The Brain’s Betrayal
The hot and cold cycle of attention followed by neglect, or kindness followed by malice, will create a trauma bond. Your brain will oscillate between pumping out oxytocin (bonding hormone) and cortisol (stress hormone). The intensity and instability of this chemical cocktail breeds a hurricane inside your skull and heart. You feel unsafe. A simmering, background anxiety floods your state, undermining your wellbeing. It becomes difficult to sleep or focus.
Brain chemistry plays a massive role here. To stay sane through this process, you need to understand the brain’s main goal is to keep you safe, not happy. Happiness becomes attainable only after your brain is convinced that you are safe.
— Ewa Zwonarz
My favourite therapist says that a large percentage of us grow up feeling unsafe, and this leads to unhealthy attachment patterns, and overall relationship challenges. He also says that we tend to attract partners who will have the same capacity or incapacity for achieving a healthy relationship (and it’ll always look like we’re the B student and they’re the D student). I’ve learned that with great therapy and life coaching, it is possible to improve one’s emotional stability and relationship skills, which tends to lead healthier and happier relationships overall. Just sayin’ Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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