I’ve read that 8% of North Americans are completely estranged from their parents, and 50% have troubled relationships. This is quite comforting to know, given my own twingey background. I’ve been dealing with the death of my mother since August, which piles on to my father’s death 24 years ago, and the painful past as a whole. Grieving the death of an abusive parent is said to be even harder, given the complexity of the relationship. Healthy and expected responses are:
* Relief, followed by emptiness and resentment, potentially for many years, as one works through the grief
* Anger - partly because you’re still stuck with all the hurt feelings, even though they’re gone
* Confusion - being deprived of a loving upbringing or relationship with your parent can create confusion when they die because there’s no longer any opportunity for reconciliation.
* Emotional overwhelm - tangled web of emotions that are hard to define and articulate
How to cope: seek therapy, explore how you want the rest of your life to proceed without this person, find new meaning, find forgiveness as a way of healing from the past trauma, seek spiritual development as it helps increase hope and self-acceptance
— excerpt from How to Handle an Abusive or Toxic Parent’s Death, by Dr Alejandra Vasquez, JD, CT, Certified Grief Counsellor
I’m a glass-half-full kinda girl, so I’ll definitely take this advice to heart. AND fortunately, I love therapy and I have a spiritual practice that lifts me up, so I expect to turn this grief into something beautiful. It might take some time though. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
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