Learn to say: that’s on you. Your behaviour is on you. The way you move is on you. The choices you make are all on you. The way you live it’s all on you. Stop absorbing the pain of other people, recognize what belongs to you and what doesn’t.
— @herincrediblemindset
I grew up in a very combustible environment, and it took me a really long time to realize that, as an adult, I have a choice. And, finally, I say no to drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
No matter what life throws your way, no matter how unfair it may seem, refuse to play the victim. Refuse to be ruled by fear, pessimism, and negativity. Refuse to quit.
Be a warrior and work through whatever life throws your way with courage, love, and positivity. And continually push forward.
Because you are a survivor of the unfairness of life. You are stronger than you think. And you are capable of achieving far more than you believe.
— Zerodean.com
Well, I’ve certainly been put in a position to see what I’m made of. I was out of work for a few years around the 2008 financial crisis, and this led to a lengthy spending freeze. It was a painful and stressful time, but I did learn how to manage and grow my funds. I never imagined the freedom this would bring to my life. I used to buy nice things because I felt I could afford to, and I didn’t want to feel hard done by (as I did in my lower-middle class upbringing). I just never imagined that proverbial rainy day could happen to me. Jobs in my field have always been plentiful and, in fact, I was accustomed to being head hunted. That all stopped in 2008. I wouldn’t want to go through something like that again, but I know I’m safe financially, and I know I have the survival skills to navigate curve balls. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Nervous systems heal in slowness. If you are putting the same pressures on yourself to heal that you put on yourself in your dysregulated life, your nervous system will remain dysregulated. Softness and safety cannot be present where there is urgency and pressure.
— Unknown
I’ve been working with a Craniosacral/Body Talk/Osteopath practitioner for many years now. I pursued this type of health care out of desperation. Nothing seemed to help with my painful and uncomfortable stomach aches/digestive issues (gastroenterologist, allergy testing, elimination diet, naturopathics, digestive enzymes, acupuncture, you name it). I’ve since learned the extent to which stress and anxiety land on the physical body, causing tightness and a variety of issues. Regular Craniosacral/Body Talk/Osteopathic sessions have been a game changer in minimizing my stomach aches, and reducing my stress level. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Uncomfortable truths we all need to accept
Did you know you can’t have thoughts while humming?
When you hum, you are creating space between your thoughts and your nervous system.
This can help you regulate to feel less anxious and overwhelmed.
— Unknown
That’s so cool. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
* Infants are naturally narcissistic, but hopefully we grow out of it.
* Psychoanalytic perspectives suggest that adult narcissists are stuck in an early developmental stage.
* Narcissistic rage and love bombing are manifestations of a distorted view of the outside world.
Children are entitled little narcissists form a psychoanalytic perspective: They have a distorted view of reality that puts them at the center of their world, and all things circle back to them. From this view, an adult with narcissism is stuck in these early states of development, derailed by, for example abuse or overindulgence. When narcissism is extreme, psychosis can result because it is a complete break from objective reality in the outer world.
With a narcissist, the other shoe will drop. When you make them feel bad by, for example, giving them feedback on their other narcissistic behaviour (vanity, craving attention from other men/women, inflated self-image), you will become the worst person in the world. The loving mask will drop, and you will see rage, fear, or some combination of the two. There is no reasoning with someone when they are in this state. They can also be dangerous.
From a psychoanalytic perspective, then, the love bomb and the narcissistic rage are manifestations of the same distortion of the outer world, where feelings have been projected into facts. That is, they do not have a firm grasp of objective reality.
— Excerpt from “Is Narcissism at the Border of Sanity and Insanity”, Psychology Today, Posted August 16th 2024
Narcissism has become a worldwide phenomenon, spanning all cultures and age groups, with numerous factors playing a role; social-cultural (personal rights and independence are valued above the collective), the self-esteem movement (created a me generation), social media (self-promotion, attention getting), parenting styles (either too neglectful, or excessive doting), image obsessed culture (celebrities, plastic surgery), economic prosperity (material indulgences, lavish living standards), according to Karwant Khush, Ph.D (Excerpt from “Why it There a Rise in Narcissism.”).
Very interesting stuff. I certainly see narcissistic tendencies in a few people around me, with adult tantrums and a complete inability to have reasonable, rational discussions. It’s helpful to know that this is a societal trend. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The best thing a therapist ever told me is “you’re not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you’re using it all to survive.” I know someone else needs to hear that too.
— Unknown
The biggest thing I learned in intensive therapy is that unresolved trauma consumes a lot of present day energy. The more work I’ve done, the more energy I’ve reclaimed. And the greater my capacity for relationships and overall satisfaction in life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I like people who understand. The type who aren’t quick to judge. You can vent to them, and labeling you will be the last thing on their mind. They don’t believe rumours because they know there are two sides to every story. They give you a chance, before they judge you. They get to know who you really are, then have an opinion. I like those type of people. Real people.
— Unknown
I remember learning that when we cut others slack, we cut ourselves slack as well. It feels kind and nurturing actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
— Brene Brown
I’m sure this is why group therapy is so comforting and effective. You know you’re not alone in your struggles. In fact, after sitting in 21 weekend group therapy sessions, I observed common threads (sexual abuse a leading cause of trauma, parental neglect, overly stringent parenting, sibling rivalries, various relationship issues which typically stem from early childhood trauma). Bonding with fellow participants remains one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
After a while, you realize “this isn’t what I want to keep going through”, and you just stop.
— Unknown
For me, that hard stop was in relationships. I didn’t want to go through another break up. Period. I took the better part of a year off dating, went back to intensive therapy, plus relationship workshops, life coaching, energy work and I also read a ton of great books. I made a commitment to myself and the kind of life I want to live, and then I identified what kind of partner would fit into that vision. I met the love of my life shortly thereafter. He had gone through a similar experience and basically had the same list I did. Meant to be, right? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Your home is an extension of your energy field.
This is why practices like cleaning your home, rearranging furniture, organizing your closet and getting rid of objects that are cluttering your space can have a profound impact on your mind, body, and spirit.
— Maryam Hansaa (Priestess, Energy Worker, Medicine Woman, trainer and mentor for those with the trait of high sensitivity)
Well, that explains my touch of OCD/neat freak tendencies, Lol ;) In all seriousness, I’ve been tagged an empathic, “high sensitivity” individual. Needless to say cleaning and purging are cathartic. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
But, once you start healing past traumas and your body comes out of “fight or flight” mode your body will crave a lot of rest and, silence.
Your body finally starts to feel safe in the peace + quiet. The calm.
You aren’t lazy. Your body is just catching up on all the years it didn’t have this stillness.
You. Deserve. This.
— Unknown
Ah, that explains it. As I’ve gotten older, and the more work I’ve done, the more content I am alone. I love my partner, I love my friends, I even love my colleagues and customers at work, but nothing beats my personal time. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
A theory that changed my life
We spend so much time and energy trying to control other people and get emotionally affected trying to decipher their behaviours, failing to realize we have no control over them. We were not put on this earth to control other people’s actions. It’s not your job to analyze people’s behaviours and jump into conclusions about why they’re doing what they’re doing. The truth is, you’ll never truly know. This is where the “let them theory” comes in. A situationship dosen’t wanna commit? Let them. Someone is excluding you? Let them. Not only is this so emotionally freeing, but it also allows people to show their true colours, and that is invaluable. You are then able to make better choices about the people you want to keep in your life.
— Unknown
I wish I could enlighten my younger self. I spent waaaaay too much time on “situationships”, thinking the situation would evolve. In fact, I married the most painful and glaring come-here-go-away scenario. We lasted less than three years. On a positive note, we went to intensive therapy together, which allowed us to understand ourselves better, recognize the irreconcilable differences, and part amicably. I needed to get to a place of preferring to be alone, rather than spend time in a mismatched relationship. And thank God I did, because in my solitude I was able to make a comprehensive list of my must have’s, can’t do without’s, deal breakers, etc. I met my perfect match and love of my life in less than a year. Nine years later, we know how fortunate we are to have learned how to pick the right partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Self confidence is a super power.
Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.
— Unknown
Well first off, they say half the battle is just showing up. For me, my self confidence has come from trial and error, failure, being willing to fail again and learn from it, finding some success finally, and knowing I am capable of figuring things out. I actually think the super power is perseverance. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
If you thank your mind, it will relax.
If you thank your heart, it will open.
If you thank your past, it will integrate.
If you thank your symptoms, they will heal. If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.
If you thank your life, it will transform.
If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.
— Matt Kahn (Author, spiritual teacher, healer and speaker, with 22 million YouTube channel views. Kahn is known for his highly acclaimed books, such as Whatever Arises, Love That and Everything is Here to Help You).
I’ve been experimenting with this approach for some pesky physical ailments and for the more persistent past hurts (that I’ve been working on forever and ever. My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy and we need to accept them). I’ll let you know how I make out. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
