Gut instinct...

Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.

— Unknown

Apparently some scientists have nicknamed our gut (enteric nervous system) the “second brain.” Our gut contains one hundred million neurons, which is more than either the spinal cord or peripheral nervous system. Michael Gershman, author of “The Second Brain” explains that “a big part of our emotions are probably influenced by the nerves in our gut.” Apparently 95 % of the body’s serotonin is found in the bowels and may have a role to play in certain diseases. The blossoming field of neurogastroenterology will likely offer some new insights into the workings of the second brain. Interesting stuff.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What is happening...

At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.

— Unknown

We can expect an awful lot of ourselves, can’t we? I’m not sure why we have a story in our heads about how our lives should go; if/when we’ll get married, how many kids we’ll have, how much money we’ll make. Boy is my life different than what I envisioned; no kids, two divorces, survivor of the proverbial rainy day, still working on finances. On the other hand, I have found the perfect love of my life (that I thought didn’t exist), I absolutely love what I do for a living and I’m also in love with my friends, hobbies, lifestyle. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Selective battles...

Be selective with your battles. Sometimes peace is better than being right.

— Unknown

It took me a long time to understand this. I felt I should be more knowledgeable or something. Along the way (thanks to relationship courses and coaching), I learned how to listen more. That old saying  “learn to be more interested, rather than interesting” comes to mind. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

No accident...

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice, and most of all, love of what you are doing.

— Pele (Widely regarded as the best soccer player of all time)

Tiger Woods’ miraculous, emotional come-back comes to mind. The old saying “ you get out what you put in” seems to be very true. The things I’ve worked hardest at have brought rewards, fulfillment and a great sense of pride. I guess the X factor is figuring out where we want to hang our hat. This is not as obvious for some of us. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Some days...

Some days I amaze myself.

Other days I look for my phone while I’m talking on it.

— Unknown

Lol ;) I’ve done this on more than one occasion. Probably in auto pilot, thinking about life’s daily stressors. There’s just no way around the ups and downs of life is there... Just sayin ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Ultimately happy life...

Destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the concept that rest, recovery, and reflection are essential parts of the progress towards a successful and ultimately happy life.

— Unknown

Near bankruptcy, being caught off guard by an unexpected betrayal, fear of the unknown, rest, recovery and reflection, have been the building blocks for the happiest and most successful time of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The little things...

Enjoy the little things...
                           
— Unknown

I was one of the unfortunate people seriously affected by the finacial crisis of 2008. I never thought something like that would happen to me because jobs in my line of work are typically plentiful. It was a terrifying time and I had to cut expenses in every way imaginable. Dinners out, vacations and new clothes were just the first cuts. Thank God I love to write because morning coffee with a newspaper, pen and paper were my lifeline. Many years later, I’ve noticed a silver lining. I don’t spend the way I used to. Actually I don’t even think much about spending anymore. Sure, I still go out for some dinners and take a trip every year, but I save up for these extravagances and pay up front. I never thought I’d enjoy not spending money, but I feel safe and happy watching my bank balance grow. My grandfather was right after all. He said “save your money. There’s always something to buy and you never know when that rainy day will come.”Just sayin :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl                                                

Where happiness comes from...

It looks great when you have a cool car and nice clothes and you’ve done something that people admire. But, it can never fulfill you, you can never be happy. It’s not where happiness comes from.

— Jim Carrey

Carrey goes on to talk about how we are held back by the ideas of success we’ve created. (Jim Carrey has struggled with depression and generously, openly shares his experience). That’s amazing coming from someone accomplished, who has brought so much good energy through his funny and engaging performances. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Before you settle for anything less...

You deserve to be in spaces and relationships that make you happy; that feed your soul and help you grow. You are worthy of connections that are loving, nourishing, kind and authentic. Before you settle for anything less than, remind yourself that the places you visit and people you journey with through life should make you feel safe, loved and enough.

— Alex Elle (US Author, wellness consultant and teacher)

Sounds easy enough, right? In my experience, however, there was much work, effort and time involved in “attracting” unconditionally loving relationships. My favourite therapist would say that our family of origin (and perhaps lack of healthy communication and relating skills) can pre-dispose us to less than stellar relationships. I don’t think I would have found the love of my life without “going inward” and benefiting from key relationship workshops. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mastering self...

The person who masters himself through self-control and discipline is truly undefeatable.

— Gautama Buddha (Founder of Buddhism)

After a few years of hardship, I sat down and made a few sweeping changes. I had performed well in my job each year, but I wondered what would happen if I worked just a bit harder each day. I decided to go for it and the results have been very cool. I’ve been formally recognized at work and I’ve made more money. What I didn’t expect was the added boost in confidence and fulfilment. I go home each night knowing I’ve worked hard, I’ve done my best and I’ve been rewarded far beyond my hopes and dreams. The effort is well worth it and it feels great. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

I am me...

I am me
nothing more
nothing less
and that
is enough.

— Harpreet M Dayal (UK Author and poet. Known for her children’s book Wilbert the Worm and her book of poetry Svadhyay, which is “refreshingly positive.”)

After two divorces and yet another broken relationship, I went back to the drawing board. I turned to my favourite therapist (Joel Brass) and revisited two of his life-altering relationship workshops. As always, he nailed the issue and said “you’re almost there. You just need to have your own back, all the way.” From there, I figured out how to be completely true to myself. I gave myself permission to like what I like and leave the rest. I made a list of things I love doing and things I never want to do again. Amazingly enough, I realized that none of my previous partners actually suited me and my lifestyle. After a time of healing, I set out in the dating world again. Being single felt much different this time. I was clear about myself and how I wanted to live my life moving forward. I met the man of my dreams soon after and life is truly a fairytale. My days still include the mundane chores of shopping, cooking, cleaning, sorting out the odd blip of man/woman misunderstanding, but on the whole, the relationship is blissful. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Honest conversations...

Until people start having honest conversations about who they truly are, what demons they battle with, where they lack and what they truly want, love will continue to be a temporary experience... honesty and communication are key. Stop being afraid to speak on where you are.

— TheMindsJournal.com

Speaking honestly did not come easy for me. In my house people yelled and nothing got resolved. People pleasing and trying to be invisible were survival instincts. Not to crucify my parents (who I’m certain did their best), but I wasn’t exactly furnished with helpful relationship skills. Fortunately, I had an early interest in psychology and happened across some excellent relationship workshops that gave me life altering skills. Who knew. I still find it all to be a work-in-progress, but I now enjoy listening and trying to understand where people are coming from (rather than being defensive and self-righteous). There’s always a story. I believe we can be very cooperative and flexible if we’re motivated enough. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Worth waiting for...

Sometimes the best things in life take a while.

— Unknown

Great reminder. Honestly, the life of my dreams did take much longer than I would have imagined or desired (like years and years and years, Lol). Was it worth the wait? You bet, although I would have loved to have met the love of my life in my thirties when children were still an option. On the other hand, I suspect things have worked out for the best. I am even more of career woman than I earlier thought. I continue to be more and more fulfilled by overcoming challenges, growing/evolving and raising the bar. I’m sure this is the path I’m supposed to be on, and so I enjoy every moment with my neices/nephews and my boyfriend’s children. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love life...

I have found that when you love life, life will love you back.

— Arthur Rubenstein (A Polish American classical pianist, who played in public for eight decades. Many regard him as the greatest Chopin interpreter of his time. The New York Times described him as one of the greatest pianists of the twentieth century).

I always thought cliche’s were used, worn out expressions. Boy was I wrong. Above all, the expression “you get back what you put out” has been the truest in my world. I kept hearing from people I admired and respected “invest in yourself” and “focus on yourself.” I really had no idea what they were talking about and ended up learning the hard way. After reeling from my huge setbacks, I started over (I’ll give myself credit for bravery actually) by envisioning and then writing out in detail a description of my ideal life (a life coach gave me this excellent advice). I then determined a step by step set of goals. Many years later (more than ten) I still wake up each day (even Saturday and Sunday), I review my list, I get out there and I try my absolute best. Most importantly, I tell myself that my best will always be good enough. When things don’t go as planned, I let it ride because I got out there and tried. Interestingly, over the long haul, my miracles have come true. Big picture thinking I say! Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Take total ownership...

Cancel the pity party. Pull yourself together and take total ownership for everything in your life.

— Unknown

One of my treasured coaches taught me about this many moons ago (from A Course in Miracles). I don’t mind saying, I didn’t get it. When you’ve suffered an ill fate and you know that it was not of your doing, it’s kinda hard to get out of that victim place. “Taking total ownership” was a paradigm shift and this is how I look at it nowadays... Certainly unfortunate things may happen to us that are completely out of our control. Then what? At this point, we’re left holding that bag and we need to do our very best with the situation. This is where the whole “take lemons and make lemonade” mentality comes in. I challenge myself to spend less and less time on what’s happened and more time on solutions. I now think, how can I learn from this experience and get stronger? Surviving crappy experiences can actually build self-esteem (like when I suffered the financial crisis right to the bottom, and am now driven to be indispensable with results that are indisputable). Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Win in your mind...

You can’t win in your life if you’re losing in your mind. Change your thoughts and it’ll change your life.

— Tony Gaskins (Motivational speaker, author and life coach. He has appeared on Oprah, theTyra Banks Show and TBN’s 700 Club. He is most known for his love and relationship advice for men and made the Under30CEO’s Top 50 Most Motivational People on the web).

I’ve heard this said in a number of ways and the message is pretty clear. We must somehow find a way to envision and believe that we can manifest the things we dearly want. Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You’re the hero...

I think one day you’ll find that you’re the hero you’ve been looking for.

— Jimmy Stewart

I found my biggest success and fulfillment when I set specific goals, made commitments to myself, rolled up my sleeves and focused on daily tasks (do one extra thing at work each day, cut out sugar for the most part, honor my energy level by saying no when I need to, write this blog, which keeps me in a positive and productive frame of mind). I found the life of my dreams on the other side of these decisions and work ethic. Now I actually enjoy doing the extra “work” becuase I love the results I continue to get! Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feels better...

Sometimes, it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist has taught me the importance of feeling what I’m feeling, even the darker stuff. (He tells me I want life to be sunny and sunnier, ha ha). I realize that sometimes there are no words, just feelings. When I’m able to talk again, I tend to find new insight and direction. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The wisdom of failure...

I don’t believe in failure. Failure is just information and an opportunity to change your course.

— Oprah Winfrey

“It’s just information” is my favourite saying lately. It took me a loooooong time to get that. Information exchange (communication) is highly underrated, particularly when it comes to relationships. My favourite therapist talks about “clearing” and how critical it is to the health of a relationship. I used to avoid communicating because I was afraid of people’s reactions (anger/yelling). I now know that there are constructive and generous ways of communicating that promote healing, trust and good will (how do I feel, how do you feel, what do you need, what do I need, are we able to accommodate each other). It took (and still takes ) a lot of practice, mind you. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Recipe for success...

“I’ve missed over 9000 shots in my career... I failed over and over and over again, and that’s why I succeeded.”

— Michael Jordan (By acclamation, the greatest basketball player of all time, scoring 30.1 points per game and winning 6 NBA Finals MVP’s. Jordon was one of the most effectively marketed athletes of his generation and was considered instrumental in popularizing the NBA around the world in the 80’s and 90’s).

So we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if/when we “fail” then ;) What’s our definition of success anyway? Do we want work-life balance? Do we want to live in a certain neighbourhood with an infinity pool? Do we have a driving urge to be the best in our field? Or do we want to enjoy a loving family, tend our garden and be kind to the environment above all. It’s totally up to us (if we can quiet some family and societal chatter). We’re not all as talented as Michael Jordan, so we may need more trial, error and course correction in our story. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Healing to fulfilment...

Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life.

— curiano.com

My favourite therapist says that we cannot change our legacy. We can’t change where we grew up, or how we grew up. He says we should aim for uncovering the issues that silently run our lives and our relationships. This is no quick or easy task, but small adjustments can make all the difference. In my experience, significant healing is tough to achieve on our own. We’re probably too close to the “stuff” to have perspective and we don’t likely have the skills and tactics to navigate our deepest emotional complexities and challenges. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Brave enough to try...

It sounds funny, but you should be proud of yourself for failing. It meas you tried. It means you were brave enough to put yourself out there.

— Unknown

I really like this sentiment. I’ve wondered about some of my own pursuits that fizzled. I’ve decided that some passions are meant for hobbies and not money making ventures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Brave enough to try...

It sounds funny, but you should be proud of yourself for failing. It meas you tried. It means you were brave enough to put yourself out there.

— Unknown

I really like this sentiment. I’ve wondered about some of my own pursuits that fizzled. I’ve decided that some passions are meant for hobbies and not money making ventures. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl