Effortlessness...

Effortlessness. How good does that feel? Ever notice how good life is when things flow naturally. More of that would be nice, wouldn't it? It's a New Year! Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Almost New Year!...

"Coffee isn't helping. Get the jumper cables."

-Anonymous

Ha ha. Happy almost New Year everyone! Still some more eating, drinking and staying up late to do ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Indulgence...

"Dear Liver, This month will be rough. Stay strong."

- Anonymous

Yup, that's December ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Christmas Spirit...

"I just found my Christmas Spirit. It's been on the shelf at the liquor store this whole time!"
  - Anonymous

Ha ha. Seriously, though, I think it's totally counter-intuitive that the "holidays" bring such stress and duress to many of us. The holidays should bring presents, good food and drink, fun with family and friends, time off work and other good stuff. So why do we end up spent, in more ways than one?? Perhaps.... too much drinking, too much eating, gifts we didn't need or want, a huge visa bill, work piling up in our absence, family we may not see eye to eye with, lack of sleep, lack of personal space and down time.... Ahhhh, now it makes sense, Lol ;)

Wishing everyone some much needed time and indulgence for self :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Farting around ;) ...

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone tell you different."

- Kurt Vonnegut

Happy farting everyone ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Chosen family...

"You can always tell when two people are best friends because they are having more fun than it makes sense for them to be having." - Anonymous

Wishing us all such connections in life...  :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life goes on...

"I can't be worried about that shit. Life goes on, man."
 - The Big Lebowski

Exactly...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

No words...

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."

- Robert Benchley

But seriously... sometimes there are no words. Just tremors through our hearts, bodies, minds, souls....

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The New Year...

"Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company."

- Mark Twain

Lol ;) In other words, be good, but not that good. Live a little, I say. Life is too short to worry excessively about what other people think. Duty, obligation, "musts".... overrated!

Happy New Year! Let's spoil ourselves this year with all the things we love and love to do :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The question of "Peace"...

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

- George Carlin

Says it all.....

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The victim position?...

We grow up at the mercy of others; parents, baby sitters, high school bullies/hazing, teachers etc. Most likely we've been the victim of something unpleasant, even if it's just a teacher who didn't particularly take to us. There's drama in one form or another. As we get older, however, hopefully we learn to manage and minimize the drama in our lives. When I was younger, someone taught me about the whole "victim" position in life. This is not necessarily an easy concept to grasp because odds are we have been victimized in our lives and we may still be at the mercy of a nasty boss or parental/cultural pressures. The "victim" thing is a paradigm shift for sure, but essentially the wisdom is this... if we choose to feel we can't do anything about our circumstances, we leave ourselves helpless. On the other hand, if we decide to own our fate, we may just find our way through it and onto a better path. At the very least, we can try to change how we feel and get to a better place internally. As the saying goes, "as within, so without." The belief is that when we change our mind and heart, our circumstances should ease up too. Miracles can happen :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl.

Family challenges...

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

- George Burns

Dedicated to those of us who struggle more than most with family drama.

Happy Holidays!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Biggest accomplishment...

Maybe it's just me, but I think our biggest accomplishment in life should be our happiness. Spend some time around a miserable, unhappy person (draining?). Then spend time around someone who laughs and smiles (energizing?). Where would we rather be? It's that simple. Well, maybe it's not, but I'm just sayin'.... ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Insecurity fix?...

Compliments of pathwaytohappiness.com

(Worth the read ;))

"To build self confidence and overcome low self esteem is to change how we feel emotionally about ourselves. To change our emotion requires changing two different core beliefs about self image. The first core belief is obvious. It is the belief that we are not good enough. It may have a more specific association to how we look, how smart we are, money, or lack of confidence sexually. The second core belief to change is the image of success that we feel we should be. Changing this belief is contrary to logic, but is a must if we are to overcome insecurity and raise our self esteem.

When your mind has an image of success that you 'should be' it associates happy emotions with that picture. I call that the image of perfection in our mind. The mind does a comparison between the image of perfection and how you see your self- image currently. The comparison results in judgment and self rejection for not meeting the image of perfection. The self rejection results in feeling unworthy.

What we may not be aware of is that achieving our image of success doesn't effectively change our emotional state. It doesn't do anything to permanently change the way the voice in our head speaks to us or what we believe about ourselves. Many times people have achieved their goals only to find themselves still unfulfilled. The critical voice in our head is more likely to put a higher goal in front of us to achieve.

Okay, so throw out the crazy perfection crap! I felt relieved just reading that ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Housework...

Housework...

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

- Phyllis Diller

Ha ha! A little comic relief for the holidays ;)

Happy week before Christmas Eve!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Pep talk! ;) ...

Who are we really? Our mind never stops judging. Most of all, we judge ourselves and this can be a huge source of angst and possibly depression. We beat the crap out of ourselves; we're not slim or fit enough, we wish we made more money, we should own a home by now, we're not where we thought we'd be by now, we're divorced or we've never been married, we don't do enough for our loved ones, we could work harder etc... It occurs to me that none of these things are who we are. We each have an individuality and an essence, and that's who we are. We are the things we love; friends and family, sports, movies, a gorgeous sunset, puppies, great food, music, dancing, laughing, napping;), travel, whatever. How good does it feel to define ourselves by our sense of humour or an act of kindness, rather than some random or parental image of perfection? Just sayin';)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What to do with fear...

"F-E-A-R: has two meanings:
1. Forget Everything And Run
    or
2. Face Everything And Rise
The Choice is Yours!"
- Anonymous

"Fearlessness is like a muscle. I know from my own life that the more I exercise it the more natural it becomes to not let my fears run me.
- Arianna Huffington

Some things are just plain universal. Part of the human experience. We're allowed to be afraid:) Let's be brave and not be paralyzed by it. That's all ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"5 Things to Do When You Feel Insecure" ...

"5 Things to Do When You Feel Insecure"

Compliments of psychcentral.com

German psychoanalyst Eric Fromm said, 'The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.'

1. Consider it beautiful.
Insecurity - vulnerability of spirit- is essentially humility, which is a divine quality.
2. Read your self-esteem file.
It's a collection of anything anyone has ever said, written, indicated that can be categorized as positive.
3. Avoid people you feel insecure around.
Compile a ton of excuses to have on hand. You have to protect yourself.
4. Surround yourself with supportive people.
They remind us of what is unique and good about us. Those trusted few are the voices of truth.
5. Know it's invisible.
You figure everyone can see that you're insecure. And that actually makes you feel more insecure. But here's the wonderful truth. No one can see your insides but you.

Refreshing point of view :) Feels good knowing everyone suffers from insecurity at one time or another. It also feels good to have a get out of jail card or two.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Difficult or truly disturbed?...

Being the big psychology geek that I am, I find the topic of "personality disorders" interesting. Have you ever wondered if you're imagining things, or if someone you know is somewhat "off?" Well, according to Psychology Today personality disorders, "are estimated to affect about 10 per cent of people." The percentage could be even higher because diagnosis is partly subjective. Personality disorders are not as concerning as the psychotic diagnoses, but they "lead to significant impairment" according to Psychology Today. Odds are some of our friends and/or family are struggling with a mild "condition" and can't actually function any better. (Check out "Personality Disorders" online, if you're curious about someone you know. Very interesting reading).

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Words of wisdom...

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what is takes to sit down and listen."
  - Sir Winston Churchill

I'm a sucker for great wisdom, especially from true leaders of their time. Simple, yet profound.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Lines in the sand...

Friction is understandable and even expected in relationships. When we're at close quarters and making decisions together, things can get dicey. What do we do when we piss each other off ? ;) One would hope for a calm sharing of thoughts and concerns, leading to a great outcome, right? We wish. It seems the more we care, the more we're "triggered" and the temperature in the room rises. All of the cliche sayings come to mind; "You gotta take the good with the bad", "Nobody's perfect", "Accept your friends for who they are." Sure, I agree. When do you make big decisions and draw hard lines though? Exactly how much do we accept from "friends" and when is a friend not a friend anymore? Not an easy question... but if someone makes us feel bad about ourselves, I vote no thanks. Addiction counsellors caution around the whole "enabling" thing. "Just say no" to shaming, guilting and "bad dog" wrath type responses. Just sayin ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Complain or make requests?...

You always hear about the importance of "communication" when it comes to  succeeding in relationships. What does that really mean though? How does a couple achieve good or great communication? The differences between men and women don't make it easy, that's for sure. Allison Armstrong and Kim Sarassin offer some very helpful advice in this department. In a nutshell, women need to make "requests" for things they need/want and offer lots of positive feedback in kind, and men would do well to offer a "menu" of options, to make sure they're giving women what they want and need. Check out Armstrong and/or Sarassin for more awesome tips :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Is it enough?...

Do we ask for enough in our lives? Do we come from a place of "not enough" and so we're used to doing without? Do we enter into and stay in relationships that are decent or just ok? Therapists talk a lot about cycles and how when we're used to certain things, we tend to find ourselves "allowing" more of the same because the familiar is somehow comforting, even when it may be toxic for us. The reason I bring this up is I've had a few major epiphanies post-betrayal break up. Most importantly, I was way off on my wants and needs. Somehow I wasn't honest with myself about the "musts" and the deal breakers. I was suffering in silence, not realizing I could ask for so much more. Clearly I was unaware of the degree of joy, tenderness, kindness, warmth, generosity and consideration available out there with the right person. So I middled along with decent relationships thinking "work"  and "communication" were necessary and that I needed to be "realistic." This is what we hear, right? I say, not so much! First and foremost, we can be clear about what we truly want and be willing to hold out for it. Then there's the issue of the right "match." We can probably hang out with a lot of different people, but in the long run a great partnership requires a whole lot more than some attraction and a few common interests - and I'm speaking from way too much personal experience, frankly. There may also be some validity to the saying "as within, so without." When we envision the kind of relationship/life we want to be living and hold onto that picture, odds are we're going to end up with what we want. Just sayin'....

Blessing,

Chatgirl

Sulk or speak ;) ...

I admit it...  I've been known to sulk! I'm not alone, so they say ;) According to Allison Armstrong, women are pretty much pre-disposed to an emotionally charged operating system. "This organ is called 'her feelings' and it is the core of her being." So! Us women typically need a little time to react and feel what we're feeling before we can summon the wording to go along with our many waves of emotion. Ok, so fair enough, we seem kinda hard-wired to sulk and possibly exhibit the old cold shoulder. What next? Well, I have to say, when motivated, it's a revelation to allow for the pause and then decide to speak up. Rather than spreading the suffering from ourselves to our loved ones, it feels really good to extend the olive branch, share our experience and make a necessary request, if need be. This is so much nicer than frosting someone out and making them sit in silence, with no way to make up with us. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Past is past...

"There's no future in the past." - Anonymous

Sometimes we need to process in order to learn and move forward. Some changes may take time and be out of our control as well. On the other hand, are we stuck dwelling on the past to our detriment? I think we may even know when we're doing this. Helping professionals warn that every time we focus on unhappy past events, we re-live our trauma's and create internal duress. There is a lot of evidence that stress can actually make us ill. It can certainly make us miserable and that just plain sucks. I'm a huge fan of resolving old stuff, so we can see brighter days. Of course, I'm a big suck too and just want everyone to be happy :)

Blessings,

Chatigirl

Man wiring?...

The differences between men and women continue to be significant and perplexing, even with some 411 education. Thank goodness I have a few fantastic male friends to translate for me, Lol ;) For example, I hear that "No news is good news." So, ladies, when our guy has evaporated into thin air, odds are he's just wearing his "work" hat or "Dad" hat. Where we tend to keep all of our plates spinning in the air at all times, men are pretty much hard-wired to focus on one thing at a time. Not so much on the multi- tasking for men then, ha ha ;) I'm not gonna pretend this is an easy one to navigate, but armed with a few relevant and unbiased facts helps a wee bit I think.
Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Inner challenge...

"If you do not bring the genius within you, it will destroy you. But if you bring forth the genius within you, it will free you." - Rob Brezny

Hmmmm. Do we rise, or do allow ourselves to make excuses? Certainly, we do not have to do anything we don't wanna do in life (well, other than the obvious - work, take care of the kids etc. ;)). But does it cost us when we hide and/or shrink from some of the things we think about doing, but can't quite bring ourselves to commit to? What are we afraid of anyway... failure, criticism, not being good enough? I'm sure we could go our whole lives secretly contemplating pursuing or working harder at some of our interests and passions. No one would have to know. But we'll know and instead, maybe we're playing avoidance by watching more TV, eating more treats, telling ourselves maybe tomorrow. It's up to us. I wonder what would happen if we just started, one baby step at a time, just to say we at least tried! Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Refreshing tips to relieve Christmas stress ;) ...

First and foremost, yah gotta have a sense of humour, right ;) Lol.

Compliments of skillsyouneed.com

* Have a 'Great Escape' plan! It's a good idea to have some pre-planned excuses to escape form proceedings if they get too stressful. Be imaginative and use things such as leaving the room to make a phone call to a friend or perhaps checking on a neighbour. Leaving the situation, even for 10 minutes, will help clear your mind and relax you.
* When your body is under stress it produces cortisol which prepares you for 'fight or flight' situations. Caffeine does too. Offer everybody decaf coffee, tea, or herbal tea alternatives, since this will help keep the stress levels down and has the added bonus that people may fall asleep after dinner!
* Practice breathing - when we're stressed our heart beat increases and our breathing shallows. It's all part of the fight or flight reaction. Work on reversing this process and take time to breathe deeply. Breathe in deeply through your nose, hold for 15 to 20 seconds and then breathe out through your mouth, repeat for a few minutes to instantly help reduce stressful feelings.
* Know when to stop. Decide when you will stop your Christmas preparations and start to relax and enjoy the holiday. Work towards and try to stick to this goal, even if it is in the late afternoon on Christmas Eve. Remember that Christmas is your holiday too.
* Have Fun! Rise above the situation, laugh and turn "situations" into fun stories to tell at future Christmases.

Some of these really made me smile ;) Kinda makes you feel better when you know other people struggle with Xmas/family stress too, doesn't it?)

Happy December everyone!

Blessings,

Chatgirl

What we can control and what we can't...

Life is never going to be perfect and things will get under our skin. Is it ok to be pissy about the crap we don't want in our lives and can't escape? (Like crazy family members or allergies, or what have you). I mean, we're not Buddhist Monks or Ghandi, right? I say that, but I tend to beat myself up when I feel frustrated. For some reason I think I should manage a zen position 100 % of the time! What's the deal with that, Lol ; ) ?? Maybe it's time to let go and allow feelings to just be for a few moments... and then move forward with tolerance and compassion. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Passion, the "it" factor?...

What compels us? Where do we find our inspiration and motivation? It's not always easy to gear up and get moving. Just thinking about chores, errands, "musts" and "shoulds" makes me wanna hit the snooze button, Lol ;) Procrastination gets the best of us, I'm sure. When we're passionate about something, however, we seem to have boundless energy. When we believe strongly in something, joy, patience and fulfillment often follow. Wouldn't it be great if we could dig up more passion in our lives? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Traits in a mate...

According to Gwendolyn Seidman, Psychology Today, "people are more satisfied if their partner and relationship are consistent with their ideals. Recent research indicates that not all traits carry equal weight, and hitting the mark on those that reflect intrinsic (kindness, reliability, and generosity) rather than extrinsic values may be a more refined predictor of relationship satisfaction."

There are a lot of moving parts in a romantic connection and it's not easy to pin point precisely what is needed for long term success. I hear a lot of people debate on the importance of physical attraction. I guess my challenge to us all is this - do they need to be mutually exclusive? Personally, I don't believe we have to sacrifice. I believe it's possible to find the complete package. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl