Poking fun...

"For birth control, I rely on my personality."

- Milt Abel, American Comedian

Gotta love the honesty, even if it is a joke. I'm a big fan of poking fun at our weaknesses, rather than beating ourselves up. Nobody's perfect, right? ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Tolerance? ;) ...

"I love mankind. It's people I can't stand."

- Charles Schulz, American Cartoonist

Ha ha. I may be guilty of that on occasion, Lol.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

January blues...

I've been hearing that in addition to January being a tough month, we're also facing in 2016 the end of a 9 year cycle and a time of endings? I don't know about any of that, but a lot of wise people say there's power in the quiet times and that "cleaning house" can be the most important move we make. My favourite therapist says that "the quality of our good-byes determine the quality of our hello's." Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

January chill?...

January is the month of diets and New Year's resolutions. I get it. We want more, we want to be healthier, more fit, slimmer. Or we want to work harder and achieve more financial freedom. Maybe this year we decide to set our sights higher romantically and find a match that allows us to be more comfortable in our own skin and more at home with that chosen person? I think it's all great. However... it occurs to me that maybe it's equally important to accept what is and to be grateful for what we already have and/or what we've already achieved. Striving is wonderful, unless it paralyzes us and prevents us from enjoying the here and now. Maybe it's even more important to accept what we cannot be or what we cannot do? Just sayin'...

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Kissing...

"I love kissing. If I could kiss all day, I would. I can't stop thinking about kissing. I like kissing more than sex because there's no end to it. You can kiss forever. You can kiss yourself into oblivion. You can kiss all over the body. You can kiss yourself to sleep."

- Sufjan Stevens, Singer/Songwriter

:)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Allowing" Part Two...

So.... if we're "allowing" awesomeness into our lives, we're dreaming big, we're focusing on what we want and then voila - we get to watch our miracles happen? Well, maybe not quite as straight forward as that. The "when" can be a challenge. I'm sure we've all lost hope at times and it seems like nothing's happening. I guess that's when we have to exercise our patience and faith muscles! If we want something badly enough, we won't be able to let go of the idea. If we give up, then maybe it wasn't right? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Allowing" Part One...

How do we get what we want? Do we dare to dream big? If we dare, how do we proceed?? One book, in particular, comes to mind for me. Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks, talks about "allowing." Rather than worrying, or spending time thinking about what could go wrong, or how something may NOT be possible, they instruct us to simply focus on the dream. Simple. Well, actually I don't find it easy or simple, but every time I catch myself worrying about the "how," I remember to focus only on what I want! I think it's working :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Lack of success...

"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried."

- David Brent, The Office

Ha ha. Seriously, this sentiment makes me feel good. I guess we all hate to fail. Some things are wonderfully universal.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The under belly...

"The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard."

- David Gerrold, American Science Fiction Author

This is funny and not funny. It's hard to accept all of humanity.

'Nuff said.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Can't beat 'em, join em' ;)...

"Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbour's noisy party than being there."

- Franklin P. Jones, American Author

Kinda like being sober around drunk or stoned people, Lol ... or the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em philosophy." I'm all for it. Personally, I think there's nothing better than people coming together. But then again, I'm a bleeding heart ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Playing hooky...

"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."

- Groucho Marx

I have to admit, sometimes I just don't have it in me. I mean, I love setting goals and achieving them. I even love working... most of the time... but nothing compares to free time. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Work or live?...

"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock."

- Claude McDonald, British Diplomat

Maybe just living and enjoying life is enough. Not everyone has to kill themselves, Lol ;) Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mistake or genius discovery?...

"The good ideas are all hammered out in agony by individuals, not spewed out by groups."

- Charles Brower

Hmmm... We do hear a lot about individuals relentlessly pursuing a goal, driven by something deep within. I also like hearing about genius inventions and discoveries that happen by "mistake." I guess good things happen when we keep trying. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Individuality.....

"Our best thoughts come from others."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson (1800's) wrote about individuality and freedom. A man after my own heart.

Having said that, I've always learned more from my colleagues, friends, brother/sister than I have from school. I'm always pleasantly surprised to find a better way of doing something and wonder why I didn't think of that! Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Strengths Finder...

"Knowing what you can't do is more important than knowing what you can."

- Lucille Ball

I just attended a workshop called "Strengths Finder" that claims we will be happier and more successful when we focus on our natural strengths, rather than trying to "correct" what we lack.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mind vacation...

Is it just me, or can life really feel like a treadmill at times? Even when things are going very well, it can be challenging to maintain a high level of energy and enthusiasm... and I'm someone who tends to be very disciplined, with an inspired mind set, a lot of healthy habits and passionate hobbies. Of course, being in sales for a living, no matter what you've accomplished, "they" always want more. I'm sorry, but ugh. The saving grace for me is carving out personal time and pulling myself into a warmer world, even just for a few moments - kinda like the movie Collateral when the cab driver (played by Jamie Foxx) pulls out his post card of the ideal warm destination and takes himself on a vacation in his mind any time he needs a break from reality. Just sayin' ;) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Whining....

"I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain."

- Jane Wagner, American Writer

Ha ha  ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

January blues...

"Dear January, please give a little love to me."

- Anyonymous

Just sayin' ; )

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The opposite sex...

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men."

- Joseph Conrad

Ha ha. Seriously though, the whole men and women thing can be tricky. Hell, we're all unique individuals and it can be a challenge navigating with friends and family as well. There are also countless factors clouding our ability to cope on a daily basis; being tired, overworked, (underpaid, Lol;)), being hungry, waking up on the wrong side of the bed in general, financial pressures, technology glitches, accidents, health scares etc. It is unrealistic to think we can be on our best behaviour at all times. Coming back to men and women though, I've been lucky enough to run across some relationship improving information. Kim Sarrasin and  Allison Armstrong come to mind. Both writer/educators provide practical "how to" tips for dealing with the opposite sex. So much in life comes down to education and useable information. Understanding and accepting the "other" and some of the hard-wired limitations can really help minimize snap assumptions and annoyances.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self care or selfish...

"That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them."

- Dorothy Parker, American Poet

I understand this well. It's not easy facing the disappointment of others, even when we really need to for our own health, happiness and well being. And it's not always easy to determine self-care from selfish. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Confidence...

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

I love this quote. Having said that, self-worth is complex, with long standing and potentially tricky conditioning to reverse.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Criticism trap...

"Happiness is when you love who you are and you are able to accept yourself and others."

- Bar Rafaeli

Comes back to the whole judgments thing again. Criticism of self and others can be a silent cancer. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

2016

"Fortune favours the bold."

- Terence

In the spirit of a brand New Year, the only thing we know for sure is that things change (hopefully for the better, at least some of the time!). I wish us bravery and courage in facing whatever comes.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Listening...

A trusted friend gave me the best advice recently and I turned it into my New Year's resolution, even though I don't tend to set them. I'd been thinking about how tiring it can be to "take on" other people's stuff. Turning that around, my friend suggested remaining present, quiet and supportive, rather than feeling the need to problem solve. Just be there she said... and voila! I tried it out and all I can say is, wow! I had an adult beverage, listened with love and care, "heard" the details of a friend's break up experience and simply felt compassion for her. Quite the game changer! Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl.

Judge a book by it's cover?...

"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me." - Warren Buffett

Reminds me of the whole "Don't judge a book by it's cover" philosophy. I have to admit I've been dead wrong with some of my snap judgments. An example comes to mind. I was enjoying a peaceful Sunday morning of writing, the place all to myself, when a couple and young child walked in. They were loud and for some reason chose to sit right beside me at the window bar counter. The little girl caused a pretty big fuss and spilled her granola and yogurt all over the place. I was silently annoyed and busy summing the woman up based on her sort of ratty outfit/foreign accent/messy hair.... only to find out this young grandmother had a Master's in Psychology, was writing a fabulously interesting book and was truly lovely. I gave myself a sound talking to and vowed to resist the urge to judge so quickly moving forward. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Top 10 NY's Resolutions...

Compliments of Statistic Brain Research Institute:

1. Lose weight
2. Get organized
3. Spend less, save more
4. Enjoy life to the fullest
5. Stay fit and healthy
6. Learn something exciting
7. Quit smoking
8. Help others in their dreams
9. Fall in love
10. Spend more time with family

Blessings,

Chatgirl

New Year's Resolutions...

