Setting intentions (Miraculous!)...

Thank you to one of my genius coaches, I learned how to set intentions. When I was in a particularly difficult job (a lot of micro-managing, very dictatorial etc) and finding the single scene dreary, my coach said “You’ve got to set your intentions. And be very specific in writing out how you want to feel, what you want your day-to-day to look like.” I took her advice for both career and love and I must say it worked like a charm. Within a year I found my dream job and the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Attitude is everything...

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.

— Lou Holtz (Former American College Football Hall of Famer, coach, and analyst. Holtz was also awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws from the University of Notre Dame, an honorary Doctor of Education from the University of South Carolina, an honorary Doctor of Public Service from Trine University and an honorary Doctorate in Communications from Franciscan University of Steubenville).

One of my trusted coaches says that we have a bigger role to play in our lives than we may realize. She says that if we’re willing to own everything that happens to us, then we have an opportunity to attract more of what we desire. She says if we avoid taking responsibility, we risk sitting in victim mode and therefore having much less control over our future. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Go within...

I know first-hand that taking yourself apart in an unflinchingly responsible and honest way to see where the real barriers lay to your experience of true and lasting intimacy can be difficult and painful. Yet there is only one alternative, and that, over time, proves to be more difficult and painful. It is to blame the other person; project the cause of all the frustrations and breakdowns of the relationship onto them; see yourself as their victim until you’ve had all that you can take; leave them; then begin the pattern all over again with someone new. Could a more foolproof formula exist for lifelong loneliness, alienation, confusion and dismay? I think not. When it comes to explaining the real cause of relationship breakdown this double-entendre maxim holds true: “If you don’t go within, you go without.”

— Joel Brass (Author, Individual, Relationship and Family Therapist and Seminar Leader)

I think he’s saying we’re either part of the solution or we’re part of the problem. I’ve learned a lot from Joel about taking responsibility for my end in things and building bridges in my relationships.  The results are pretty miraculous. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

“Ten toes in the circle?”...

Sometimes we give love to the wrong person, and we sit there and wonder, ‘how could I have given love to that person? They don’t even deserve it,’ or ‘what a waste of time.’ But the things is, you shouldn’t think about it that way. You should think of the fact that you were able to give love, because if you are able to give love, that means you have it inside of you. It’s this same thing with kindness, with honesty, with your ability to care about people. Don’t focus on the way that people abuse that. Focus on the fact that you have it within you, and that it makes you who you are. It makes you a beautiful person, a beautiful human being.

— Najwa Zebian

My favourite therapist says a committed, intimate, monogamous relationship is when both people have “ten toes in the circle,” meaning both people are fully engaged in the relationship. If there are any “I love you, but’s” then the commitment is not sound. If one person has less than ten toes in the circle, the commitment is not solid. If someone has more than ten toes in the circle, this is not sound either. Both people have to be committed for a relationship to have a chance at success. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When going through tough times...

8 Things To Remember When Going Through Tough Times:

1. Everything can - and will - change.
2. You’ve overcome challenges before.
3. It’s a learning experience.
4. Not getting what you want can be a blessing.
5. Allow yourself to have some fun.
6. Being kind to yourself is the best medicine.
7. Other people’s negativity isn’t worth worrying about.
8. And there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says, most importantly, we need to feel what we’re feeling in the moment, determine what it means and take action on our own behalf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Serotonin and our mood...

70% of your serotonin is made in your gut. What’s going on in your gut is going to affect your mood — anxiety, depression, and focus.

— Dr Frank Lipman

Apparently, more operating instructions reach the brain from the gut, than the other way around. The gut contains the vast majority of our body’s serotonin and therefore has an a big impact on our mental wellbeing. According to many sources, taking steps to manage stress, exercise, eat a healthy/plant-filled diet will help us build a healthier, more resilient mind and body. We can also consider a probiotic, to maintain the healthy bacteria in our gut. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What went wrong...

There comes a time to stop trying to make things right with people that won’t own their part in what went wrong.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist talks a lot about owning our own stuff. What are we like to be in a relationship with? He says if he asks five of our closest loved ones what it’s like to be in a relationship with us, what would they say... and they’re allowed to be right. It’s an enlightening exercise. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl