Honest conversations...

Until men and women start having honest conversations about who they truly are, what demons they battle with, where they lack and what they truly want... love will continue to be a temporary emotion...

Honesty and Communication are the key.

— Unknown author

The most profound and beneficial training I’ve ever received (from therapy/coaching sessions/relationship workshops) is learning how to own and express what I’m feeling, what I need and summing it all up in the form of a request. My mate and I are committed to this sort of intimate and caring communication.  Brilliantly, friction continues to be at an all time low... at least in my world of relationships (my parents argued, but not much was ever resolved!). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Trauma permanently changes us”...

“This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop. 

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.”

— Catherine Woodiwiss 

I have certainly found much empowerment on the other side of my own personal trauma. There was a great deal of pain living through the trauma and also in resolving some of the PTSD, however, facing the past seems to cultivate a deeper capacity for compassion, empathy and resiliency. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Burnout city...

“Around the world, three out of every five workers say they’re burned out. A 2020 US study put that figure at three in four... When an assignment to write this essay appeared in my in-box, I thought, Oh God, I can’t do that, I’ve got nothing left, and then I told myself to buck up. The burnout literature will tell you that this too— the guilt, the self-scolding—is a feature of burnout.”

— Jill Lepore (Staff writer at The New Yorker, professor of history at Harvard and author of 14 books). 

I feel so much better now, Lol. I’m not typically a procrastinator, but during Covid the most routine tasks have felt exhausting to me. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

More communication...

A little communication goes such a long way. If you’re busy, say it. If you’re upset, express it. If you’re running late, let people know. If you don’t want to do something, be straightforward. If you’re unsure, ask. It’s so simple but so important. 

— tinybuddha.com 

What I’ve learned is that how things are said is equally important. If there is blame and judgment, the outcome may not be positive. Rather, my favourite therapist says we should speak about how we are feeling and welcome the other person to do the same. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Communicate!...

Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. 

One of the best ways to heal, is simply getting everything out.

— TheMindsJournal

This is something I learned from my favourite therapist. My default used to be brooding silence, Lol. This of course got me nowhere. I think I was afraid of “negative emotions” because my upbringing was full of rage, which was terrifying to my younger self. I’ve learned how to communicate, even while verklempt, thanks to my brilliant coaches. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Buried painful memories...

A trigger is the connection between the conscious mind and a buried painful memory.

— Unknown

I learned a lot about triggers from my favourite therapist. He instructs on how to identify and resolve  problematic triggers, which can alleviate some of our overreactions. As painful as it may be, he says we typically need to revisit our old pain points in order to resolve them. He also says this kind of work is not for the faint of heart. On the other side, fortunately, is better communication, better quality relationships and a better life. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s our souls that are tired...

No, we don’t need more sleep. It’s our souls that are tired not our bodies. We need nature. We need magic. We need adventure. We need freedom. We need truth. We need stillness. We don’t need more sleep, we need to wake up and live.

— Brooke Hampton (Owner of Enchanted Cedar, a local Chaga house and bookstore in Lorena, Texas and author of Enchanted Cedar: The Journey Home). 

I don’t know about you, but work-life balance is huge for me. If I don’t schedule some fun and rest into my day/week I can get pretty cranky and listless. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

I will breathe...

I will think of solutions.

I will not let my worry control me.

I will not let my stress level break me.

I will simply breathe and it will be okay because I don’t quit.

— Shayne McClendon

I don’t know about you, but in intense moments of fear and stress I sometimes forget to breathe. I’m also trying to “surrender” to the unknown and believe that everything will work out. Actually, sometimes things work out even better than I could have envisioned. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Paying the price for increased productivity...

Remote workers are logging more hours, experiencing more stress and feeling less engaged with their work, according to a new survey... The survey found that 44 per cent of remote workers reported they were logging more hours of work than they were in pre-pandemic times. Of those, one in ten reported working an additional day, or more than eight extra hours per week... Candido said a lot of employees haven’t been taking their vacation days during the pandemic because they’re not able to travel or do a lot of activities they would normally do... Candido said these findings should be a cause for concern for employers. “They’re burning out,” She said. “They’re exhausted.”

— Jacki Dunham, CTVNews.ca 

Exactly! A lot of work an no play during Covid times. Hang in there everyone. Looks like we’re getting there finally! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO 

Chatgirl 

“The difference between the impossible and the possible”...

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person’s determination.

— Tommy LaSorda (Inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame as a manager in 1997, after managing the Los Angeles dodgers from 1976 - 1996). 

I keep coming back to motivation and inspiration. If we can’t seem to get to “it” then maybe we’re on the wrong path? Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Grief is like glitter”...

When you try to clean it up, you will never get it all. Even long after the event, you will still find glitter tucked in the corners. It will always be there...

— Unknown

I’ve experienced difficult break ups, treasured friends moving away, career free fall, financial melt down, betrayal by trusted loved ones and more. But nothing prepared me for how I would feel after my father’s passing. Thing is, we didn’t exactly have a great relationship. He was a pretty scary guy to me. Lots of anger and high expectations. In the end, I miss him anyway. I realize there were special moments and we did bond over the years. RIP Dad. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“You learn grace”...

When you finally learn that a person’s behaviour has more to do with their own internal struggle than it ever did wth you... You learn grace.

— Unknown

My favourite therapist taught me how to be alert to red flags and spend less and less time around people who seem unable to respect my boundaries. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hardest part of being an adult...

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life until you die. 

—Unknown

Lol! After a long day at work or running errands, who feels like figuring out what to pick up from the grocery store, cooking and cleaning up, especially after 14 months of Covid! Thank God for restaurants and take out. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Different does not mean flawed...

If I could say something to my 10-year old self, it would be a gentle reminder that being different does not mean you are flawed. It does not mean you are lazy or stupid. Thinking differently makes you unique and allows for so many different ideas, innovations and adventures to unravel. Don’t be afraid to embrace the quirks, think bigger, follow your passions, explore your creative thoughts, and hold onto your underlying sense of optimism.

— Sir Richard Branson, founder at Virgin Group (British multinational venture capital conglomerate, 71,000 employees and 16.6 billion pounds in revenues) 

I don’t know about you, but I really like hearing about the obstacles and limitations uber successful people have had to overcome. Makes me feel better about my own “weaknesses.” Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Peace of the soul...

Health does not always come from medicine. Most of the time it comes from peace of mind, peace in the heart, peace of the soul. It comes from laughter and love.

— Unknown

I think the message here is about minimizing the potential need for medicine with; healthy diet, exercise, mental health guidance/coaching, meditation/spending time in nature/relaxation exercise of some sort and such. Personally, I have found that exercise does more for my stress/anxiety/energy level than anything else. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

A positive life...

A negative mind will never give you a positive life.

— Unknown

From everything I’ve read and learned, our thoughts have a big role to play in how our life unfolds. There is much consensus around the notion that what we focus on expands. For me, optimism and positivity just feel better. I know sometimes things don’t work out, and I allow for that in the back of my mind, to temper any future disappointment. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO  

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“The pebble in your shoe”...

It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.

— Avertsu.com

I think my favourite therapist would say the pebble in our shoe is typically our blind spot: unresolved issues from our upbringing and/or trauma’s we may have suffered along the way. I ended up in therapy to save my marriage and ended up doing a lot of personal work. I had no idea my past was smack dab in the middle of my present and messing with my relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“You’re not stuck”...

You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those behaviours have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result.

— Emily Maroutian (Writer and philosopher) 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could have gotten out of my own way without professional assistance. I learned that a lot of issues are emotionally based, and often unconscious. A good coach or therapist has techniques to get past our brains/intelligence and get to the heart of the matter, typically linked to our upbringing and/or past traumas. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Rewire your brain...

Neurologist claim that every time you resist acting on your anger, you’re actually rewiring your brain to be calmer and more loving.

— Unknown

What I realized is that it’s never too late to learn new skills. My ex-husband and I embarked on a couple of weekend “relationship skills” seminars, in order to save our marriage. We didn’t manage to save the marriage, but we both individually learned a ton! We learned how to calmly and respectfully communicate our thoughts and feelings while upset and/or angry. We also learned how to make requests of one another, rather than simmer in silence or play the blame game... and so much more. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Being positive...

Being positive isn’t pretending that everything is good — it’s seeing the good in everything.

— Unknown

I read a great article in one of my psychology magazines (can’t remember which one) about coping strategies, which did not place judgment on how people manage life’s ups and downs. Some people choose to be positive and hopeful because it makes them feel better. Other people keep expectations “realistic” because they don’t want to be disappointed if things don’t work. Both seem to be common and reasonable strategies. On the other hand, everything I’ve read over the last twenty years says that if we focus on what we want, odds are pretty good that we can manifest a good outcome. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl