Love life…

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back…

It is simply my life, music. I live it, breathe it, talk with it. I am almost unconscious of it. No I do not mean I take it for granted—one should never take for granted any of the gifts of God. But it is like an arm, a leg, a part of me. On the other hand, books and paintings and languages and people are passions with me, always to be cultivated. Travel too. I am a lucky man to be a pianist. A splendid instrument, the piano, just the right size so that you cannot take it with you. Instead of practicing, I can a read. A fortunate fellow, am I not? 

— Arthur Rubinstein (Widely regarded as one of the greatest pianists of all time. Rubinstein was fluent in eight languages and held much of his repertoire in his formidable memory, which he described as photographic. He played in public for eight decades). 

What stands out to me is Rubinstein’s depth of passion, love and devotion. I’d like to take a page from his book. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Burning desire and perseverance win big…

Folklore depicts invention as a flash of brilliance. That eureka moment. But it rarely is, I’m afraid. It is more about failure than ultimate success. 

Day after day I had crossed the yard at my home to a small workshop to continue my quest to develop a cyclonic system for separating dust without the need for an easily clogged vacuum-cleaner bag. 

I was usually covered in dust, getting deeper and deeper in debt, yet I was happy and absorbed. And the failures began to excite me. 

‘Wait a minute, that should have worked. Now why didn’t it?’ I would scratch my head, mystified, then have another idea for an experiment that might lead to solving the problem… 

Deirdre and our children never expressed doubt. They offered encouragement, love and understanding. The same is true of our friends. They must have thought I was mad and wasting my time, leading my family into penury. They never said so…

My tale is not one of being brilliant. I wasn’t even formally trained as an engineer or scientist. But I did have the bloody-mindedness not to follow convention, to challenge experts and to ignore Doubting Thomases… 

After four years of building and testing 5,127 hand-made prototypes of my cyclonic vacuum cleaner, I finally cracked it… I did it because I had a burning desire to do so.

— James Dyson (Dyson is the inventor of the dual cyclone bagless vacuum cleaner. He is the fourth richest person in the UK with an estimated net worth of 16.3 billion pounds). 

Wow. Very inspiring. It all began when Dyson’s new model Hoover, which lacked adequate suction. As a consumer he felt cheated and this frustrated him enough to want to solve the problem. He found the pores of the vacuum bags were too easily clogged. Four years of perseverance, living with debt, ignoring what people must think, embracing his family’s support. Very courageous and brave if you ask me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unfollowing people…

Sometimes you have to unfollow people in real life.

— Unknown

It’s taken me a long time to learn this one. I think the Covid pandemic has exacerbated many aspects of life. High-maintenance “friends” is one of them, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Top tender actions…

1. Fastening clothes or jewellery for your companion.

2. Letting them rest their head on your shoulder.

3. Idly playing with their hands.

4. Brushing a leaf out of their hair.

5. Locking pinkies.

6. Rubbing their back when you embrace.

7. Both of you wearing an item that belongs to the other.

— The blogger at www.tumblr.com

I feel taken care of just reading this list, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

“The love of your fate”…

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called ‘the love of your fate.’ Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, ‘This is what I need.’ It may look like a wreck, but go at is as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow. 

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes. 

— Joseph Campbell

My deepest moments of fear, pain and uncertainty have led to my favourite and most beneficial achievements. I’ve noticed that I still panic when a new moment of challenge arises. Duh! I guess we’re only human, Lol ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Painful, but important lessons…

Some things break your heart but fix your vision.

— Unknown

I’ve had some shocking and permanent learning experiences in my day. I suffered job loss post 2008 financial crisis (6 months after landing my most prominent, high paying position) during a years long hiring freeze. This was a big ouch, but I learned to work harder/smarter and become indispensable. I also suffered a humiliating betrayal/relationship loss (even worse, was totally my bad for dragging heels on an inevitable break up. Duh! But I learned about my deal breakers and how to pick the right parter). I’ve also learned about friendship and which behaviours are non-starters. All I can say is, bullying and blaming are big red flags (compassion and forgiveness are very admirable, but enabling is a trap). I forgive myself for not knowing better and I’m thrilled to have learned these lessons. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Our limits…

The fears we don’t face become our limits.

— Jim Kwik (Kwik suffered a head injury at age five, which left him struggling in school. For a time, he believed he would never be as good as other kids when it came to learning. He barely survived school, but decided to undertake the journey to learn about his brain and what he could do to fix it. The journey led him to discover different learning habits, including accelerated learning systems and tactics. He discovered that, no matter the circumstances, we can rebuild our brains. Kwik continues to share these tactics with universities such as NYU, Harvard, Columbia and Stanford. He’s also worked closely with companies like Nike, GE and Zappos to help their executives and employees get the most out of work and life. Even companies like SpaceX and Virgin, owned by billionaire geniuses like Richard Branson and Elon Musk, have trained with Kwik). 

Very inspiring. I’ve heard from a few different sources, scientific and new age’y, that we can have an impact on our genetics and advance beyond our so-called limitations. Where there is a will, there is a way, as they say. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trust your gut…

Always, always trust your gut.

If you feel something is wrong, that’s because it usually is.

— Unknown

I’ve been keeping an eye on my decision making and noting when I listen to my brain vs blindly trust my gut (meaning, according to the known facts, my gut isn’t making sense). My gut wins, hands down. So now, I trust that I just don’t have all the info at that moment and it’ll make sense later on. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

An investment in well-being…

Resting is not a waste of time. It’s an investment in well-being.

Relaxing is not a sign of laziness. It’s a source of energy.

Breaks are not a distraction. They are a chance to refocus.

Play is not a frivolous activity. It’s a path to connection and creativity.

— Adam Grant (American psychologist and author who is currently a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, specializing in organizational psychology. Grant received academic tenure at age 28, making him the youngest tenured professor at the Wharton School. He has also won numerous awards for research, speaking, writing, and teaching. He won the Class of 1984 Teaching Award, acknowledging him as the highest rated Wharton MBA professor in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 and 2018. He has won over a dozen other teaching awards at the Wharton School as well).

My favourite therapist talks about the “Inner Family” as a potential key to managing ourselves and our lives. The Inner Family is comprised of Ego (the part of us that tends to be overly protective, pretty black and white, potentially negative and critical, hard core, wanting bigger, better, more etc.), the Inner Child (typically the vulnerable, potentially wounded and needy, but also loving and playful side of us), the Adult (the face we present to the world and the manager of the Inner Family) and Spirit or Higher Self (our best self and the part of us that is tolerant, understanding, compassionate, open-minded, healing). My therapist says that if we can get in touch with these parts of ourselves, feel and address all of the internal concerns, we will better manage our lives and our relationships. There’s an exercise where you can journal from each perspective and it’s quite enlightening. For me, usually Ego is kind of pissed off and frustrated with people/things, wants more money, and has less patience in general. Inner Child is often hurt by something, typically with a link to painful childhood moments and needing more time to play and do fun things. Spirit is ever positive and tolerant and “knows” that everything will work out. Adult is a good negotiator and is typically a bit stressed out managing everything, Lol. Once I listen to all of these internal concerns, needs, wants, my mind calms and I am more clear on how to proceed. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl   

 

What’s going on in your head…

I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says the answer is typically in our hearts. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Find your gift…

The meaning of life is to find your gift.

The purpose of life is to give it away.

— William Shakespeare

Sounds easy enough… but for me, not so straight forward, Lol. I’ve always had many interests, so my journey’s been more of a maze. I’m still trying to figure out how to make a living at something I’m deeply passionate about. Fortunately, I love to be of service and my day job is fulfilling enough for me to be engaged, committed and financially comfortable in the meantime. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

A simple life…

It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life. 

— J.R.R. Tolkien

I’ve always envied people who had a calling early in life; music/sport prodigies or people who always wanted to be a police officer or doctor or people who place far more emphasis on family and leisure time. I’ve always had too many interests and passions. I did manage to find a well paying, and at least somewhat fulfilling, line of work… but I’m still striving for the vocation that ideally suits my lifestyle (freedom/choices!) preferences. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Loss of enthusiasm…

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

— Unknown 

I remember reading an article in the Air Canada magazine a ways back (I didn’t note the author unfortunately) that talked about how “the employee is the new slave.” I don’t know about you, but this really resonated for me. I certainly have a couple of grievances as an employee (which my colleagues have echoed along the way), having worked for both larger, reputable companies and small, local companies. First off, when it comes to performance appraisals, it’s pretty much mission impossible to achieve top marks, regardless of the level of over-achievement and success in checking all necessary boxes. (Mercifully, I hear some companies have abandoned the more archaic grading system of rating a certain percentage under under-achieving, most as average, regardless of performance, with maybe one or two employees, targeted for promotion, as over-achieving). Second, whether reasonable or not, the company always wants more. At some point, there’s a disconnect from reality and achievability, and perhaps a what’s the point attitude, isn’t there? Sure, you’re gonna work hard enough to keep your job, but enthusiasm and engagement are sure to wane. Am I right? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sure of yourself…

Be Alone.

Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.

— Bianca Sparacino 

I can relate. I was determined that my last break up would be my final break up. It sucks to learn the hard way, but my goldilocks experience in romance allowed me to identify my deal breakers and must haves. Interestingly, my perfect partner also had a “list” of the qualities and lifestyle choices that would match his  needs and desires for a full, joyful life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

We all fail…

We all face challenges, we all fail, and we will continue to disappoint others and ourselves. But the only true failure is to stop taking risks and placing bets. The key, I’ve learned, is to redefine how we internalize so-called “failure.” Expect there to be casualties along the way—just don’t let your self-worth be one of them.

— Sophia Amoruso (New York Times Bestselling Author and also named “a Cinderella of tech” by New York Times. At 22 she opened an online eBay store, Nasty Gal Vintage, which turned into a million dollar yearly revenue business after 6 yrs. Amoruso’s autobiography was adapted by Netflix into a TV show called Girlboss). 

The quote “Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation” comes to mind. I’m still in the preparation phase myself, Lol, and the challenges and failures are a gut punch when they happen. I’ve mourned, regrouped and recalculated a few times now… but I just can’t shake the vision of my dream life. I could give up and life will remain the same, or I can keep trying and I may just reach my cherished goal. No brainer really. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Be your own hero”…

As much as I’d love to believe that someone, somewhere, will save me from all the darkness… I know that avoidance is not the best choice. I can sit and hide from pain for as long as I want, but true growth is not found here. True growth, especially self development, will come when I stop waiting. It will happen when I take those small steps to pull myself out of the darkness… even if the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away.. It will be hard, but I will soon realize that I am my own savior. I’ve always had the strength to help myself, I just needed to believe it. So beginning today, and every day, I am choosing to be my own hero.

— @MOULE_T

I’ve had to save myself from some very dark places (death of my father, job loss in a dire market, a string of yucky jobs with yucky company culture, unexpected and shocking betrayal, divorce). Fortunately, I reached out for help. I read lots and lots of books on the issue at hand and worked with various counsellors. These were the toughest of times and I wouldn’t want to go through any of them again, but I was surprisingly transformed by each one. I ended up with my dream job, the love of my life and the knowledge that I am braver, stronger and more resilient than I thought possible. If/when something earth shattering happens again, I know I can handle it. It may be unpleasant in the moment, but I’m certain I’ll survive, I’ll grow, and I’ll benefit in some unexpected way. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Impossibly improbable, inspirational true story…

There is the almost impossibly improbable story of Kelsey Mitchell, who was feeling adrift behind the wheel of a Ford F-550 in 2017 spraying weeds in the ditches of Alberta’s Strathcona County, who thought maybe she had the makings of a bobsledder — but who on Sunday became the Olympic gold medalist in track cycling. 

— Christophe Eno, The Associated Press

That’s one of the most inspirational stories I’ve ever heard. I wonder what talents lie waiting? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be in your own skin…

I don’t surround myself with people who are constantly positive, always smiling to mask the bullshit life they actually have. I prefer to surround myself with people who are real, honest and raw. If your day sucks I want to hear about why it sucks so I can try my best to make it better. If you’re not really happy, don’t fake a smile on my behalf. I’d rather you spill your guts with tears every day until your smile is real, because I don’t care about the show, the disguise, the political correctness. If you’re in my life, I want you to be in your own skin.

— Stephanie Bennett-Henry, Texas based author and poet

One thing I’ve liked, in the midst of this Covid ordeal, is the refreshing honesty and transparency from both friends and acquaintances. People have seemed more willing to share their fears, grievances, struggles, which as created a new found sense of camaraderie in my community. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Passionately curious…

I have no special talent. 

I am only passionately curious.

— Albert Einstein

I think I’ve blogged about this quote before. I just find it cool that Einstein would highlight curiosity above all else. Clearly, he was a genius, and so if he thinks passionate curiosity is the key component of success, then I believe him. So the big question is, what are we passionately curious about? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“A minute to think”…

Meet the Strategic Pause— adapted from A Minute to Think

The thing that’s missing for every weary worker out there is something I call white space, defined as a strategic pause taken between activities. If you embrace it, if you make room for it, the pain is going to subside and doors will open.

The term came from looking at the white unencumbered spaces between tasks on a paper calendar and realizing that seeing open time in the scheduling of a day was an indication of how much untapped potential that day could hold.

This marvellous white space is the time and thought for which we have no plans—uncommitted, flexible, fluid. It’s an element that was always ours—always present— but has slipped away amidst overbooked calendars, overflowing inboxes and the pressure to do more. It’s a counterintuitive necessity found in moments when we think deeply, in the possibilities of an under-scheduled day, or in the pauses of a wonderful conversation. It bears many fruits. 

— Juliet Funt (Founder/CEO at JFG and author of A Minute to Think. Funt is a renowned keynote speaker who has worked with organizations such as Spotify, National Geographic, Costco, Abbott, Nike, PepsiCo, Wells Fargo, Sephora, Sysco and ESPN) 

I don’t know about you, but I took a few deep breaths while reading these excerpts. The thought of unstructured time makes me feel relieved and free. I’ve also come to realize that days with no set appointments at work tend to be my most productive and fulfilling. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Wouldn’t go back…

What I Learned After 18 Months Away From Home

I have a theory about change. I believe that we experience it in four phases:

1. Panic!

2. Adaptation

3. New Normal

4. Wouldn’t go Back

Maybe my Wouldn’t Go Back moment is that I learned something important about myself here — that I am more flexible than I thought, that I can be happy in many different kinds of places, and that success takes many forms (and maybe even requires fewer hours). Maybe Boulder just taught me to be less rigid. Maybe it taught me to care for myself more. Then it’s up to me to do something with all of that. I am the one that must put it to use. I must take the best of what I knew, and combine it with the best of what I’ve learned, and do something so that I will say, with certainty, that I wouldn’t want to go back to a time before it.

— Jason Feifer (Editor in Chief of Entrepreneur Magazine)

I’ve had my own Covid awakenings. I still find myself thinking, planning, strategizing about work off hours, but I have committed to working smarter and not harder. Connecting with friends has become more important. Hell, connecting with just people in general has become more important. In a nut shell, work-life balance has become my main priority because otherwise the work just doesn’t stop. There is always more that could be done. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs, XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your future self…

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

— Unknown

I’m thinking a tiny thing, like skip junk food one week a month, or take an extra day off drinking per week, or, as Suze Orman (#1 New York Times Bestselling author on Personal Finance with over 25 million books in circulation) recommends, spend nothing one day per week. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Attending to motivation…

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then neither is bathing, but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

— Jim Rohn (American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker. Rohn actually left college after just one year and started his professional life as a human resource manager for Sears department store. After attending a lecture given by famous entrepreneur John Earl Schoaff, Rohn joined Schoaff’s direct selling business. This set him on course to become an award winning speaker and mentor to key figures, such as Tony Robbins, T Harv Eker, Jack Canfield). 

From what I’ve read, some key elements of success are; pursuing something we are deeply passionate about, the ability to keep inspiring and motivating ourselves, the perseverance to overcome inevitable obstacles, the wisdom to embrace “failure” as a learning experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Control of 3 things…

You only have control of 3 things in your life; the thoughts you think, the images you visualize, and the actions you take.

— Jack Canfield (Originator of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Canfield spent his early days teaching inner-city high school students how to discover their potential and succeed no matter what their circumstances and is now a world-renowned transformational speaker and trainer.)

Canfield talks about three success principles; take 100% responsibility for everything you experience in your life, everything you think, say and do needs to become intentional and aligned with your highest purpose, your values, and your goals, and replace complaining with making requests and taking action. Personally, I found my life improved dramatically when I followed this advice. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl