Love for free...

"I love, because my love is not dependent on the object of love. My love is dependent on my state of being. So whether the other person changes, becomes different, friend turns into a foe does not matter, because my love was never dependent on the other person. My love is my state of being. I simply love."

- thethingswesay.com

Spiritual mentors would say this is the peace and joy that comes from being connected to our deepest selves (Spirit, Source, whatever your chosen word). My favourite therapist would say this is when we truly and completely have our own backs.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Over time...

"A river cuts through rock not because of its power, but its persistence."

- thethingswesay.com

If we can keep at it, who knows :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Hard work...

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did."

- Newt Gingrich

If we're compelled on a deep level, it's like we have no choice ... or if we're stuck and we really don't have a choice... we gotta keep going :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Re-directed, not rejected ;) ...

"As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."

- Anonymous

Seems natural to ask "why" when something goes "wrong" ... and then, as life unfolds we are often grateful for a different and better path:)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Let it lie...

"Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies."

- Bobby Jones

Accepting what life brings each moment is a bigger discipline than one might think. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Keep movin'...

"If you can't fly, then run,
 If you can't run, then walk,
 If you can't walk, then crawl,
 but whatever you do,
 you have to keep moving forward."

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Adversity...

"The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."

- Hellen Keller

In the Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama says that suffering enables us to feel empathy for our fellow man. A more pleasnt way of thinking about the "stuff" we have to deal with, that's for sure  ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

More patience...

"Patience is not about how long you can wait, but on how you BEHAVE while waiting."

- AroundTheHemline.com

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Love or fear?...

According the "A Course in Miracles," it's all about choosing love over fear.

Love: we experience as kindness, giving, mercy, compassion, peace, joy, acceptance, non-judgment, joining, intimacy.

Fear: when expressed, we recognize it as anger, abuse, disease, pain, greed, addiction, selfishness, obsession, corruption, violence, and war.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Fear in our way?...

According to "Ask and it is Given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks, we have more control over our lives than we might think. According to the book, fear is our biggest enemy and in order to manifest the things we want we can have no doubt. Peace and relaxation are said to come from knowing and trusting that our good will come to us.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mondays...

"Monday morning coffee is just as important as Friday night liquor... almost."
"Why is Monday so far from Friday but Friday so close from Monday?"
"Monday?! But I wasn't even finished with Saturday yet!"

Ha ha :) Compliments of The Fresh Quotes

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Anger - helpful or hurtful?...

"Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, possessions - we cannot be free."

- Hanh Nhat Thich, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy and Liberation

Can't shake those angry feelings? Try this Buddha technique.... (also from Hanh Nhat Thich, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching)

1) Recognition - If we are angry, we say "I know that anger is in me."
2) Acceptance - When we are angry, we do not deny it. We accept what is present.
3) Embracing - We hold our anger in our two arms like a mother holding her crying baby. Our mindfulness embraces our emotion, and this alone can calm our anger and ourselves.
4) Looking deeply - When we are calm enough, we can look deeply to understand what has brought this anger to be, what is causing our baby's discomfort.
5) Insight - The fruit of looking deeply is understanding the many causes and conditions, primary and secondary, that have brought about our anger. Our anger was triggered... We reflect like this until we have some insights into what has caused our suffering. With insight, we know what to do and what not to do to change the situation.

Angry over stuff in the past?....

"Before you live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can't change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free."

- Shannon L. Alder

My favourite therapist says anger is an essential emotion because it reveals critical information. Anger lets us know when our boundaries have been crossed and that we need to act our own behalf. Anger, if utilized in a productive and healthy way he says, allows us to effectively manage our precious health and well-being.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

True love...

"I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we're together, my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have met you."

- Anonymous

This is the stuff of storybooks and hollywood movies, right? The age old question - does it really exist? I had heard about this kind of love and was familiar with the quote "when you care about someone more than you care about yourself, you'll know you're truly in love." I think I've also heard somewhere that true love is in the giving.... of loving behaviour; patience, understanding, empathy, compassion, flexibility, kindness, non-judgment. When we find ourselves compelled, we're probably onto something. Just sayin.... ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Courage...

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'"

- Mary Anne Radmacher

Makes me think about the British ski jumper, Eddie the Eagle, and so called unlikely Olympian. Nobody was going to tell him what he could and could not accomplish. The audience fell in love with his spirit. Still gives me goosebumps. Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Aged like a fine wine...

"I am strong because I've been weak. I am fearless because I've been afraid. I am wise because I've been foolish."

- Anonymous

There is a sense of pride and accomplishment in overcoming difficulties. I speak from personal experience and I can say that the biggest challenges I've faced have made me a stronger and better person.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Perseverance...

"You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life."

- Anonymous

I'll say ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Waiting...

"Waiting is a sign of true love and patience. Anyone can say I love you, but not everyone can wait and prove it's true."

- PictureQuotes.com

Ps. is it obvious that I'm working on patience and waiting ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Patience...

"Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself."

- Saint Francis De Sales

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Look in the mirror?...

Valuable advice from Mark Groves, Create the Love...

"Grab a pen and go through all the people who have touched your life. Time doesn't determine whether they make the list, your heart does. I want you to go through each person and write down what the lessons were that they taught you about relationships, yourself, and how you could've been a better partner. Once you're done going through everyone, I want you to send your appreciation to them. I don't mean literally, just thank them from the bottom of your heart for what they've taught you. Feel your gratitude. For me, it's not good enough in relationships to just want one and enter them blindly. We must do the work. We must understand why we do the things we do because as the great legendary zen bhuddist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said: ' To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.'"

My favourite therapist has some equally compelling advice. He advises us to think of the top five closest people to us and consider what they would say about being in a relationship with us. What are we like to deal with? My guru says it's more than likely that these five people will have the exact same experience with us and that they're allowed to be right in their opinions! Food for thought hey? ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Personal power...

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."

- Albert Ellis

Even more simply put.....

"When you blame others, you give up your power to change."

- Robert Anthony

Hopefully we're armed with the strong desire and heaps of motivation it may take to propel ourselves to that better life.  :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Build it and they will come" ...

Like that great line in Field of Dreams (very popular, other worldly baseball movie with Kevin Costner), relationship experts tell us that we are the architects of our relationships. Mark Groves (Create the Love) has this wisdom to offer....

"If we want an amazing relationship we can't blame everyone else for what happens to us - at some point we have to take the wheel and decide that great love is what we want, and we're no longer going to let the same stories play out in relationship after relationship... In every relationship lies gifts and lessons. If we're willing to look, we'll begin to see that the purpose of relationships with other people is not just to feel love and connection, but also to be invited to our greatest selves."

My favourite therapist recommended a couple of great books on the matter; Getting the Love you Want and Keeping the Love you Find by Harville Hendrix. Keeping the Love You Find includes some enlightening exercises on mining past relationships and uncovering potentially unhealthy patterns we've been stuck in.

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Self-worth challenge...

We all have our strengths and weaknesses and I'm sure everyone struggles with insecurity to some degree. Some fears and insecurities are more pronounced, however, and can indicate concerning self-worth issues. Good therapists and spiritual guru's advise that in order to cultivate a true sense of security, we need to focus on our inner world (character and core values/positive traits/life purpose) because external factors can be impermanent. In other words, if we rely on our looks and/or talents, we may be compromised as we age and our looks and talents fade.

 Indictors of low self-esteem (according to wikipedia):

* Heavy self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
* Hypersensitivity to criticism and resentment against critics and feelings of being attacked.
* Chronic indecision and an exaggerated fear of mistakes.
* Excessive will to please and unwillingness to displease any petitioner.
* Perfectionism, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.
* Neurotic guilt, dwelling on or exaggerating the magnitude of past mistakes.
* Floating hostility and general defensiveness and irritability without any proximate cause.
* Pessimism and a general negative outlook.
* Envy, invidiousness, or general resentment.
* Sees temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions.

3 states of self-worth:
* Shattered - the individual does not regard themselves as valuable or loveable.
* Vulnerable - the individual has a positive self-image. However, their self-esteem is also vulnerable to the perceived risk of an imminent anti-feat (such as defeat, embarrassment, shame, discredit), consequently they are often nervous and regularly use defence mechanisms.
* Strong - people with strong self-esteem have a positive self-image and enough strength so that anti-feats do not subdue their self-esteem. They have less fear of failure.

The importance of self-esteem:
"Self esteem is attractive as a social psychological construct because researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and relationships and criminal behaviour."

I guess we're talking about root causes. If we find ourselves chronically dissatisfied or unhappy in our lives, maybe we can investigate, heal old wounds, learn new skills, turn things around? Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

The wisdom of past love baggage...

Compliments of Mark Groves, Create the Love You Want

"There's a big shift that can happen for us when we begin to look at our past and what it means to us. Most of us don't tend to look at why we do the things we do."

Mark is a "relationship mentor" with loads of helpful advice.

Stay tuned! ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

More about life and death...

"In any given phase of our lives, one or the other polarity is often more pronounced. but sometimes they are evenly balanced; the Seasons of Rot and Regeneration happen at the same time."

- Rob Brezny

All that said, I still struggle with the "down" times.  I'm gonna shoot for neutral and curious and go from there, Lol. Just sayin; ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life and death continued...

"From a metaphorical perspective, our familiar ways of seeing and thinking and feeling are constantly atrophying, even as fresh modes emerge. Both losing and winning are woven into every day; sinking down and rising up; shrinking and expanding."

- Rob Brezny

It would be so great to be able to remember this when times are low :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Life and death...

"Each one of us is a blend of life and death. In the most literal sense, our bodies always contain old cells that are dying and new cells that are emerging as replacements."

- Rob Brezny

More about the yin and the yang we keep hearing about :)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Survival skills...

* Take big deep breaths
* Clear the mind, stop thinking for a minute
* Feel the fear and then become inquisitive
* Believe that you can solve this
* Believe that it'll be ok
* Feel a sense of calm

Just sayin' ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

When work is work...

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it."

- Steve Jobs

No question. It's not always easy though, given commitments, responsibilities, finances. Maybe small steps on the side? If work is painful, maybe it's worth thinking about?

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Genetic inheritance...

As an aside, U.K. researchers have discovered the gene responsible for hair greying.

"Understanding the mechanism of the IRF4 greying association could also be relevant for developing ways to delay hair greying." - UCL Profesor Andres Ruiz-Linares

Another potential anti-aging remedy. A specialist recently told me we're going to live to 100 sooner than later too! Wow! Hopefully we're not wearing Depends and we're still making sense at that point, Lol ;)

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Perseverance...

"It's been one of  those days for like, 3 years now."

- Anonymous

Been there, that's for sure. It gets better though... eventually ;) Just sayin'

Blessings,

Chatgirl

"Compassion fatigue"...

"It's good of you to think of others and to want to help those in need but you have only so much time and energy at your disposal, so put your own needs first for a change. There is such a thing as compassion fatigue."

- Sally Brompton

Good advice :)

Blessings,

Chatigrl