, and I didn’t move out. So the person I was most angry with was me. My favourite therapist helped me understand why I dragged my heels on the break up. He also helped me understand that my choice of partner wasn’t a sound match from the get go. Yikes. Fortunately, I was able to readjust my compass, and understand what sort of person would fit well into my life. I ended up finding the love of my life about a year later, and we just had our 10 year anniversary this week. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Rescuing your self-worth…

Never get your sense of worth from outside yourself. Never fall into the trap of thinking that who you are isn’t enough, and that you need other people’s approval, love and validation in order to feel that you’re of value.

Never allow external things, places, people and circumstances to determine or tell you how much you’re worth. 

It’s called self worth for a reason.

— Luminita Saviuc/Power of /Wordz/ig

Unfortunately, my self-worth was legitimately compromised by my family of origin. Even though I was a top performer; Honour Roll student, Captain of the basketball team, scholarship winner, employee of the month twice at work, worked two jobs and tutored through high school and college, soloist for the bands and choirs, etc., I was tragically short on praise at home. My parents were highly focused on tough love, believing this was most important in raising high quality adults. I don’t mind tough love actually. I think it teaches a lot of accountability and ownership. But I wish there could have been more balance, with love, compassion and praise when fairly earned. This somewhat military upbringing left me feeling not good enough, regardless of the multitude of kudo’s I received outside the home. It’s taken a lot of therapy to overcome the lack of acknowledgement and appreciation I grew up with. And even still, I love my atta girls. So clearly self-worth is complicated, with deep roots and takes care and cultivation. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Let go of…

• Needing to have it all “figured out.” Embrace the reality of not having all the answers.
• Dwelling on what could have been. Focus on the opportunities and paths in front of you.
• Trying to please everyone. What’s most important is that you’re happy with yourself. 
• Being overly self-critical. Acknowledge your mistakes with a compassionate perspective.
• Trying to avoid mistakes. Failure is a natural part of learning, growth and success.
• Holding grudges. They hinder your happiness.

— Saba Powell, M.A., LPC, @curly_therapist 

My favourite line is “Failure is a natural part of learning, growth and success.” I also like “Acknowledge your mistakes with a compassionate perspective.” Personally, I’ve been beating myself up for not being further ahead financially, in career, and in lifestyle. I just thought I’d have more “success” and financial freedom at this point. However, I was also road kill during the 2008 financial crisis, which profoundly set me back. I’ve also been willing to take a LOT of calculated risks in pursuit of the ultimate entrepreneurial endeavour. And for that, I’ll give myself a big credit. I don’t give up! And I’m keeping my dream and vision of the perfect life close to my heart and soul. Wish me luck! Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Are you a giver?…

If you are a giver, please know your limits

because the takers don’t have any.

— Unknown 

I’ve had to learn to take responsibility for over-giving, actually. My favourite therapist says this is a coping strategy that can be shifted. It feels good to take better care of myself, and to have life in better balance. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Be clear…

Focus less on what you need to do, and more on what you need to be. 

Be clear.

Clarity is one of the most important keys to manifesting what you want. 

If your thoughts aren’t clear, then the Universe doesn’t know how or what to give you. 

— Unknown

Another thing I wish I could go back and tell my younger self. I can see where I wasn’t clear in my needs and wants in relationships. I can see where I wasn’t clear at work, in presenting a sound, and compelling business case for resources needed. I can see where I wasn’t even clear with myself about what I wanted and needed. Once I figured this out, wow. Game changer. I began to get exactly what I asked for, and then some. It’s sort of miraculous actually. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Six moments that change a woman forever…

1. The loss of her mother

2. The loss of her father

3. Betrayal by someone she trusted

4. Experiencing heartbreak

5. Losing everything and rebuilding from scratch

6. Accepting that no one is coming to rescue her. 

— Unknown 

Wow, I’ve endured each and every one of these, and it makes me realize just how much I’ve come through. They’re right— whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And you can rest proud, knowing you’re resilient and that you can deal with whatever else may come along. Just sayin’ ; Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

 

Forgiveness not a one time thing…

Every time you remember, forgive again

Forgiveness is not a one time thing. You will choose it repeatedly, over and over again—even if the offence and sin happened years ago. So it’s good to be reminded that every time you remember, choose to forgive again. For your freedom, joy, and peace. Don’t allow bitterness and pride to be planted and grow in your heart. Surrender it quickly…

 — joenasandiego

I have found this to be particularly true. Just when I thought I’d moved past certain hurts and/or betrayals, the old feelings would rear up again. As a matter of fact, after sort of graduating from 3+ years of intensive, individual and group therapy, I find myself back in “the work” again. I went about ten years feeling good, managing on my own. Then my mother died, left a messy and hurtful will situation, and sent me into a fresh tail spin. I hit the wall and knew I couldn’t go it alone. And thank God. My therapist is my hero. The compassion, kindness and cathartic exercises are nothing short of miraculous, and deeply spiritual actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Communicating feelings and desires more openly…

I am happier since I

• Started believing that I can do hard things.
• Decided to focus on progress not perfection.
• Started communicating my feelings and desires more openly. 
• Began paying more attention to where I put my time and energy.
• Realized I do not have to figure everything out all at once.
• Became intentional about appreciating the small beautiful moments of my everyday life.
• Chose to focus on things in my control and letting go of what is out of my control.

— Nawal Moustafa: M.A. @thebraincoach

It took me a long time to communicate openly, even with myself perhaps. I took pride in being a low-maintenance, independent babe. And I thought I was easy going, flexible and happy to go along and get along. This eventually wore thin, however, and led to mismatched relationships. I finally had to get real honest with myself and know that I do not like skiing, the cold, museums, musicals etc etc. I now spend my precious free time doing things I love, and with my perfect partner, who also likes to do such things. Fewf! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not everyone is on the same journey…

The Train Station Theory

Life is like a train station.

People come and go. 

Some stay for a few stops.

Some ride with you for miles.

Some leave before you’re ready to say goodbye.

But every person teaches you something,

even if they’re not meant to stay forever.

The key is knowing when to hold on, 

and when to let them catch their next train.

Because not everyone is on the same journey, 

and that’s okay.

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but I become very attached to people, even when things have gone south. In fact, I’ve been notoriously bad at leaving relationships. I wish I could go back in time and share this train station analogy with my younger self. The explanation is kind, and makes a lot of sense. I can accept that. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your body keeps the score…

 12 truths from therapy that may just change your life:

• Thoughts are not facts
• Your past does not define your future
• Perfectionism is a myth
• Change begins with self-acceptance
• There is power in your vulnerability 
• You can’t change others, just yourself
• Forgiveness is for you not the other person
• You can change
• Your inner critic is not your friend 
• Your body keeps the score
• You are not responsible for other peoples happiness
• It’s OK to walk away from toxic relationships

Another note about yesterday’s quote. My favourite therapist says to feel into our bodies to determine what’s going on; how we’re feeling, is everything okay? And there is some evidence to suggest that our emotional issues land on our bodies physically; migraines, ulcers, digestive issues. For me, it’s always been digestive issues. I’m working with my therapist as we speak! He feels it’s about blocked emotion, and unresolved childhood trauma. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

12 truths from therapy…

12 truths from therapy that may just change your life:

• Thoughts are not facts
• Your past does not define your future
• Perfectionism is a myth
• Change begins with self-acceptance
• There is power in your vulnerability 
• You can’t change others, just yourself
• Forgiveness is for you not the other person
• You can change
• Your inner critic is not your friend 
• Your body keeps the score
• You are not responsible for other peoples happiness
• It’s OK to walk away from toxic relationships

Perfectionism is something I’ve needed to address. My neat freak tendencies are one thing, but needing life to be “sunny and sunnier”, as per my favourite therapist’s insight, is a whole other thing. My childhood was defined by unpredictability and fear, so I understand the resulting desire, and need really, to control my environment. The hope is, of course, to put past trauma to rest, and not continue such stressful, and often unconscious coping mechanisms. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you want others to see you, you must see yourself…

Be the love you never received. Be the acknowledgment you never got. Be the listener you always needed. Look at the younger versions of yourself within you and give yourself what it is you always needed.

That is the first step of healing. If you want others to see you, you must see yourself. 

— Vienna Pharaon

I was exposed to this sort of philosophy and guidance when I was younger, and honestly I didn’t get it. It took professional help for me to “see myself”, which means I learned to accept myself for who I am, and allowed me to figure out what I want, and what I don’t want. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Things to unlearn…

• Seeking external validation instead of self assurance
• Pretending like I’m fine instead of asking for support
• Worth is determined by success
• Sacrificing my voice/beliefs to avoid conflict
• Society’s beauty standards
• Uncomfortable feelings are bad or wrong
• Making myself smaller to fit into social situations
• Trying to ‘win’ the argument
• That I have to feel happy all the time
• I must earn a break or rest
• Ignoring my own boundaries to please other people

— @immovableminds

This list pretty much summarizes what I learned in therapy. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sometimes growth looks like…

Knowing that you are not responsible for other people’s bad moods, silent treatment, negative reactions to your boundaries, lack of emotional maturity or victim mentality.

— @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e.

I’ve had quite the epiphany recently. I used to be more “Switzerland” in my relationships, with the bandwidth to hold space for others. I was happy to listen, with openness, and appreciate whatever mood/grievance this person had, with curiosity and support. Even if the energy coming back had a fair bit of emotional weight at times. But as I’ve aged, the demands on my own well being have required a preservation of my energy and psyche. Simply put, I ran out of steam (which is very common with women of a certain age. The big “change” and all that). I needed to pull back in a big, perhaps startling way, and  this self-retreat landed badly on some of my important relationships. In hindsight, I wish I could have communicated better about my needs and experience along the way. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing happens by feeling…

Instead of drinking it away, smoking it away, sleeping it away, eating it away, or running from it.

Just sit with it.

Healing happens by feeling. 

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says we cannot feel what we deny, and we cannot heal what we cannot feel. I have not particularly wanted to investigate my childhood wounds, but the written exercises and group work have been surprisingly cathartic (in group therapy, emotions can bubble up by listening to other painful stories in the room). And then, happily, some of the old stuff is miraculously released upward, like light lanterns in the sky. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The coolest people…

The coolest people I know:

• Don’t respond to negativity
• Don’t speak poorly about others
• Show up on time
• Give without expectations
• Deliberately optimistic
• Don’t nitpick or brag
• Show gratitude
• Have good manners
• Make no excuses
• Random acts of kindness

— Unknown 

I continue to work on the first one. At the beginning of my healing journey, my therapist said (and I’m paraphrasing here) “You want life to be sunny and sunnier, but this leaves you with a broken compass. You need all of your emotions, even the ‘bad’ ones, because your feelings provide valuable information that you need to make healthy decisions.” I still don’t like anger and negativity, but I realize these feelings have a place and need to be addressed. Just sayin’  ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl