If today gets difficult…

If today gets difficult, remember the smell of coffee, the way sunlight bounces off a window, the sound of your favourite person’s laugh, the feeling when a song you love comes on, the color of the sky at dusk, and that we are here to take care of each other. 

— Nanea Hoffman

I remember talking to a good friend of mine during the financial crisis of 2008. We were commiserating, as his business was in serious peril, and I was freshly out of work, after landing a well paying, shiny new job just 6 months earlier. We talked about the day to day stress of it all, and how we similarly leaned on exercise (me yoga/gym/swimming and him kite boarding/cycling), coffee talk with friends, and a positive world view, for the most part. In the end, he said, you know what I realized? Whatever happens, I’ll always have the ocean. That really stayed with me, and I think about it when times are tough. I try to remember the things that bring me comfort and joy; good friends, animals, writing, swimming outside, movies/shows, warm sunshine and blue skies, beach vacations, and long weekends to cool cities. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Start healing by telling the truth…

You have to tell the truth about your wounds in order to heal. If it hurts, admit it. If it’s killing your soul, admit it. If it’s not okay, don’t say it’s okay, admit it. We start healing by telling the truth, so be honest about what you’re feeling. 

— Unknown 

I ended up in therapy to save my marriage, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I began with a weekend relationship workshop (led by a savvy individual/family therapist and seminar leader), and soon learned that the session would merely scratch the surface. I was quickly diagnosed with father issues, which meant relationship issues. I was further diagnosed with a love-ability issue. Ouch, and sniff sniff. In one-on-one therapy I learned about conscious and unconscious wounds, my sabotaging coping mechanisms (such as unhelpful and fearful, passive-aggressive and/or silent reactions to conflict) and most importantly, the need to feel in order to heal. I think I cried the entire 3 years of my intensive healing journey. Best thing that ever happened to me. I found a more solid footing than I could have imagined, which allowed me to thrive at work, gain financial freedom, and find the perfect love of my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not with the right people?

If you don’t feel safe enough to express your pain or your feelings or stick up for yourself, you’re not in a safe place and you’re not with the right people.

— Unknown 

I walked on eggshells in my family of origin. Consequently, I ended up in relationships where I did the same. I am most grateful to therapy for teaching me to draw healthy boundaries and to recognize my deal breakers. I no longer need to walk on egg shells. Fewf. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Feel drained around certain people?…

How drained you feel after interactions with someone can be a helpful measure of how “yourself” you’re able to be around them.

The more effort we put into performing or shape shifting, the more drained we’re likely to feel.

— haileypaigemagee

I learned about this concept in my energy work; Body Talk, Osteopathy, Craniosacral Therapy. I’ve become more and more aware of how I feel either energized or drained around certain individuals. Apparently, we can actually be slimed by others’ anger and/or negativity. Ugh. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Be the adult…

Be the parent the child inside of you never had.

— Unknown 

This was my toughest lesson learned in intensive therapy. I learned that although I may have been a victim in childhood, it was up to me to be the adult now. I suppose I wasn’t done feeling sorry for myself. I felt that I was mistreated, and it wasn’t fair. Fortunately, therapy guided me through the feeling and healing journey, and allowed me to resolve some of these old wounds. My favourite therapist says “Some things are just your legacy, and your lot in life.” I also learned to embrace the serenity prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” And of course family can be those you choose; your mate, your dearest friends, colleagues, teammates. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t want to do the work to heal?…

The more you heal, the more comfortable you are with being the villain in the story of people who don’t want to do the work to heal themselves. 

— Unknown 

I’ve certainly had relationships fall away, the more healing work I’ve done. And frankly, I’ve always found it hard to listen to people routinely complain about their lot in life and/or the issues in their relationships, while not doing anything to improve the situation. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t feel safe?…

Trauma can make it feel like you’re never save, even if the world around you appears to be safe to everyone else. This can make it incredibly difficult to explain to non-traumatized people, who can’t see a clear “reason” you feel anxious, paranoid, scared, or powerless.

— @bloomingwithemmy

When I began working with my favourite therapist, he called out my “father issue” which meant I would have trust issues with men. He said, “In fact, I will likely be the first man you ever trust.” He was absolutely right. Fortunately, the work allowed me save that fearful inner child, who was stuck in a past loop of insecurity. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl