Healing is weird, with no definitive timeline…

Healing is weird. Some days you’re okay and you’re doing just fine. Other days it still hurts like it’s fresh. It’s a process with no definitive time frame. You just have to keep going and know that when all is said and done, you’re going to be okay.

— Unknown 

I can relate. My mother died over two years ago now, and I’m still reliving parts of my childhood. My father died 25 years ago and I managed to, eventually, find peace, resolution and the joy of good memories. I’d like to get there with my mother too, although she did some unforgivable things, which will make it harder. More therapy needed! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It never was right?…

Sometimes it’s not the what went wrong that bothers you. 

What bothers you the most is that it never was right. 

— Unknown 

20/20 hindsight can make one look foolish. Personally, I was very late in identifying and respecting my deal breakers (chronic, rude lateness, chronic messiness, lack of consideration, lack of affection and kindness, absence of partnership tendencies such as sharing the cooking/cleaning workload)! When I took a healthy pause, returned to therapy and analyzed my relationship history, the issue became crystal clear. Each of my past relationships had at least two deal breakers. Duh. So I made a new, more comprehensive “list” of qualities and commonalities, and was determined to stick to it! I met the love of my life within a year and, amazingly, he had made his own list, based on past experiences and mismatches. Our list was the same, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Stifled emotions from childhood?…

So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes. Yet, we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. 

— Rebecca Eanes

My parents demanded “proper” behaviour and a respectful tone. We weren’t even allowed to have a sulky look on our face. Actually, I think it’s cruel, forcing a child to hold back the tears. I believe in teaching manners and etiquette, but this stuffing of emotions caused quite a big disconnect from my feelings. My favourite therapist diagnosed me with a “broken compass”, and it took years to right my emotional ship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

How to say “No” without apologizing…

“I won’t be able to make it and I’m grateful you invited me.”

“No, that doesn’t work for me right now.” 

“That sounds amazing, it’s just not something I can commit to right now.”

“Thank you for thinking of me, tonight I plan on laying low.”

— Dr Nicole Lepera

My favourite therapist talks about resisting the urge to feel obligated. Game changer for me, actually. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Cynicism is not helpful…

Based on a growing science, Zaki calls on people to replace cynicism with “hopeful skepticism” that helps see the world more clearly and activates them to create a better future by leveraging “the surprising wisdom of hope.”

Although it’s understandable, cynicism is not helpful. Research shows it’s harmful on both personal and social levels. Cynics suffer worse physical and mental health, and communities suffer, too. Elites who want to ensure the status quo are well served by a population that believes things can’t get any better. It’s truly dangerous when we stop seeing any way out. Cynicism is harmful for individuals’ overall health. Cynics suffer more depression, isolation and heart disease. They lose out on friendship, love and opportunity. They drink more alcohol, earn less money and even die younger than non-cynics.

Cynicism is also harmful to communities of all sizes, whether it’s a family, a town, a company, a nation. People’s willingness to trust is the engine grease of society that allows people to work together, so social mistrust creates instability, leading to increased crime, polarization and disease…

Cynicism leads to shocking levels of misinformation and susceptibility to misinformation. Worse still, when people feel like they can’t trust institutions, they often end up bonding with individuals who share their distrust — even when those individuals promote remarkably destructive and unrealistic ideas…

As a scientist, I’m not here to say there’s more good than bad in humanity; those are theological and philosophical questions. But I can say that people are more trustworthy, friendlier, more open-minded and more generous than we predict — that we underestimate one another systematically in dozens of different ways. 

— excerpt from CTV Lifestyle article “Cynics not only lose out on friendships, love and opportunity — they’re also wrong about human nature”, written by Jessica DuLong, published Nov 9th 2024

I’ve always been an optimistic, almost to a fault. Of late, though, I’ve felt quite concerned about the state of the world; climate change, disturbing violence, political polarization, cost of living, the wars. So I was happy to come across this article today. Feeling uplifted by the inherent goodness of (at least a good percentage of) people is clearly better for the heart, mind, body and soul. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Forgive your old self…

Forgive your old self, you’ve changed. 

— Unknown 

I needed to forgive myself for not having healthy enough boundaries, and for not fully understanding my needs and wants. Once I figured all that out, I met the love of my life and landed the perfect job. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If it feels bad, it’s a no…

If you’re not sure, it’s a no. If you don’t want to, it’s a no. If you’re not ready, it’s a no. If your intuition says no, it’s a no. If it feels bad, fake, forced, off, uncomfortable, or weird, it’s a no. 

Maturity is saying no without apologizing when enforcing your boundaries. 

— Unknown 

It took me a really long time to establish healthy boundaries. My upbringing was restrictive, almost almost negated the space to learn about one’s needs and wants. Then I attracted a similar dynamic in my relationships. Exhausting. Fortunately, one of my ex’s referred me to a fantastic therapist/seminar leader (Joel Brass, based in Vancouver, BC, if you want to look him up) and I was able to stabilize my emotional world. I’ve since met the love of my life and achieved an unexpected level of financial freedom. I highly recommend this sort of personal and relationship make over. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Bringing out the best…

Negativity is contagious. Unhappiness is contagious. Fear is contagious. But so is happiness. So is optimism. So is love. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. And strive to be a reflection of what you want to receive. 

— Unknown 

I pursued energy work because the traditional healthcare system had no answer for my ongoing digestive issues. I’ve had pretty crippling stomach aches my entire life, and although diet and exercise help, they don’t resolve the issue. I was determined to find a solution and was fortunately referred to “Body Talk” by an alternative practitioner. I was quickly diagnosed with “anxious tummy” and learned about protecting my environment. Anger and negativity land badly on me, so I’m careful about how I spend my time and energy. Game changer. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Neglected child in an adult body…

 A neglected child in an adult body may:

• Put up with being hurt in the name of love
• Attract emotionally unavailable partners
• Tolerate abuse in order to avoid rejection
• Sacrifice their personal values to try to fit in
• Feel responsible for other people’s happiness
• Suffer in silence due to hyper-independence 

— @heybobbibanks

Well, that was pretty much me in my younger days. Even with therapy, it took years to learn how to have my own back. I finally got to the point, however, where I realized I’d rather be alone that be in the wrong relationship, compromising my well being. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s okay to require things from people in your life…

You think you’re being a low-maintenance partner, but you’re actually just afraid your partner won’t show up to your needs, so you pretend not to have any. You should impact a space you’re in. It’s okay to require things from the people in your life. You’re not ‘too much’.

— @deepmindsanonymous

That was totally me when I was younger. My parents weren’t exactly loving and attentive, and my mother was also “sick” which left my sister and I to carry the family load. So I learned from a young age to meet my own needs, and care for others. This became a problematic pattern in my relationships. Thankfully, I went to therapy and learned how to be in a mutually beneficial relationship. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your anxiety is bullshitting you…

Your anxiety is bullshitting you.

You’re going to be ok.

You are LOVED!!

— Rob Sampare Brotchie

A great reminder that most of what we worry about never actually happens. I really wanna take this to heart, and de-escalate, rather than gaslight the worry. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Calming the nervous system…

Your nervous system will feel naturally calmer when you:

• Spend more time with the right people
• Allow yourself to rest without guilt
• Make your body feel safe (tapping/affirmations)
• Take some deep breaths (shallow breaths trick the nervous system that you’re in fight/flight)
• Offer yourself compassion over judgement
• Less staring at a screen (locked eyes trick the nervous system that you’re in a stress response)
• Lean into self-forgiveness
• Laugh
• Walk in nature
• Accept your humanness

—@h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e

I’m in Hawaii right now and the stress has melted away, duh. You’re in the moment, in the warm sunshine, with a gentle breeze, sandy beaches, soothing waves, and little turtles swimming right near the shore. The biggest decision is what to eat for lunch or dinner. Book that vacation. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t waste another minute…

Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. 

Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive.

— Unknown 

I know the type, and I know I need to steer clear, when possible, and/or minimize the interactions. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl