Healing happens by feeling…

Instead of drinking it away, smoking it away, sleeping it away, eating it away, or running from it.

Just sit with it.

Healing happens by feeling. 

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says we cannot feel what we deny, and we cannot heal what we cannot feel. I have not particularly wanted to investigate my childhood wounds, but the written exercises and group work have been surprisingly cathartic (in group therapy, emotions can bubble up by listening to other painful stories in the room). And then, happily, some of the old stuff is miraculously released upward, like light lanterns in the sky. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The coolest people…

The coolest people I know:

• Don’t respond to negativity
• Don’t speak poorly about others
• Show up on time
• Give without expectations
• Deliberately optimistic
• Don’t nitpick or brag
• Show gratitude
• Have good manners
• Make no excuses
• Random acts of kindness

— Unknown 

I continue to work on the first one. At the beginning of my healing journey, my therapist said (and I’m paraphrasing here) “You want life to be sunny and sunnier, but this leaves you with a broken compass. You need all of your emotions, even the ‘bad’ ones, because your feelings provide valuable information that you need to make healthy decisions.” I still don’t like anger and negativity, but I realize these feelings have a place and need to be addressed. Just sayin’  ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You don’t have a disorder—you have a survival response…

• ADHD - your brain is trying to adapt to a chaotic, distracted world
• Anxiety - your body is detecting a threat your conscious mind is ignoring
• Depression - your energy has been redirected into deep internal repair
• OCD - your brain is trying to create safety through control
• Panic attacks - your body is offloading chronic stress it can no longer hold
• Bipolar - your nervous system is swinging between burnout and survival mode
• Dissociation - your soul is pulling the plug to protect itself 

— Unknown 

I had a feeling my neat freak tendencies were due to control issues, Lol. But seriously though, I can check a few of these boxes. What I’ve learned from intensive therapy is that hidden issues from childhood trauma tend to affect our most important relationships, and potentially land on our health as well. I pursued therapy to save my marriage at the time, and I’m so glad I did. We didn’t save the relationship, but we saved ourselves and we both moved on to better matched, healthier and happier relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing involves healthy grieving…

Ironically, when we start to get better, we also start to get sad - because we realize how much we’ve missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, what the younger version of us actually deserved. 

Healing involves healthy grieving.  

No way around it. 

— Unknown 

What I’m learning is that trauma is very likely to land on our physical body and affect our health. Yikes. I’ve read that not all people who suffer trauma, end up with disease. But most people with disease have suffered trauma. In other words, it’s likely preventative medicine to take care of our mental and emotional health. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

How to move through big emotions…

• Pause and acknowledge the emotion — give it space and time
• Sense the emotion in your body — where do I feel it (e.g. tightness in the chest, muscle tension, stomach cramps, jaws clenched, pounding heart…)
• Name the emotion (e.g. I feel sad/happiness/fear…)
• Remember — you are safe & all emotions pass
• Attribute the cause — what caused it to appear? What happened right before it appeared?
• Decode its message — why is it visiting me? What message does it have & what need is wanting to be met?
• Act — decide how to cope and act
• Let it go — when you feel ready, let the emotion go in a safe way that works for you

— @mymentalhealthspace

My favourite therapist says it is absolutely critical to feel what we’re feeling. And to go back in time and address unexpressed/blocked, and likely problematic, emotions from our childhood. He also believes in writing about, and answering poignant questions about these formative experiences, so that our emotions can bubble up to be healed. I’ve found written work to be cathartic, and quite a relief frankly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Get back to yourself…

Sometimes it’s okay to disappear from this chaotic world 

to get back to yourself.

— Unknown 

I had heard about “going inward” and needing to love yourself first, and all that, but I didn’t really understand what that meant and how to do it. Fortunately, I ended up in therapy. In truth, I was only there to save my relationship. But I soon realized I had baggage, and that baggage was preventing me from having a healthy relationship. The more “work” I do, the better my relationship(s), and the better my life is overall. I’ve never looked back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Let it hurt, then let it heal…

If I could tell 

you anything to save you the time and the lessons in this life, I would tell you to never let anything that happens to you turn you bitter. Don’t let the pain of something that was out of your hands turn you cold, love. Stay soft, as hard as that is sometimes, try. Try with all of your heart to stay tender. I know there’s a lot of things that hurt, take us to our knees and threaten our hearts with a stone cold grudge. Let it go. You can’t change it, but you can choose to not let it change you. Don’t let the pain define you. You are bigger than that. I hope you know. You are never how someone makes you feel. Let it hurt, then let it heal. But don’t linger there. 

Remember who you are and rise. 

—Stephanie B. Henry 

My favourite therapist says we can’t feel what we deny. And we cannot heal what we cannot feel. It’s a bit counter-intuitive because no one really wants to go back and relive crappy, possibly traumatic, experiences. But, these damaging experiences are said to wreak havoc on our lives and relationships, so there’s real upside in offloading some of the old baggage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl