Achilles heel...

Be strong but not rude.
Be kind but not weak.
Be humble but not timid.
Be proud but not arrogant.

- Unknown

It’s easy to be calm, cool and collected when we’re not personally affected. Problem is, we carry baggage and sensitivities from the past and it’s hard to be rational when old wounds get stepped on. Happily, with some savvy life coaching and focused effort, I’ve realized relationship improvements and minimized unwanted drama. It seems that we can in fact learn new ways of coping and kinder ways of communicating to ourselves and others. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Four important words...

There are four words that, when said, will bring out the best in your team, your employees, and your family. They are:

“I believe in you.”

- Coach K

Powerful words indeed. Maybe we can remember to say them to ourselves more often. Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Uncomfortable communication...

Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal, is simply getting everything out.

- Unknown

I’m still working on this one. I think we’re afraid to hurt people’s feelings and so we remain silent. If we do decide to speak up, we’re not sure how to say that uncomfortable thing for fear of backlash and repercussions. I’ve realized we do need to right the ship however, or we risk troubling distance from one another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Xmas stress...

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas... but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.

- Unknown

Ha ha ha. Seriously though, some people rate Christmas as being more stressful than divorce or being burgled. The endless to-do lists, family expectations, lack of funds and challenging relationship dynamics are legit sources of duress. Helping professionals advise us to lower our expectations and know that we’re not alone. Clearly the bars pack out this time of year for a few reasons, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. xo

Merry Holidays all... and if the family stuff gets tough, may you find solace with your friends, great escapes and favourite past times!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Getting older...

The older I get, the more I realize I don’t want to be around drama, conflict or stress. I want a cozy home, good food, and to be surrounded by happy people.

- Unknown

My thoughts exactly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Laws of detachment...

The Laws of Detachment

Allow others to be who they are.
Allow yourself to be who you are.
Don’t force situations. Solutions will emerge.
Uncertainty is reality - embrace it.

- Sue Fitzmaurice (Author and Coach, formerly nurse, business owner, management consultant and CEO. Fitzmaurice holds degrees is philosophy, international relations and business. Wow. Her purpose now is to teach, research, coach and write about purpose).

Life is such a mixed bag of the expected, the unexpected, the welcome and unwelcome. It’s great to be in our comfort zone and in control whenever possible, but we all know the shit hit has a tendency to hit the fan. A healthy detachment seems like a great idea. If we allow a little room, maybe we won’t be so thrown off by the “bad” stuff. Food for thought. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

More compassion?...

Compassion is so often the solution.

- Unknown

Forgiveness and compassion are supposed to set us free. Now, I’m pretty positive to a fault, but even I’m surprised at how challenging this can be, given some of life’s toughest challenges; betrayal by a trusted long-term friend or romantic partner, unexpected downsizing and job loss in a bad market, relentless family discord? I have experienced all of the above and I can’t say I’ve been a rock star in the compassion department. I aspire, to be sure, but the consequences moving forward require a lot of coping strategies. Betrayal can shake us to the core and require healthy guidance in learning to trust again. Job loss can hurt our finances for years to come and require much patience and commitment while we secure our future. Family discord can be nothing short of “Groundhog Day.” So, what do we do when compassion eludes is? First off, it’s normal to ride the emotional rollercoaster for a time ;) and then.... after twenty-plus years of psychological curiosity, research and guidance from many different experts, I tell myself; shit really does just happen in life, so don’t take it personally, embrace the emotions and hear what they’re telling us, learn the lessons and make sound changes, don’t be afraid to seek assistance when needed and absolutely try working with forgiveness books. Most of all, be patient because letting go in order to move forward is not a quick fix, even with much assistance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Living well and longer...

The secret to living well and longer is: eat less, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure.

- Tibetan proverb

I think we kinda know this intuitively, but it’s not easy to maintain, is it. Just sayin’ :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Stay strong...

I truly admire those who stay strong, even when they have every right to break down.

- Unknown

We find out how strong we are when we’re tested don’t we (i.e. job loss, breakdown of a relationship, betrayal, death of a loved one, debilitating injury, financial duress etc.). I’ve faced most of these actually and I’ve been surprised at my lack of capacity to rise at times. My father was dying of cancer and I found it incredibly difficult to face him. It didn’t help that he was scarier and angrier than ever. Still, I was shocked and disappointed in myself. I continue to learn that strength and security need to be cultivated from deep within us. If we have to overcome a difficult childhood, or what have you, so be it, but nothing external can fill us up and make us feel truly safe for the long term. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self discovery...

30 Questions for Self Discovery

1. How do I feel at the moment?
2. What do I need more of in my life?
3. What would make me happy right now?
4. What is going right in my life?
5. What am I grateful for? List at least 10 things.
6. When did I experience joy this week?
7. List all my small victories and successes.
8. What’s bothering me? Why?
9. What are my priorities at the moment?
10. What do I love about myself?
11. Who means the world to me and why?
12. If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?
13. What advice would I give to my younger self? (Do I follow this advice now?).
14. What lesson did I learn this week?
15. If I had all the time in the world, what would I want to do first?
16. What’s draining my energy? How can I reduce or cut it out?
17. What does my ideal morning look like?
18. What does my ideal day look like?
19. What makes me come alive? When was the last time I felt truly alive?
20. What/who inspires me the most? Why am I drawn to those aspirations?
21. Where does my pain originate? What would need to happen for me to heal?
22. What are my strengths? What am I really good at?
23. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but was too scared?
24. What is something I would love to learn?
25. What hobbies would I like to try?
26. Where would I want to live in my ideal life?
27. Where would I like to travel in the next 5 years?
28. What can I do to take better care of myself?
29. When have I done something that I thought I couldn’t do?
30. At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be?

Compliments of lavendaire.com

# 13 is my favourite. I’ve been thinking a lot about my younger self. I would love to tell my naive, people-pleasing self a number of things; wait for a great match, rather than getting caught up in attraction alone, avoid people and things that drain your feel good energy because you’ll never get that energy back and it’ll take away from the good that you can bring into your life and most importantly, learn to say no without apology because you need to take care of your well being above all or happiness will be elusive. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A meaningful life...

A meaningful life is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others.

- Unknown

That cuts through the noise doesn’t it. Of course we’re going to strive for coveted possessions, adventures, career milestones and what have you, but I love the idea of measuring our positive impact on ourselves and others when it comes to success, happiness, fulfilment and meaning. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Lessons of failure...

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

- Bill Gates

Coming from Bill Gates, that means something. In other words, a certain amount of failure is to be expected. I find that very comforting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Leap of faith...

There's so much talk around "Mind Power" and our ability to impact our world. Obviously we can't control everything. Life brings what it brings... but I’ve been noticing more and more, that when I make a big, heart-felt wish and then set it free, miracles keep happening in my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Setting goals...

A goal is not always meant to be reached. It often serves simply as something to aim at.

- Bruce Lee

Well that’s very wise and makes me feel better about not accomplishing some of my goals. I realize I’ve spent loads of time pursuing certain avenues that have not as yet produced a return. What I do know is how much I’ve enjoy these activities and maybe that’s enough. Perhaps some passions are meant to be hobbies and nothing more. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The new rich...

Happiness is the new rich. Inner peace is the new success. Health is the new wealth. Kindness is the new cool.

- Unknown

What are we striving for? Maybe it’s just balance. We can’t pretend money isn’t important, but on the other hand, we can’t sacrifice our foundation of health and well-being to achieve more more more. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What the Dr ordered...

The six best doctors: sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, and diet.

- Wayne Fields (American Author and Lynne Cooper Harvey Distinguished Professor of English, American Literature, and American Culture Studies).

No question about the contribution of healthy living and nature as calming influences. There’s more to it though, isn’t there. Our emotional world is complex, with deep and long reaching roots. Sometimes we need to dig a little deeper... if we so choose of course. I get the numb and escape route. Digging in is not an easy path and seems to be an ongoing (and expensive) project with more layers than we can count. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forgive yourself...

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

- Unknown

This is a tough one. When we look back, having all the information, things become ridiculously clear and it’s hard not to feel foolish. Life is certainly a work in progress and it would be so great if we could just allow for some shit to go down. I will keep repeating this to myself because I struggle with the perfection thing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Talk to yourself...

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.

- Brene Brown

It’s curious that we don’t necessarily think to do this. We can be so critical of ourselves. I wonder if it’s that old “internalized parent” thing. Our parents do their best to keep us safe and guide us to a happy and productive adult life. Unfortunately, we can end up feeling damaged, flawed and less than. I hope we can ease up on ourselves. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Changing the game...

Pray when you feel like worrying. Give thanks when you feel like complaining. Keep going when you feel like quitting.

- Unknown

I’ve been trying this and it actually works. I’ve made allowances for people because I would be so grateful for kindness when I mess up. Rather than complaining, I’ve replaced the thought with “Well, life isn’t perfect. Things fall through the cracks.” I’m still working on the worry thing. I have a perfection issue and as I’ve gotten older, I seem more anxious. I love the idea of praying (or wishing) the stress away. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The art of the pause...

Practice the pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. And when you pause, pray.

-Unknown

Do I ever need to take this advice to heart. I am permanently on fast-forward, which leads to many klutzy moments. I fell over the weekend and ouch, I can barely use my right arm. As far as praying goes, we’re not all religious or even spiritual, but taking a deep breath and making a wish sounds peaceful. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Remaining calm...

Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

- Unknown

I’m not certain about everything happening for a reason. What does amaze me though, is how often I am completely surprised (and wrong) in life. I have been wrong about people, both to my dismay and to my pleasant surprise. I have made assumptions and later realized I was way off, due to lack of information. I have worried needlessly, only to find an outcome absolutely lovely. (i.e. meeting my sweetheart’s ex/mother of his two boys and realizing she is completely wonderful and a blessing in my life). So, I guess we just don’t know until we have that 20-20 hindsight vision. I still think it takes effort, discipline and practice to remain calm and trust that we’re going to be ok. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Allowances for human weakness...

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good times and bad. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

- Ann Landers

I wish I had understood this a long time ago. Spending time in the “wrong relationships” is a learning experience and I know we’re not supposed to have regrets, but I would have preferred more time with my one and only true love. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Hopeful?...

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

- Helen Keller (One of the most famous deaf people in history. Keller, a prolific author, was well-traveled and outspoken in her convictions. She was inducted into the Alabama Women’s Hall of Fame).

Many wise people say that we have to believe something before we’ll see it in our reality. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Power over you...

It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you. If you allow it.

- Unknown

I’ve been working on this one for a while, and I continue to be amazed at the lasting impact of past experiences and disappointments. My favourite life coach says go easy on ourselves because the body, on a cellular level, holds onto trauma. Our past traumas can be “triggered” and send our central nervous system into the past wher our body (and mind as well potentially) thinks “it” is happening all over again. So Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a real thing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl