You don’t have a disorder—you have a survival response…

• ADHD - your brain is trying to adapt to a chaotic, distracted world
• Anxiety - your body is detecting a threat your conscious mind is ignoring
• Depression - your energy has been redirected into deep internal repair
• OCD - your brain is trying to create safety through control
• Panic attacks - your body is offloading chronic stress it can no longer hold
• Bipolar - your nervous system is swinging between burnout and survival mode
• Dissociation - your soul is pulling the plug to protect itself 

— Unknown 

I had a feeling my neat freak tendencies were due to control issues, Lol. But seriously though, I can check a few of these boxes. What I’ve learned from intensive therapy is that hidden issues from childhood trauma tend to affect our most important relationships, and potentially land on our health as well. I pursued therapy to save my marriage at the time, and I’m so glad I did. We didn’t save the relationship, but we saved ourselves and we both moved on to better matched, healthier and happier relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing involves healthy grieving…

Ironically, when we start to get better, we also start to get sad - because we realize how much we’ve missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, what the younger version of us actually deserved. 

Healing involves healthy grieving.  

No way around it. 

— Unknown 

What I’m learning is that trauma is very likely to land on our physical body and affect our health. Yikes. I’ve read that not all people who suffer trauma, end up with disease. But most people with disease have suffered trauma. In other words, it’s likely preventative medicine to take care of our mental and emotional health. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

How to move through big emotions…

• Pause and acknowledge the emotion — give it space and time
• Sense the emotion in your body — where do I feel it (e.g. tightness in the chest, muscle tension, stomach cramps, jaws clenched, pounding heart…)
• Name the emotion (e.g. I feel sad/happiness/fear…)
• Remember — you are safe & all emotions pass
• Attribute the cause — what caused it to appear? What happened right before it appeared?
• Decode its message — why is it visiting me? What message does it have & what need is wanting to be met?
• Act — decide how to cope and act
• Let it go — when you feel ready, let the emotion go in a safe way that works for you

— @mymentalhealthspace

My favourite therapist says it is absolutely critical to feel what we’re feeling. And to go back in time and address unexpressed/blocked, and likely problematic, emotions from our childhood. He also believes in writing about, and answering poignant questions about these formative experiences, so that our emotions can bubble up to be healed. I’ve found written work to be cathartic, and quite a relief frankly. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Get back to yourself…

Sometimes it’s okay to disappear from this chaotic world 

to get back to yourself.

— Unknown 

I had heard about “going inward” and needing to love yourself first, and all that, but I didn’t really understand what that meant and how to do it. Fortunately, I ended up in therapy. In truth, I was only there to save my relationship. But I soon realized I had baggage, and that baggage was preventing me from having a healthy relationship. The more “work” I do, the better my relationship(s), and the better my life is overall. I’ve never looked back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Let it hurt, then let it heal…

If I could tell 

you anything to save you the time and the lessons in this life, I would tell you to never let anything that happens to you turn you bitter. Don’t let the pain of something that was out of your hands turn you cold, love. Stay soft, as hard as that is sometimes, try. Try with all of your heart to stay tender. I know there’s a lot of things that hurt, take us to our knees and threaten our hearts with a stone cold grudge. Let it go. You can’t change it, but you can choose to not let it change you. Don’t let the pain define you. You are bigger than that. I hope you know. You are never how someone makes you feel. Let it hurt, then let it heal. But don’t linger there. 

Remember who you are and rise. 

—Stephanie B. Henry 

My favourite therapist says we can’t feel what we deny. And we cannot heal what we cannot feel. It’s a bit counter-intuitive because no one really wants to go back and relive crappy, possibly traumatic, experiences. But, these damaging experiences are said to wreak havoc on our lives and relationships, so there’s real upside in offloading some of the old baggage. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Things mentally strong people do…

• They move on. The don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
• They embrace change. They welcome challenges.
• They stay happy. They don’t waste energy on things they cannot control.
• They are kind, fair, and unafraid to speak up.
• They are willing to take calculated risks.
• They celebrate other people’s success. They don’t resent that success.

— Unknown

I’ve been thinking a lot about life’s challenges. And I’ve had quite a few big ones. I’m in the middle of a scary health situation right now, and a lot of people are reaching out regularly, which is completely lovely and appreciated. Thing is, on some level no one can help you. In the quiet moments, you are left to manage yourself, your emotions, your thoughts, your fears. I’ve certainly been the stronger for overcoming my challenges, but you still have to go through the process. And the biggest ones tend to be lengthy; such as looking for a new job, mourning an old relationship/finding a new partner, enduring a betrayal, overcoming financial straits, and God forbid navigating a health crisis. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Life is not a fairy tale…

Most difficult yet comforting things to accept about life

• Everyone is insecure about something. It’s not just you.
• You will never be 100% sure about decisions you made. But always make a decision because it’s better to go back and fix it than to never make it at all.
• There is always someone better than you. So there’s not point to compare.
• There’s nothing in life you can really control except your own thoughts and actions. So always hope for the best and prepare for the worst. 
• Nothings lasts forever. Things change. People change. And YOU can change anytime too.
• Life is not a fairy tale. That’s why it’s always exciting and you’ll never be bored. 
• Hard work doesn’t guarantee success. But that’s what makes it challenging. 

— Unknown 

Life is most definitely NOT a fairy tale, Lol. I’ve faced most of the big traumatic life experiences; job loss, near bankruptcy, failed entrepreneurial endeavours, a couple of heavy betrayals (mother, and ex-partner), divorce… and presently, a big health scare. Yikes. When one of these epic and gruelling moments lands, it’s surreal. I think you get better at coping though, taking it day by day, and knowing you are strong enough to endure. The blood, sweat and tears don’t rattle you quite as much and you can commit to being the better for it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Hugging is communication…

Hugging is 

The most beautiful form of communication 

that allows the other person to know 

beyond a doubt 

that they matter.

— AnxiousAndy 

Here here. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Emotional maturity looks like…

• Not engaging in conversations with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
• Disengaging from other people’s drama.
• Not playing other people’s games.
• Not having to share your side of the story.
• Seeing the part you may play in situations.
• Learning that everyone has their own lens.
• Learning not to take things personally.
• Pausing before responding.
• Knowing that actions speak louder than words.
• Taking responsibility for your own life & choices.

— @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e

With age, I’ve realized that some dynamics are more difficult than others. And this applies to love, family, friendships and colleagues. Even acquaintances and neighbours. Some people just rub each other the wrong way and there’s no fixing it. So I’m trying to limit time around such dynamics. Just sayin’  ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Dreams reveal our emotional truth…

Psychologists say… 

• The happier you are the less sleep you require to function in every day life. Sadness increases the urge to sleep.
• Dreams reveal feelings that we’ve hidden or repressed because dreams are a reflection of our unconscious mind, our emotional truth.
• The unhappiest people in the world are the ones who care what everyone thinks about them.
• By thinking one positive thought every morning, you can psychologically trick your brain into being a happier person.
• Walking increases brain activity.
• Intelligent people are more likely to avoid conflict, which explains why some people notice everything but choose to say nothing.

— @quotesshotsofwisdom

I’ve often wondered about the more stressful, fearful dreams, that feel kinda movie-like. It’s worth investigating further, that’s for sure. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Being happy doesn’t mean you have it all…

Remember, being happy doesn’t mean you have it all.

It simply means you’re thankful for all you have.

— Unknown 

I can certainly fall into the trap of wanting bigger (closet space, Lol!), better (business class anyone?), more (longer warm vacations!). But I also need to remind myself to appreciate and enjoy the lifestyle I already have, which is pretty comfortable. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Some people are human medicine…

Some people are human medicine.

You spend an hour with them and everything feels better.

— Unknown 

We should spend more time around such people, right? And be someone who offers the same in kind (feel good, positive, calm, present, great listener?). Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl