Wisdom from Pope Francis…

Rivers do not drink their own water; trees do not eat their own fruit; the sun does not shine on itself and flowers do not spread their fragrance for themselves. Living for others is a rule of nature. We are all born to help each other. No matter how difficult it is… Life is good when you are happy; but much better when others are happy because of you.

— Pope Francis

Such a unique and compelling perspective. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Time does not always need to be filled…

Let yourself rest

If you’re exhausted, rest.

If you don’t feel like starting a new project, don’t.

If you don’t feel the urge to make something new, just rest in the beauty of the old, the familiar, the known.

If you don’t feel like talking, stay silent. 

If you’re fed up with the news, turn it off.

If you want to postpone something until tomorrow, do it.

Feel the fullness of the emptiness, the vastness of the silence, the sheer life in your unproductive moments. 

Time does not always need to be filled.

You are enough, simply in your being. 

— Jeff Foster 

With our phones, 24 hour news cycle and endless issues, social media, wow. It really is possible to fill every second. I’m fighting the urge to reach for my phone more and more. I don’t know about you, but I’m tiring of being “on” at this point. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Wash away energy that’s not yours to carry?…

Cleansing mantra

I wash away any energy that is not mine to carry. I release myself from the burdens of the past. I nourish myself in a comforting golden light. I am restored. I am recharged. 

— Unknown 

I’ve needed professional help to achieve this, Lol. Seriously though, I learned that burdens of the past typically stem from early childhood moments and emotions that we were unable to understand and/or process at the time. We pretty much have to go back and save our little selves, sniff sniff. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

What needs weren’t met in your childhood?…

How do I reparent myself?

• Ask yourself what needs weren’t met in your childhood and what skills you didn’t learn
• Challenge negative self-talk and unhealthy beliefs and create a healthy, positive and loving view of yourself
• Learn skills that your parents couldn’t teach you — e.g. establishing healthy boundaries, emotional regulation & self-soothing, communication skills, frustration tolerance, routines and structure, accountability, joy & playfulness, trust
• Give yourself the love and compassion that you missed as a child (including self-love, self-compassion, self-awareness, self-confidence)
• Establish meaningful & healthy relationships and a support network
• Be gentle with yourself and take your time
• Practice self-care
• Consider working with a therapist

— Unknown 

Therapy has been a life line for me. I was fortunate enough to find a guru, who teaches intensive weekend and year long seminars, where I’ve been able to address many of the recommendations above. Siblings, extended family, friends and loved ones are incredible, and I’m very grateful for my inner circle, but a lack of parental support leaves quite the void. For me, group therapy has provided that compassionate, caring and safe place. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

When have I felt betrayed?…

Shadow Work: journal prompts 

• What’s the biggest lie I tell myself consistently?
• When am I the hardest on myself and why? Where does it stem from?
• When have I felt betrayed? What would I say to that person who broke my trust?
• What makes me feel the most jealous?
• What’s one trait I see in other people I wish I had?
• What traits do my parents have that I hope I don’t?
• What are my most toxic traits and how do I project them onto others?
• When I think about the future, what am I most afraid of?
• When was the last time I forgave myself?
• What does happiness mean to me? 

— Unknown 

Hmm, these are very revealing questions. I may have to write an entry for each one, Lol. But I’m going to focus on where “it all stems from”. Family of origin. (My favourite therapist says this is the case for most of us). My parents were pretty much at war. Which left my mother depressed and chronically “sick”, and my father angry and frequently volatile and violent. Our family felt blended, even though my father and mother were my actual biological parents. (They’ve both passed on. Mother fairly recently). My mother and brother were very close and she fiercely had his back (not mine or my sisters unfortunately?). My sister and I were inseparable Irish twins, so at least we had each other. My father had an ongoing rage, and the rest of us walked on egg shells. Having said all that, when was the last time I forgave myself? I like this question because it makes me realize I need to be gentler with myself. I survived and thrived, despite growing up behind the eight ball. It was all tough love growing up, which is not a warm and fuzzy situation. And the opposite to who I am and what I need. But I dusted myself off and took full accountability of my life (with the help of my trusted therapist and his brilliant healing work) instead of laying in blame. I realize I’m proud of that. And I forgive myself for anything I feel I haven’t accomplished. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing is not for the faint of heart, but it’s worth it…

The healing process is ugly as hell. It’s not bubble baths and aromatherapy. It’s accountability which brings guilt. It’s getting to the root of your issues which is triggering and intense. Processing trauma often means you have to relive it which isn’t easy but it’s worth it.

— PrimitiveRootsConjure.com

I attended my first weekend group therapy seminar at the urging of my partner at the time, and was instantly mesmerized. The therapist, who became my favourite, trusted therapist, opened the weekend with the disclaimer that a weekend session will not change your life. He went on to say deep healing takes time and is not for the faint of heart because you pretty much have to relive trauma in order to truly process and resolve deep rooted issues. Much of the work focuses on early childhood events and emotions, that we are unable to understand or process at the time, and that tend to keep us stuck. I became hooked on therapy, particularly group work, because of the safe space, the camaraderie and support from the other participants, and the osmosis learning from each person in the room. It’s demanding work, but the load is immensely lighter on the other side. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Healing involves healthy grieving…

Ironically, when we start to get better, we also often get sad. Because we start to realize just how much we missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, and what the younger version of us actually deserved. Healing involves healthy grieving. No way around it. 

— Unknown 

I’ve found that healing involves letting go. Of some important people too. Three or four of my trusted confidants are no longer in my life. This all followed the death of my mother and realizing there are certain things I don’t need to put up with anymore. Interestingly enough, those same people were done with me as well. Looking back, I can see the deal breakers, but I still miss those people. The parts I liked and loved. Complicated grieving. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Once you know who you really are…

Once you know who you really are, being is enough. You feel neither superior to anyone nor inferior to anyone and you have no need for approval because you’ve awakened to your own infinite worth.

— Deepak Chopra  

I must admit I’ve been in a bit of a funk since my mother died. The relationship was complicated, and what she did with her will/finances left my sister and I feeling like step sisters. Yuck. It’s one thing to lose a parent and it’s another thing feel abandoned (and punched in the kidneys) as a conclusion. Needless to say, I’m going back to individual/relationship school with my favourite therapist. He conducts these intense year long, deep healing seminars (where you give up 6 weekends throughout the year, go to weekly support groups and pick a buddy for the duration). I’ve done these seminars in the past, and although the work can be gut wrenching, there is mental/emotional freedom on the other side. I’m confident that I’ll be able to settle into myself again, and even more so. Can’t wait! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Is fear holding you back?…

The paradox of transformation 

As you embrace the parts of you that are scared & blocked, you fall into greater alignment with where you truthfully are & become more capable of transformation.

Instead of looking for your worth hustling for achievement: when you embrace your feeling of unworthiness, ironically, you see that you are whole. When you make room for stress, ironically, you feel peace. When you welcome loneliness, ironically, you feel connected. 

It’s our judgment of the fear that keeps us stuck, not the fear itself. When you aren’t afraid to acknowledge all facets of yourself, they lose their ability to hold you back. 

— TessRene.com

I experienced a radical transformation around the 2008 financial crisis. I was on the wrong side of the economy and went into big debt, with jobs in my field evaporating overnight. I found work here and there, but at frightening low pay. It was a miserable experience, and I sat with fear, anxiety and stress for many years. But, kind of brilliantly, I learned how to NOT spend money. I learned how to enjoy the simple things in life, like reading the paper over a cup of coffee and chatting with good friends. It’s also been refreshing, wearing the badge honour for having survived what felt like a huge failure… and for paying off every cent of that ugly debt, where many people I know declared bankruptcy, or secured consumer proposals (which allows you to pay off like 1/3 of what you actually owe). In summary, the scariest time of my life showed me what I’m made of, and made me stronger. Just sayin’ ; )  Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Don’t worry about other people so much…

I don’t understand how people can get so anti-something. Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much. 

— Betty White

I’ve been taking deep stock of my life, having lost both parents now (father died over 20 years ago, and mother died 2 1/2 years ago). Apparently I’m going through “complicated grieving.” This is when you lose a parent you weren’t particularly close to and who was probably either abusive and/or neglectful. So, you’re not sad and missing them as much as you’re secretly relieved you no longer have to suffer the confusion of the relationship. But you’re also left so sit with the rubble, which is very much an exhaustive, emotional maze, until you can make sense of it. Anyhow, all of this processing (with professional help) has me re-thinking my priorities. I’ve seen others go through seismic shifts after the death of a parent, and I think it’s pretty normal. I’m realizing that I need to give myself credit for what I have been able to accomplish, despite a less than supportive upbringing. I also want to embrace and celebrate the wonderful people in my life. And most importantly, I want to focus on things that bring me joy and peace… more than I want to measure myself against others, or chase the almighty dollar and rungs on the career ladder. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Real love vs the idea of love…

People don’t like love, they like that glittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love - love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it.

— Unknown

The “honeymoon phase” of a relationship comes to mind, where the rose-tinted glasses are in full effect and we either don’t see or we ignore red flags. Fast forward a few years, or more if you’re lucky, and annoying habits and idiosyncrasies creep in. I don’t know about you, but I learned about my deal breakers FAR too late in life. Better late than never, I finally realized (with loads of therapy and education) that ALL of my past relationships had glaring incompatibilities. It’s really worth the time and effort figuring out how to choose the best-suited partner for your happiness and well being. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl