Positivity bully ... ?

Positivity bully - what an interesting concept. Much is written about the benefits of being positive, but no one talks about potential negatives. Recently, there are ripples around the consequences of eternal optimism (not facing and preparing for certain realities) and the fall out of dealing with eternal optimists... so what's the story?

Apparently, if we're hell bent on being positive all the time and if we go a step further and force others to stay positive, we are not allowing ourselves and others the opportunity to process and face meaningful feelings. All of the emotions have a purpose and they should not be avoided and denied. Huh! Point taken, Lol;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Not sure...

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.

- Anges De Mille

The unknown...  pleasantly surprising or something we have to rally to overcome?... t'is the question... and the anxiety... ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Amateurs...

"We're all in the remedial class when it comes to relationships"

- Anonymous

Oh yeah.... ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Inspiration

"Be inspired, be moved ... be yourself."

by James Anthony Elllis, Morning Musings

It takes courage to be ourselves at times... and to have our own backs ... but let's do it.... it builds confidence and self-respect.... :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Confidence

Three Things Confident People Don't Do

by James Bauer

1. Confident people don't play the comparison game.

There will always be someone better looking, richer, smarter, funnier, or whatever. Confident people don't compare themselves to other people as much as insecure people do.

We can get confident in our own skin by accepting who we are and appreciating ourselves as a one-of-a-kind creation;)

2. Confident people don't pay much attention to things they can't control. Letting go of things we have no control over can give an immediate sense of relief.

Confident people focus on the things they can actually influence. This results in a feeling of control. And a sense of control makes us feel more confident.

3. Confident people don't hide out in their comfort zone.

We can practice leaving our comfort zone for short periods of time. We can try new things. We can stretch ourselves. We can travel somewhere we don't know the language and when we return home everything will seem easy ;)

Stretching ourselves in different ways on a recurring basis should enhance our feeling of security because temporarily feeling out of our element should gradually expand the range of situations where we feel confident and in control.

Sounds like smart advice;)

Blessing,

Chatgirl

Relationship pitfalls: avoiding daily disappointment

Men and women... the never ending saga. Woman over communicate - men under communicate. Women over plan - men under plan.... women feel frustrated, impatient and disappointed - men feel overwhelmed, under appreciated and unable to please.... tough stuff on an ongoing basis... but there may be a solution...

Marni Kinrys suggests sitting down with schedules at an agreed upon time each week to discuss who's doing what; who's shopping, who's cooking, what social plans are on the calendar and setting aside some quality time etc... this way everyone knows up front what's happening and the guy's not nagged or in trouble and the woman is happy;) This apparently works well... everyone's happy and feeling more in the mood, wink, wink;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Humility

"Show up humble. It will save hours of meaningless debate."

by James Anthony Ellis, Morning Musings.

;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self-sabotage

We want things in life - and so!! .... we stress, we sit in anxiety, we over-think, we over-function, we can't help but attach to certain outcomes... and probably we're fearing failure, rejection, abandonment and all sorts of other things.... what to do, what to do??

Most helping professionals give similar advice....

* Do not attach to outcomes... 'cause sometimes something even better happens instead. Yay! Lol;)
* There are only two choices - Love or Fear!! .... if we go to fear, we're hooped... if we choose love, we can feel better no matter what happens.....
* If we choose to be busy with healthier options, we won't have copious amounts of time to worry and be anxious - we'll be too busy eating well, exercising, doing things we love, hanging out with people we like, accomplishing something cool.... fair point, Lol;)
* Most importantly, we're supposed to remain "open" and "ALLOW" good stuff to come our way... if we spend time worrying and thinking the worst, we're somehow, mysteriously shutting off our "supply" and things will not "flow".... looks like we really need to believe and see things like abundance and love in our lives ... and then they will mysteriously come our way;) ... don't know how, but it supposedly works!!! :) Worth a shot... hell, what have we got to lose, right??

(Ref. Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, A Course in Miracles)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

BFF's

"Sometimes your bff in life is all you got so hold on to the person forever."

- Caitlynne Crawford

Yup!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Ups and downs

"Ups and downs are to be expected in life, but that doesn't make the down parts any easier."

- Anonymous

You got that right, Lol ;)...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Trust

"Trust is given in a relationship you wish to nurture. When trust is broken - and it will be broken - you do not remove the trust but dive into the causes and lessons and new commitments resulting from that break. To swiftly take away the trust is to destroy the relationship and all that can be gained within that relationship. To take away trust within a relationship because one of the partners falters is like quitting an entire sports' season because of one loss. Now one may ask, but what if the loss or the broken trust is devastating? The deeper the pain of the break, the deeper both of the partners must go to discover the lessons, the growth and the new commitment."

by James Anthony Ellis (Morning Musings).

Nice way of looking at hurts and disappointments... and potential freedom in embracing the wisdom. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let's be us! ;)

"In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you."

-- Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker--

;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Moderation

"Everything in moderation, including moderation'
                                                                               - Anonymous

Yes, I agree, Lol;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

"Valentine's Day is a perfect time to reflect on all your horrible choices since last Valentine's Day."
Anonymous .... Lol;) ... if you're single of course.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone - single or otherwise... let's do something nice for ourselves today. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Happy Friday the 13th and pre-Valentine's Day!

May you get lucky today, Lol;)

"For any relationship to stay alive, love is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving, but because we first stopped imagining." Maybe we can take our loved one to a sanctuary we've never dreamed of going to in a thousand years. Or do an exercise in which we ask each other questions we've never broached before. Or devise and experiment in which we get to face an unfamiliar challenge together.

Compliments of Free Willy Astrology

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What a worthy relationship looks like

Quotes by marcandangel.com

1. Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy. If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.
2. Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off. It's about being with a person who makes you happy in a way that nobody else can.
3. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring - all of which have the potential to turn a life around (Ref. The 5 Love Languages.... and as a matter of fact, you know you're onto something when you don't even need to read The 5 Love Languages, because you naturally make each other happy, Lol;) Just sayin!).
4. Choose your relationships carefully. It's better to be alone than to be in bad company.
5. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
6. The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.
7. Some relationships are like glass. It's better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together.
8. Never do something permanently foolish because you are temporarily upset.
9. Silence is often the loudest cry. Pat attention to those you care about.
10. It's not so much what you say that counts, it's how you make people feel.

Words to live by for sure:) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Reducing stress - top 5 tips

It's unanimous! Here are the top 5 tips for reducing stress, according to healthcare professionals (ref. helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm)

1. Exercise regularly - physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress ...
2. Eat a healthy diet ...
3. Reduce caffeine and sugar ...
4. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs ...
5. Get enough sleep ...

We can probably do better on one or two, right? Lol;)

Blessings,

Chatgirlt

Building the perfect day

Compliments of Holly Pevzner (Psychology Today)

Apparently our natural rhythms have been gravely disrupted and we may be in need of some adjustments, given our constant exposure to devices and artificial light in general. Researchers in sleep, health, nutrition, cognition, fitness and productivity are working to identify where our modern schedules have gone wrong and how to better set ourselves up for success.

Here are some hot tips for rock star results:
1. Wake up when our body feels best prepared, naturally and preferably without an alarm (this will be different for each of us and we apparently benefit from our longest REM right before we wake up).
2. Sex in the am will give us an immediate boost in circulation and mood-elevation. The surge in oxytocin that we get from intimacy can also significantly reduce our level of the stress hormone cortisol and boost positive communication between partners.
3. Breakfast - if we eat within two hours of waking up we will fuel our brains for success (and boost our energy and mood). Although our brain is only about 2% of our body weight, it consumes up to one-fifth of our body's energy intake.
4. Get outside in the am, if possible - UV light is at it's lowest, we'll be set on a good course for wakefulness and this should reduce our urge to eat throughout the day. Exercise provides cognitive benefits and fosters restful sleep as well.
5. Morning emails - are more likely to be read;)
6. Morning coffee - drinking coffee too early can lead to an increase in cortisol, the stress hormone, and interfere with our natural rhythms (good luck with this one, Lol;) !!
7. Mid-to-late morning is the best time to tackle mentally taxing activities because we'll be better able to focus and screen out irrelevant information.
8. Break time - those who take breaks are more productive, hands down.
9. Lunch - fuels the brain for maximum efficiency and productivity!
10. Naps clear the brain's short-term memory storage, making room for new data.
11. Healthy afternoon food break - boosts metabolism and improves alertness
12. Dinner - not too late, for best digestion and sleep
13. Hot bath - elevation and then drop in body temperature promotes a great sleep
14. Devices - shut down 2 hours before sleep
15. Sleep! - only 47% of us meet our minimum sleep requirement during the workweek. We could try going to be earlier and read, which is the ultimate for relaxing the mind and body for a great sleep.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Silver linings...

11 Things I Learned From Being Cheated On

by Garrett Paknis, mindbodygreen.com

1. Nothing is ever personal (even when it is) - people cheat for a number of reasons. Cheaters and liars in general, are often lost within their own kingdom of pain and we have to recognize it's not us, it's them.
2. Misery loves misery (and love loves love) - how can someone treat us with the respect and honesty we deserve when they can't take an honest look in the mirror. An infidelity can be a blessing because it alerts us to the fact that we need to seek a relationship that we deserve, not one that reinforces our insecurities.
3. Self-worth can never be taken away - we have to understand our personal worth and respect ourselves first and foremost... which is a huge gift.
4. Honesty really is the best policy - the truth holds our power to access happiness and strength.
5. Prioritize protection - be safe!
6. Nothing is worth avoiding - when something feels off, we shouldn't be shy to search for what is causing the discomfort. We can ask ourselves what we want, how we feel and be true to ourselves.
7. Forgive - even when we don't think someone who hurt us "deserves" to be forgiven, holding resentment only hurts us at the end of the day.
8. Always accept apologies - this allows room for closure.
9. Things fall apart for other things to be created :)
10. The most important relationship in your lives isn't what we think - no one will ever complete us. The only way we can feel complete is by honouring ourselves and building a new romantic relationship on strength rather than codependency.
11. Pain can actually make us happier in the end - strength is a form of resilience and something we gain from undergoing pain. We can let our struggles guide us to greater discovery within. When we approach our darkest moments, we allow ourselves to heal from what isn't meant for us. We are the person who needs to meet our needs and if we have a solid foundation in who we are, we will always be able to weather any storm. Feeling safe comes from standing on our own two feet.

Well said! ;) ... and definitely the positive side of a break up, if we let it be..... Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fun!!

When we can let our hair down, laugh from that deep, deep place and shed the stress of everyday life...  it really is all worthwhile... am I right, ;) Lol... and SO! chasing fun is the best of all goals...  a vacation, a night out with the pals, a new toy, whatever... ;) Just sayin....

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The importance of taking vacations

Apparently there is a trend of us not taking vacation time these days- 7 million Americans took vacation in July 1976 vs 5 million in 2014 and Americans are leaving 9.2 days of vacation unused each year. We're hesitant to take time off because we're not super enthusiastic about coming back to the pile up of work waiting for us. In most cases, there simply no one else who can do our job while we're away.... however, the benefits are supposed to far out weigh the annoyance and stress of what we come home to...

7 Benefits of Taking Vacation Time (ref. national.deseretnews.com)

1. Better physical health - stress takes a physical toll on our health and a vacation every two years vs every six years will lessen the risk of coronary heart disease or heart attacks, the Times reported.
2. More productivity - holidays allow us to restore and recover energy. We're apparently supposed to pulse between spending energy and recovering energy, but most of us are expending energy on a far too continuous basis.
3. Closer family and friendship relationships - vacations promote relationship bonding. Being away from the everyday pressures of school, work, finances etc. promotes positive ties and feelings of positivity well-being.
4. Newer perspectives - holidays allow for a new outlook and feedback from removed sources, CNN reports because we step away from our daily problems and stresses and we meet new and different people.
5. Increased mental power - our brains don't have as much of a reserve pool as we may think and vacations help to reset our minds.
6. Lower chance of burn out - holidays prevent us from letting the fire inside of us die out. We need a break from the typical pressures and disappointments of potentially showing signs of burnout at work and we tend to be more creative and productive as a result.
7. Improved mental health - feelings of calm arise and relieve stress, which allow the body and mind to heal in ways that would not happen otherwise.

So! Hawaii here we come, Lol;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Our deepest truths ...

"First connect with the truth that resides deeply within you, and then you will find it much easier to connect with all those you meet." (James Anthony Ellis, Morning Musings)

Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men comes to mind - "You can't handle the truth!"... Not easy to accept and face some of our deepest truths... 'cause then I guess we'd have to act on them ... make some tough decisions and potentially scary changes... might be better than denial, numbing out, turning to "stuff" or sleep walking through life though;) The other side of a shit tunnel can be pretty spectacular. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Knowing what to expect

"What can you expect from a hog but a grunt?"

... in other words, we can't expect people to behave in a way that is not in their character - a 'hog' is a pig, so an unrefined person can't be expected to behave in a refined way ...  (Axiom from usingenglish.com).

'Nuff said, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"The Upside of Feeling Down"

Compliments of Matthew Hutson (Psychology Today)

"We have the wrong idea about emotions. They're very rational; they are tools carved by eons of human experience to direct us where we need to go."

Though happiness tends to be our ultimate goal in life, Hutson contends that negative emotions do us a great favour, often urging us to make necessary changes. Each emotion has a specific job to do and a certain reaction in our body - sweating, laughing, desiring revenge, becoming optimistic, summoning specific memories etc.. Apparently, "negative" emotions are crucial to our existence and crucial to feeling good.

* Anger - protects us from being exploited and can get us what we want. Swallowing our anger can actually lead to depression and health problems. Anger often motivates us to action, by boosting our confidence, optimism and risk-taking tendencies. Anger signals to others that we have the strength of resources and resolve, which may allow us to be perceived as higher status, more empowered and credible. Anger on a grander scale can fuel social progress.

* Shame and embarrassment - often lead to vulnerability and humility, enabling us to live side by side, with greater trust in one another.

* Envy - emulating someone we envy can spur us on to greater persistence and performance, which can often leads to success.

* Fear - can stimulate vivid pictures of what's about to go wrong and prepare us for pending difficulty, as our focus narrows and our senses perk up.

* Anxiety -  can let us know when we're not being true to ourselves and how our actions are not aligned with our deepest values.

* Regret and disappointment - allow us to ponder alternate realities and causality. Mistakes are excellent learning opportunities, as our emotions can add regret to injury. Apparently, the greater the regret, the more memorable and effective our changes will be.

* Confusion, frustration and boredom - can make us more productive and determined because we are forced to be more methodical and abstract in our thinking and problem solving.

* Sadness and grief - signal that restoration is needed and motivate change, with a drive to create something positive. Sadness can make us more rational and less gullible, with more concrete thinking and greater sensitivity. Accepting sadness can actually lower depression. Sadness also signals to others that we may need help.

In summary, all of the emotions allow us the full range of human experience. "While you never look for grief, "says Barbara Perry, "it's one of the hugest growing experiences you'll ever have. It deepens you as a human being."

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Crucial life skill - setting boundaries

Having boundaries means "knowing and understanding what our limits are", which is essential to healthy relationships and a healthy life.

10 ways to build and preserve better boundaries

by Margarita Tartakovsky (ref. Dr. Dana Gionta, Ph.D.)

1. Naming our limits - knowing where we stand. Acknowledging when we're feeling uncomfortable or stressed will help us identify our physical, emotional and spiritual limits.
2. Tuning into our feelings - feeling discomfort and/or resentment are cues that we've let our boundaries go. Dr Gionta recommends using a scale of 1-10, and if our feelings are a 6 or higher we should ask ourselves what is causing our reaction. Likely we're feeling taken advantage of, obligated, under-appreciated or we've over extended ourselves out of guilt or duty.
3. Being direct - especially when coming from very different personalities and/or backgrounds. An example would be to discuss how much time each person wants to spend together in order to maintain a healthy sense of self, while nurturing a close relationship.
4. Giving ourselves permission - boundaries are a sign of a healthy relationship and they are also a sign of self-respect, so giving ourselves permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them is a noble pursuit.
5. Practicing self - awareness - honing in on our feelings and honouring them. If we notice ourselves slipping and ending up resentful we can ask "What am I going to do about the situation" and "What do I have control over"?
6. Considering our past and present - were we stuck in a care-taking role growing up and needing to change our people pleasing behaviours and are our current relationships reciprocal? Are we living a balanced life or working too much, at the expense of ourselves?
7. Making self-care a priority - permission to put ourselves first and focus on what makes us happy and unhappy so that we know which boundaries to draw for our highest well-being. When we're in a better place, we may actually have more to give.
8. Seeking support - practicing with safe family members or friends, or finding a great coach or support group to work with.
9. Being assertive - following through with clear communication because others will not always know how we're feeling and that they may have hurt us ;)
10. Starting small - this all takes practice, courage and support, especially if we've been working hard at being a great son/daughter, friend etc. and we aren't used to putting ourselves first.... :) Hugs

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"The God of Your own Understanding" ... for thought

"The God of Your Own Understanding"  Compliments of Sean Corne (Yogi)

When life has us on our knees ... when we're in a state of hopelessness ... we've grasped for relief and found none... maybe there's room for God, even for the nonspiritual, or nonreligious...

Many helping professions, (maybe all?), insist on finding something greater than ourselves in order to heal and cope with life. This doesn't go over well with lapsed Catholics and the like because many of us rejected the guilting and limiting philosophies early in life. Alternatively, many of us have found some brand of spirituality, which allows for broader definitions and notions of God ... guiding us back to ourselves, with an awareness that all we can control in life is our thoughts and actions. Some newer notions of God are ... God is everything and everyone... most simply expressed by some ... God is love.

(Taken from thistimetisspace.com)

We can be strong and tend to our armour. We can resist needing someone or something... but maybe an experiment in not being strong and allowing for new notions could be enriching. Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The best of us

"You surrender to a lot of things which are not worthy of you. I wish you would surrender to your radiance... your integrity... your beautiful human grace."

Yogi Bhajan

The beauty of human nature is definitely preferable to the dark ....

Blessings,

Chatgirl