Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough.
— Unknown
My biggest financial/career (and relationship too actually) breakdown left me no choice but to get entrepreneurial real quick. I didn’t experience overnight success, but I’ve stayed the course and I’ll die tryin’ because I really love working for myself. I enjoy the strategy, creativity and outside the box thinking. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I get by with a little help from my friends...
— The Beatles
Thank goodness for Zoom, iPhones, streaming channels etc. because with all the lock downs, we’re doing without a LOT, including our complete circle of friends and loved ones. Love and hugs to us all. Let’s hang in there. Just sayin’ :) XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Surround yourself with people that push you to do better. No drama or negativity. Just higher goals and higher motivation. Good times and positive energy. No jealousy or hate. Simply bringing out the absolute best in each other.
— Warren Buffett (American investor, business tycoon, philanthropist, and the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway. He is considered one of the most successful investors in the world and has a net worth of over US$85.6 billion as of December 2020, making him the world’s fourth-wealthiest person).
Thanks to my trusted psychologists/life coaches, my most successful relationships are defined by courageous, open and kind communication, which has paved the way for trust, safety, understanding and hope for the future. Just saying’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
92% of people who set New Year’s resolutions don’t achieve them. Here are some insights on how to be the 8% that do.
Step 1: Don’t call them goals... use a different word: intention. Focus on elements within your control: your mindset, decisions and actions.
Step 2: Immerse yourself in gratitude for the loving/supportive people around you and celebrate all that you achieved in the past year (stayed healthy, got in touch with old friends, pivoted well, given the ongoing changes?).
Step 3: realign expectations and consider asking the most important people around you what they need from you. Surprisingly, this may take the pressure off and reduce the load.
Step 4: ask these four questions: 1) How will I know when this intention is achieved? 2) Can I accomplish this within 12 months? 3) Do I have access to the decision makers I need to influence in order to manifest my intention. If not, consider changing the intention to “expand my network/influence”. 4) What scares me about this intention? If the answer is “nothing,” please push yourself. We only grow outside of our comfort zone. These 4 questions will ensure that the intention is timely, measurable, within our realm of influence and ambitious enough.
— Tiffany Dufu (Founder and CEO of The Cru... paraphrased from her article, How to Set Goals You’ll Actually Achieve).
One of my coaches taught me about intention setting a few years back. I was in a pivotal place and realized I was in need of a much more fulfilling job and a far better romantic match/partnership. She told me to write out what I envisioned in my perfect job. What do my days look like? How does my manager/the company treat me? What are my hours/schedule? How does this position affect my personal life and my finances? How do I feel in this position? She told me to go through the same exercise when considering my ideal mate. How do we spend our days? How does he treat me? How do I feel in this relationship? This exercise worked like a charm for career and love! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.
— John Lennon
I think we’re all freaks in our own way. (For example, my neatness and organization definitely lean to the OCD side. My boyfriend, and those who know me well would agree). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Whatever truth we feel compelled to withhold
No matter how unthinkable it is
to imagine ourselves telling it
Not to is a way of spiritually holding our breath
You can only do it for so long
— Mark Nepo (Ph.D/professor of English at State University of New York for 18 years. Nepo is also a poet, spiritual advisor and author of the New York Times #1 bestseller The Book of Awakening. Nepo has published 12 books and recorded six audio projects. He speaks from his personal awakening, facing down cancer).
My own family comes to mind. My parents screamed and yelled, rather than expressing their truths. Looking back on it, I can see that they were both deeply unhappy in the marriage. They married extremely young, as so many couples did back in those days. My father was angry and my mother was depressed. Their unhappiness erupted often, but didn’t lead to much resolution unfortunately. I just don’t think most of us come to the table with helpful communication/relationship skills. We don’t tend to know how to express our feelings and we don’t necessarily know how to ask for what we need and want. So much sits unsaid in relationships, unless we’re willing to learn how to speak openly with one another. I’m still learning how to do this. It’s certainly a process if you haven’t seen some of these skills modelled in earlier life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Have we realized it yet? That nobody is missing the material things. We all miss the company of others, great conversations, and a hug... that’s what life is all about.
— Joshua Becker (Best-selling author of More of Less and The Minimalist Home. Becker says “My family and I began donating, recycling, and removing our unnecessary personal possessions. We embarked on an intentional journey to own less stuff. As a result, we discovered more money, more time, more energy, more freedom, less stress, and more opportunity to pursue our greatest passions; faith, family, friends. And we decided to write about it”).
I had no choice but to embark on a similar path post 2008 financial crisis. Work was largely on pause and I suddenly had to live on much less than I was used to. This forced me out of my cherished habit of shopping for new wardrobe/home treasures. I’m not gonna lie. This was really hard at first. I felt deprived and sat in the void for a bit. There’s a failure in not having the freedom of funds. But I soon filled my time with the activities I love doing (writing, exercising, analyzing film, finding new music, spending time with friends, enjoying nature etc). This became such a habit that I never really got back to the hobby of buying new items. Sure, I select a few fashionable pieces here and there, but only what I feel I really need. This creates space in the budget for more warm vacations (which I desperately need!) and savings (which I realize I also need - for bigger future choices/retirement etc!). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you’re working overtime, it can feel like all you do is work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, and work, eat, sleep some more. A seemingly unceasing flow of work can make you feel fatigued, resentful, and burnt out. As a time management coach, I’ve found that even in the midst of working overtime it’s essential that you find time for yourself. That is because, if you don’t take time for yourself intentionally, you will take time for yourself unintentionally. Typically the less conscious “me time” such as mindlessly scrolling through social media in the afternoon or watching YouTube videos until the wee hours of the night consumes quite a few hours each week but doesn’t actually satisfy our desires for downtime... here are a few strategies that can help.
Set Work-Free Times (otherwise you’ll have the vague sense that you “should” be working all the time. That feeling is exceptionally draining).
Define Health Must-Haves (7 hours sleep, drinking enough water, or taking breaks during the day to stretch and give the body/brain a break?... to help prevent burn out)
Give Yourself What You Really Want (activities that you find satisfying, refreshing and enjoyable. Run, connect with friends, read, cook, watch a great TV series, play with the kids?)
— Elizabeth Grace Saunders (Time management coach and author of Divine Time Management and How to Invest Your Time Like Money)
2020 has definitely felt like work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep. Pretty Groundhog Day, with so many of our cherished activities off the table. Seems like a good time to clear off some of the tasks we tend to put off in perpetuity (clean out closets, give old stuff to good will, update the landscaping?). Why not, since vacation days would just be more eating, sleeping, chores?, Lol ;) We’re gonna get through this though and I have a feeling life will be all the sweeter for it. Personally, I will be back rushing back to the movie theatre, back to the arena to watch live events and jet setting somewhere warm asap! Just thinking about it makes me feel better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
What we say “no” to (or choose not to do or stop doing) saves and creates space for even better things we say “yes” to (or choose to do). We all have finite resources. Being able to say no to others and ourselves is one of the most powerful muscles in building a strong business or career and happy life. Failing to say no, at the very least, can cause us to miss something bigger or greater. At worst and most commonly, not saying no when we can and should can lead to burnout, dilution of focus, high opportunity costs, stress, and more...
Cheat sheet:
Saying no comes in many forms. Whether it’s for work, help, volunteering, investment, donations, or time, here are some high-level phrases that can be adapted to your personality.
* No. As many others have said, “No.” is a complete sentence
* Not now
* I love this, but it’s not in line with my focus right now
* I cannot give this the time it deserves
* Not me, but I can connect you with someone who can (this is a way to say no to the ask, but saying yes to helping)
* I could do a piece of this but would need help/someone else to pick up the rest (another way to say no by saying yes to a part of it)
* Not a fit for me (and share reason if you desire)
* I’m putting my energy into a few other big things right now and need to focus on those primarily
- Kat Cole (COO and President at Focus Brands LLC)
My favourite therapist talks a lot about saying no/drawing boundaries, as an act of kindness and respect for ourselves and our most important relationships. He says we can opt to say yes, out of duty and obligation, if we have the energy and time and we really want to give in that moment and in that way. I have to say, managing the guilt has been a process for me. It does get easier though... and then it feels really honest, true and empowering. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.
— John Lennon
My favourite therapist would agree. He says we need to accept all of who we are, and furthermore we would do well to dig a little deeper and uncover the hidden wounds that silently run our lives (particularly our most important relationships). We are profoundly affected as we grow up and we can get emotionally stuck along the way because we have neither the capacity or understanding for adult matters. It’s quite enlightening to connect some of the dots of our adult choices with the sensitivities from our childhood. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
My favourite therapist says we can say almost anything, and be well received, if we speak to our feelings. I tried this out yesterday. I had spent a really long time thinking about my experience with this person, why I was profoundly hurt and what prevented greater closeness in the relationship. So I invited a conversation and we both ended up sharing monumental, heart-felt thoughts and positive ideas on how to partner on a healing path forward. This is perhaps the biggest accomplishment of my life, because I know the hurt had somewhat (behind the scenes, unconsciously) handcuffed me emotionally for a very long time. To quote my therapist, I finally stepped up and had my own back. Felt good. Feels good. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Almost every successful person begins with two beliefs: the future can be better than the present, and I have the power to make it so.
— Unknown
My favourite life coach says write it down. Write down what we want, in great detail. Write it out and write it out, every day and review it as often as we can. Then watch miracles happen. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
— Osho, Being in Love
My favourite therapist holds weekend seminars, teaching essentially the same thing. He says that most of us are looking for someone to complete us. He describes our romantic search as a plug looking for a socket, a connection that will make us feel whole, safe, loved, secure. He says the person we need to “plug” into is actually ourselves. We need to find a way to become whole in and of ourselves, which is admittedly not quick, easy or cheap. The process typically takes years, and not just a series of four therapy sessions or a weekend workshop. I have certainly found this to be the case. When I began my own healing journey, my therapist explained that our most problematic issues are almost always rooted in our childhood and the conscious and/or unconscious wounds our parents/family unknowingly/knowingly inflict on us. What I found interesting in the weekend group workshops is the surprising variety of issues, beyond emotional/physical/mental abuse. For example, one sibling growing up in the shadow of the other, and forever feeling inadequate. Even the nicknames we’re called growing up can, surprisingly, make us feel insecure and unsafe. As adults, we are better able to understand and resolve some of the things that happened to us as kids. For me, this has been very freeing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.
— Buddha
In my experience, there’s some fine print to consider; manifesting our desires can take time (sometimes years and years), there are doubtful moments, perseverance and endurance are critical, it can be crazy making when results are not evident. Just sayin’ :) Hugs XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
