Instead of certainty, seek self trust…

My therapist taught me that…

the opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, it’s self trust. Trying to control the future is a battle that you’ll never win, so instead of seeking certainty, seek self trust. Tell yourself: I don’t know what will happen in a year. I don’t know what the future holds.

What I do know is I trust I’ll be able to handle whatever does happen. I trust I’ll have my best interests at heart. I trust that I’ll try my best. I trust myself, so I know I’ll be okay.

— @latenightepiphanies_

This goal is very pertinent for me right now. I’m working on trusting myself, and being ok, despite the not knowing. I’m dealing with a cancer scare right now, and although I’m being told I should be fine, there is some uncertainty about what my future holds. Although I’m considered very early stage, with a “low disease burden”, they may to be able to get all of the pesky, small spots. Personally, I had never heard of this before, but there is a certain patient population that needs to go on and off chemo to keep the disease at bay. And yet, I may also be one of the lucky people who kicks this thing completely. Quite the scary place to sit for the next three months of crappy chemo treatments. Keep you posted! Just sayin’ :/ Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trust the energy…

Trust the energy…

that you are feeling about certain people and situations. Your body and mind can pick up on thing that don’t exactly make sense to you right away. There is a reason you are feeling this way, and though you might not know what that is, you should trust it anyways, and always follow your intuition. 

— Unknown 

When I was younger I struggled with fear vs gut instinct. I now know that gut instinct is something I feel in the pit of my stomach, or in the hairs standing on end. A situation or person will repel me with a bit of a force. I’ve found this “information” to be bang on, especially when I don’t have the necessary facts to make a decision. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Betrayal trauma…

Betrayal trauma is a soul level violation…

Relational betrayal hits deep. Not only is it an intentionally deceptive act, but it violates the fabric of soul level trust that has been offered. Everything becomes distorted because you are left questioning if any of what you experienced was real. This level of violation causes great rupture to your foundation of safety and security, often causing you to lose faith in love. In people but more so in yourself… You stop trusting your own instinct and intuition.

— Unknown

I have suffered my fair share of painful betrayals, from both family and a former partner. The partner situation left a post-traumatic stress response, with a high alert type of fear for a few years. This stopped me dead in my tracks and took me back to the relationship drawing board. Amazingly, this journey led to my perfectly matched mate, 10+ years now. The family betrayals have been more complex and painful. I’m still in therapy, which I find incredibly cathartic. My therapist says in order to heal, you must feel, and the sessions offer a big light at the end of the tunnel. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tired of trying to make it work?…

Endings don’t require drama or toxic behaviours. You can end something because it’s not what you want, it doesn’t fit where you’re going, you’re tired of trying to make it work, your needs have changed, or you can no longer accept what is happening. You don’t have to wait for a major offence to let things go. It’s okay to bow out gracefully. Sometimes peace is more important than giving someone a piece of your mind. 

— Nedra Tawwab/Power of Wordz/fb

Endings have been a work in progress for me. I hate being on bad terms with people, and I find it hard to walk away from historical relationships because there’s always good there too. But I’ve finally had to acknowledge deal breaker behaviours for what they are. I figured it out in my love live, and finally chose a perfect partner. But I dragged my heels with some dear old friends. I still find it sad to say goodbye. But I also know my peace and well being can’t take certain things anymore. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anger is clarity…

Healing will make you angry. And if it hasn’t yet, you probably haven’t gone deep enough. There is a rage that lives beneath survival. A rage that builds when you realize how much of your life was shaped by someone else’s dysfunction. How much of your personality is a byproduct of having to survive chaos. How many of your choices were never really choices at all, just coping mechanisms disguised as decisions. And when you finally see it, when you feel it fully, it’s not pretty. But it’s necessary. Because anger is clarity. Anger is boundaries forming in real time. Anger is the nervous system screaming, “I’m not safe yet.” Let yourself feel it. It’s not the end of healing. Sometimes, it’s the beginning. 

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist diagnosed me with a “broken compass” because I avoided anger, and other “negative” emotions. I grew up in a volatile environment, with both parents throwing temper tantrums. All I saw was destruction, and so I made it a point to minimize anger in my life. What I didn’t know is the importance of anger, managed well, in helping us draw healthy boundaries and helping us make sound decisions. I am no longer afraid of anger. I’ve learned how to express myself, even while upset, and my partner and I “invite” each other to share our feelings and experiences. The outcome is always a win-win. It’s very cool. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

10 things that require zero talent…

1. Being on time
2. Making an effort
3. Being high energy
4. Having a positive attitude
5. Being passionate
6. Using good body language
7. Being teachable
8. Doing a little extra
9. Being prepared
10. Having a strong work ethic

— Unknown

There you go. So we can actually go a long way, even if we feel we’re lacking the innate talent to succeed at something we have our eye on. We can learn and we can work at it. They say it takes 10,000 hours to be elite at anything anyway. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Look out for glimmers, and find more joy…

Today I learned about a term called “glimmer.” Which is the opposite of a trigger. 

Glimmers are those moments in your day that make you feel joy, happiness, peace or gratitude. 

Once you train your brain to be on the lookout for glimmers, these tiny moments will appear more and more. 

— Unknown 

I really like the idea of that. Much better than triggers, which are jarring and upsetting. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

The cost of stress on our bodies…

Psychology says when we face constant stress and uncertainty, our bodies learn to live in survival mode. We stay alert, tense and exhausted. Always waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Even in moments of calm, our minds don’t relax. It’s not because we’re overreacting, it’s because our nervous system has forgotten what safety feels like. 

— Unknown 

That makes a lot of sense. I’ve worked with a traditional therapist for many years, including countless, therapist-led weekend relationship seminars, to tackle post-traumatic stress from a troubled childhood and ongoing family dynamic. I ended up working with a Craniosacral/Body Talk therapist to tackle my physical issues. I’ve had digestive issues my whole life, and I pursued this alternative option out of desperation. I was tired of stomach aches and all the food sensitivities (the traditional health care system, and naturopathic options had no solution). The Craniosacral and Body Talk therapies have been pretty miraculous for me. They seem to calm my nervous system and allow my digestive system to function better. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Prioritize moments of joy like your life depends on it…

You are not a machine. You are a soul who needs music, connection, sunsets, laughter, and small pockets, of joy. Prioritize them like your life depends on it because it does. Life isn’t meant to be a cycle of stress and survival. Pause. Look up. Let the sunset remind you: you’re here to live, not just hustle. Life is not a to-do list. It’s a gift. Walk slower. Hug longer. Laugh louder. Love deeper. The clock may be ticking, but your presence is timeless. We’ve been conditioned to believe that constant productivity equals worth, but humans weren’t designed for endless output. We need moments of wonder, connection and rest not as rewards for hard work, but as essential ingredients of a meaningful life.

— Unknown 

Great reminder. I know I can be quite the busy bee. I love ticking to-do’s, and seeing results. But I do feel, at least in North America, we can spend altogether too much time working. So I am challenging myself to find more moments of joy each day. One thing I’ve been doing is visiting the kitty cat cafe for an hour. I’m unable to have pets, due to work travel, and this is such a great fill in. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Healthy distancing…

Distancing

yourself from people who give you negative vibes or unhealthy energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you feel unappreciated or disrespected is self-care.

Choose to honour your feelings and boundaries, respectfully and gracefully.

— Marc and Angel, Power of Wordz

My favourite therapist taught me about “having my own back”. It seems silly in hindsight, but I didn’t even consider questioning duty and obligation. I thought there were certain things you had to do, particularly for family and long term friends. I didn’t see where I was abandoning myself. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl