Don’t own what others think of you…

How others see us doesn’t represent the truth of who we are. 

It only represents the truth of how they see us. Nothing more.

Don’t own what others think of you.That’s for them to own.

Your job is to work at loving yourself, as you are.

That includes your crooked smile and atypical fashion sense and bizarre family history and even your penchant for garden gnomes. Whatever it is that makes you you is something to celebrate, not be ashamed of or feel less than on account of.

You are right, as you are. 

We all have our stories. We have our pain. I’ve come to believe the only way to have a chance at healing our wounds is to be honest about them. Brave and willing enough to face them. The healing part may be out of our hands, but the brave and honest part is certainly within our power. And it changes everything.

For me, love supports it all. ALL OF IT. Love is the base note for everything good—compassion, forgiveness, kindness, authenticity—and choices made from love can only serve ourselves and our world positively. 

Love’s got the power. 

— Scott Stabile (Writer & Breathwork Guide. Stabile’s mission is to spread as much love as possible. His parents were shot to death when he was 14 and his brother OD’d on heroin 9 years later. He grew up around a lot of addiction, dysfunction, tragedy and shame over being gay, which he hid for some time).

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty inspired by Scott Stabile. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Strong enough to choose yourself…

The amount of strength it takes to choose to be alone 

instead of poorly surrounded, is extremely underrated.

If you were strong enough to choose yourself, 

I honor you.

— Xavier Dagba (Trauma-informed, transformational life coach, speaker, blogger. Dagba believes in illuminating and integrating one’s “shadow self” in order to shed personal limitations and embrace repressed powers. He feels this work allows one to live from the heart, rather than being held back by old wounds). 

My favourite therapist targets defining moments from childhood because (and I’m paraphrasing of course) he says we have limited, to no capacity, to understand or deal with our feelings and reactions back then. As an adult, we can go back in time, learn how to express ourselves, and process the traumatic event(s) in a healthy way. It’s not easy work, but for me there was always a light at the end of the tunnel, and life has continued to get better and better. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Cord cutting…

Say out loud:

“I (your name) release (their name) from my life.

May they no longer have access to me in any realm, in any form.

I am removed from them physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and energetically.

I forgive them and myself for any harm done, as that is the past and so are they.

I am free from this attachment.

I am free from any toxicity.

I am free.”

— Unknown

I’ve been working with this lately, and I find the exercise calming and helpful. Avoiding the who’s wrong and who’s right argument feels kind, and empowering, somehow. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Chatgirl 

 

Everybody is a genius…

Everybody is a genius. 

But if you judge and fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, 

it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

— Albert Einstein 

Well, that’s a genius statement. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Learning how to love…

I heard someone say “just because you love me doesn’t mean I feel loved by you.”

Wow.

— Unknown 

I agree. Wow. My favourite therapist says many of us grow up not actually knowing what love is. We know what love is not, however. So understanding love, and how to love, has everything to do with our upbringing and the role modelling, or lack there of, from our parents. Fortunately, we can learn these skills later in life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

 

More effective than motivation…

Habit and routine are more effective than motivation.

Develop the skill of doing what you don’t feel motivated to do.

— Unknown

One of my trusted coaches taught me about “intentions,” which can seriously propel a person to action. I have found this to be a true secret weapon. It goes something like this; identify a strong desire (goal), envision a fantastic outcome, watch your psyche come up with cool, brilliant ideas, then feel the surge of motivation needed to execute on those ideas, and finally, revel in the fruits of your labour. (For me, I decided to work just a little bit harder each day, so that I could make more bonus and therefore more warm vacations, because I live in a rainy climate which gets me down every Nov - March). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The fight or flight response…

How do I teach my body that my fight or flight response is supposed to be for life or death situations, 

not answering an email.

— @_chismosa_

Lol. I’m working on this myself actually. My most successful strategy so far has been Craniosacral Therapy (energy work), which helps calm the nervous system. It’s been pretty miraculous actually, and a bit of an exorcism frankly. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t lose hope…

Whatever you do, 

don’t lose hope.

— Unknown

I’ve always had a curiosity about human nature and relationship dynamics. I also enjoy researching ideas (forever the psychology geek) and learning from others’ experiences. (Not so much when I was younger, and my Dad went on about learning from history and the mistakes of others, Lol). Above all, I seek hope, motivation and inspiration as life lines in a sometimes scary world. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Necessary goodbyes?…

Some goodbyes set you free.

— Unknown 

I can relate. I had been holding onto a couple of relationships, based on long history and some cherished times. But, in truth, some of these connections were no longer congruent for me, and probably for the other person as well. (Some of them family, which is particularly disheartening). I feel I’ve restored some much needed energy, not having to jam the proverbial square peg into the round hole. I think the pandemic (and my mother’s passing) brought an end to these challenging dynamics, and not seeing eye to eye. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The comparison trap…

Comparison is the thief of joy.

— Theodore Roosevelt 

The process of constantly evaluating our own behaviour, thoughts, emotions, relationships, jobs, houses, clothes, looks, lives to each other is one of the most damaging internal narratives we can have.

— Dr Amy Silver

I don’t care who is doing better than me. 

I am dong better than I was last year.

It’s me vs me.

— Unknown

I like the idea of me vs me, and I’ll definitely try to remember the cost of comparison… having said that, I’m in business development and sales people are most definitely ranked, based on performance, on an ongoing basis. My sister and I have also been compared, based on looks, throughout our lives. (And my poor brother compared, or rather criticized, based on looks as well. So mean). Clearly society tends to rank and judge us. I guess it’s up to us as individuals to maintain perspective and not allow ourselves to  be defined by how we look or what we own. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Learning how to deal with being disappointed or angry…

Learning how to deal with being disappointed or angry is part of growing up, and learning how to express these feelings to the people we care about without feeling worse afterwards—and without leaving them feeing bad too—takes time, and practice.

— Michele Herman, A Girl’s Guide To Life

This has been THE most important lesson of my life. Expressing feelings in a tense moment isn’t easy, and has taken a ton of practice, but the resulting level of mutual respect, understanding and empathy has been quite miraculous… for the most part. (Full disclaimer: some relationships have not survived, despite better communication skills. Perhaps some relationships are just not compatible enough). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Embracing the un-comfort zone…

Great things never came from comfort zones.

— Unknown

I need to embrace this notion, because I continue to struggle with change and/or friction (I don’t even want to upgrade my laptop right now because I don’t feel like dealing with the re-set up phase, Lol). As my favourite therapist tells me “You want everything to be sunny and sunnier, which poses a bit of a problem, right?” I know, I know, I admitted. I’m gonna try collaborating, and problem solving, the tougher moments to manifest the best outcome possible. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

When we deny our emotion…

What we know now is that when we deny our emotion 

it owns us.

When we own our emotion, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain.

— Brene Brown 

There is much evidence to suggest that this denied emotion actually costs us on a physical level as well. My unresolved childhood issues always land on my stomach and digestive system. Fortunately, there is help out there. Beyond traditional therapy (including group therapy), I’ve had much success with “Craniosacral” and “Body Talk” therapies (energy/physical body support). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The value of a moment…

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment 

until it becomes a memory.

— Dr. Seuss

I thought this was a good reminder about being in the moment. We spend so much time on our phones these days, and being generally busy (I thought technology was supposed to save us time, Lol). There are so many worries as well; the war, the environment/extreme weather events, escalating cost of living. I feel like we need a life line. Part of the reason I write this blog, actually, is to remain optimistic and hopeful about humanity and life (Also, I love learning and really enjoy seeking out enlightening ideas). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The first step of healing (and manifesting a beautiful relationship)…

Be the love you never received.

Be the acknowledgement you never got.

Be the listener you always needed.

Look at the younger versions of yourself within you 

and give yourself what it is you always needed.

That is the first step of healing.

If you want others to see you, you must see yourself.

— Vienna Pharaon (One of New York’s most sought after relationship therapists. She is the founder and owner of group practice Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy)

I ended up in intensive therapy to save my marriage. Although the marriage wasn’t salvageable (we had been forewarned about 50-50 odds), I embraced individual counselling, and never looked back. A few key take aways after 20+ yrs of healing, and relationship skills work; quite a high degree of compatibility seems necessary, success is way more likely if each partner deals with their own individual baggage, and good/healthy relationship skills are a bigger advantage than one may think (For example, I learned how to cultivate an inviting, empathetic, and compassionate communication style… for the most part, Lol). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The cost of negative energies…

I am free from any negative energies that I have subconsciously or consciously attracted through the world around me - physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I revoke any energetic permission I have given in the ethereal or physical realms that don’t align with my highest path. I have divine protection from all negativity attempting to attach to my body and energy.

— Unknown 

I found Body Talk and Craniosacral Therapies by accident. I’ve suffered stomach aches and digestive issues pretty much my whole life and I’d run through the traditional medical system AND alternative therapies (including the Eat for Your Blood Type diet plan, which did help somewhat) and nothing seemed to solve the underlying issue. Luckily, an acquaintance told me about Body Talk and this has been a game changer, both physically and mentally. I paid to solve my stomach issues, and ended up with ongoing mental health support. I was very quickly diagnosed with “anxious tummy.” For me, stress lands on my gut/digestion. I learned about the impact that energies/negativity can have on us. We’ll find some people energizing and healing, while others will leave us with a bad taste in our mouth, so to speak. There have been soooo many benefits to Body Talk/Craniosacral therapy. Topping the list are; greater awareness of negative energies, better boundaries, weight loss, no more stomach aches, my body can handle more food and a greater variety of foods (a little bit of wheat and dairy are now ok, which used to kill me). Fewf! Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

10 ways to love…

Listen without interrupting

Share without pretending

Speak without accusing

Enjoy without complaint 

Give without sparing

Trust without wavering

Pray without ceasing

Forgive without punishing

Answer without arguing

Promise without forgetting 

— Unknown 

I know I must work on my listening, both personally and professionally! There’s a tendency to want to help, and solve, am I right? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healthy relationships…

Let’s not forget it’s you AND me vs the problem…

NOT you VS me. 

— Steve Maraboli

Yes! Thank you for this great reminder. (I wish I’d known this in my twenties and thirties). Just sayin’ :) hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

This isn’t therapy (and it will still help our mental health)…

- Reading for pleasure, instead of “fixing ourselves”

- Muting, unfollowing, taking a social media break

- Making, building, creating something tangible

- Mindfully brushing our teeth, showering, eating - focusing on basics

- Crying, releasing stress hormones through tears

- Writing, journaling, giving thoughts a place to exist (outside of our head)

- Listening to music that makes us feel something

- Stretching, going for a walk, moving body for joy purposes

- Intentionally doing nothing. No distractions, allowing for boredom

- Talking, deeply connecting with a loved one

— @holisticallygrace

Two stand out for me; crying to release cortisol (I released some Cortisol yesterday, Lol. Just needed to take the lid of the proverbial boiling pot for a moment), and deeply connecting with a loved one (a couple of treasured friends have moved away and I am missing them, deeply. Must re-connect). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and hang in there… (It’s tough out there, isn’t it?) XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl