1. Cool down - grasp onto a cold glass, melt an ice cube in your mouth, take off a layer of clothing, move closer to the AC or take a bathroom break and splash cold water on your face. (Scientifically speaking, this activates the mammalian diving reflex and kicks in your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation).
2. Ground yourself - clench and release your fists, dig your heels into the floor, relax your hips into the corners of your chair, concentrate on the eye color of the person you’re speaking to. (Paying attention to concrete observable sensations and objects around you channels your attention toward what you can control vs the chatter in your head).
3. Breathe like a Navy SEAL - they use Box breathing, or four-square breathing - breath in four four seconds, hold the air in your lungs for 4 seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold your breath with lungs emptied for four seconds. This allows one to remain alert, focused and calm.
4. Buy time - empathize and validate the other person’s view, then pose a question to get more information. Some examples are; “What I’m hearing is that you’re unhappy with the results” or “What else is factoring into your response” Or “What is your sense of the situation”. Asking questions allows space and time to process the emotional reaction.
Fighting strong emotions doesn’t work. Instead, embrace the feelings and manage them using these simple strategies.
— paraphrased from How to Control Your Emotions in the Moment When You’re at Work, by Melody Wilding (Best Selling Author, Award-Winning Executive Coach to Sensitive Strivers, Workplace Mental Health Keynote Speaker, Professor of Human Behaviour)
I didn’t know about relationship between cold and mammalian response. I’ll definitely try that. I also like the idea of focusing on a question. That feels very collaborative, engaged and helpful, particularly in a work setting. Now, to remember to utilize these tips and tricks in the moment. I have an important, yearly meeting coming up, that tends to unearth competing interests. This will be a great opportunity to put this learning to the test. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
