Hugs when spirits sag…

This is my wish for you: 

Comfort on difficult days, 

smiles when sadness intrudes, 

rainbows to follow the clouds, 

laughter to kiss your lips, 

sunsets to warm your heart, 

hugs when spirits sag, 

beauty for your eyes to see, 

friendships to brighten your being, 

faith so that you can believe, 

confidence for when you doubt, 

courage to know yourself, 

patience to accept the truth, 

Love to complete your life.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

I don’t know about you, but I just find this poem comforting and up lifting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Willingness to be intimate with oneself creates space for intimacy with another…

My primary relationship is with myself - all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment. My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another. As I learn to love myself, I receive the love I deserve from others.

— Shakti Gawain 

If I could go back in time, this is the first thing I’d teach myself. Might have prevented two failed marriages? Just saying’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not seen but felt…

Why do we close our eyes when we pray, cry, kiss or dream?

Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt by the heart.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says it all boils down to honouring how and what we feel. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Your own super power…

Self confidence is a super power.

Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but some of the most stressful and unpleasant times have unveiled new skills, and a surprising level of self-confidence. For example, I didn’t think I had the hard-wiring for admin. I’ve never been a detail person, and I struggle mightily with minutiae (more of a big picture, people person). In my least favourite job, however, I was forced to live in a paperwork heavy environment and I managed to figure it out. And now I know, if I must, I can be pretty decent at admin. So there you go! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Stop doing what doesn’t matter at work?…

Trends suggest employees are pushing back on hustle culture, stopping doing a bunch of work that doesn’t matter and instead prioritizing their mental health in the workplace. 

There’s a growing realization that to get ahead, you also need some creative space to rest, iterate and ideate — and you can’t do any of those things if you’re always busy.

— Brooks E Scott (Executive Coach, Communications Specialist and DEI Strategic Advisor. He’s also the founder and CEO of Merging Path Coaching, where he’s coached hundreds of managers and trained thousands of employees. Formerly, VP of Safety Operations for a cybersecurity company, Manager of Operations for the protection team for the CEO and COO of Facebook, a New Jersey State Trooper and 5th grade school teacher). 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been grappling with the more, more, more culture for a while now (32 years in Business Development will do that to you, Lol). Each company I’ve worked for has asked employees for; greater sacrifice and commitment (taking away from family/personal time?), increased productivity (more overtime without pay?), more sales (anxiety-causing pressure to perform?), return on investment (“do more with less”, I keep hearing, which means produce more with fewer resources and investment from the company). On the flip side, I’ve also been the beneficiary of impressive generosity; an extra week off with pay at Xmas during the pandemic, a full year’s bonus even though the company was mostly shuttered for the final 3 months of our fiscal year, a $500 Xmas gift during the pandemic years, and an extra month salary for each employee because we suffered during a merger. Amazing, and not all bad in my world clearly. Regardless, to deal with with the heightened pressure, I’ve been challenging myself to achieve greater results with less work and sacrifice on my end. (I’ve allowed low value activities to fall off my radar completely. In general, I’m far more discerning about where, when and how I spend my time ;) So far so good! Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Demand more of yourself (and for yourself)?…

You entire situation can change quickly when you acknowledge that there’s more inside of you and you’re brave enough to demand more of yourself. Heavy growth isn’t luck, it happens when you love yourself, commit to a positive mindset, and take consistent action on your goals. 

— Kristen Butler (CEO of Power of Positivity and best selling author of the 3 Minute Positivity Journal. Butler started PoP after hitting rock bottom and using the power of positivity to bounce back. She is passionate about helping others boost their mood, train their brain and improve their life). 

I pretty much hit rock bottom myself after two crushing events; losing my job during the 2008 financial crisis and what I decided would be my final relationship break up. There was nothing I could do about the financial crisis and a lack of suitable (or not suitable) jobs. But there was something I could have done about the bad break up. The relationship was winding down and I really needed to leave. Sadly, I idled in a fearful place, rather than focusing on a potentially fresh and transformative start. Fortunately, I conducted my own “exit interview” for both career and love relationships and made some key decisions. I’ve always done well at work because I like a sense of accomplishment. But, in truth, I knew I could work harder. So I decided to make myself indispensable (by doing a little bit more each and every day) and the results have been quite miraculous. I’m enjoying lots of kudo’s and financial reward. In love, I made the decision to wait as long as it took to find the right match and perfect partner for my personality and life goals. Looking back, I realized that there were deal breakers in each of my relationships. How crazy is that. Everyone always says you shouldn’t be so picky. I disagree. In order to live with someone, you need to be pretty darn aligned (because even when it’s perfect, there are still adjustments and compromises needed). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tired of it…

I know I’m going to get through it…

I’m just tired of going through it.

— Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I feel better knowing I’m not alone. Because sometimes life is just tiring, is it not? Of course challenges are to be expected in life, but at the moment, WOW; cost of living, the ongoing Russia/Ukraine conflict, climate change, post pandemic exhaustion, ongoing change, continuing lack of certain supplies, loss of certain businesses and restaurants, and financial losses (potentially devastating, depending on your phase of life and proximity to retirement). So, I’m thinking of you all during this trying time. Hang in there. You’re not alone. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Embrace the tension (and let something better come)…

The reason to tell the story, I think it’s a great example of how to embrace tension. Because we all have it now and I don’t care what your job is. I often found that idea of: Run to conflict. Most people were like, ‘No, no. Let me delegate conflict.’ I started to like it because I always knew something better was going to come. Even an upset customer, If you’re like, ‘I don’t want to call them…’ I would actually like to call them because honestly, I’ll get to the bottom of what it really is and usually you can actually fix what it really is.

— Ginni Rometty, IBM’s longest CEO (About leading in tough times). 

I’ve been in business development for over thirty years and I’m still learning to embrace the uncomfortable. I used to shy away from intimidating discussions, but I now see friction as an opportunity to learn and grow. The vocal customer offers critical, and potentially savvy (and free) insight. In fact, some of my most resistant customers have become fierce advocates. In another context, I also learned that inviting a loved one to share their grievance(s) can lead to a mutually enriching path forward. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Stop feeding the suffering….

Everything—including love, hate, and suffering—needs food to continue.

If suffering continues, it’s because we keep feeding our suffering.

—Thich Nhat Hanh

Food for thought, no pun intended ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Let discomfort reveal its deeper secrets…

My spiritual guru has always been discomfort. Just sitting with pain or discomfort, without a goal in mind, without seeking anything - that’s the juicy place of creative transformation, the place where mud turns into gold. For many years, I would just sit with grief, frustration, anger, fear, pain, just resting in that bubbling, burning mess for hours and hours, without trying to escape or fix my experience, without hope, without a dream… until peace was discovered even in the midst of that storm, the unshakeable, non-conceptual, ever-present that I am, and have always been. Instead of trying to escape discomfort, we let discomfort reveal its deeper secrets. 

— Jeff Foster

My favourite therapist believes that just feeling what we’re feeling is a wonderful starting place. Then he would advise speaking about the feelings and writing about the feelings. And of course, with his guidance, there would always be various exercises, such as writing a letter, that you won’t necessarily send, to a person you’re in conflict with. All of this is meant to process and release the emotional tension and burdens. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

One reason people resist change…

One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up 

instead of what they have to gain.

— Rick Godwin (Pastor, internationally-known teacher, speaker and motivator. Godwin’s passion is to challenge people to pursue their dreams and live life at the highest level possible). 

Uh… yup. Guilty. I lagged in relationships because I was uncertain I’d find a better match. I stayed in jobs for too long because I hate the job search/resume writing/interviewing hell. I stayed in friendships too long because I hate the idea of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It’s always felt risky, and frankly sad, to give up on big investments. Having said that, I finally recognize my deal breakers for what they are, and there’s no turning back (the controlling boss/company who invades your personal time and energy, people who bring a dissonant vibe, a life partner that, in truth, just doesn’t fit with your temperament and life path. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Natural serotonin boosters (positive thinking, protein, reduced sugar etc.)…

1. Sunshine 

2. Reduced sugar

3. Vitamin B

4. Positive thinking

5. Protein

6. Nuts & seeds

7. Massages

8. Physical exercise

9. Meditation

— Unknown 

I don’t know about you, but a few of these surprised me. I knew nuts, seeds, protein and reduced sugar were part of a healthy diet, but I didn’t realize they boost serotonin. Also, being a glass-half-full person, it’s nice to know that positivity actually boosts serotonin as well. Win-win! Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings, 

Chatgirl 

For those who are open…

There is nothing wrong. Sadness is not wrong. Fear is not wrong. Confusion is not wrong. Our pain is not wrong. Resisting our pain is what makes everything seem wrong. And yet there is a deeper truth, for those who are open: even our resistance of pain is not wrong. If that’s what’s happening, it cannot be wrong. It is a valid expression of life in the moment. Beyond ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. This love even embraces resistance. This NOW is vast and forgiving. Yet even ‘resistance’ is just another concept. Another judgment. Another way to make ourselves wrong. “Resistance bad. Acceptance good.” That’s what we learn. It’s not that we “resist” our pain. We just never learned how to be with it. How to sit with it. Stay with it. Have a cup of tea with it. See it as a beloved friend, at home in the vastness. Our ignorance is our innocence. We just never learned. Our pain is not wrong. It is an invitation. An ancient teaching. Universal. Free. Life invites us to come closer. Falling through imagined layers.. Into great mystery.

— Jeff Foster 

I must admit, I am eager for mind shifting tips, philosophies, and avenues of forgiveness, particularly with self. I mean, is it just me or are we particularly hard on ourselves? We relive and replay and beat ourselves up for past mistakes. I know I do anyhow. So, inviting myself  to feel whatever feelings on whatever day, and allowing a certain fumbling in life feels very kind to me… and maybe even liberating. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Stop the vicious (reactionary) cycle…

Feelings that have been pushed away do not actually disappear; they live on in the darkness of the Unconscious, pulling the strings in our relationships, our work, our self-expression, causing us to become reactive, compulsive, obsessive, depressed, anxious, and deteriorate our physical health until one day, we remember, all feelings have a right to exist in us. So we stop numbing ourselves, and feed them love, attention, curiosity and Presence. Now, they can finally come to rest.

— Jeff Foster 

Very well said. What we resist persists as the saying goes. Admittedly, it is NOT fun digging into all the old crap, but it’s worth it. You can stop the vicious cycle. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Let yourself rest (then, deal)…

If you’re exhausted, rest.

If you don’t feel like starting a new project, don’t.

If you don’t feel the urge to make something new, just rest in the beauty of the old, the familiar, the known.

If you don’t feel like talking, stay silent.

If you’re fed up with the news, turn it off.

If you want to postpone something until tomorrow, do it.

Feel the fullness of the emptiness, the vastness of the silence, the sheer life in your unproductive moments.

Time does not always need to be filled.

You are enough, simply in your being.

— Jeff Foster

Yes to rest and just being. Then, when ready… My favourite therapist is all about the feelings. What exactly are you feeling? Let’s get into it. In my experience, acknowledging and expressing feelings out loud and/or writing about them seems to ease the pain. I’ve unloaded a fair bit of baggage this way. Fewf. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Keeping the peace, a trauma response?…

Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. 

When you do this, you’re disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others to feel comfortable. 

You have control now. You run your life. 

Take up space and use your voice.

— Unknown 

I was definitely the people pleaser/peace keeper in my family of origin. I actually really like being kind and generous and that will never change. However, I finally understand that I need to have my own back first and foremost. My favourite therapist says it’s about taking stock of our “obligations” by saying yes to things that we decide we have the energy for, and saying no when self care is more important. The biggest decision I’ve made recently is around deal breakers. When I figured out my deal breakers in romance, I met my perfect partner and love of my life. And now I’m finally clear on the deal breakers for friendship; negative world view, judgmental tendencies, disgruntled disposition, above all. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl