Be what they are meant...

when you meet that person. a person.
one of your soulmates. let the
connection. relationship. be what it
is. it may be five mins. five hours. five
days. five months. five years. a
lifetime. five lifetimes. let it manifest
itself the way it is meant to. it has an
organic destiny. this way if it stays or
if it leaves. you will be softer. from
having been loved this authentically.
souls come into. return. open. and
sweep through your life for a myriad
of reasons. let them be who. and what
they are meant.

nayyirah washed

Not so easy to do though. We want to know, don't we. Just sayin' ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Endings...

Just because something ends doesn't mean it never should've been. Remember, you lived, you learned, you grew and you moved on.

- Unknown

'Tis the question of regrets. The saying "hindsight is 20-20" comes to mind. I suppose we can only do our best with what we know and feel at the time... and cut ourselves a break every now and again. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Loving people...

I feel there is nothing more artistic than loving people.

- Vincent Van Gogh

This is very interesting, considering Van Gogh's tragic life story, which includes heart-wrenching mental health issues.Van Gogh was a Dutch impressionist painter who is among the most famous and influential figures in the history of Western art. He was unsuccessful during his lifetime and was considered a failure and a madman. Van Gogh exists in the Public imagination as the quintessential misunderstood genius. He attained widespread critical, commercial and popular success over the ensuing decades, and is now remembered as an important but tragic painter, whose troubled personality typifies the romantic ideal of the tortured artist. Makes you wonder what exactly plagued the man. Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The "truth"...

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

- Gloria Steinem

A couple of other quotes come to mind as well...

"You can't handle the truth"
"Truth hurts"

Why is it so hard to face up to and accept our more negative qualities and limitations? According to Jungian philosophy, our unconscious mind (or shadow self) tends to consist of some very primitive impulses such as sexual lust, power strivings, selfishness, greed, envy, anger or rage, and because of its unenlightened nature, is completely obscured from our conscious mind. On a positive note, the unconscious mind is supposedly comprised of some good qualities as well, such as appropriate reactions, insights and creative impulses. If we are able to consciously accept and relate to the shadow self, we can summon much creativity and spirituality. This does however require total accountability by the individual and unfortunately, we see much repression, projection and acting out instead. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Failure...

Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.

- Charlie Chaplin

But we take it to heart though, don't we. Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

To persist...

We are made to persist. That's how we find out who we are.

- Tobias Wolff, author of In Pharaoh's Army, memoir of his personal experiences in the Vietnam War. Wolf spent a year in Washington, D.C. learning the Vietnamese language and was a trained paratrooper. Wolff writes about the carnage of war, the dramatics of his fellow Americans and the profound effect on his own illusions.

We hit many a speed bump in life, that's for sure. Seems like this is very much a part of the human experience. We may want to give up on things at times. I don't think there's any shame in it and we should give ourselves the choice. If we can summon the energy and courage, however, there's often a silver lining. We may realize we're more capable than we thought and this builds confidence and self-esteem. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention. Just sayin' ;) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Hardest lessons...

Hardest Life Lessons People Have Learned in Their Lives

1. Not everybody likes you but that doesn't mean everyone dislikes you.
2. Not all things will work out the way you planned.
3. Sometimes they just don't love you back... And most of the time is has nothing to do with you. You're not worthless because someone you loved doesn't love you back.
4. No matter how much you love the person if they aren't right for you then you should leave.
5. Listen to people who tell you what you don't want to hear.
6. Don't take people for granted. You never know when they could be gone. You never know how much they mean to you until they're gone.
7. That sometimes being courageous is going to bed and saying "I will try again tomorrow."
8. Family isn't always family. Sometimes family is never family. Your family are the people you care for and who care for you. Your family could be your close friends or your pets, anyone.

- Compliments of @Lifehack

Some of these things run pretty deep. We can develop "loveability issues" according to my favourite therapist. Our parents will certainly have done their best, but sometimes we come away feeling flawed and unworthy and we don't even know it. They say we have to learn to love and accept ourselves first and foremost. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The Success Indicator...

Compliments of MaryEllen Tribby

Successful People:                  Unsuccessful People:
Have a sense of gratitue          Have a sense of entitlement
Compliment                            Criticize
Forgive Others                        Hold a grudge
Give others credit                   Take all the credit
Read everyday                        Watch TV everyday
Talk about ideas                      Talk about people
Share information                   Hoard information
Exude joy                                Exude anger
Keep a to-do/project list.        Never set goals
Transformational mindset       Fear change
Keep a "to-be" list.                 Don't know what they want to be
Want others to succeed           Secretly hope others fail
Accept responsibility             Blame others
Keep a journal                       Say they keep a journal, but don't really
Continuously learn                Think they know it all

For what it's worth... Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Inside voice...

Ever feel kinda crazy? One part of you says it's all cool, but another part says fuck that? I mean really... if we can't even manage our own feelings, what can we expect of others? My favourite therapist says there are four potentially competing parts of us; the inner child (I want what I want when I want it), the ego (typically critical and unrelenting), spirit (all love, acceptance and forgiveness) and the adult (the rational front we show the world). Might explain a lot of the drama and confusion in relationships. The "I'm fine" situation comes to mind, Lol. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What motivates us?...

How is it that some people are able to maintain a very regulated routine, when so many others struggle with even basic to-do's? Do genetics and/or conditioning from childhood dictate our drive?

Daniel Ping, author of Drive, contends that human motivation is largely intrinsic and can be divided into autonomy (a desire to be self-directed), master (an urge to get better skills) and purpose (to do something that has meaning and feels important). "Carrots & Sticks are so last Century" says Ping, who argues against old models of motivation, driven by rewards and fear of punishment."

In summary, intrinsic motivation (which is the strongest motivator) drives us to do things for the fun of it, or because we believe it is a good or right thing to do. Most people's hobbies are instrinsically motivated, however few people have that amount of passion at work :( So I guess it's up to us to pursue things we can get excited about, whether personally or professionally. And hey, if not, we're still ok. We have the right to choose. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A bit about sulking (basically, not good)....

Having a wee tendency to sulk a bit myself, I thought I'd do some research on the topic. I was suprised at how negatively this behaviour is viewed. The sulker's passive-aggressive tendendies are described as a manipulation in order to get other people to conform to their wishes. Woops!

Some details about the sulking type:
1. Tend to avoid conflict by being silent, hiding away or putting on a "look" for a specified period that they deem appropriate. (The worst is when they warm up when other people come around and then revert to frosty again when they leave).
2. The advice is - don't take it to heart. The sulker is trying to make you take responsibility for their emotional immaturity. If you engage the behaviour, you'll have to keep dealing with this dynamic until (or if) you change it. See this an an issue of their hurt self being unable to reconcile itself. Leave their emotions with them and wait out the rudeness.
3. Don't put up with it. Don't let the sulker's hurt self control you or you will forever walk on eggshells. Ignore the behaviour and let the sulker do the appropriate soul searching and then take responsibility for their emotions. (Of course, take responsibility for your part in things, if need be).
4. Once the sulker sees that their sulking isn't working, they'll have to deal with their emotions in a different way.
5. If the sulker continues with their adult-child tactics, consider that this person has a control issue and may never stop. You can choose whether to live with this or not.

- Compliments of Wikihow.com (How to Deal With a Lover Who Sulks).

Wow, I feel sufficiently schooled! An alternative to sulking is expressing feelings and making requests. I have found that this takes practice. Powerful emotions can temporarily paralyze a person. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Believe you can....

Believe you can and you're halfway there.

- Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th (and youngest) President of the United States, was a driving force for the Progressive Era. He was born a sickly child with debilitating asthma, but successfully overcame his health issues by embracing a strenuous lifestyle. Roosevelt, who's image stands on Mount Rushmore, is generally ranked one of the five best presidents, winning a landslide victory based on a platform of peace, prosperity and conservatism. He promised the average citizen fairness. He also won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1906 for brokering the end of the Russo-Japanese War.

They say "what you focus on expands," so if we spend our time hoping for and pursuing the things we want, we might surprise ourselves. Miracles can happen. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Tip toe if you must...

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe is you must, but take the step.

- Unknown

It occurs to me that my biggest blessings have come from decisions I made very consciously.

1. Giving up sweets - cravings for protein and vegies instead, weight control, better energy level, clothes fit better, feel sexier.
2. Writing a blog - daily learning and acceptance of personal foibles and perceived weaknesses.
3. Working harder every day - more bonus, recognition, feeling of value with customers.
4. Choosing a nicer/more giving partner - more joy and love than I thought possible.
5. Learned to say no - less concern over what people think, less quilt and pressure to do things out of duty and obligation, more peace, calm, energy, positivity.
6. Saying no to drama/negativity filled people - feeling free and not weighed down, peace, calm.

Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forces that rule the world...

Three great forces rule the world; stupidity, fear and greed.

- Albert Einstein

Thing is, how great are we at ruling ourselves? How much discipline do we have when it comes to diet, exercise, work ethic, being honest on taxes, resisting the urge to gossip? Puts things in persective maybe? Just sayin'  ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Accepting more parts of ourselves...

Go beyond "tolerating" your so-called shortcomings to actually accepting more parts of yourself. You may think that tolerating your foibles is an achievement in self-compassion, but tolerance is not the same as acceptance. Tolerance keeps you on guard - you are, effectively, only managing degrees of irritation with yourself. Instead, you accept that, for now anyway, this is what you've got to work with: strengths and weaknesses. Doing this creates an intimacy with yourself that can never be interrupted.

- Danielle Laporte (Best selling Candian author, inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, and blogger. Forbes named her blog one of the top 100 websites for women in 2012, calling Laporte "a contrarian self-help guru").

We grow up being evaluated; at home, at school, at work and potentially by partners and friends. It's no wonder we're sensitive about our "short-comings." Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The lost pieces of ourselves...

Carl Jung had the idea that we are born whole and then lose pieces of ourselves in the crucible of childhood... The main task of midlife, Jung thought, was to weather the crisis that arises from this experience of loss and become a whole, integrated person again.

- From The Creativity Book by Eric Maisel, Ph.D. (Author of more than 40 books, widely regarded as America's foremost creativity coach, featured contributor to Psychology Today, author of Rethinking Depression).

My favourite therapist explains that we have to shut down the parts of ourselves our parents don't like because we need and crave their approval. This can cause much confusion and anguish. Sniff, sniff. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What we deserve...

I focused so hard on what I wanted that I lost sight of what I deserved.

- curiano.com

I wish I could have embraced this wisdom earlier on in life. We can get hung up on things and people. But I think self-worth is more intricate and complicated than we may realize. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let it be enough...

Go easy on yourself. Whatever you do today, let it be enough.

- Unknown

Wow, I actually feel better already. We drive ourselves so hard. Do we ever stop critiquing our ourselves? Just sayin' :) Hugs. xo

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Forgiveness revisited...

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

- Unknown

I've read a lot about forgiveness and this is the most simply put. Just sayin' :) Hugs
(Ps. I've realized this is not so easy to do. I make progress, feel zen for a time and then resentment rears it's ugly head for another emotional work out).

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fuelled from within...

I am self-propelled; fuelled from within.
I appreciate people's opinions,
but I'm not attached to them.
I learned a long time ago that if
I give them the power to feed me,
I also give them the power to starve me.

- Dr Steve Maraboli

I think this is another work in progress. We can have all the confidence in the world and know our worth and/or what we offer, but it still hurts when we are not given credit for our efforts. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Hardship...

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny...

- C.S. Lewis, British novelist, academic, broadcaster, lecturer and lay theologian. Best known for The Chronicles of Narnia and close friend of J. R. R Tolkien. Both served on the faculty at Oxford University.

We will face hardship in life. This is the human condition. I guess it's what we do with it that counts. We can become bitter and defeated or we can get angry/hurt, yet determined. I have to say, the most upsetting experiences have yielded the most profound, life altering impact on my world. I'm not saying I look back fondly. I can still feel the sting of defeat and betrayal, but the outcome has been simply magnificent. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Is it you or me?...

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.

- Sigmund Freud

That's a different Sigmund Freud than we're used to hearing about ;) Seriously though, mismatched relationships are so painful and exhausting. Also, goes without saying that we should not allow anyone to make us feel less than, especially someone who is supposed to love and protect us. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Following our dreams...

I've read a lot about finding the courage to follow our dreams (such as the book Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow). I'm all for it. I think the pursuit of our passions can bring much fulfillment. Thing is, if we're looking for a quick fix or instant and perfect career success, we might need to adjust our expectations. We may end up spending years in pursuit of our dream and wonder where the results are. We may even spend loads of time, money and energy before we see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I am an optimist to a fault, but there is reality to contend with unfortunatley. Still, I say let's go for it and never give up. Just sayin' :). Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Time alone...

I think it is very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.

- Oscar Wilde

Or by what we do for a living, or by how much money we make, etc. Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The human condition...

What is it about the human condition that leaves us dissatisfied perhaps too often? Either we're tired, or the weather is shit, or we don't like our boss/job, or we're at odds with someone or other. Sometimes we just wake up on the wrong side of the bed and we're grumpy for no apparent reason. It can be a revelation to wake up excited and have a great day. There's a lot of wisdom and coping strategies for us to lean on, but there are days when nothing helps. Maybe we just ride the wave, knowing it will pass. Just sayin' :) Hugs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

A version of happily ever after...

A wise woman once said "Fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.

- @prettysecretsnet

I'm not a feminist, but I've certainly been a people pleaser in my day. After a while, ugh. Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Feelings, nothing more than feelings ;) ...

Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.

- Mooji

Emotions seem to bubble up whether we like it or not. My favourite therapist says there's important information in our feelings and so we should ask ourselves what does it mean? Is there something we should be doing or taking care of in our lives? Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Care to understand?...

Open-minded people don't care to be right, they care to understand. There's never a right or wrong answer. Everything is about understanding.

- Anonymous

I find that incredibly refreshing. Just sayin' :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl