Beneath each behaviour is a feeling, and a need…

Beneath each behaviour there is a feeling. 

And beneath each feeling is a need.

And when we meet that need, rather than focus on the behaviour, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.

— Ashleigh Warner (Family Psychologist, who believes that the “answers for each family aren’t held in a set of pre-prescribed parenting rules; they are found within the parents themselves.”)

I ended up in intensive therapy to save my marriage, and soon learned that I was indeed part of the problem. I was immediately diagnosed with a father issue and a “loveability” issue. My therapist claimed that he would likely be the first male I would ever trust in my life. He was right. My parents were both heavy handed in their child rearing, with little to no focus on praise and positive encouragement. It was tough love all the way, and this left me with a broken compass, according to my therapist. Therapy changed my life for the better, in every respect. I have since thrived in my career and finances. I also met the love of my life, and more importantly, our relationship is built on respect, healthy boundaries and loving and empathetic communication. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Finally learned the lesson…

We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson.

We walk away because we finally learned ours.

— MovitateMe247

In therapy, I learned about my pattern of choosing men like my father; attentive, but overbearing, and controlling in the end. I learned that we tend to gravitate to the familiar because it feels comfortable. The dynamic is something we’re used to, and so we may not recognize it as a potential deal breaker. I finally realized I could say no to this kind of relationship micro-management. Thank goodness! Who needs or wants to walk on eggshells in your romantic relationship. It was hard enough doing that throughout my entire upbringing. Just sayin’ ;) Hug and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“I wish more people knew”…

Healing the nervous system is about being still. Laying in the sun. Being present while you eat your food. Listening to the sounds of nature. Letting your imagination run wild. Instead of routine, the body needs less.

— @the.holistic.psychologist

Wow, I already feel more relaxed and at peace. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Struggle is just another word for growth…

It’s okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign—celebrate your struggle. 

— Neale Donald Walsch (American author of 28 books, including the international bestseller Conversations with God, which remained on the New York Times Bestseller List for 135 weeks. Walsch was also a radio station program director, newspaper managing editor, marketing and public relations expert, actor, screenwriter, and speaker. In the early 1990’s Walsch suffered a series of crushing blows (fire that destroyed all of his belongings, divorce, and a car accident that left him with a broken neck), which left him alone, unemployed and severely down on his luck. During this despondent time, he worked his way out of homelessness and began writing. Conversations with God was published five years later). 

My lowest point also followed job loss, divorce and a much reduced quality of life. I had to halt all spending, other than essentials for a few years. I did continue with my usual morning coffee and writing ritual though, which allowed for intense soul searching (and job searching). This time also led to the inception of this very blog, which I continue to love writing, 10 years later. I struggled, I evolved and I  learned how to live well below my means. In fact, I hardly think of spending money, other than saving up for warm beach vacations and dinners out. I rarely buy retail clothing, as much as I love fashion. Instead, I consignment shop and enjoy the treasure hunt of it all, at beautifully affordable prices. My near bankruptcy was the most stressful time of my life, but it led to more financial freedom than I could have imagined. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Disease prevention lifestyle…

Prioritizing good sleep 

Prioritizing real/unprocessed foods

Prioritizing mindful time

Prioritizing movement

Prioritizing time offline 

— Austin Perlmutter, MD

I’m in the medical field and there is a consensus that “exercise is medicine.” Having said that, “exercise can’t completely reverse the effects of a bad diet” experts say. Apparently, a lack of sufficient protein in the diet can cause muscle to break down, and both carbohydrates (fuel for exercise) and healthy fats (necessary for endurance and stamina) are vital. Personally, I’m always working on treat management. Sugar is darn addictive, Lol ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

“Here’s a stat worth knowing”…

Here’s a stat worth knowing:

A diet in ultra-processed foods has been linked to a 44% higher risk for developing dementia, while a minimally-processed diet like the Mediterranean diet may be protective against memory loss.

— Austin Perlmutter, MD 

So I can thank my father for growing up with a vegetable garden for a backyard, instead of a pool then, Lol. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Stop absorbing the pain of other people…

Learn to say: that’s on you. Your behaviour is on you. The way you move is on you. The choices you make are all on you. The way you live it’s all on you. Stop absorbing the pain of other people, recognize what belongs to you and what doesn’t. 

— @herincrediblemindset

I grew up in a very combustible environment, and it took me a really long time to realize that, as an adult, I have a choice. And, finally, I say no to drama. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl