Making friends with insecurity...

Insecurity is the worst feeling. How exactly do we become secure? Is this our parents’ job? Or do we gain confidence from our abilities, accomplishments and popularity along the way? Well, I did manage to succeed at school, at work, at extra-curiluar activities and with friends. The home life on the other hand, not so much. My parents were angry/depressed/disappointed with their not so happily-ever-after and their exhaustion and frustration with raising three children was very clear to my brother, my sister and me. I get it (given my rocky relationship track record... until now, thankfully), but as a child dependent on the situation, I can’t say I appreciated the weighty baggage I was left to dredge through for years to come (with professional help and a lot of curiosity). I have come to the realization that it is my right to feel angry/hurt/resentful/let down/disappointed/ripped off about the world war three home life I was brought into. On the other hand, my favourite therapist says we have to accept the cards we’re dealt. We have to “own” our story, reconcile the dissonance and move forward with a plan for our best success and happiness. Sure, we’re allowed to feel sorry for ourselves, but at some point we need to become the responsible adult in our lives and start making meaningful and rewarding decisions. In a nutshell, we’re supposed to have our own backs by honourinng what we’re feeling and acting accordingly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Felt with the heart...

The best and most beautiful things in the wold cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.

- Hellen Keller

Ah, the old brain vs the heart/soul/gut thing. Ever made a decision because it just felt right? I read an article about the top Fortune 500 CEO’s and how they felt they owed their succeed to gut instinct, rather than spreadsheet intelligence. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Can it be enough?...

Something just occured to me. Can “it” be enough? Can our best be good enough? Can others’ best be enough? What if we were to just keep repeating this. When we let ourselves down, we just say, “well, that was the best I was able to do in that moment... and that’s ok. I can pick it up where I left off next time and try to do better.” And how about with others? Someone doesn’t follow through and we say “well, I was expecting blank, but I guess that’s all the person was able to do at that moment... and that’s ok. Better luck next time.” I don’t know about you, but I find this idea very freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The journey...

Is filled with ups and downs. Don’t confuse the two as ever being everlasting. Get up everyday and apply yourself, be authentic, trust your instincts and know that the more you apply yourself the better you get day by day. The day you are waiting for is the day you want to give up, that is when you MUST keep going. That’s the barrier between normal and greatness.

- Jackson Kiddard

Ahhh, the old battle within. Do we do it now, or put it off until tomorrow or whenever. I don’t know. Sometimes I put things off and then I have a huge burst of energy and accomplish more than I could have imagined. I think we need to give ourselves a get out of jail card once in a while. If we’re in a full on rut, well, that’s something else. Big changes are hard to make and and may require much procrastinating, ha ha ha ;) Just as long as we don’t leave it until waaaaaaay past the end, like I did, and then the bookshelf falls on our head. Nicer if we can plan things out a bit and make the kindest transition possible (i.e. get a new job, leave a toxic relationship, set some healthy boundaries, update skills, add more water and vegetables to the diet, start saving for a better future?). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life’s many lessons...

Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion. Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome your fear. Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.

- Jackson Kiddard

When emotions overtake, I lean on one or more of my favourite lifelines and dive into; the darkness of a soulful matinee, the good kind of pain from a demanding work out, the glossy beauty of a fashion magazine, the pull of a truly classic slow song. Distractions don’t solve our problems , as some of our issues have very deep roots. Having stepped away, however, I find it easier to be forgiving of myself and others. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Imperfect and enough...

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic,vulnerable and imperfect.

- Brene Brown (Research professor University of Houston and author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers - The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness: the Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Brown’s TED talk - The Power of Vulnerability - is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views).

My favourite therapist says we have to stabilize and solidify our own adult/parent, to take over where our parents left off. If not, our “Inner Child” is left floundering, and then so are we. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Celebrate you...

When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.

- Joel Osteen (Non-denominational Christian Televangelist in Houston, Texas, whose sermons are seen by over 20 million viewers monthly in over 100 countries. Osteen has written seven New York Times Best Sellers. Your Best Life Now remained on The New York Times Best Seller list for more than 200 weeks).

My favourite therapist says that if we rely on something or someone outside of ourselves for love and stability, what do we do if/when it goes away (break up/death/job loss/friend moves away)? I have found this to be quite the work-in-progress. The “Inner Child” just loves attention and approval. Just sayin’ :) xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Precious time...

The trouble is, you think you have time.

- Buddha

I had a challenging relationship with my father over the years and spent the majority of our time fearing him and disagreeing with his philosophies and practices. He died at 59 (when I was 33) and I was blown over. I had no idea how this would affect me. I expected to feel relieved. I would no longer suffer his judgments, his disapproval, his narrow view of how I shoud live my life (i.e. be a teacher because this is a great job for a wife and mother. Never mind my personal passions and interests). As the years pass, I realize I would give anything for another crack at moving the needle on his thought processes and beliefs. To his credit, my father worked hard in his later years at establishing a new and improved relationship with his three children. I will always appreciate the special Valentine’s dinner, dancing at the big Italian wedding, Dad teaching me to play golf and him finally listening to my thoughts around his troubled relationship with my mother. So have I miraculously transformed all of my important relationships? Well, I’d like to think my work-in-progress is in good shape. I still struggle to “address” conflict in relationships. It’s not easy to deliver information that might hurt someone. My favourite therapist says we absolutely must draw good boundaries and come clean with our loved ones when we need to make meaningful requests. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To make the right choices...

To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.

- Deepak Chopra

Solitude brings us face to face with the potential “void” doesn’t it? Why do we have a void? How do we fill that void? I don’t think we tend to explore these ideas, unless forced ;) I’ve had a passion for psychology and human nature for a long time, but it wasn’t until I faced significant relationship challenges that I looked into my own limitations and fears. The exploration continues and has not been a quick, easy or inexpensive venture, so I understand the avoidance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To love...

To love is to recognize yourself in another.

- Eckhart Tolle

I often wonder why our minds so easily go to judgment and criticism. When asked why there is such suffering in the world, the Dalai Lama explains in The Art of Happiness (and I’m paraphrasing of course) that we can’t truly empathize with others until we’ve lived a similar pain. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Your future self...

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

- Unknown

That is so interesting. I often thinking about what I would tell my younger self if I could; don’t take things so personally, drop perfection as a goal, don’t make assumptions, give yourself and others greater flexibility. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Completeness...

In your neediness you repel, in your completeness you attract.

- Abraham

Ever notice those people who do whatever they want, seemingly oblivious to everyone else. There’s something comfortable about it, like we can accept them because they seem so cool, calm and at peace maybe? My favourite therapist says if we draw boundaries from the heart and soul, others will accept them easily, improving on our relationship with self and others. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Imagination...

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.

- Albert Einstein

It’s so easy to compare and critique. I wonder if this adds more stress than we realize? Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Letting go...

Gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.

- Thich Nhat Hanh (Buddhist monk, peace activist and author of more than 100 books, who gives retreats and talks internationally).

We can ruminate on things, can’t we (sibling rivalry or parental favouritism, mean gossip, mistakes we aren’t proud of, wanting more or better vacations/home/new iphone/promotion)? A lot of wise people talk about the importance of managing our thoughts, but this can be easier said than done. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Unfuckwithable...

(adj.) when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.

- Unknown

Now that sounds like true freedom. Something to strive for. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Chaos within...

The best thing you could do is MASTER the chaos in you. You are not thrown into the fire. YOU ARE THE FIRE.

- Mama Indigo (Karate Instructor, International Author, Universal Guide, who “prefers to support others in finding their own way much like a mother with her children.”)

My favourite therapist says that all of our reactions and responses are ours to manage, regardless of what others do or don’t do. We are supposed to own all of our feelings and strive for greater strength and security from within. Takes work, that’s for sure. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Personal power...

When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power.

- Unknown

Having said that, our hurts can run pretty deep, so this may be easier said than done. My favourite therapist talks a lot about our “Inner Child” and how old wounds, if left to their own devices, can run the show in a counterproductive way. The whole thing is very complex. I’ve certainly needed guidance over the years, to minimize the unwanted drama in my life and relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Negative people...

Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

- Eistein

I wonder what causes that sort of disposition? Is it genetic or a chemical thing? Just sayin’ ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Encourager...

Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.

-DaveWillis.org (Pastor and Author of The Seven Laws of Love, iVow, Marriage Minute, Soul Caffeine).

I’ve read that when we judge others, we judge ourselves at the same time, which can erode our self-esteem and emotional stability. I’ve experimented with this notion and interestingly enough, when I choose to defend and make allowances for others, I feel better about myself and about life in general. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

It’s not personal...

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.

- Unknown

Man, I sure haven’t mastered that one. We don’t think much of it when we “observe” and comment on the lives of others, but when the spotlight lands on us, not so nonchalant. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Battle within...

There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.

- Unknown

One of my brilliant coaches references “A Course in Miracles” which states that (and I’m paraphrasing) all of our issues/reactions are about us. In other words, rather than blame others for upsetting us, we are supposed to own all of our “stuff” and look for opportunities to heal and become stronger. This is not an easy concept because most of us have been victims in the past and have a right to be angry/hurt. As adults however, we’re pretty much left holding the bag on our past. We can choose to be jaded, or we can empower ourselves and do things differently moving forward. I think this takes time, patience and potentially professional help. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life experience...

As you age, you’ll learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter.

- marcandangel.com

Life experience is a powerful teacher, that’s for sure. We learn about what/whom we don’t want in our lives and what/whom we can’t live without. Decisions that support our health and well-being seem to be more obvious. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Everyone else...

Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.

- Bill Nye (“The Science Guy” - Cornell graduate, author, American science communicator/advocate and television presenter. Nye was a mechanical engineer at Boeing, where he invented the hydraulic resonance suppressor tube used on 747’s and he also helped develop sundials for the Mars Exploration rover missions)

I’ve been hugely impressed by the talent, creativity, and ideas of my colleagues, friends and family. Maybe we expect too much from ourselves. After all, there’s no way we can know everything. Just sayin ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Need less...

Once you need less, you will have more.

- Unknown

Honestly, I couldn’t relate to this in my younger days. Perhaps the silver lining in my career meltdown a few years back helped me with this one. I now enjoy not spending and instead watching my bank account grow. It’s counter-intuitive because not spending can leave us feeling hard done by. On the other hand, when the money begins to accumulate, abundance fills the air. Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Apologies...

Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong and the other person is right.
It means you value your relationship more than your ego.

- thepsychmind.com

Same idea around forgiveness, according to the experts. Calming a relationship storm and/or forgiving someone for their “limitations,” (or forgiving ourselves for certain decisions) is a healing kindness. We can be pretty hard on ourselves looking back, can’t we? Just sayin’ :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl