Learn to calm your own storm…

My therapist told me:

“Learn to calm your own storm instead of venting to other people. It sounds therapeutic to let it all out, but you’re reinforcing your negative thoughts. It’s no one’s job but yours to pull you out of your own shit. Journal, meditate, exercise and release.” 

And then it all made sense.

— Unknown 

For me, therapy, energy work and life coaching have been invaluable. Journaling, meditating and exercise are a wonderful supplement, but some things are just beyond me to go it alone. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Carrying words you cannot say…

Carl Jung said, “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” Loneliness is rarely about empty rooms. It is about carrying words you cannot say and truths you do not feel safe to share. Healing is learning to speak what matters most so you are no longer alone with it. This is the work of letting yourself be seen and known for who you really are. 

— Unknown 

Wow, this is such an incredible teaching. I’ve been working on “having my own back” more, as per my favourite therapist. And I am still learning how to be vulnerable and speak to my needs. I find that when I share deep truths, lovingly and respectfully, a warmer togetherness is the result. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Love by fixing or over-giving?…

My therapist told me:

“When a person grows up feeling unseen, they learn to love by over-giving. The pour everything into everyone else, hoping that, one day, someone will finally pour back into them. So they become the care taker. The fixer, the one who shows up, even when no one shows up for them.” And the hardest part? Deep down, they’re not trying to be strong. They’re just waiting for someone to do for them what they’ve spent their whole life doing for everyone else.” 

— Unknown 

That was so me. Fortunately, layer by later, and thanks to my favourite therapist, I’ve soothed and healed enough old wounds to know how to take care of myself, and leave others to their end in things. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Things that drain our energy…

Journaling prompts:

• What do I need more of in my life?
• What do I want to be for myself?
• If I was living my dream life, what would it look like?
• How have I been feeling recently?
• What am I most excited for?
• What has been giving me energy?
• What has been draining my energy?

— @betteryouforyou

A very savvy coach advised me to consider such questions and to set intentions around them. For example, how do I want to feel in my primary relationship, what sort of corporate culture would suit me best, what sort of manager would I prefer to deal with, what do I want to keep doing in my life and what activities do I never want to do again. Taking stock in this way led to the perfect love of my life, going on 11 years now, and my ideal job, going on 13 years. Just sayin’ ;)  Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Mindset an underrated life tool…

Exercise is the most underused antidepressant.

Food is the most abused anxiety drug.

Sunlight is the most overlooked happy pill. 

Sleep is the most under appreciated healer. 

Mindset is the most underrated life tool. 

— Unknown 

It sounds easy enough. But in my experience, an altered mindset can require professional help. To get out of my own way, I needed to offload some problematic baggage. For example, I used to find my intelligence insulted rather frequently. I did not like being told what to do. Period. In therapy, all roads led to a controlling father, who used to say “ You’re completely missing the point” to pretty much anything and everything I had to say. Being shut down to this extend left an enduring Achilles Heal. So when questioned, my rather large trigger would be tripped. Thankfully, and I’m proud to say, my favourite therapist helped me land on curiosity. Listening, instead of being defensive, is my biggest mindset shift, and I believe I’ve found success, financial security and probably the love of my life because of it. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Believe in miracles?…

Any time you look at yourself with critical eyes, switch your focus immediately to the presence within, and its perfection will reveal itself to you. As you do this, all imperfections that have manifested in your life will dissolve, because imperfections cannot exist in the light of this presence. Whether you want to regain perfect eyesight, dissolve disease and restore well-being, turn poverty into abundance, reverse aging and degeneration, or eradicate any negativity, focus on and love the presence within you and perfection will manifest. 

— excerpt from The Secret 

I find mindset and one’s approach to stress a worthy subject matter. I’ve resorted to low expectations from time to time, to avoid being blind sided. For example, I’m dealing with a serious health scare right now, and there have been numerous mini-escalations. Fortunately, things are looking up and I should be okay. But being realistic and aware of a potential worst case scenario, helped us cope this time around. Having said that, a focus on low expectations runs very counter to my hard wired optimism and drive. I also realize that being positive is my go to coping strategy. The book The Secret gives me a bit of a boost to be honest. Fantasizing about dream scenarios and even a miracle or two makes me giddy. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Crazy in love or calm in love?…

Once you grow up, you realize you don’t want to be crazy in love. 

You want to be calm in love, stable in love, patient in love, understood in love, safe in love.

Your partner should give you peace of mind and reassurance, not constant little heart attacks and high anxiety.

— @emilyvonstrasser 

Gosh, I wish I could tell my younger self, Lol. I thought the butterflies and excitement meant love. Turns out, that’s just chemistry and attraction, and not necessarily legit love. In my defence, I did not learn about unconditional love in my family of origin. Luckily I found an incredible therapist, who has helped me understand what it takes to create and maintain a worthy love relationship. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl