At 70 years old, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would be to use the words “fuck off” much more frequently.
— Helen Mirren
Lol. I can relate, particularly at Xmas time when compromise, endurance, and potentially a lot of alcohol and/or sugar, are required ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you cramped and insane.
In Navajo culture, rug weavers intentionally create small imperfections in their work, like odd-coloured beads or stray pieces of yarn. This rebellion against unattainable exactitude makes the art more soulful. Relieved of the unrealistic mandate to be flawless, the rug can relax into its beauty.
— excerpt from Rob Brezny, Dec 29th 2022, FreeWill
How beautiful. I’m gonna take the Navajo culture tip to heart because I most definitely suffer a bit of the OCD, perfection thing (anyone who knows me well would agree I’m sure, Lol). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Your hope waters the roots of the flowers that have yet to bloom.
— Unknown
I think I love Disney movies becuase they are chockablock full of hope and inspiration. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and best of luck for 2023. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
When you least expect it
something amazing will come along.
Something even better than you imagined.
— Unknown
Happy Holiday season. Wishing you the life of your dreams for 2023. Hugs, XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Discussions are always better than arguments because an argument is to find out who is right,
and a discussion is to find out what is right.
— Unknown
I learned about “clearing” from my favourite therapist. He teaches communication skills in his weekend workshops, as the foundation and necessity for a healthy relationship. There’s an exercise where each participant has to approach and invite a conversation with any and all individuals where there is a feeling of discomfort. I was a big chicken in my first workshop and just sat there, trying to be invisible (a strategy I used growing up, Lol, which did not translate well into my later life). Interestingly enough, each person I felt uncomfortable with (there were two or three) actually approached me to clear the air. There were some snap judgements, but as the workshop moves on you begin to understand one another better and you tend to see people differently. It was all very cool and super helpful to my future relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
— Unknown
Lol ;) I must admit, I’m feeling pretty introverted and inward focused at the moment. The death of a parent will do that to a person. Meanwhile, I thought I’d share a little comic relief. Made me giggle. Hugs and best of the season to you. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I think my biggest take away from therapy (because I’m a sensitive creature who went to the school of hard knocks in my family of origin, which sort of set me up for a big life learning curve) is the importance of having one’s own back. Okay, well, actually there are two big nuggets. The second one is leaning into your feelings. Like really validating your experience and giving yourself permission to be upset, angry and hurt. Of course, at some point we’re supposed to sort it all out (which typically requires professional assistance), find forgiveness and move onward an upward in a healthy and happy way. We shan’t wallow and become bitter angry person, ok? But we shall have our own back, sooth and nurture ourselves back to health. And then find a sense of empowerment and live an eff’ing fantastic life. Am I right? Just sayin’ ‘;) Hugs and best of the season to you. I know Xmas can be really hard. Hang in there. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
My favourite therapist taught me perhaps the most valuable lesson of my life. My (now ex) husband and I were working with the therapist to save our marriage, but he began with a disclaimer. He said “half of the couples who come to me will make it and half won’t, and frankly there’s nothing sadder than being in a marriage that isn’t working anyway. Because there’s no hope of things changing. At least when you’re single, every day is a new day to potentially meet someone.” He went on to explain that therapy tends to allow each individual to come into their own, and this either brings two people together, or reveals the partnership as an ill-fitting match. Alas, we parted ways as friends, thanks to this terrific coach, and we both ended up meeting much better life partners. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 38% of respondents stated that the holidays make them more stressed out. Participants ranked their top stressors as being short on time or money, commercialism, the pressure of gift giving, and family gatherings.
Well that makes me feel a lot better, Lol. I do get extra time off at Christmas, which I am hugely grateful for, but the time seems to get chewed up with Xmas shopping, visiting and preparing food for gatherings. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and best of the season to you. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’ve read that 8% of North Americans are completely estranged from their parents, and 50% have troubled relationships. This is quite comforting to know, given my own twingey background. I’ve been dealing with the death of my mother since August, which piles on to my father’s death 24 years ago, and the painful past as a whole. Grieving the death of an abusive parent is said to be even harder, given the complexity of the relationship. Healthy and expected responses are:
* Relief, followed by emptiness and resentment, potentially for many years, as one works through the grief
* Anger - partly because you’re still stuck with all the hurt feelings, even though they’re gone
* Confusion - being deprived of a loving upbringing or relationship with your parent can create confusion when they die because there’s no longer any opportunity for reconciliation.
* Emotional overwhelm - tangled web of emotions that are hard to define and articulate
How to cope: seek therapy, explore how you want the rest of your life to proceed without this person, find new meaning, find forgiveness as a way of healing from the past trauma, seek spiritual development as it helps increase hope and self-acceptance
— excerpt from How to Handle an Abusive or Toxic Parent’s Death, by Dr Alejandra Vasquez, JD, CT, Certified Grief Counsellor
I’m a glass-half-full kinda girl, so I’ll definitely take this advice to heart. AND fortunately, I love therapy and I have a spiritual practice that lifts me up, so I expect to turn this grief into something beautiful. It might take some time though. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck! XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
