Need a willing participant…

I want to help you, but you have to be a willing participant. 

If you’re not, then I’m no longer helping you up; it is you who is pulling me down. 

— Dr Steve Maraboli

When I was younger, my relationship, and making my partner happy, was my top priority. It took far too long, and too many break ups, to realize I needed to take better care of myself emotionally. I finally sorted out what makes me feel safe, loved, joyful and fulfilled. And that actually led to a much better pairing in the end, duh. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you want to develop emotional maturity….

If you want to develop emotional maturity, practice:

• Facing uncomfortable emotions without letting them dictate your actions
• Embracing change (learn how to bend without breaking)
• Allowing people to feel their emotions without trying to “save” them
• Accepting feedback
• Making decisions based on your values
• Having difficult conversations
• Being honest with yourself and others
• Honouring boundaries (even if you don’t like them)
• Making space for vulnerability and intimacy
• Acknowledging your flaws without letting them define you
• Observing how you show up in the world

— @millennial.therapist (Dr Sara Kuburic - psychotherapist, speaker, former USA Today columnist)

I owe my new and improved life (met the love of my life, riding a career high and enjoying a sweet level of financial freedom) to a few of these for sure. I hit an all time low during the 2008 financial crisis, including a humiliating break-up, where I turned a blind eye to my own truth, delayed the inevitable and paid the price. Thankfully, I embarked on a personal overhaul. I took a year long relationship hiatus, went back to intensive therapy and did a post-mortem on my relationships and career approach. My biggest learnings were; accepting myself for who I am and how I want to live my life, I made decisions about love and career based on my values/needs/wants, and learned how to have difficult conversations. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing past fight or flight mode…

Nobody really talks about this

But, once you start healing past traumas and your body comes out of “fight or flight” mode your body will crave a lot of rest And, silence. Your body finally starts to feel safe in peace + quiet. The calm. You aren’t lazy, your body is just catching up on all the years it didn’t have this stillness. 

You. Deserve. This.

— Unknown

I couldn’t seem to stop crying during my three years of intensive therapy (individual, plus group therapy, involving 6 weekend seminars per year). There was a lot to unpack, given the tumultuous family I grew up in. My parents were hugely at odds and both were fairly explosive and at times violent. I walked on egg shells and tried to be perfect to avoid the hot seat, which set me up for a bit of OCD and anxiety. I still suffer from neat freak tendencies and fidgeting, but at some point my body began to relax. I now enjoy naps and quiet time above all else. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Powerful source within you…

Everything changes when you begin to love yourself. You no longer send out energy of desperation or need to be filled from the outside. You become a powerful source within yourself that attracts better. The more you love who you are, the less you seek validation and approval.

— Unknown 

I feel fortunate to have landed on a healing path, and compelling inward journey. I’ve invested in years of therapy, life coaching, and relationships courses, where I learned to accept myself fully. Unconditional self-acceptance has allowed for the confidence and emotional stability to excel in my career, to achieve financial security, and to find the perfect partner and soulmate. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The real luxuries in life…

When you realize the real luxuries in life are slow mornings, time with the people you love, home cooked food, quiet moments, good sleep, time in nature, a good book, watching the sunrise, and not rushing everywhere; that is when you begin to really live!

— Unknown 

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately. I’m a bit torn, because I love the simple things in life (the ocean, swimming outside, time with friends, morning coffee, writing, animals, movies, music etc), but I also kind of need warm vacations, live entertainment, dining out and new clothing garments once in a while too. I’ve certainly learned to live on a lot less, thanks to a 2008 financial crisis near-bankruptcy. I’ve pretty much settled on living simple most of the time. I prioritize saving; for retirement, for a rainy day  and for pre-paid for trips and fun extra’s. Zero debts. And I get to watch my investments grow. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A fit physique shows dedication, self-respect and dignity…

Why I respect “fit people”

Because “Fit People” with a physique is much more than how good they look…

A well-built physique is a status symbol that reflects your hard work. 

Money cannot buy it, nor can you inherit it.

You cannot steal it. Nor can you borrow it.

You cannot hold onto it, without constant work. 

It shows dedication. It shows discipline. It shows self-respect. It shows dignity.

It shows patience, work ethic and passion. 

Being “Fit” is far more than just looks. 

— Unknown 

I’ve never thought of it quite like that. I’m certainly grateful for being a person who enjoys, and actually needs fitness. I find exercise eases my stress (I’m pretty type A), helps with digestion and helps me sleep. I don’t have to worry about what I eat as much, and the weight loss and physical toning are great too, of course. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Breathe in the amazing and hold on through the awful…

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. 

And then it’s amazing again.

And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.

Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary.

That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. 

And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. 

— L.R. Knost

I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better hearing about other people’s experiences. Knowing that we’re all in it together, going through the good and the bad; the pandemic, climate change, the wars, death and loss. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Do the work to heal?…

I hate when people say “If you love me, you’ll accept me as I am”. Loving you doesn’t mean tolerating your refusal to develop emotional intelligence and heal your dysfunction. If you loved you, you would do the work so people who love you don’t feel forced to walk away.

— Unknown 

I continue to do the work to heal. I was fortunate that my ex-husband drew a firm boundary around my family drama. I was surprised to hear him say he “wasn’t willing to take that on”. He went on to say that talking to him or my friends would not solve the issues and that I should talk to a professional in order to better deal with the family dysfunction. Boy was he right. I made a significant investment (of time and money) in individual therapy, group therapy, therapist led weekend relationship workshops and spiritual healing. I think I cried for about three years. I had no idea the depth of anger, resentment, and sadness I carried from my childhood, and ongoing family issues. I could see the benefit of the work right away, and I’m actually returning to the weekend workshops to deal with the death of my mother and resulting fall out with my siblings. Therapy has had a very positive impact on my relationships, my career, and my overall health and well being, and I’m excited to pursue an even deeper level of self-care and love. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl