Mourning family who are still alive…

We talk about breaking cycles, but no one prepares you for the grief of mourning family who are still very much alive. Healing your lineage means becoming the one who draws lines no one else dared to. It means choosing distance, silence, boundaries, over the chaos you were raised to normalize. And it hurts. Not because you’re heartless, but because you held onto hope for so long. You’re grieving the version of them you needed… and the version of you who kept trying. It’s lonely. It’s gut-wrenching. But it’s how you find peace in a place they never made safe. 

— Unknown 

It’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Apparently, 50% of us have challenging family scenarios and 8% of us are completely estranged from our roots. My mother passed away over three years ago and I’m still sorting through the rubble. At least I know I tried my best to resolve things with my mother. I have to say she didn’t seem super interested in these chats. She shamelessly favoured my brother, and clearly had it out for me and my sister. We’re not exactly sure why, but certainly it’s got something to do with my brother not being my Dad’s in the end (brother finally did a DNA test to confirm his suspicions, which sister and I had had all along), and my parents fighting cats and dogs my whole life. My Dad died in 1998 and mother remained in a bipolar state, with an unhealthy addiction/attraction-hate-on for him. It was very confusing. And my father straight up had zero respect for my mother, regularly calling her demeaning names. My sister and I figure we became inexplicably linked to my father, given our similarity to him and his family, and paid an unfair price over the failed state of their relationship. So, to anyone out there struggling with family, I stand with you. I feel your pain and I know there are no quick and easy solutions. I do recommend talking to a trusted therapist or coach. My favourite therapist repeatedly restores my sanity and my faith in humanity. A proper, healthy catharsis works miracles. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Effort is attractive…

• Safety is attractive 
• Emotional maturity is attractive
• Raw communication is attractive
• Authenticity is attractive
• Imperfections are attractive
• Genuine connection is attraction
• Effort is attractive
• Consistency is attractive
• Honesty is attractive
• Kindness is attractive
• Taking accountability is attractive 
• Awareness is attractive 
• Growth is attractive

— Unknown 

When I read this list, I think of someone who is reliable, for themselves and others. And that is attractive, in my opinion. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Step away to protect your peace?…

Sending love to anyone who’s had to step away from family in order to protect their peace. It takes real strength to choose healing when the people who raised you, or the ones you trusted most, are also the ones who caused the deepest pain. That kind of hurt stays with you, and walking away is never easy. But sometimes creating distance is the only way to feel safe, steady, and whole again.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist helped me look at family differently, and he helped me question duty and obligation. He gave me permission to step away when I needed to, and to be present when I felt I could handle the confusion and disappointment of my family scenario. My biggest take away is that sharing the same blood, does not guarantee compatibility. My mother and brother were simpatico, two peas in a pod. My sister and I never seemed to bond properly with our mother. It’s sad, but I understand this is quite common. Just sayin’ : ) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Feelings are wounds, asking to be seen…

I sat with my anger and asked why it kept showing up. It said, “Because you’ve been hurt, and no one listened.” 

I sat with my sadness and asked why it never left. It said “Because I’m the love and care you never received.”

I sat with my fear and asked why it controlled me. It said, “Because I’m the part of you that’s still waiting to feel safe.”

Then I realized these feelings weren’t my enemies. They were my wounds, asking to be seen.

— Unknown 

I’m working with my favourite therapist, after a bunch of years off, and I’m mesmerized once again. My mother passed way three years ago, which has left quite the wake. My father died in ‘98, so I’m in full post-mortem on the upbringing, which has been so challenging. I was also diagnosed with early stage cancer (yikes!) in May. Thank goodness I had already resumed the deep healing work. In my experience, therapy allows us to go back in time and save ourselves. One by one, the unresolved feelings from our various trauma’s are located, addressed, nurtured, and released/healed. It’s courageous work, and it’s quite miraculous, in my opinion. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

9 Habits of Mentally Strong people…

• They stay calm in chaos—respond, don’t react
• They set boundaries without explaining too much
• They listen more than they speak
• They embrace solitude to recharge
• They say “no” without guilt
• They don’t seek validation from others
• They let go of what they can’t control
• They learn from criticism, not crumble under it
• They keep going—even when no one claps

— Unknown

It took me years of therapy to achieve any of these 9 habits. As my favourite therapist would say, our reactions tend to be about 5% from the present moment, and 95% from our baggage, generally family of origin wounds. Once those old triggers are dealt with, it’s possible to remain calm, and emotionally grounded. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl