Feelings are wounds, asking to be seen…

I sat with my anger and asked why it kept showing up. It said, “Because you’ve been hurt, and no one listened.” 

I sat with my sadness and asked why it never left. It said “Because I’m the love and care you never received.”

I sat with my fear and asked why it controlled me. It said, “Because I’m the part of you that’s still waiting to feel safe.”

Then I realized these feelings weren’t my enemies. They were my wounds, asking to be seen.

— Unknown 

I’m working with my favourite therapist, after a bunch of years off, and I’m mesmerized once again. My mother passed way three years ago, which has left quite the wake. My father died in ‘98, so I’m in full post-mortem on the upbringing, which has been so challenging. I was also diagnosed with early stage cancer (yikes!) in May. Thank goodness I had already resumed the deep healing work. In my experience, therapy allows us to go back in time and save ourselves. One by one, the unresolved feelings from our various trauma’s are located, addressed, nurtured, and released/healed. It’s courageous work, and it’s quite miraculous, in my opinion. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

9 Habits of Mentally Strong people…

• They stay calm in chaos—respond, don’t react
• They set boundaries without explaining too much
• They listen more than they speak
• They embrace solitude to recharge
• They say “no” without guilt
• They don’t seek validation from others
• They let go of what they can’t control
• They learn from criticism, not crumble under it
• They keep going—even when no one claps

— Unknown

It took me years of therapy to achieve any of these 9 habits. As my favourite therapist would say, our reactions tend to be about 5% from the present moment, and 95% from our baggage, generally family of origin wounds. Once those old triggers are dealt with, it’s possible to remain calm, and emotionally grounded. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Instead of certainty, seek self trust…

My therapist taught me that…

the opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, it’s self trust. Trying to control the future is a battle that you’ll never win, so instead of seeking certainty, seek self trust. Tell yourself: I don’t know what will happen in a year. I don’t know what the future holds.

What I do know is I trust I’ll be able to handle whatever does happen. I trust I’ll have my best interests at heart. I trust that I’ll try my best. I trust myself, so I know I’ll be okay.

— @latenightepiphanies_

This goal is very pertinent for me right now. I’m working on trusting myself, and being ok, despite the not knowing. I’m dealing with a cancer scare right now, and although I’m being told I should be fine, there is some uncertainty about what my future holds. Although I’m considered very early stage, with a “low disease burden”, they may to be able to get all of the pesky, small spots. Personally, I had never heard of this before, but there is a certain patient population that needs to go on and off chemo to keep the disease at bay. And yet, I may also be one of the lucky people who kicks this thing completely. Quite the scary place to sit for the next three months of crappy chemo treatments. Keep you posted! Just sayin’ :/ Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trust the energy…

Trust the energy…

that you are feeling about certain people and situations. Your body and mind can pick up on thing that don’t exactly make sense to you right away. There is a reason you are feeling this way, and though you might not know what that is, you should trust it anyways, and always follow your intuition. 

— Unknown 

When I was younger I struggled with fear vs gut instinct. I now know that gut instinct is something I feel in the pit of my stomach, or in the hairs standing on end. A situation or person will repel me with a bit of a force. I’ve found this “information” to be bang on, especially when I don’t have the necessary facts to make a decision. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Betrayal trauma…

Betrayal trauma is a soul level violation…

Relational betrayal hits deep. Not only is it an intentionally deceptive act, but it violates the fabric of soul level trust that has been offered. Everything becomes distorted because you are left questioning if any of what you experienced was real. This level of violation causes great rupture to your foundation of safety and security, often causing you to lose faith in love. In people but more so in yourself… You stop trusting your own instinct and intuition.

— Unknown

I have suffered my fair share of painful betrayals, from both family and a former partner. The partner situation left a post-traumatic stress response, with a high alert type of fear for a few years. This stopped me dead in my tracks and took me back to the relationship drawing board. Amazingly, this journey led to my perfectly matched mate, 10+ years now. The family betrayals have been more complex and painful. I’m still in therapy, which I find incredibly cathartic. My therapist says in order to heal, you must feel, and the sessions offer a big light at the end of the tunnel. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Tired of trying to make it work?…

Endings don’t require drama or toxic behaviours. You can end something because it’s not what you want, it doesn’t fit where you’re going, you’re tired of trying to make it work, your needs have changed, or you can no longer accept what is happening. You don’t have to wait for a major offence to let things go. It’s okay to bow out gracefully. Sometimes peace is more important than giving someone a piece of your mind. 

— Nedra Tawwab/Power of Wordz/fb

Endings have been a work in progress for me. I hate being on bad terms with people, and I find it hard to walk away from historical relationships because there’s always good there too. But I’ve finally had to acknowledge deal breaker behaviours for what they are. I figured it out in my love live, and finally chose a perfect partner. But I dragged my heels with some dear old friends. I still find it sad to say goodbye. But I also know my peace and well being can’t take certain things anymore. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anger is clarity…

Healing will make you angry. And if it hasn’t yet, you probably haven’t gone deep enough. There is a rage that lives beneath survival. A rage that builds when you realize how much of your life was shaped by someone else’s dysfunction. How much of your personality is a byproduct of having to survive chaos. How many of your choices were never really choices at all, just coping mechanisms disguised as decisions. And when you finally see it, when you feel it fully, it’s not pretty. But it’s necessary. Because anger is clarity. Anger is boundaries forming in real time. Anger is the nervous system screaming, “I’m not safe yet.” Let yourself feel it. It’s not the end of healing. Sometimes, it’s the beginning. 

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist diagnosed me with a “broken compass” because I avoided anger, and other “negative” emotions. I grew up in a volatile environment, with both parents throwing temper tantrums. All I saw was destruction, and so I made it a point to minimize anger in my life. What I didn’t know is the importance of anger, managed well, in helping us draw healthy boundaries and helping us make sound decisions. I am no longer afraid of anger. I’ve learned how to express myself, even while upset, and my partner and I “invite” each other to share our feelings and experiences. The outcome is always a win-win. It’s very cool. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl