You glow differently when you…

• Seek your own validation
• Get in touch with self-awareness
• Listen to your emotions
• Take those brave steps to heal
• Do more of the things that make you feel alive

— @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e

I would say that about sums up the advice I’ve received from my mental health guides. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Ignoring red flags…

Ignoring the red flags because you wanna see the good in people 

will cost you later.

— Unknown

Well, I used to be the poster child of wanting the see the best in people. It seems so silly in hindsight because my relationship deal breakers are ridiculously obvious to me now. For example, my second significant partner of six years was chronically late, to the tune of like 45 minutes pretty much every time, so you’re racing to make flights and missing the beginning of the movie. I’m chronically a bit early, because I hate to stress, so this is a big disconnect. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Needed someone to take care of you?…

You like taking care of people 

because it heals the part of you that needed someone to take care of you.

— Bianca Sparacino

I’ve worked with numerous coaches now (traditional therapy, group therapy workshops, energy work, life coaching, EMDR, spiritual coaching/A Course in Miracles), and the predominant message has been to take ownership of one’s own healing and self-care. What does that look like? Well, for me, it was years of intensive therapy, along with weekend workshops that taught exceptional communication/relationship skills. Probably the most impactful new skill I learned was inviting discussion around discomfort and tension. This allows each person to share their experience and perhaps make a request, which is very non-threatening and facilitates greater understanding and compassion. Admittedly, it’s a work in progress, as I continue to struggle with certain people and scenario’s (anger, predominantly). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Being coachable and accountable…

One of the biggest paradigm shifts in my life was learning to be a full fledged adult, by being accountable for the state of my life and my choices. My spiritual/life coach (following “A Course In Miracles”) initially allowed me to carry on for quite some time about family challenges, and then she said “and you know that all of this is your stuff, right?” Mic drop. She explained that although I had been victimized in the past, it’s on me to create the life I want now. Ok. Got it. After the initial shock, I began to understand “victim mode” and how this can keep one trapped in the past, and in a somewhat helpless state. I’ve never looked back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Maybe you overthink so much because…

* You didn’t grow up in a safe environment

* You took on adult duties way too early in life

* You were harshly judged for making mistakes

* You had to figure out everything on your own

* You were made to feel you aren’t good enough

— Unknown 

According to my favourite therapist (from his 40+ years of experience with individual and family therapy), most of us grew up feeling loved a maximum of like 4 - 6 times out of 10. In other words, even the best of parents aren’t able to meet a child’s needs much of the time. This is a surprising insight, and makes you feel a bit better about your upbringing if you suffered abuse (sniff, sniff). What I find sad is the negative impact these early experiences can have on our primary relationships. If great relationship skills were not modelled at home, where does one learn how to have healthy, intimate connections. Thankfully, my path led to intensive therapy, life coaching, energy work and relationship workshops. I can’t recommend this extra education enough. It’ll change your life in every way possible. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hard Truths About Life…

* Everybody hurts. No one goes through this life without some kind of struggle. We are here to learn and grow, and a lot of that happens through struggle.

 * No one cares!! Whether you create the life you want or not, no one gives a shit. You have to do what you need to do for you.

* Life is not fair. You have to love yourself, and not dwell and get stuck on that. Find a way to make your circumstances work for you. Or work hard to create better circumstances.

* Everyone ages, but not everyone matures. 

* Some of our greatest lessons and best teachers are 1) failures 2) heartaches

* We pay the price for the things we don’t do to take good care of ourselves. Everything catches up with us (Not taking care of our health, not saving more money, neglecting our loved ones etc).

* No one is coming to save you. You either work to create what you want for your life, or chances are you won’t get it.

— Maria Consiglio 

I really like the line about not everyone maturing, Lol. What stands out most is the line about working hard to create better circumstances. I come from humble beginnings, and a volatile, (downright scary actually) environment. The silver lining was that I created the intention to achieve a much better life for myself. I just knew that it was possible to work hard and achieve a comfortable lifestyle financially, and I also knew that it was possible to create a loving, caring and collaborative relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Power is controlling yourself…

Power is not controlling other people. Power is controlling yourself. Trying to control other people is the first sign that you are entirely out of control. Controlling others is what weak people think power looks like. 

— Unknown 

My fetal sugar syndrome comes to mind, Lol. I joke, but I kinda think there’s some truth to this. I’ve had an on again, off again relationship with sugar my entire life. I sort of blame my mother for this, because she admitted to having two chocolate bars and a pot of tea every single day, her entire pregnancy with me. Not the best diet for a growing fetus, Lol. Fortunately, my Italian father was an uber healthy guy, with a vegetable garden for a back yard (in lieu of a pool, which sucked for us kids), and ate a pretty strict Mediterranean diet. If we were with Dad and we wanted a snack, he’d stop at the corner store and tell us to pick a piece of fruit. We thought it was pretty yummy actually. If we were with Mom, we had McDonalds and chocolate bars. Anyhoo, as a grown adult, I know it’s on me to manage my health, so I keep an eye on the old sugar intake. I feel quite fortunate (and thank Dad for those Mediterranean jeans) that I have the will power to kick the sugar habit when I need to. At one point I avoided sugar for almost four years. At the moment, I allow cheat days and if/when it gets out of hand, I go cold turkey for a while again. Seems to be working pretty well. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl