If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.
That is the lesson and that lesson alone will save you a lot of grief.
— Oprah Winfrey
I wish I could go back and coach my younger self. I used to second guess a lot. I thought that anxious feeling was just fear and that I should rally. I now know that an icky tummy is a big red flag. Thank goodness for that because my gut has steered me completely right, even when the facts are unclear. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.
— Zig Ziglar
I take that to mean that we have to keep working at “it” until that right opportunity presents itself. Our big break may happen instantaneously, but typically the preparation phase takes years. I have routinely heard about ten and twenty years of striving before that “overnight success”. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’m in a really good place right now. Not emotionally or spiritually. Just on the couch with my dog.
— Anonymous
Lol. There’s something to be said for hiding at home where it’s safe sometimes. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s part of success.
— Arianna Huffington (American author, syndicated columnist, and businesswoman. She is the co-founder of the The Huffington Post, which was acquired by AOL for US$315 million. She has been named to Times Magazine’s list of the world’s 100 most influential people and the Forbes Most Powerful Women list).
I keep coming back to passion, motivation, inspiration? It seems that something deep inside of us is required to persevere, against all odds. I’ve been striving at something quite big myself, and rather than failing, I feel I’ve not yet succeeded. Let you know how it goes, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Be gentle with yourself, friends. Speak kindly. Repeat affirmations if it helps. Things don’t get easier; we just get better at them. That takes practice, repetition, hard work, focus, effort. These things are not always natural and go against what is comfortable.
— ispyfabulous.com
I learned some key relationship skills from group weekend workshops. Some of the exercises were sort of terrifying actually. We had to learn about “clearing” on one weekend. If there was anyone in the group we felt discomfort around, we had to approach them and own these feelings. Honestly, I said no way. But interestingly, each person I felt tension with approached me and it turned out to be a very meaningful experience. For example, one guy came up to me and said, “You remind of my ex girlfriend and she kind of broke my heart.” I listened, felt a lot of compassion for the guy and we both realized his feelings had very little to do with me. I think this allowed him to process some old stuff and allowed me to face the boogey man, which was just someone’s hurt heart in the end. I’ve continued to conduct this exercise in my personal life and I’ve found that welcoming people to share their experience and feelings can be profoundly healing for both people. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Read it and let it sink in
Every relationship will get “boring” after you’ve been together for years. Love isn’t a feeling it’s a commitment to love every day, physically and emotionally. It’s difficult, it’s not always laughs, smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being fun, and they go look for someone else, because “the spark is gone”. No, that’s not how it works. You want someone to never give up on you, and love you unconditionally then do the same. Be the change. This isn’t Hollywood, this isn’t the movies. That shit isn’t real. Love someone when you don’t want to. When they’re hard to love. That’s the realist shit there is.
— Unknown author
I’ve read a fair bit about the “honeymoon phase” of relationships, where we experience and enjoy the rose tinted glasses view. Everything is perfect and exciting and we don’t notice (or we ignore) a few red flags. Then down the road, when the new and shiny phase has worn off, we see what we’re dealing with. My favourite therapist says we should aim for noticing red flags up front before we’re all dewey eyed and we can make rational smart decisions. If we’re not thinking long term, and just having casual fun, then that’s probably a different discussion. Who am I to say, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
No one is going to rescue you from yourself - your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you.
— enlightenedconcsiousness
I don’t know that I had “inner demons” per se, but I definitely felt I could stand to learn some new relationship skills. My parents spent a lot of time fighting and not enough time resolving issues. I certainly didn’t learn conflict resolution or listening skills in that environment. (No offence, Mum and Dad. I know you did your best and I certainly learned a lot of other invaluable skills, including the importance of character and integrity). In counseling/coaching, I learned how to invite both myself and others to share thoughts/feelings/ideas on how to improve our communication and relationship navigating skills. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You don’t have to cheat to lose someone. You can lose someone from a lack of communication, attention, and disrespect. It’s not always what you do, sometimes it’s about what you didn’t do.
— Unknown
I wish I could coach my younger self. I look back and realize I had no idea how to communicate in my earlier relationships. I thought men could read my mind, I thought we would naturally live well together, I thought the chemistry, attraction and romance would take care of the relationship. Duh! The first important thing I learned in couples counselling was that two people should establish a “division of labor,” to minimize disagreements around day-to-day household chores. Above all, I learned how to communicate about my needs and wants. It’s all worked out, as I did meet the perfect love of my life and I learned how to be successful in a relationship. We talk about everything and we invite each other to share our feelings and experiences, so we can navigate together. No finger pointing! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Never discredit your gut instinct.
You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or a situation, trust it.
— Unknown
It is proven that we have a brain of sorts in our gut. Scientists call this little brain, which is hidden in the walls of the digestive system, the enteric nervous system (ENS). This finding is apparently revolutionizing medicine’s understanding of the links between digestion, mood, health and even the way we think. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you’re feeling down, well-intentioned words from colleagues like “It could be worse,” or “Look on the bright side,” are what organizational psychologist Laura Gallagher calls “toxic positivity” — focusing on the positive while suppressing the negative.
“Invalidation of real feelings of fear, anxiety, and sadness can take a toll on mental health. Accepting emotions, on the other hand, has the opposite effect.”
— Susy Jackson, Editor at LinkedIn News
My favourite therapist gave me similar advice. He said “I know you want everything to be sunny and sunnier, but you need your ‘negative emotions’ such as anger/frustration/irritability because they give you critical information that you need to pay attention to.” He says all of emotions and reactions are important and relevant, as they can help us draw boundaries and make healthy choices. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art.
— Helena Bonham Carter
I love the respect for individuality and uniqueness in this quote. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Standing up for yourself doesn’t make you argumentative. Sharing your feelings doesn’t make you oversensitive. And saying no doesn’t make you uncaring or selfish. If someone won’t respect your feelings, needs and boundaries, the problem isn’t you; it’s them.
— Lori Deschene (Author and Founder of Tiny Buddha, an online community that enables participants to share their experiences and insights to help themselves and others. Tiny Buddha is about reflecting on simple wisdom and learning ways to let go of pain and worry and let happiness in)
What I learned from many years of coaching/therapy/spiritual healing is that drawing and maintaining boundaries can be quite a challenge, if our family of origin did not model healthy skills. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis”. But it’s not. It’s an unraveling - a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re supposed to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.
— Berne Brown
I can see this “unraveling” posing significant challenges in relationships, particularly when children are involved. My ex and I went to counselling to try to save our marriage. We realized we had glaring compatibility issues in the end, but we didn’t want to give up on our commitment. When we sat in the therapist’s office, he said “I have a disclaimer. I can guarantee that you will each become more at peace in who you are, but this may take you further apart. So the best odds I can give you are 50/50.” Just sayin’ Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you.
— Tony Robbins
My favourite therapist talks a lot about having our own backs. This means making decisions with our happiness and well being top of mind. It took me a while to understand and act on this profound advice. Once my goals were designed around my vision of the ideal lifestyle/relationship/work life, I manifested a dreamy career position and the love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan,
but never the goal.
— Unknown
So, I guess we just have to keep trying different approaches. Experts say people will never know how close they came to “succeeding” before giving up. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You can “rewire” your brain to be happy by simply recalling three things you’re grateful for every day for twenty-one days.
Try it!
— 1000LifeHacks.com (#219)
I’ve been paying a lot of attention to my thoughts over the years and I have definitely noticed a lot of fear and doubt... when left unchecked. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We now know that trauma compromises the brain areas that communicate the physical embodied feeling of being alive. These changes explain why traumatized individuals become hypervigilant to threat at the expense of spontaneously engaging in their day-to-day lives. They also help us understand why traumatized people so often keep repeating the same problems and have such trouble learning from experience. We now know that their behaviours are not the result of moral failings or signs of lack of willpower or bad character-they are caused by actual changes in the brain.
— Bessel van der Kolk (van der Kolk is a Boston based psychiatrist, professor of psychiatry, author of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma and researcher. He is an industry leader in studying and treating trauma and the founder and medical director of the Trauma Center in Brookline, Massachusetts).
My favourite therapist says there is no quick fix, when exploring and trying to resolve our deepest rooted issues. He also says we cannot change where we were born, who our parents are and what happened to us along the way. Some things are just our legacy. Knowing that trauma actually impacts the physical body, it’s easier to understand why recovery is so challenging. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Reasons to love working from home:
1. You have work.
2. You have a home.
Everything else is a bonus.
— @brightvibes
So true. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Expecting things to change without putting in any effort is like waiting for the ship at the airport.
— Unknown
Change is often foisted upon us. I have been guilty of not acting in a timely fashion and ending up in a painful job change and relationship breakdown around the same time. Ugh. I would so rather decide when and how to make big changes in my life. I am now far more mindful and honest with myself about how I’m doing. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
“When we’re triggered, we don’t see things as they are,
we see things through the lens of our pain.”
— Kathryn Nulf, American Therapist
“Feeling triggered isn’t just about something rubbing you the wrong way. For someone with a history of trauma, being around anything that reminds them of a traumatic experience (also know as a “trigger”) can make them feel like they’re experiencing the trauma all over again.”
— Arlin Cuncic (What Does it Mean to be Triggered, very well mind.com)
My favourite therapist says that unless we heal some of our old wounds/trauma’s, we risk carrying those sensitivities forward, and potentially compromising all of our future relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Let go of the illusion that it could have been any different.
— Corrie Lo (Motivational speaker, strategist and coach for new entrepreneurs).
My favourite therapist recommends “mining” our past experiences personally and professionally so that we can adapt and evolve. Regarding relationships, he says we should observe carefully and identify red flags as early as possible, to avoid making choices that will hurt us in the end. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Interrupt anxiety with gratitude.
— Unknown
Clinical anxiety is a serious matter and likely requires the help of a professional. That aside, pretty much all the self-help and spiritual literature I’ve read says that we should not believe everything our brain tries to tell us. We’re supposed to observe and consider challenging some of the negative and scary thoughts. Best of all, we can try replacing them with more positive, optimistic, hopeful and grateful thoughts. I’ve tried this and it really works. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.
— Meister Eckhart (Eckhart van Hochheim, a German theologian, philosopher and mystic in the Holy Roman Empire. He has acquired a status as a great mystic within popular spirituality, as well as considerable interest from scholars. Carl Jung cites Eckhart approvingly in his discussion of Christ as a symbol of the archetypal self).
My favourite therapist, after forty years of practice, is quite certain that we tend to need something bigger than ourselves, particularly when grappling with and wanting to “heal” from past trauma. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
“It’s impossible,” said pride.
“It’s risky,” said experience.
“It’s pointless,” said reason.
“Give it a try,” whispered the heart.
— Unknown
Looking back, blind faith has gotten me further than anything else. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you king for a day, then go to the mirror and look at yourself, and see what that man has to say. For it isn’t a man’s father, mother or wife, whose judgement upon him must pass, the fellow whose verdict counts most in life, is the man staring back from the glass. He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, for he’s with you clear to the end, and you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test, if the man in the glass is your friend. You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years, and get pats on the back as you pass, but the final reward will be heartache and tears, if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
— Peter Dale Winbrow Sr
My favourite therapist says if we can come to terms with all of who we are, both strengths and limitations, we will achieve greater peace and joy in life and we will also be blessed with more fulfilling relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of the intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the beauty in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that one life has breathed easier because you lived here. This is to have succeeded.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love his definition of success. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.
— John Lennon (John Lennon and Paul McCartney remain the most successful songwriting partnership in history. Lennon had 25 number one singles in the Billboard Hot 100 chart and was ranked fifth greatest singer of all time by Rolling Stone).
Poetic and inspiring words. RIP John Lennon.
Blessings,
Chatgirl
