Accepting the apology you’ll never get…

I literally cried when my therapist said:

Toxic family members rarely apologize. They would rather carry their denial to the grave than face the damage they’ve caused. In their minds, the pain they created was somehow your fault. 

Sometimes healing means accepting the apology you’ll never get. 

— Giamsafewithinn/@mindsets

I take comfort in knowing I tried my absolute best to achieve any form of resolution with my mother before her passing. I learned the hard way with my father’s passing. There were things I wish I’d talked to him about. Although, in my defence, he was a pretty scary, volatile character and I struggled to be an adult around him. So, with my mother, I was determined to use every communication skill I’ve acquired in therapy to discuss my upbringing, and the complex nature of our relationship. Somehow, even though I’m her actual daughter, I always felt like a step child. And when we talked, I felt like she was confiding in me as a friend, or acquaintance even, rather than a daughter. We never got down to any real clarification, or understanding. She rattled on about how much her and my father loved us kids, and didn’t seem to hear anything I was saying. She went to her grave, in my opinion, with a grudge against me and my sister, all the while loving my brother unconditionally. It’s painful. But it’s over now, and I am left to find my resolution in therapy. And therapy helps enormously. The pain dulls, and I’m beginning to accept my mother for the limited, perhaps emotionally and mentally unevolved, and flawed person she was. Frankly, I’m just relieved to be unburdening myself of some of the weight of this torturous relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl