Psychology says...

When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you’ll have more opportunities.

— Unknown

This is a common sentiment, across a multitude of disciplines. They say writing down our goals every day can help guide us along a more fruitful path. I have found this to be true for the most part. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When going through a tough time...

8 Things to Remember When Going Through Tough Times:
1. Everything can - and will - change.
2. You’ve overcome challenges before.
3. It’s a learning experience.
4. Not getting what you want can be a blessing.
5. Allow yourself to have some fun.
6. Being kind to yourself is the best medicine.
7. Other people’s negativity isn’t worth worrying about.
8. And there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

When I fell on hard times, I was grateful for words of wisdom. I still had sleepless nights and fear over my mounting bills, Lol, but it helped to focus my thoughts and energy in a more empowered direction. When I look back, I can see that every difficult moment in my life did led to a better outcome. My last relationship ended badly (partly because I was dragging my heels on leaving), but I ended up finding the absolute perfect partner for me. One of my jobs also ended very badly (I put off leaving this one as well), but I ended up in a dream job that pays more money than I’ve ever earned. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Open any heart...

Words are like keys. If you choose them right, they can open any heart and shut any mouth.

— Unknown

I didn’t learn the art of communication from my family of origin. There was a lot of yelling and throwing of things, but not much resolution, Lol ;) I’m grateful for my early interest in psychology (and investment in a few group dynamics workshops). It’s taken a lot of awareness and practice to calm the emotions and discuss frankly the needs and wants of all concerned. Honestly, I think the new skills I’ve learned have been as valuable as my careful choice of mate. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Ways of thinking...

6 + 3 = 9 but so does 5 + 4. The way you do things isn’t always the only way to do them. Respect other people’s way of thinking.

— Unknown

I remember listening to the instructions for an assignment in grade school. When the time came for each of us to present our finished product, every single one of them was different. I thought it was very interesting that we all perceived the directions a bit differently and yet our results were correct. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Just be aware...

You won’t feel good every day. It’s ok. Just be aware and do the best you can on those days.

— Unknown

Eckhart Tolle says we should resist the urge to label everything as good or bad. He says we should embrace life, which means allowing and accepting everything that comes our way. This can be easier said than done in my experience, but I’m working on it. I do notice that when I hang onto disappointment, there is more discomfort. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Loving what you have...

Happiness isn’t about getting what you want all the time. It’s about loving what you have and being grateful for it.

— Unknown

I had to go back to basics when the financial crisis hit. Jobs were plentiful throughout my career and headhunters called frequently. Post 2008, there was just nothing. I was able to scrounge up some work here and there, but the jobs paid half what they used to and seemed unpleasant for one reason or another. I put a full halt to spending and still the relentless monthly bills were making me physically ill. Regardless, I would get out of bed everyday, read the paper, enjoy some sort of writing, work out, keep my house clean and tidy and spend quality time with my friends. I noticed how easy it was to fill the days and wondered how I got everything done when I was working full time, Lol. :) A former manager pulled me out from under and now I’m in a dream job making more money than I’ve ever made in my life. What I find interesting is my complete lack of interest in spending money. Sure, I go out for dinner, buy some new wardrobe items (usually at consignment or Value Village, even though I can afford much more) and take two warm trips a year. Beyond that, I enjoy watching my savings and investments grow. Mostly, I love my treasured friends and loved ones. I love hanging in coffee shops, writing, looking at magazines, chillin’ at home, watching movies, working out... all the things that saved me when my rainy day hit. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Calm the storm...

Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself, the storm will pass.

— Unknown

I’m still working on this one. When life throws a curve ball, it takes me a beat before I turn to my coping skills (writing, yoga, deep breathing with calming thoughts etc.). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You need you...

Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it. Go home and be there for all these things.

— Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist. He has authored more than 100 books and speaks internationally. Hanh was awarded the Courage of Conscience award in 1991. He has been featured in many films, including The Power of Forgiveness and the 2017 documentary Walk With Me. In November 2017, the Education University of Hong Kong conferred an honorary doctorate upon Nhat Hanh for his “life-long contributions to the promotion of mindfulness, peace and happiness across the world.”)

This is a refreshing way of looking at meditation and mindfulness. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Never again...

Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. So I changed just like that.

— Unknown

I had a similar experience. When my last relationship ended badly, I decided I never wanted to go through anything that ever again. I was determined to figure out how to choose my perfect, long lasting match. I had help from recommended books, a life coach, a therapist, a couple of relationship workshops and the decision to wait until that perfect partner showed up in my life. I met the love of my life eleven months later and he’s better than perfect. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The Power to change...

The moment you accept responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you gain the power to change anything in your life.

— Hal Elrod (Hall of Fame business achiever, ultra-marathon runner, multiple #1 bestselling author, hip-hop recording artist and international keynote/motivational speaker).

I first learned about this concept from a coach of mine years ago. I have to admit I didn’t get it right away. I felt frustrated and stuck in some aspects of my life and felt these things were well outside of my control. I couldn’t change where I was born, who my parents were, our financial status. A paradigm shift did happen however, and I began to understand how my thoughts and perspective affected my choices and outcomes. Hal Elrod’s Youtube Keynote addresses are very inspiring and outline the 5 minute rule. He says “It’s okay to be negative for 5 minutes and that’s it. Can’t change it. There’s no value in dwelling on something that’s out of our control, which includes everything that has ever happened to us.” He says if we allow our negativity to continue, it is our resistance that causes the pain. I’ve heard about resistance to change, but Elrod’s personal stories manage to simplify the concept. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Simply be there...

Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.

— Unknown

It’s reassuring to know that we don’t have to find the exact perfect thing to say (because sometimes we have no idea). We can just be there. I heard the very helpful movie line “what do you need right now” which I think is genius. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Look for the helpers...

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in terms of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world.

— Fred Rogers (Mr Rogers)

The news headlines portray the world in a pretty scary, tension filled light. I do find it comforting to think of the “good” people who want our world to be a better place. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A better life...

Personal development is not for broken people. It’s for people who want a better life.

— Dave Hollis

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I’ve found personal development to be surprisingly helpful. Sometimes it’s just new information, which helps shift sticky thoughts and emotion. Sometimes it’s an epiphany that allows for sweeping, healthy change. Just one girl’s observations. Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How men and women think differently...

Why Men and Woman Think Differently. 

Women are much more complicated than men. Men are very simple. And you know why? It’s because their brains are so different. First, I want to start with men. Men’s brains are very unique. Most women don’t realize that whether we are having sex or watching sports, our brains are made up of little boxes. We’ve got a box for everything. We’ve got a box for the car. We’ve got a box for money. We’ve got a box for the job. We’ve got a box for you. We’ve got a box for the kids. We’ve got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement.

We’ve got boxes everywhere. And the rule is: the boxes don’t touch. When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box, we pull that box out, we open the box, and we discuss ONLY what is in THAT BOX. And then we close the box and put it away being very, VERY careful not to touch other boxes.

Now women’s brains are very, very different from men’s brains. Women’s brains are made up of a big ball of wire. And everything is connected to everything. The money is connected to the car and the car is connected to your job and your kids are connected to your mother and everythingisallconected. It’s like the internet superhighway, and it’s all driven by energy that we call emotion. It’s one of the reasons why women tend to remember...everything.

Because if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion and it burns in your memory and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men. It just doesn’t happen very often, because quite frankly...we don’t care. Women tend to care about everything. And she just loves it.

Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of. This particular box has nothing in it. In fact, we call it the ‘nothing box.’ And of all the boxes a man has in his brain, the ‘nothing box’ is our favorite box. If a man has a chance, he’ll go to his nothing box every time. That’s why a man can do something completely brain dead for hours on end. You know, like fishing.

Now they’ve actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing, and still breathe.

Women can’t do it. Their mind has never stopped. And they don’t understand the ‘nothing box’, and it drives them crazy because nothing drives a women more crazy and makes them feel more irritated than to watch a man doing nothing.

— Mark Gungor (One of the most sought-after speakers on marriage and family in the US. He’s also a pastor and a ridiculously funny guy. His Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage seminars are attended by many people and he’s able to adapt his speech to both the religious and non-religious).

Ha ha ha. Very funny and also very helpful info! Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A winning focus...

If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer.
If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow.

— Unknown

Eckhart Tolle says “do not resist” what comes our way (A New Earth). I’ve been facing a small hiccup at work and decided to revisit this advice. Once I moved past disappointment (and hurt I think), I found a new approach and sense of inspiration. We’ll see what happens, but it feels empowering to be in a positive and productive mode. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The 1% club...

When your goals are more important than a party, welcome to the 1% club.

— Unknown

Well, I think it’s more complicated than that, Lol. But seriously, they say “what you focus on expands” and we do have the power to make different choices. If we set goals and focus on them, we’re more likely to succeed. Makes sense. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Real transformation...

It is so basic in us to feel that things should go well for us, and that if we start to feel depressed, lonely, or inadequate, there’s been some kind of mistake or we’ve lost it. In reality, when you feel depressed, lonely, betrayed, or any unwanted feelings, this is an important moment on the spiritual path. This is where real transformation can take place. As long as we’re caught up in always looking for certainty and happiness, rather than honoring the taste and smell and quality of exactly what is happening, as long as we’re always running away from discomfort, we’re going to be caught in a cycle of unhappiness and disappointment, and we will feel weaker and weaker.

— Pema Chodron (An American Tibetan Buddhist, ordained nun and graduate of Berkeley, California. Chodron has written several dozen books and audiobooks, and is principal teacher/director at Gampo Abbey, the first Tibetan Buddhist monastery in North America for Western men and women).

I stumbled across the idea of an “inward” journey toward peace and fulfillment when I was young and had no idea what this meant or how to do it. I was certainly intrigued. I learned that seeking happiness and fulfillment in the external world (money, goodies/baubles, a loved one, security) is a trap because things can change and/or go away. Post-2008 financial crisis, I experienced deep loss and ended up going “within” because I had nowhere else to go. Funds were tight, but I still had a pen, a few pieces of paper and a cup of coffee every morning. I could also lose myself in stories and know that I wasn’t alone. I still find it amazing that such a terrifying time, with no security in sight, could lead me to the stability I now feel. Don’t get me wrong, this strength did not happen overnight. I struggled for more than a few years before righting the ship and then arriving at greater peace and prosperity. I think the changes are fairly invisible, but I just know that I am a survivor and I am capable of digging as deep as I must in order to survive and then thrive again. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Quantity of our thinking...

The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.

— Unknown

One of my coaches did me the biggest favour many years ago. She said, with respect to my grievances at the time, “and you know this is all your stuff, right?” She taught me about the “Victim Mentality” and how to have a bigger impact on my life. She said we have to believe we have a role to play in what happens to us, take full ownership and then we will manifest more of what we want (with healthy, strategic thinking, followed by meaningful action). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl