Crucial life skill - setting boundaries

Having boundaries means "knowing and understanding what our limits are", which is essential to healthy relationships and a healthy life.

10 ways to build and preserve better boundaries

by Margarita Tartakovsky (ref. Dr. Dana Gionta, Ph.D.)

1. Naming our limits - knowing where we stand. Acknowledging when we're feeling uncomfortable or stressed will help us identify our physical, emotional and spiritual limits.
2. Tuning into our feelings - feeling discomfort and/or resentment are cues that we've let our boundaries go. Dr Gionta recommends using a scale of 1-10, and if our feelings are a 6 or higher we should ask ourselves what is causing our reaction. Likely we're feeling taken advantage of, obligated, under-appreciated or we've over extended ourselves out of guilt or duty.
3. Being direct - especially when coming from very different personalities and/or backgrounds. An example would be to discuss how much time each person wants to spend together in order to maintain a healthy sense of self, while nurturing a close relationship.
4. Giving ourselves permission - boundaries are a sign of a healthy relationship and they are also a sign of self-respect, so giving ourselves permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them is a noble pursuit.
5. Practicing self - awareness - honing in on our feelings and honouring them. If we notice ourselves slipping and ending up resentful we can ask "What am I going to do about the situation" and "What do I have control over"?
6. Considering our past and present - were we stuck in a care-taking role growing up and needing to change our people pleasing behaviours and are our current relationships reciprocal? Are we living a balanced life or working too much, at the expense of ourselves?
7. Making self-care a priority - permission to put ourselves first and focus on what makes us happy and unhappy so that we know which boundaries to draw for our highest well-being. When we're in a better place, we may actually have more to give.
8. Seeking support - practicing with safe family members or friends, or finding a great coach or support group to work with.
9. Being assertive - following through with clear communication because others will not always know how we're feeling and that they may have hurt us ;)
10. Starting small - this all takes practice, courage and support, especially if we've been working hard at being a great son/daughter, friend etc. and we aren't used to putting ourselves first.... :) Hugs

Blessings,

Chatgirl