Stepping stones to success...

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.

— Dale Carnegie (American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, Carnegie was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. One of the core ideas is that it is possible to change other people’s behaviour by changing one’s behaviour toward them).

Post 2008 financial crisis/career meltdown of my own, I often reflect on this terrifying, sleep deprived and stressful time. I can’t put my finger on the evolution per se, but I think there was an invisible/internal re-jigging that took place. Surviving failure (even if I was one of many affected by the world financial crisis, it felt terribly personal) produced an unexpected and deep sense of pride, renewed strength, profoundly humble confidence and enhanced skills of all sorts. I was pretty much one month away from moving in with my mother and in my final hour, so to speak, a former manager offered me a fantastic position, restoring my world. I am forever grateful for the lifeline and will take absolutely nothing for granted so long as I live. My forever goal is to be indispensable and from this mindset, I have achieved more than I could ever have imagined, and still climbing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Watcher of your thoughts...

Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behaviour. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.

— Eckhart Tolle

Apparently we still have a reptilian sort of brain, which generates thoughts that are not necessarily accurate. Sometimes there is reason to be afraid, but often the fears are unfounded. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Primary relationship is with self...

My primary relationship is with myself- all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment. My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another. As I learn to love myself, I receive the love I desire from others.

— Shakti Gawain

I certainly didn’t learn this growing up. I learned about being compliant (and being what others wanted me to be); at home under my parents rule, at school following the teacher’s expectations, at work complying with a manager’s directives. I pretty much happened on a paradigm shift back in my early thirties (thanks to one of my most important relationships). I’ve never looked back and life seems to get better and better. I can’t take much credit really. I simply followed the guidance of so many great health care/sprititual/life coaching professionals and authors. Forever thank you to every one of my teachers. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Doesn’t control me...

Forgiveness doesn’t mean I accept what you did. It means what happened doesn’t control me anymore.

— Unknown

Forgiveness can be a process. It took me a while to get past a humiliating betrayal I suffered many years ago. I had to admit I had some responsibility in what happened. I did not do the cheating, but I was certainly absent from the relationship and not dealing with it. As they say, take care of your business, or it will take care of you, and maybe not in the way you choose. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Full of answers...

Silence isn’t empty, it’s full of answers.

—  Unknown

I wish I had known this when I was younger. I filled my calendar to the brim, leaving little time for stillness and going inward. I don’t meditate per se, but I have my versions of quiet, so that I can check in with and trust my gut. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Human excellence...

I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.

— Socrates (Classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy. He is chiefly known through the accounts of classical writers, particularly his students Plato and Xenophon. Plato was the founder of the Academy in Athens, the first institution of higher learning in the Western World. Unlike nearly all of his philosophical contemporaries, Plato’s entire work is believed to have survived intact for over 2400 years)

Makes me think about what we’ve achieved as a society; abolishment of slavery, women’s right to vote, gay marriage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A thoughtful mind...

In his autobiography On the Move, neurologist Oliver Sacks praised his friend Jerry’s curiosity and knowledge. “Jerry has one of the most spacious, thoughtful minds I have ever encountered, with a vast base of knowledge of every sort,” wrote Sacks, “but it is a base under continual questioning and scrutiny.” So willing was Jerry to question and re-evaluate his own assumptions that Sacks said he had seen his friend suddenly stop mid-sentence and say, ‘I no longer believe what I was about to say.’

— Rob Brezny

This sort of mentality is certainly required to tackle discrimination and move society forward. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

True humility...

True humility is staying teachable, regardless of how much you already know.

— Unknown

First off, I’m back from a sunny, luxurious vacation and may I say how wonderful it is to take a time out from the stresses of everyday life (chores, grocery shopping, cooking, work, bills, remembering all of the social functions and having the energy to attend them all). Having said that, I think there is a certain amount of work and effort required in remaining open and curious. I am delighted that the loved ones in my life have brought me to newer and better ways of coping and being in relationship. My life has been enriched beyond belief, thanks to them. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Good relationships...

Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts... good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourself with.

— Michelle Obama (American lawyer, university administrator, writer and the first African-American First Lady of the United States. Obama is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School. She met Barack Obama at the law firm Sidney Austin. As First Lady, Obama worked as an advocate for poverty awareness, education, nutrition, physical activity and healthy eating).

This is something I would tell my younger self. We don’t all grow up with excellent relationship role models and I’m just glad I was curious enough to pursue better relationship skills. It’s never too late. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Closure...

Closure is a joke. The only apology you need, is the one you owe yourself for staying as long as you did. The only conversation you need to have and the only person you need to see again, is the person in the mirror. Look at yourself and say “you know what, I f-cked up. My worth is more than that”. That’s your closure.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that, if we’re honest and we’re paying attention, we can see warning signs and deal breakers within one or two dates, let alone one or two years of being with someone. He says it’s up to us to honor ourselves and say no as early as possible. Personally speaking, my last relationship should have been over before we even went on our first date, and most certainly within a month when I realized he was on the aloof side for me (among other things). Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forgiving is not for others...

Forgive anyone who has caused you pain or harm.
Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others. It is for you. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger. It frees up your power, heals your body, mind, and spirit. Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace where you can persist despite what has happened to you.

— Les Brown (American Author, motivational speaker, radio DJ, former TV host and former politician who uses the catch phrase “It’s possible!” and teaches people to follow their dreams as he learned to do. Brown was born in an abandoned building in a low-income section of Florida. He was adopted by a 38 year old single woman who worked as a cafeteria attendant and was declared “educable mentally retarded” while in grade school. He went on to win countless awards, including one of America’s top five speakers by Toastmasters International in 1992).

Whatever our beginnings, one thing is clear. We probably have more capacity and capability than we know and odds are we have some emotional reckoning to contend with. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life becomes easier...

Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.

— R. Brault

My favourite therapist says we have to pick up where our parents left off. One of the exercises he had me do was write a letter from my father to me, saying everything I ever wanted and needed to hear from him (he’s passed way now). I was dumb founded at how wonderful it was to read those words (as though they were really from him). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Giving love away...

When we let someone be who they are without trying to change them, that is giving away love.

— Susan Jeffers (Author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway)

What happens when we accept ourselves in this way? Allowing myself to be who I am (whatever my limitations and quirks; perhaps clinically/OCD/neat/fussy, addicted to movies, not outdoorsy, not hugely cultured, perhaps under-informed of current events, less than stellar memory for names and most things except for movie related trivia, Lol etc.) is hands down the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Being clear on who I am and what I like/don’t like allowed me to find my perfect match. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Best day of your life...

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies, or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.

— Bob Moawad (Athlete, coach, motivational speaker and one of the original authors of the best- selling book Chicken Soup For The Soul. Moawad developed the Edge Learning Institute, which was used by many of the nation’s most prestigious Fortune 500 companies).

I was lucky enough to be “schooled” on the power of “owning my own life and having my own back, all the way.” I had to move on from the limitations of my upbringing and choose to learn more effective relationship skills. After all, we don’t necessarily learn healthy interpersonal skills at home and they don’t teach this stuff at elementary school or high school. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Healthy detachment...

Detachment doesn’t mean not caring. It’s taking care of yourself first and letting others take responsibility for their actions without trying to save or punish them.

— Unkown

I’m thinking a healthy detachment (even for a few precious moments) from our worries and stresses would be helpful. I guess that’s what yoga, deep breathing, meditation, are all about. These coping strategies seem to take some commitment and focus, in my experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

De-cluttering our lives...

Clutter, it’s not just the stuff on the floor. It’s anything that gets between you and the life you want to be living.

— Peter Walsh (Australian-American professional organizer, writer and media personality, appearing on Clean Sweep for more than 120 episodes and regular guest on The Oprah Winfrey show in the late 2000’s. In 2011 Walsh premiered his own show, Enough Already!, helping people de-clutter and organize their homes and lives).

I’m curious to hear more. Stay tuned... In my experience, removing emotional clutter is not quick, easy or painless.  Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The power of intention...

Live less out of habit and more out of intent.

— Unknown

A trusted life coach blessed my life with the power of intention. At the time, I was looking for a new job (the current one was strangling me on every level) and I was determined to NEVER go through another break up (the last one left me humiliated, particularly since, in truth, I had been done for about a year and was dragging my heals for a number understandable, but fearful and misguided reasons). My coach told me to write down what I wanted very clearly. Not a list, per se, she said, but write out how you want to feel each day and how you envision life with that perfect partner, or perfect job. Write out the kind of manager, how much you want to earn, desired daily activities etc.. I wanted; autonomy, the ability to be entrepreneurial and creative, flexibility and a boss that would empower me, rather than micro-manage my daily activities. In love, I wanted; to do the things I love doing, to NOT do things I dislike, to enjoy the same activies, someone as affectionate as I am, someone chill (I had previously ended up with kinda controlling/intense guys, like my father). So, how did things turn out? Slam dunk on both counts. Amazing! Setting very clear and detailed intentions worked for me. It took about a year of focus to land the perfect job and the perfect life partner (and romantic, fun, meaningful love of my life). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl