Serendipity hooks...

Good luck isn’t just chance—it can be learned and leveraged—and The Serendipity Mindset explains how you can use serendipity to make life better at work, at home—everywhere.

Serendipity hooks help people get interested in you and help you learn what you’ll find intriguing about them. The process starts when you use memorable or engaging talking points, whether in the park or on Zoom. When Oli Barrett, a London-based entrepreneur, meets new people, he sets several hooks aimed at surfacing overlaps with the other person. If asked, “What do you do?” He will say something like, “I love connecting people, have been active in the education sector, and recently started thinking about philosophy, but what I really enjoy is playing the piano.”... Hooks allow others to find and latch onto something that relates to their lives or what they’re looking for, making serendipity more likely. Setting them is easier if we “have our story straight”: What are we passionate about, and what could we contribute that is relevant to the other person? 

 — Christian Busch (Author of The Serendipity Mindset, The Art and Science of Creating Good Luck)

I’ve been working on a side project for a while now, and every time I’m in the coffee shop, focused on strategy, I seem to run into a potential investor! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Dose of reality to get moving...

Dreaming of wonderful outcomes — landing a coveted promotion, reaching a long sought professional milestone — can feel great. But those good feelings can easily lull us into not doing the tough work to achieve our goals, warns David Robson for BBC Worklife. Instead, we are better off using a technique called mental contrasting, where we imagine our great outcomes, step back and reflect on the obstacles in our way and then plan for ways to overcome those impediments. Our fantasies can help inspire and motivate us, but we often need a dose of reality to get moving. 

— Scott Oiler, Editor at LinkedIn News 

I found my dream job and achieved a personal career high after hitting absolute rock bottom. Starting over allowed me to re-imagine the ideal position/compensation/manager/company culture. The rock bottom part ignited me to set and commit aggressive goals that would make me indispensable. Mission accomplished and how fulfilling it is. All the best to you in your dreams and pursuits! You can do it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

People want to be heard...

People don’t want to be talked out of their feelings. People want to be heard, seen, felt, and understood.

— Rachel Samson (Award winning Australian Psychologist and practitioner of Mindfulness and Zen Buddhism who believes that all of our emotions make sense and hold important information about our values and needs). 

My favourite therapist also agrees that our feelings hold the key to resolving some of our more problematic issues, if we choose to take a look. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“No one has your story”...

When you’re standing at a crossroads in your life, know that you bring something unique to the table — something that no one else has. Embrace it, own it, be it. Your experience has value, your knowledge has value, and you have something valuable to add to the conversation. No one has your story.

— Jeff Gothelf, Harvard Business Review (Author and coach) 

I’ve spent time recruiting talent for Fortune 500 companies and they definitely value past experience, or transferable skills. More recently, companies are seeking a fresh pair of eyes, as they look for creative and innovative solutions. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Instead of getting defensive”...

Instead of getting defensive, just say, thanks for letting me know your thoughts. I’ll consider them.

— Dr Henry Cloud (Acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author. His 45 books include the iconic Boundaries and have sold nearly 15 million copies worldwide. Dr Cloud founded and built a healthcare company, which operated inpatient and outpatient treatment centres in forty markets in the Western US. This hands-on clinical experience formed the basis for his extensive executive coaching background, where he devotes the majority of his time working with CEO’s, leadership teams and executives to improve performance, leadership skills and culture). 

My favourite therapist conducts weekend relationship seminars and a key component is “clearing.” He teaches participants how to invite one another to meaningful discussions that resolve whatever friction sits between them. Leading with empathy, compassion and curiosity are the key to a successful outcome. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“It’s okay not to be perfectly resilient”...

Resilience is important, but not at the expense of reflection, compassion, and humility. In fact, one could argue that bouncing back too quickly is not resilient at all, but a form of denial, or inability to face reality, or sweeping deep hurt under the rug. In these times, it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay not to be perfectly resilient.

— Carlene Zanne, Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant

My favourite therapist talks a lot about honouring our feelings. He says we shouldn’t be afraid of our “negative emotions” such as anger and resentment because if we’re willing to face and feel the darker feelings, we have a better chance of uncovering issues that need to be addressed. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Will find it’s way back to you...

All of the love you have given to the wrong people — it will find it’s way back to you.

— Bianca Sparacino (The Strength in Our Scars)

What a beautiful and comforting perspective. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“I am not happy, I am open”...

“Are you happy?” “In all honesty? No. But I am curious - I am curious in my sadness, and I am curious in my joy. I am ever seeking, ever feeling. I am in awe of the beautiful moments life gives us, and I am in awe of the difficult ones. I am transfixed by grief, by growth. It is all so stunning, so rich, and I will never convince myself that I cannot be somber, cannot be hurt, cannot be overjoyed. I want to feel it all - I don’t want to cover it up or numb it. So no, I am not happy, I am open, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

— Bianca Sparacino, Seeds Planted in Concrete

My favourite therapist says the trick is to allow ourselves to feel everything we’re feeling and utilize the valuable information we can extract from those feelings. If we’re hurt or angry, odds are our boundaries have been crossed and we need to address the issue, perhaps by making a request for different behaviour? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Spotlight on habits (+ motivation and inspiration)...

The Core to Self Transformation is Habits

A lot of research points to successful people being early risers...it came to my mind that early risers are probably successful not because they get up early, but because they have the discipline to commit to a fixed routine. This comes with the choice of saying no to a lot of things and making the necessary changes to one’s lifestyle.

— Vani Kola (Founder and Managing Director of Kalaari Capital, one of India’s leading early-stage venture capital firms). 

The movie Brittany Runs a Marathon (true story) does a great job of dramatizing one woman’s transformation. It occurs to me that inspiration and motivation are the key to discipline and commitment. Personally, it seemed to take shocking and unexpected career + relationship fall out to reach a new level of goal setting, bravery, discipline and commitment. The rewards are huge, which keeps me motivated! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Better days...

Better days will come.

— Anonymous

I’ve survived trying situations before this Covid challenge (career/financial meltdown post 2008 financial crisis, broken shoulder, divorces!). I remember noticing how surreal the experiences were at the time. Sooo not fun, but I realize my significant, life improving changes were a direct result of enduring the duress. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Enough critics already ;) ...

Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.

— Dave Willis (American voice actor, writer, producer and musician. Best known as the co-creator of the Adult Swim animated series Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Squidbillies).

I wonder if it’s ourselves we need to encourage the most. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Pure and sincere motivation...

Motivation is so important. In fact all human action can be seen in terms of movement, and the mover behind all actions is one’s motivation. If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively with less fear or worry, not being afraid of what others think of whether you ultimately will be successful in reaching your goal. Even if you fail to achieve your goal, you can feel good about having made the effort. 

— Dalai Lama

According to Sujan Patel (forbes.com), psychologists have identified three primary sources of resistance to getting things done; the “have to” resistance (very few things create a resistance as effectively as being forced to do something, so we’re supposed to focus on the benefits of our actions and not the “have to” aspect), the “I don’t feel right about this” resistance (by changing the task, we can perhaps work on a trade-off, so that we feel better about what’s in front of us), the “I can’t do this” resistance (we can choose to focus on the fact that effort creates excellence, so we will very likely get better at and accomplish the task at hand). Personally, my biggest motivation came when I was at my lowest career/life moment. I vowed to never be in this position again and set about overhauling my approach to work and life. I set higher standards (which I put on paper) for my daily work to do. I was determined to be indispensable and so worked harder every single day than I normally would (and 7 years later I’m still hitting record results and financial rewards). I also wrote out a more realistic vision of my perfect relationship/partner. I realized that to live happily with someone long term, goals/values/lifestyle have to be very closely aligned. (Bit of a late bloomer on that fact, Lol, but it paid off big!). I’ve always been a pretty healthy person, but I did work at eating less sugar, which I realized was a bit of a crutch. I try to eat nuts and fruit instead of cookies/chocolate most days, but when I really want something yummy, I go for it and then get back on track. Above all, I consciously made these decisions because I wanted a great outcome and I’m happy to maintain these commitments because the results are infectious. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Day by day...

Happy are those who take life day by day, complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in life.

— Unknown 

If there was ever a time to learn how to live life day by day and focus on the little things, this is surely it. The Covid no fun zone has removed so many of the things we used to take for granted. Personally, I’ll be missing warm vacations this fall/winter and when the rain/cold/dark weather hits, we won’t be hangin’ outside anymore. Yikes! I know I’m gonna need to find replacements for my usual go-to’s. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The ultimate source of success in life...

I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It is the ultimate source of success in life.

— Dalai Lama

Reading that put my mind at ease. Thank you Dalai Lama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

12 Habits of girls who are always skinny...

1. They don’t ban their favourite foods, but do eat them in moderation.

2. They cook at home. (According to a 2016 study from European Journal of Clinical Nutrition, we eat more when we eat out). 

3. They eat an early dinner. (According to studies, we tend to eat more in the evening because we’re usually unwinding and more relaxed)

4. They weight themselves weekly, rather than daily.

5. They pass on the “Supersize”

6. They eat until they are no longer hungry. (Rather than stopping when they feel full). 

7. They typically eat breakfast. (Skipping breakfast can lead to overeating. Studies suggest a high protein breakfast to feel full for longer).

8. They exercise daily. (Aside from burning calories, exercise also releases feel-good endorphins that enhance one’s well being).

9. They snack on fewer calories and keep track of calorie intake. 

10. They chew more. (Eating slower may help you feel full faster).

11. They have a regular bedtime. (Poor sleep is consistently linked to weight gain and stress, which can lower metabolism). 

12. The sometimes know for eating less meat. (According to Psychology Today, most people expect to lose 5 - 10 lbs by not eating meat).

— chasingfoxes.com

Great checklist. The ones that surprised me are; a regular bedtime and they typically eat breakfast. There’s a lot of focus on “Intermittent Fasting” these days. A recent article also suggested healthy eating, with less focus on calorie counting. All great ideas. See what works I guess. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Just underneath the beautiful surface...

Today there are societies that are very developed materially, yet among them there are many people who are not very happy. Just underneath the beautiful surface of affluence there is a kind of mental unrest, leading to frustration, unnecessary quarrels, reliance on drugs or alcohol, and in the worst case, suicide. So  there is no guarantee that wealth alone can give you the joy or fulfillment that your are seeking. 

— Dalai Lama

I was commiserating with a good friend during the 2008 financial crisis. Sadly, a couple of his friends had recently committed suicide. He offered, “I know I’m pretty much losing everything right now, but you know what? I’ll always have the ocean.” Brilliant. My friend is a die hard kite surfer and he says nothing compares to the high he gets on the water. Brilliant. I’m a big fan of swimming outside myself, so I get that. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Drive to be more creative and inventive...

Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry, nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.

— Dalia Lama

I’m on the other side of a complete career/financial meltdown, due to the 2008 financial crisis, and starting over actually led to a brilliant do-over. My recovery was faster than I could have imagined as well. I’m enjoying my most prominent (formal recognition, salary increases, awards and perks), effortless, prosperous years of my career. Surviving such a terrifying and trying time forced me to cultivate a deeper confidence in my abilities and the drive to be more creative and inventive. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sense of satisfaction...

Our ultimate aim in seeking more wealth is a sense of satisfaction, of happiness. But the very basis of seeking more is a feeling of not having enough, a feeling of discontentment. That feeling of discontentment, of wanting more and more and more, doesn’t arise from the inherent desirability of the objects we are seeking but rather from our own mental state.

— Dalia Lama 

Okay, got it. So we’re supposed to focus on gratitude for what we already have first and foremost. The other sage advice from experts is to be of service to others (volunteer work, donations etc.), which helps create a sense of purpose and fulfilment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The human mind...

The human mind often creates problems that don’t even exist. Let’s learn to chill out and relax.

— Unknown

The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price, offers an inspiring and hopeful philosophy on the connection between thoughts and prosperity. “The Ancients taught that to understand one’s self was to understand God, and through the process of meditation, one could release the divine energy from within and transmute discord into harmony, ignorance into wisdom, fear into love, and lack into abundance.” The book includes exercises to train and guide the mind toward more productive and hopefully abundance manifesting thinking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Serve other people”...

There is no guarantee that tomorrow at this time we will be here. But still we are working for that purely on the basis of hope. So, we need to make the best use of our time. I believe that the proper utilization of time is this: if you can, serve other people, other sentient beings. If not, at least refrain from harming them. I think that is the whole basis of my philosophy.

— Dalai Lama

Interestingly, they say giving (gifts, donations or volunteering) to others has a positive impact on our physical and mental health and can contribute to a longer life. Giving activates regions of the brain associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust. Scientists also believe that altruistic behaviour releases endorphins in the brain, producing a positive feeling known as the “helpers high.”A 2008 study by Harvard Business School professor Michael Norton and colleagues found that giving money to someone else lifted participants’ happiness more than spending it on themselves. Note to self for sure. More giving! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Managing day-to-day anxiety...

My religion is very simple. 

My religion is kindness.

— Dalai Lama

I read a great book called The Art of Happiness, by Dr Howard Cutler, who interviews the Dalai Lama. Together with Dr Howard, the Dalai Lama explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth. Based on 2500 years of Buddhist meditations and a healthy dose of common sense, the book offers a guide to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger and discouragement.

I found the book allowed to me to think quite differently about the suffering in the world. For example, the Dalai Lama contends that by going through difficult/traumatic experiences, we cultivate a deeper capacity for empathy, which allows us to connect more profoundly with our fellow man. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Practice compassion...

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

— Dalai Lama

I’ll remind my ego of that, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Rituals give shape...

Ritual was another key component of transitions. It’s an especially important tool, because, as Feiler writes: “In a world with no boundaries, rituals create demarcation. In moments of deluge, rituals provide containers. In periods of shape-shifting, rituals give shape.” 

— Arianna Huffington (Founder and CEO at Thrive Global)

It’s nice to have some things open again, with Covid somewhat contained (depending on where you are of course). Outdoor activities and the summer months are a wonderful reprieve as well. It was much harder to maintain healthy rituals during lockdown with everyone in close/tight quarters. Fingers crossed for a manageable fall/winter. Hopefully we can avoid a nasty second wave. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

So far 2020...

So far 2020 is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

— Unknown

Ha ha ha. Funny and also soooo not funny. Hang in there everyone. Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Write your own story...

One powerful micro step is to simply write your own story. Feiler recounts a famous 1986 study by James Pennebaker of the University of Texas at Austin. Pennebaker asked a group of students to write about traumatic experiences in their lives, 15 minutes each evening for four consecutive nights. Though the writing experience was difficult — many cried during the process — one year later, the students had fewer visits to the health center and 70% said they understood themselves better. Follow up studies even showed signs of a stronger immune system.

— Arianna Huffington (Founder and CEO at Thrive Global) 

My favourite therapist recommends writing letters, particularly when there is no possibility of closure; the person we have conflict with has passed on, the person is not open to a discussion or we’re not comfortable having the discussion ourselves. The most powerful letters I’ve written have been to myself from my father (who passed away) and from my mother. The guidance was to write a letter saying all the things I would have wanted to hear from my mother/father, including pet names and terms of affection. It’s quite amazing how this lands emotionally. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Covid and procrastination...

5 Reasons why you’re probably procrastinating more right now

1. Additional stress (anxiety about the state of the world, social isolation, unemployment, additional caregiving responsibilities, and/or dealing with illness and loss).

2. Absence of buffer behaviors (loss of the mental prep time during commute/disengagement time on the way home from work/work-life balance issues)

3. Shifting priorities (other issues weighing on people’s minds, given what’s going on in the world)

4. Fewer social interactions (diminished social connections, given remote work, and loss of ability to run things by colleagues etc.)

5. Burnout (exhaustion, cynicism, detachment, which causes workers to do the bare minimum)

— Diana Shi, fastcompany.com

The motivation struggle has come up in conversation quite a bit lately. Feels good knowing we’re not alone. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl