Instead of asking, “Have I worked hard enough to deserve rest?”
I’ve started asking, “Have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work?”
— Nicola Jane Hobbs
I like that. I can feel my body relax just thinking about it. It’s like giving yourself permission to need and deserve sleep, rest, downtime. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The person coming to save you
is your healed self.
— Unknown
Yup. Very true. When I was younger, I counted on my boyfriend/husband/friends to be my support system, until I realized this was not a sustainable, or adequate solution. My family of origin was not a haven unfortunately, and so I was left somewhat untethered emotionally. In my parents defence, they did teach us kids about manners, integrity, character and the importance of education, which certainly led to career and financial stability. The emotional/relationship end of things, not so much. My favourite therapist says this is actually more the norm, so I’m sure my parents did their best. Beyond that, it’s been up to me to find the emotional stability required for a healthy and happy relationship. Now, this is not easy work, as you pretty much have to be willing to pick over your past in excruciating detail. This is the road less travelled, as my therapist says, but I highly recommend it. Life is better in every respect on the other side of such a brave post mortem. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
You like taking care of people
because it heals the part of you that needed someone to take care of you.
— Unknown
Ahhh. Right. That makes perfect sense. I was very much that person for a long time. I used to people please. I hated conflict and would do almost anything to keep the peace and smooth things over. I finally realized I wasn’t actually achieving peace. Instead, I’ve learned to address my own needs, wants and desires. I’ve also acquired much better communication and relationship skills (from therapy, life coaching, relationship courses). Some things and people have fallen away, and you know what? I’ve achieved the peace, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Your romantic relationships will.
— Unknown
My favourite therapist would agree. He says that we can roll along quite swimmingly, while single, thinking we’re pretty well adjusted adults. Then one day we lock eyes with a super attractive someone, the connection sticks and we enjoy the honeymoon phase… until one day we need to navigate life’s inevitable stressors and find ourself triggered by this precious partner. Those triggers lie in wait, unfortunately, unless we sort out at least some of our baggage during calmer days. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Make sure you are also being respected, prioritized, supported
& understood.
— Anonymous
I’m not even sure I saw “being loved” growing up, which is quite sad. In my parents’ defence, my favourite therapist says most of us grow up learning about what love is not. We may not know exactly what love is, but we’re aware of not feeling loved. My biggest take away from intensive therapy is that it is up to us as adults, unfortunately, to repair the damage done to us along the way… if we so choose of course. The benefit is better quality relationships, and a better life in general, in my experience. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Those who are emotionally intelligent, understand that just because you address something that bothers you, doesn’t mean you’re trying to argue. We’re just communicating.
Disagreements don’t have to end with arguments or fights.
— Unknown
Hmm. Well, I see two scenario’s. One in which two people have a base of commonality and can agree to disagree on certain topics and issues. The other, where two people have little common ground and face a fundamental, philosophical disconnect. You just hope the disconnect doesn’t occur within your family or work circle. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Love to their level of self-love
Communicate to their level of self-awareness
And behave to their level of healed trauma
— Anonymous
My favourite therapist says we tend to attract someone with a similar capacity and incapacity to achieve a healthy and happy relationship. One thing is certain. The more “work” I’ve done on myself (life coaching, intensive therapy, energy work, relationship/communication skills workshops, conflict resolution training etc.), the better my relationship. I’m proud of us both. We’re able to talk about anything and care about each others’ feelings, needs and wants, even when the situation is upsetting. We don’t need to be right, we listen to each other, and we’re committed to a mutually beneficial outcome. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
I’m at a point in my life where I no longer have expectations, I have requirements.
Respect my time. Match my effort.
Keep your word. Always be honest.
Stay consistent.
Those are my requirements, not expectations. Requirements.
— Anonymous
I wish I could tell my younger self. I can respect and appreciate my desire to keep the peace and see everyone happy, but I certainly paid a price. It’s near impossible to keep everyone happy anyway, so better to take care of one’s own mental and emotional health. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
It’s rare that you find someone with enough emotional and mental patience and maturity to work through shit with.
Like actually communicate, and lose their ego because they value the connection more than their pride.
You gotta leave your ego at the door in love.
It’s a must.
— Anonymous
My perfect love and I talk about this a lot. We each came through the pain of divorce realizing that the “match” needs to be near perfect to achieve a healthy, life long union. In hindsight, our past relationships had pretty clear irreconcilable differences (but we both married young!). Interestingly, we each crafted a perfect partner “list”, based on our learnings. This list included lifestyle habits, character musts, short and long term life goals, red flags/deal breakers to be aware of and must have’s (things you can’t live with, and things you can’t live without). We pretty much saw each other from across the room (we lived 9 blocks away from each other and ended up at the neighbourhood pub one fated Friday night with friends. Lucky!), thought, “wow, that is the most attractive person I’ve ever laid eyes on”, had a couple of dates and soon realized we’d found our perfect match. We ended up sharing our lists, and they were almost identical. Pretty miraculous stuff! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
Learn to deal with people for who they are, not who you want them to be.
Life gets a lot easier when you stop expecting apple juice from oranges.
— Rigel J. Dawson (Pastor and author)
My savvy life coach tells me it’s absolutely ok to keep some people at a distance (as in Facebook, text, email). It’s also ok to call it quits, when need be, for our mental and emotional well being (even with family). I find it hard to let people go. But in the end, I finally realized that some deal breakers demand attention and action. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
“And they lived happily ever after.”…. ?
More like….
And they worked as a team to:
* Identify and overcome the very normal challenges that all couples face in different situations
* Acknowledged each other’s triggers and prevented conflict from escalating and doing damage
* Listened and validated each other, even when they didn’t agree
* Discussed needs and expectations openly so resentment didn’t build up
— @Meet_TheFreemans (Slighly paraphrased)
Well said. This is exactly what I learned in the therapist-led relationship workshops I attended. Brilliant guidance that really works. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
The Brain’s Betrayal
The hot and cold cycle of attention followed by neglect, or kindness followed by malice, will create a trauma bond. Your brain will oscillate between pumping out oxytocin (bonding hormone) and cortisol (stress hormone). The intensity and instability of this chemical cocktail breeds a hurricane inside your skull and heart. You feel unsafe. A simmering, background anxiety floods your state, undermining your wellbeing. It becomes difficult to sleep or focus.
Brain chemistry plays a massive role here. To stay sane through this process, you need to understand the brain’s main goal is to keep you safe, not happy. Happiness becomes attainable only after your brain is convinced that you are safe.
— Ewa Zwonarz
My favourite therapist says that a large percentage of us grow up feeling unsafe, and this leads to unhealthy attachment patterns, and overall relationship challenges. He also says that we tend to attract partners who will have the same capacity or incapacity for achieving a healthy relationship (and it’ll always look like we’re the B student and they’re the D student). I’ve learned that with great therapy and life coaching, it is possible to improve one’s emotional stability and relationship skills, which tends to lead healthier and happier relationships overall. Just sayin’ Hugs and good luck. XO
Blessings,
Chatgirl