Resolutions anyone? Here are some fun facts, compliments of Wikipedia :)

The most common reason for participants failing their New Year's Resolutions was setting unrealistic goals (35%), while 33% didn't keep track of their progress and a further 23% forgot about it. About one in 10 respondents claimed they made too many resolutions.

A 2007 study by Richard Wiseman from the University of Bristol involving 3,000 people showed that 88% of those who set New Year resolutions fail, despite the fact that 52% of the study's participants were confident of success at the beginning. Men achieved their goal 22% more often when they engaged in goal setting, (a system where small measurable goals are being set; such as a pound a week, instead of saying "lose weight"), while women succeeded 10% more when they made their goals public and got support from their friends.

Happy New Year everyone! Wishing you much love, abundance and joy in 2016 :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Clearing"...

"Clearing" is a concept I learned in a group therapy workshop (and in truth I was only there because I was trying to save my current relationship. I wish I could say I was all noble and wanting to improve myself, Lol). I have to admit, the idea of "confronting" people terrified me. I was young and came from very limited skills in this department. What I saw growing up was a lot of fighting and very little resolving. For me, avoidance seemed the most peaceful path and a smart way to go. Yeah, so that came back to haunt me over the years of course. It is completely unrealistic to think you can go through life avoiding conflict. Once I was able to overcome the panic and fear of others' reactions, I came to understand that we can clear the air in a non-threatening way, by using openers such as "I am feeling" or "my experience is." There is one footnote, however. I have it on good authority that not everyone has the capacity to "hear" and without this capacity clearing can be a challenge, and maybe even impossible. Certainly worth a shot though :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Post mortem...

This whole blog thing happened out of a bad break up. Happily, the worst of "it" is in the rear view mirror, almost 18 months later. Fewf! Given my own post mortem, I do not envy anyone who is either in one or heading toward a break up right now. It just plain sucks. Even when things end amicably, the entire thing is a process, and usually a lengthy one at that. If you're lucky enough to have simple finances and minimal negotiating (around kids, property etc.), you're still faced with starting over in so many ways. Even if you're someone who's found new love quickly (or before?), there's usually no short cut in dispensing with a past relationship. On a positive note, sitting in the void, post break, up can be very illuminating. Serious, life altering wisdom and boundaries can come out of the worst relationships. Where we were let down, we can realize our deepest needs and wants (zero tolerance moving forward?). Where we were willing to partake in things that were not (in truth) our cup of tea, we can understand who we are and what we like doing (zero tolerance moving forward?). Where we were perhaps lukewarm on the romance, we can make a new list and decide to go for more of the things we find attractive (zero tolerance moving forward?). Where we were "going through the motions" to maybe save face or avoid disrupting/hurting others, we can now be true to ourselves and go for more spice in our lives? I mean, why not?! Why should we accept numbness or a sleepwalking stupor in our love relationships? Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the idea of marriage and commitment. I really do. I am a die hard romantic. However! I do not think we should necessarily martyr ourselves for a lifetime either. If we change significantly, or if our partner becomes someone else, I think we deserve a realistic review of the situation and if things are untenable, we should be able to make a change for our health and well being. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mute button...

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."

-Plato

Seriously though, don't you wish there was a mute button for real life? Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Temptation....

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself."
-Rita Mae Brown, American Author

What do we resist and why? .... Food/sugar/carbs to keep our weight in check, booze so we're not getting too out of control, Lol;), resorting to animal attraction, again so we're not getting out of control and/or cheating on someone we care about, procrastination, so we're not getting behind at work, or on clean underwear, Lol, eating out and shopping, so we don't blow our budget etc... Geez, that's a lot to keep in check, is it not?? I think we could stand to cut ourselves a little slack if we slip up here or there. Life is too short to be so buttoned down all the time. Of course, we are going to have to live with ourselves long term, so maybe some extra chocolate or drinks, rather than some of the other devilish alternatives, ha ha.

Happy New Year everyone! Hope 2016 is all you want it to be :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl