12 Laws of Karma…

The Great Law

Whatever we put into the Universe will come back to us

The Law of Creation

Life does not happen by itself. We need to make it happen

The Law of Humility

One must accept something in order to change it

The Law of Growth

When we change ourselves our lives change too

The Law of Responsibility

We must take responsibility for what is in our lives

The Law of Connection

The past, present and future are all connected

The Law of Focus

We cannot think of two different things at the same time

The Law of Giving and Hospitality

Our behaviour should match our thoughts and actions

The Law of Here and Now

We cannot be present if we are looking backward

The Law of Change

History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path

The Law of Patience and Reward

The most valuable rewards require persistence

The Law of Significance and Inspiration

Rewards are a result of the energy and effort we put into it

— Unknown 

Two stand out for me: 1) history repeating itself until we learn from it and change our path (I kept choosing attentive, but in the end controlling, partners, similar to my father) 2) the most valuable rewards requiring persistence (I’ve been pursuing entrepreneurial endeavours for a really long time, and I’ll keep going!). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Growth requires us to leave something behind…

A gentle reminder:

Growth requires us to leave something behind. It can be our habits, beliefs, careers, mindset and even people. And this is why making space for grief in the midst of growth is important. 

You will mourn your former life to make space for a newer you.

— Unknown 

This is comforting to read. I set out to improve my relationships and save my marriage. But I didn’t bank on losing/mourning some long standing friendships (and even family). The more “work” I’ve done, the less energy and bandwidth/nerves I’ve had for drama (passive-aggressiveness, negativity, complaining and blaming others). Instead, my focus is on relationships where both people are able to hear each other and be accountable for the state of the relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If today gets difficult…

Remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the color of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other. 

— Nanea Hoffman

Personally, it’s been a tough two years, following my mother’s passing. My father, shockingly, passed away at the young age of 59, so I find myself parent-less. Now, my upbringing was no picnic, so rather than straight up mourning, I’ve been going through “complicated grieving”, as my coach explains it. This is when you’re left to unpack any rejection, lack of approval and/or affection and appreciation one may have suffered. There’s also the common parental favouritism that comes into play. Sum it all up, and you’re left to process the sadness around what was and what never will be. I found the process to be largely subconscious/unconscious, but I certainly felt emotionally spent, with an overall lower energy/happiness level. Fortunately, I’ve been able to rely on key life lines; time spent with my favourite people, addictive shows that suck you right in, exercise (for me, swimming outside or sweating it out in the gym), staring into sunsets with my awesome ocean/mountain view, visiting with animals (I go to the kitty cat cafe because my job requires travel), following my favourite hockey team, being of value in my job and to my customers, writing over morning coffee etc. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Words matter…

My therapist taught me that…

That words matter. 

Instead of staying “I can’t” say “It’s not a priority for me right now.”

Replace “I’m jealous of them” with “I’m inspired by them.”

Replace “I have to do this” with “I get to do this”

Replace “I failed” with “This attempt didn’t work.”

Replace “Why is this happening to me?” With “What am I learning from this?”

Words matter, because even if you don’t fully mean them, your brain can’t tell the difference.

— @latenightepiphanies_

I’ve been experimenting with this myself lately. Instead of thinking or saying I’ve failed in my entrepreneurial endeavours, I’ve been saying, I haven’t been able to replace the earnings of my day job yet, but I’m excited to keep trying, because I really enjoy the process. And I really do enjoy the process. If my current project works out, it’ll be icing on the cake, with more vacation time and maybe a fancier home. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Sometimes people just need an ear…

People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them. 

— Unknown 

Great reminder. I have a feeling I may jump to advice. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

PTSD like pop up ads for a horror movie…

Having PTSD is like having pop-up ads in your brain for a horror movie that’s based on a true story.

— Unknown 

Perhaps my key learning from therapy is how deeply we are affected by early childhood experiences and traumas. For example, my father was a very dictatorial parent, who was dismissive of my thoughts and feelings. In fact, his favourite saying was “You’re completely missing the point!” I felt disrespected, and my intelligence was repeatedly insulted. So, fast forward to relationships and career, and I had a hot button around being questioned or being told what to do. Fortunately I ended up on a healing path (to save my marriage), and managed to tackle this sometimes problematic trigger. I am now able to respond calmly, with curiosity and a desire to learn. Fewf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Good and bad things happen…

Worrying is a waste of time. Good and bad things happen in life, you just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.

— averts.com

Personally, I have found therapy and/or energy work super helpful. This form of self care seems offer the extra emotional band width to better deal with life’s inevitable challenges. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Happiness is balanced by sadness…

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word “happiness” would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along, with patience and equanimity. 

— Carl Jung 

My favourite therapist observed that I wanted life to be sunny and sunnier, which is of course impossible. After intensive therapy, I’ve learned to say to myself “This too shall pass” when life deals a blow. It actually helps. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

If you want others to see you, you must see yourself…

Be the love you never received. Be the acknowledgement you never got. Be the listener you always needed. Look at the younger versions of yourself within you and give yourself what it is you always needed. 

That is the first step of healing. If you want others to see you, you must see yourself. 

— Unknown 

Honestly, there is no way I would have been able to accept myself fully without professional help. There was so much to unpack with my childhood. As my favourite therapist says, our big issues are typically unconscious/subconscious, and pop up when we’re triggered by something or someone. I was diagnosed with father issues (which he said meant relationship issues) and a love-ability issue, in a group therapy weekend workshop. I thought the therapist was brilliant in this weekend seminar and I was intrigued to learn more. Thank God! I had no idea how big of a role I was playing in my relationship dysfunction. After therapy (excavating and resolving old stuff), which is also excellent education (learning how to be part of the solution in your relationships), I learned how to take proper care of myself and finally accepted myself for who I am. I met the love of my life less than a year later. I also excelled to new heights, and finances, in my career. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Action kills anxiety…

Worrying about needing to do stuff is usually more exhausting than doing the stuff. 

If you want to feed a problem, keep thinking about it. 

If you want to starve a problem, take action.

Action kills anxiety

— Unknown 

Right. It’s like writing out the list of to-do’s, and realizing it’s not actually that bad. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Living below your means equals freedom…

People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom.

— Naval Ravikant (American entrepreneur, investor and co-founder, chairman, former CEO of AngelList. He has invested early-stage in over 200 companies including Uber, Twitter, Wish.com, Poshmark, Postmates, Thumbtack, Notion, SnapLogic, Opendoor, Clubhouse, Stack Overflow, Bolt, Open DNS, Yammer and Clearview AI. Ravikant is a Fellow of the Edmond Hillary Fellowship, and, as a podcaster, shares advice on pursuing health, wealth and happiness).

I had never considered living below my means. My father was a teacher and my mother never worked, so resources were almost entirely spent on necessities. There were no trips to Hawaii or Disneyland. We were one of the few houses on the block without a pool. Instead, our entire backyard was a vegetable garden. I can appreciate the fresh fruits, veggies and herbs now, but as a youngster, I found it embarrassing. While our neighbours were splashing in their pools, my brother, sister and I were picking beans and weeding the mammoth gargen. Ugh. We also had affordable vehicle(s) and always ate at home. We went out for dinner once in a blue moon, typically at the White Spot. So once I graduated from college and landed a sweet pharmaceutical gig, I couldn’t wait to fly off to Hawaii and California and eat out as much as possible. I also moved into a building with an outdoor pool. Fast forward almost 20 years, and higher profile jobs with more pay, I was living the good life. Then the 2008 financial crisis hit and I had to halt all spending. I felt pretty hard done by, as I slid back to where I began, having to allocate all resources to essentials only. It took a good 7 years to recover from the financial fallout, and in that time, I had to learn how to fill my life with low cost activities, such as going out for coffee, swimming in the ocean, going to matinees etc. I finally landed a well paying role again, with lots of perks (free car, internet, phone, lunches and dinners etc), and was able to pay off debts and resume a decent level of financial freedom. Thing is, I’ve never again had the appetite to spend what I earn. When you’re faced with a long lasting rainy day, the PTSD is pretty intense. Fast forward another 15 years and I continue to be happily entrenched in living below my means. I save for vacations, dinners out and a few new garments, but that’s about it. I pre-pay my credit cards, so I have zero debts and I enjoy watching my investments grow each month. It’s quite the 180 for me. I highly recommend it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Unhealed issues resurface in a different context…

Whatever you don’t deal with now will resurface again in a different context. Unhealed issues don’t disappear with time. They are pushed into your children, your health, etc.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says that our issues, which are often unconscious, tend to wreak havoc on our closest relationships. We’ll get triggered along the way, and not have the time and space to react in a healthy and productive way. Having said that, he says it’s typically in relationships where our issues come to light. And if we’re willing to address old wounds and traumas, our relationships will most certainly improve. I can certainly thank my relationship woes for leading me to intensive therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Raised on survival?

People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival.

— Joy Marino 

My favourite therapist says a lot of us grew up learning what love is not, rather than what love is. Furthermore, he says, this often leads to a mistrust in relationships and a tendency to choose partners who are equally capable and/or incapable of being in a healthy relationship. Fortunately, we can change the pattern. For me, it took quite a bit of therapy. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Peace worth more than proving yourself…

Being at peace means that… 

You no longer have the need to prove anything to anyone. You don’t need outside validation. You don’t need to tell your side of the story anymore, even when you hear a dozen rumours that tell an untrue version. You used to guard your heart, but now you guard your peace because you know your peace is worth more than proving yourself to anyone. 

— Unknown 

For me, this sort of emotional stability required professional help. I learned all about coping mechanisms, and how much of our emotional world is unconscious or subconscious. Group therapy is helpful in “triggering” some of these hidden issues, so they may be identified and resolved. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

You’re not stuck. You have choices…

You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You’re not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

— Unknown 

 I don’t know about you, but I felt hopeful just reading this passage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The brain needs rest…

Your brain needs a rest 

Downtime matters, so lie down, sit still and take a break

Science shows it helps us to be healthier, more focused, more productive and more creative…Many of us feel as though we’re wasting time if we aren’t getting things gone, but research points to the costs of always being “on” and the importance of giving our brains a break. Our brains aren’t built to handle constant activity. Even the briefest moments of idle time, or pauses, are important, says Robert Poynton, author of Do Pause: You Are Not a To-Do List.

Well established research has shown low-level daily stress can create such intense wear and tear on our body’s physiological systems that we see accelerated aging in our cells, says Epel, who co-wrote the book The Telomere Effect. Resting, even briefly, benefits brain health…

New research has begun showing the negative effects cellphones can have on health…

Give your mind and body a rest:

• Focus on nothing. Let your mind wander
• Work your way up. Start small and simply exist
• When in doubt, lie down. A deep, restorative state can improve physical and psychological well-being

— Jamie Friedlander Serrano, Washington Post (article paraphrased and edited for brevity) 

Good to know, and makes me feel better about my multitude of naps and little lie downs. Even during an important work day, I’m becoming more and more desperate for a tune out. It’s the whole “on” thing with society these days. Cell phones and technology are great for convenience and immediacy, when desired. But there’s such a huge downside to being reachable 24/7. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

How to detach…

* Let people be who they want to be, then decide if you want them in your life. 

* Trust that rejection is always redirection to something bigger and better.

* Some people are only meant to help you grow, not be in your life forever.

* What if everything is falling apart to come together in a way you can’t guess?

* Focus only on what you can control.

— Unknown 

I’m not a religious person (lapsed Catholic), but I am spiritual and I find faith to be a pretty powerful support system. In my toughest moments (out of work during the post 2008 financial crisis and near bankruptcy, divorce, death of both parents), there was nothing to do but “surrender” to the moment and trust that I would survive and thrive again one day. I believe strongly in focusing on what you can control; work ethic, belief in oneself and a positive attitude. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Try not to resist changes that come your way…

Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

— Unknown 

I’ve resisted more than a few changes that became blessings in disguise. Admittedly, I still dislike the mucky transition periods. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Self love…

Self love baby, self love.

Keep choosing you, again, and again, 

and again. 

— Unknown 

A key take away from intensive therapy, for me, was questioning duty and obligation. My favourite therapist says IF you have the energy and capacity to take care of others, and you choose to extend of yourself, fine. But if you need to take care of yourself, by resting, taking a nap, or what have you, then respectfully decline other requests… even if it’s family asking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Didn’t want to feel like that anymore…

Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, 

or ever again.

So I changed. 

Just like that. 

— Unknown 

My aha moment came after my last break up (fortunately, 10 years ago now!). I decided I never wanted to go through another break up, ever again. I couldn’t imagine suffering another mismatched pairing, defined by struggle and a lack of synergy. I was willing to do whatever it took to understand my needs, wants, deal breakers and must have’s, so that I could choose the right partner for me and the life I want to live. I did a deep dive, to identify the pitfalls of my past choices, and went back to therapy and relationship school (weekend relationship seminars, led by my favourite therapist). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl