What we need in a relationship…

What we need in a relationship:

* Trust

* Safety

* Respect for one another

* Freedom to be yourself

* Forgiveness for when we don’t get it right

* Ability to compromise

* Willingness to talk about the hard stuff

* A commitment to work through issues

* Fondness and admiration of each other

* Equality when it comes to wants, needs, goals and any big life decisions

* Someone who is all in

— @centredselftherapy, Lucille Shackleton

After two divorces (one in my early twenties, and one in my mid-thirties), I took a time out to figure this whole thing out. My second husband and I were in therapy to try and save our marriage, and as it turns out, this helped us decide to part ways. Intensive, individual therapy also helped me figure out where I was going wrong. I had embarked on relationships that, in fact, were not suitable for me, right out of the gate. There were neon sign deal breakers that I had been ignoring, even with basic compatibility. For example, I’m a neat freak and ended up with quite an untidy person. I’m also very attentive with time and paired up with someone who was chronically late, to the tune of 45 minutes. Yes, huge deal breaker, particularly when it comes to movies and flight departure times, Lol. In both marriages, I would say I was not given the freedom to be myself, which is the ultimate deal breaker, looking back on it. So I sat down and made a very comprehensive list of needs/wants in a partner, based on who I am and how I want to live my life. It took about a year and then I met the perfect love of my life. We were amazed that we both had written lists, and they matched perfectly. Fate? Or excellent self care and forethought? Maybe both. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl