How to carve out ‘me time’ ...

When you’re working overtime, it can feel like all you do is work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, and work, eat, sleep some more. A seemingly unceasing flow of work can make you feel fatigued, resentful, and burnt out. As a time management coach, I’ve found that even in the midst of working overtime it’s essential that you find time for yourself. That is because, if you don’t take time for yourself intentionally, you will take time for yourself unintentionally. Typically the less conscious “me time” such as mindlessly scrolling through social media in the afternoon or watching YouTube videos until the wee hours of the night consumes quite a few hours each week but doesn’t actually satisfy our desires for downtime... here are a few strategies that can help.

Set Work-Free Times (otherwise you’ll have the vague sense that you “should” be working all the time. That feeling is exceptionally draining).

Define Health Must-Haves (7 hours sleep, drinking enough water, or taking breaks during the day to stretch and give the body/brain a break?... to help prevent burn out)

Give Yourself What You Really Want (activities that you find satisfying, refreshing and enjoyable. Run, connect with friends, read, cook, watch a great TV series, play with the kids?)

 — Elizabeth Grace Saunders (Time management coach and author of Divine Time Management and How to Invest Your Time Like Money)

2020 has definitely felt like work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep. Pretty Groundhog Day, with so many of our cherished activities off the table. Seems like a good time to clear off some of the tasks we tend to put off in perpetuity (clean out closets, give old stuff to good will, update the landscaping?). Why not, since vacation days would just be more eating, sleeping, chores?, Lol ;) We’re gonna get through this though and I have a feeling life will be all the sweeter for it. Personally, I will be back rushing back to the movie theatre, back to the arena to watch live events and jet setting somewhere warm asap! Just thinking about it makes me feel better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“How to say no”...

What we say “no” to (or choose not to do or stop doing) saves and creates space for even better things we say “yes” to (or choose to do). We all have finite resources. Being able to say no to others and ourselves is one of the most powerful muscles in building a strong business or career and happy life. Failing to say no, at the very least, can cause us to miss something bigger or greater. At worst and most commonly, not saying no when we can and should can lead to burnout, dilution of focus, high opportunity costs, stress, and more...

Cheat sheet:

Saying no comes in many forms. Whether it’s for work, help, volunteering, investment, donations, or time, here are some high-level phrases that can be adapted to your personality.

* No. As many others have said, “No.” is a complete sentence

* Not now

* I love this, but it’s not in line with my focus right now

* I cannot give this the time it deserves

* Not me, but I can connect you with someone who can (this is a way to say no to the ask, but saying yes to helping)

* I could do a piece of this but would need help/someone else to pick up the rest (another way to say no by saying yes to a part of it)

* Not a fit for me (and share reason if you desire)

* I’m putting my energy into a few other big things right now and need to focus on those primarily

- Kat Cole (COO and President at Focus Brands LLC)

My favourite therapist talks a lot about saying no/drawing boundaries, as an act of kindness and respect for ourselves and our most important relationships. He says we can opt to say yes, out of duty and obligation, if we have the energy and time and we really want to give in that moment and in that way. I have to say, managing the guilt has been a process for me. It does get easier though... and then it feels really honest, true and empowering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Adult matters...

We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.

— John Lennon

My favourite therapist would agree. He says we need to accept all of who we are, and furthermore we would do well to dig a little deeper and uncover the hidden wounds that silently run our lives (particularly our most important relationships). We are profoundly affected as we grow up and we can get emotionally stuck along the way because we have neither the capacity or understanding for adult matters. It’s quite enlightening to connect some of the dots of our adult choices with the sensitivities from our childhood. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Having our own back...

My favourite therapist says we can say almost anything, and be well received, if we speak to our feelings. I tried this out yesterday. I had spent a really long time thinking about my experience with this person, why I was profoundly hurt and what prevented greater closeness in the relationship. So I invited a conversation and we both ended up sharing monumental, heart-felt thoughts and positive ideas on how to partner on a healing path forward. This is perhaps the biggest accomplishment of my life, because I know the hurt had somewhat (behind the scenes, unconsciously) handcuffed me emotionally for a very long time. To quote my therapist, I finally stepped up and had my own back. Felt good. Feels good. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Two powerful beliefs...

Almost every successful person begins with two beliefs: the future can be better than the present, and I have the power to make it so. 

— Unknown

My favourite life coach says write it down. Write down what we want, in great detail. Write it out and write it out, every day and review it as often as we can. Then watch miracles happen. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Love or addiction?...

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.

— Osho, Being in Love

My favourite therapist holds weekend seminars, teaching essentially the same thing. He says that most of us are looking for someone to complete us. He describes our romantic search as a plug looking for a socket, a connection that will make us feel whole, safe, loved, secure. He says the person we need to “plug” into is actually ourselves. We need to find a way to become whole in and of ourselves, which is admittedly not quick, easy or cheap. The process typically takes years, and not just a series of four therapy sessions or a weekend workshop. I have certainly found this to be the case. When I began my own healing journey, my therapist explained that our most problematic issues are almost always rooted in our childhood and the conscious and/or unconscious wounds our parents/family unknowingly/knowingly inflict on us. What I found interesting in the weekend group workshops is the surprising variety of issues, beyond emotional/physical/mental abuse. For example, one sibling growing up in the shadow of the other, and forever feeling inadequate. Even the nicknames we’re called growing up can, surprisingly, make us feel insecure and unsafe. As adults, we are better able to understand and resolve some of the things that happened to us as kids. For me, this has been very freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Perseverance and endurance...

What you think, you become. 

What you feel, you attract. 

What you imagine, you create.

— Buddha

In my experience, there’s some fine print to consider; manifesting our desires can take time (sometimes years and years), there are doubtful moments, perseverance and endurance are critical, it can be crazy making when results are not evident. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl