Positivity Challenge (with a twist?) ...

When a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive ones. 

Train yourself to flip the script!

— Unknown

My favourite therapist says that we should honour, and give voice to our thoughts/worries/fears, whatever they may be. The big negativity probably comes from Ego and once we air those grievances with ourselves (on paper, in our mind, with a friend or professional), the charge should at least quiet down. In my experience, management of our more persistent grievances may require professional guidance. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Coping with stress...

During times of high-stakes uncertainty, it’s normal to stress about potential threats and negative outcomes, and it can be tougher to resist anxious thoughts given that the coronavirus has disrupted the usual ways we comfort ourselves. But getting lost in worries is emotionally depleting, and it interferes with moving forward. That’s why it’s worth improving how you handle this pesky mental habit. Many of us worry because we feel that it helps us plan. It’s tempting to keep unsettling issues top of mind — the same way we review our to-dos — to prepare. “Our minds will try to solve a problem, even if it’s a problem that can’t be solved by us,” said Lizabeth Roemer, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Boston, and an author of  “Worry Less, Live More: The Mindful Way through Anxiety Workbook.” ...What helps is being present, even if that means sitting with uncertainty, sadness, and, yes, a certain amount of worry — approached intentionally. Here are some of my favourite evidence-based strategies to finding clarity when your worries feel overwhelming.

Accept your worries (observe without judging)

Free yourself from mental multitasking (try carving out time to focus on the worrisome thoughts, as stimulus control)

Make a worry appointment (20 - 30 minutes tops. Maybe split in half, if more than one big issue. Consider journaling about the anxieties/fears)  

— Jenny Taitz, Psychologist (From the article How to Worry More Mindfully, The New York Times) 

One sentence strikes me in particular... that Covid has disrupted the usual ways we comfort ourselves. So not only are we potentially struggling with job insecurity, finances, tight quarters at home, we’re also having to do without many of the things that bring us joy and pleasure. We are SOOOO entitled to be at less than our best right now. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Energies...

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

— Ghandi

I don’t know about you, but I’m super sensitive to my environment, including other people’s energy/emotions. I find I need to protect my own energy with sufficient downtime, where I can decompress and rejuvenate. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs, XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Positivity Pledge...

I shall no longer allow negative thoughts or feelings to drain me of my energy. Instead I shall focus on all the good that is in my life. I will think it, feel it and speak it. By doing so I will send out vibes of positive energy into the world and I shall be grateful for all the wonderful things it will attract into my life.

— Unknown

I do find that focusing on positive energy can bring sweet results! Having said that, my favourite therapist highlights underlying and unresolved issues that may, at times, prevent us from managing our “negative” emotions. He says if we strive to unload some of our baggage, we’ll likely find more space for positivity. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“What matters most”...

One of the greatest paradoxes in American life is that while, on average, existence has gotten more comfortable over time, happiness has fallen... There’s nothing new about the idea that consumption doesn’t lead to happiness—that concept is a mainstay of just about every religion and many philosophical traditions as well... A group of my colleagues at Harvard show in their research that to get happier as we prosper, we need to change the choices we make with our financial resources. In an extensive review of the literature, they analyze the happiness benefits of at least four uses of income: buying consumer items, buying time to pay for help (by, say, hiring people to do tasks you don’t enjoy), buying accompanied experiences (for example, going on vacation with a loved one), and donating charitably or giving to friends and family. The evidence is clear that, although people tend toward the first, much greater happiness comes from the other three... subjects who reported having the happiest lives were those with strong family ties, close friendships, and rich romantic lives. The subjects who were most depressed and lonely late in life—not to mention more likely to be suffering from dementia, alcoholism, or other health problems—were the ones who had neglected their close relationships.

— Arthur Brooks (from the Atlantic article Are We Trading Our Happiness for Modern Comforts?)

I think I learned this most valuable lesson out of necessity. I survived the financial crash of 2008, just barely. I was a paycheque away from moving in with my Mum or sister. Jobs were scarce and the ones I could find were paying half of what I was used to. I had not choice but to stop spending for about three years. Quite the deal. Funny thing is, it kinda stuck. Many, many years later I still tend to not spend. I also think carefully about my purchases. Actually, even more importantly, I don’t even really think about shopping anymore. I still like to consignment shop, but I tend to sell/buy and end up mostly level. I spend more time on writing, thinking/daydreaming, reading, exercise, visiting with animals, communing with my sweetheart/friends/family/the locals at my coffee shop. I would say I work more, but in a different way. I focus on being of service to colleagues and customers. It feels good and there’s nothing missing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Drawing healthy boundaries...

Toxic people make you feel like you’re holding a grudge.

No, dude, That’s a boundary.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist talks a lot about boundaries. He says if we’ve grown up without boundaries or with our boundaries being disrespected/crossed, we’re probably not even aware of the issue. But we are well within our rights to take care of ourselves, which means saying no sometimes, and maybe making requests for different behaviour. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, XO.

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Relaxing is a responsibility”...

For some of us, 2020 has removed what little boundaries remained between our professional and personal life. Which is code for having less personal life than we use to have. For some people, it’s Zoom, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. We look at our Fitbit at the end of the day and it reads 300 steps. Literally. We feel guilty if we’re aren’t being productive on email, in meetings, researching something online. Even if we take a bath to relax, we sneakily bring out phones with us so not much has actually changed. To kill it (without being killed by our current work environment) we need to make this our new mantra: Relaxing is a responsibility.

— Greg McKeown (New York Times bestseller of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. McKeown is one of the most popular bloggers for the Harvard Business Review. He is an accomplished speaker who has spoken at companies including Apple, Facebook, Google, LinkedIn, Pixar, Salesforce.com, Twitter, Stanford University and the World Economic Forum. He speaks about innovation, focus, leadership, discipline, simplicity, execution, and of course living and leading as an Essentialist). 

I don’t know about you, but this article/notion really resonates with me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl