Inherent divinity of creativity and imagination…

God cannot exist without the human imagination. I do not say this to disprove the existence of God… but to acknowledge the inherent divinity in creativity and imagination. 

— Benny Hill 

I’m not a religious person per se, but I am spiritual (lapsed Catholic). I’ve had the very cool experience of “channeling”, where you seem to be getting help from “above” when completing a seemingly impossible task or exercise. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tragic and freeing to accept…

It is both tragic and freeing to accept that your mother is not capable of being the mother you always needed her to be.

— Stephi Wagner

I learned about acceptance of one’s family of origin in intensive therapy. Specifically, my therapist said some things are just our legacy. We can’t change who our family is, or where and how we grew up. So at some point, we need to become the adult in our lives and manage (and hopefully resolve some of) our baggage. This is no easy task, and in my experience it takes time, patience, energy and money, potentially, if you’re interested in going the professional route. Which I highly recommend. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Take the high road, and skip the guilt?…

Always take the high road

You may be stepped on, 

crushed, 

and even heart broken, 

But at least you can look yourself in the mirror every day and say

I did the right thing.

— c.a.j.m.

A good friend, and coach of mine, talked about paying his fair share of taxes. He said “I just pay what I have to pay, and I enjoy living free of guilt and fall out.” I’ve never forgotten that, and I made a similar decision to skip writing off grey area receipts. It’s a load off actually. I also think back on my younger days and having messier relationship break ups, taking forever to end things and waiting until you’re enticed in another direction. Thing is, you tend to beat yourself up for past indiscretions. Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Conflicting thoughts/feelings that can be true at the same time…

• Your parents did the best they could, AND their choices wounded you.
• You love someone AND you know it’s not healthy to keep them in your life. 
• You’re terrified to take the next step AND you know it’s the right thing to do. 
• You want to have a healthy relationship AND unresolved trauma is making it difficult.
• You’re afraid to fail AND you believe in yourself 

— @drheidigreen

One thing that really stood out in intensive therapy is the “internalized parent.” I learned that we tend to be quite conditioned by our upbringing and it can be hard to break away from those early judgments/expectations. For example, in my family of origin, which is Italian dominant (and Catholic, which I abandoned long ago), you get married, rather than shack up, you don’t get divorced and you have kids, damn it. If (when) you veer from those cherished traditions, the community judges, and feels betrayed on some level, I think. So my two divorces, zero kids and abandonment of Catholicism are quietly frowned upon. I know I’m not alone in this cultural divide (because you see it in movies/shows and read about it all the time), where the parents came over from the old country and expect their kids to live according to the old traditions, in this new world (I’m thinking The Big Sick, which was an incredible movie, featuring the pressure of arranged marriage vs falling in love). It’s not easy being true to yourself when it disappoints your parents/culture. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Your nervous system remembers trauma…

Recovery from mental, emotional or physical burnout can take years. Even if you start prioritizing rest and you start living a softer life, your nervous system remembers the burnout and/or the trauma. Understanding this and being gentle and patient with ourselves is key. 

— Amanda Perera, @RaisingYourFrequency

I’ve been working with a Craniosacral Therapist (releasing tension in the central nervous system to allow the other systems in the body to relax and self-correct) for years. I pursued this alternative treatment as a last resort. I’ve had live long digestive issues and nothing else has worked, other than diet and exercise somewhat. I was quickly diagnosed with “anxious tummy.” In other words, having to “digest” stress (and trauma response) actually compromises the body’s ability to digest the food we eat. I’ve done loads of individual therapy/group therapy/EMDR, re-birthing (plus additional stress relievers; meditation, yoga, swimming, writing, spending time with animals etc.), and nothing has worked as well as Craniosacral Therapy (and BodyTalk). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Can’t just get over it?…

“Why can’t I get over it or just let it go?”

Responses of the nervous system happen below the level of conscious awareness, in the survival brain. Becoming anxious, triggered or shutting down isn’t something you’re choosing - it happens automatically and instantly. If something feels familiar to a previous trauma, your physiology will move you into a state of fight, flight or freeze. You can’t talk yourself out of it or be more positive/capable/strong to change it. It’s not your fault.

— Jessican Aguirre.com, @repairing_the_nervous_system

I’ve spent loads of time, energy and money (and blood, sweat and tears!) on individual therapy, rebirthing, life coaching, group therapy and EMDR. It’s all helped enormously. I can’t help but feel osteopathy/energy work has made the biggest difference however, because the central nervous system calming has improved my physical health, in addition to the emotional/mental reprieve. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Life changes…

You lose love. You lose friends. 

You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone.

And then, without you even realizing it, these pieces come back. 

New love enters. Better friends come along.

And a stronger, wiser you is staring back in the mirror.

— Preetham Mohanty

I would say accepting, let alone embracing change, continues to be a work in progress for me. And it’s silly because I tend to thrive with change. (Speaking of which, the start up I’ve been working on for a few years just folded due to unfavourable market conditions, sigh. Ah, well. I’ll find another endeavour!). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Win together or lose together…

In every disagreement with your spouse, remember that there is not a winner and a loser. You are united in everything, so you will either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution where you both win. 

— DaveWillis.org 

Thanks to really good counselling, my partner and I have a pretty full proof strategy. When tensions rise, one of us will remember to say “No one is wrong or bad. Let’s just clear the air and we can move on.” Those simple words are surprisingly calming. We find common ground quite quickly, and then we apologize to each another. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Their actions represent them and where they’re at…

Don’t personalize or internalize other people’s behaviour. What they do is not a reflection of you. Their actions represent them and where they’re at in their growth. Just observe instead of getting caught up and overreacting emotionally.

— Unknown

This is definitely easier said than done. What I’ve learned from intensive therapy (plus life coaching, energy work, EMDR, re-birthing, and group therapy workshops), is that we often end up dealing with the issue at hand, plus the weight of past issues that get triggered. It really helps to offload some of the old stuff, so we can be in the moment. Just saying’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Sweep under the rug?…

There are things you may feel inclined to “sweep under the rug”. However, if it’s under the rug, it’s still in the house.

You cannot heal from the things you don’t confront.

— Unknown  

I don’t know that I would have embarked on an intensive healing journey if it weren’t for my marital break down. My husband and I were determined to save the marriage and we were willing to do anything in our power to resolve our issues. However, our therapist led with the disclaimer that, in his 40 years of practice, outcomes were 50/50. He explained that in counselling people tend to become more grounded in who they are, which can lead individuals away from one another. This was the case for us. We parted as friends and ended up in better suited partnerships. I highly recommend confronting issues. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

So I can let go and move on…

I forgive people. 

It doesn’t mean I accept their behaviour or trust them gain. It means I forgive them for me, so I can move on with my life. 

—  Unknown 

I have found forgiveness to be a work in progress. I understand the concept of forgiving to free myself, but I am certainly challenged by some of the deeper rooted hurts. Therapy and energy work really help. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

No one’s coming…

There’s a little girl within me who still thinks that if she’s quiet enough, that if she behaves enough, that if today, she’s just enough to be good enough, that someone will come back for her. But the woman I’ve grown into knows now, no one is going back for her, except me.

— Tanya Markul

This was probably the toughest lesson of my life, realizing I needed to transition away from a victim mentality. I didn’t even know what that was, it felt unfair frankly, and it was a huge paradigm shift . I (probably like a lot of people) knew that I had been victimized as a child and I felt justified in my anger and hurt. However, I could also see that I was emotionally stuck (trust issues, choosing/attraction the wrong partners), which continued to compromise my relationships. Fortunately, I learned that taking ownership of one’s “stuff” can be quite empowering (meaning that at this point, as an adult, your baggage is, unfortunately, yours to deal with). You know that you were mistreated, and you can lick your wounds, but you can also take time and space to heal. Then, as the responsible and accountable adult in your life, with a fresh and unburdened perspective, you can make better decisions (instead of emotional decisions, coming from a woe is me place). This journey led me to the love of my life (going on 10 yrs now), the perfect job, and an intriguing entrepreneurial endeavour. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl