Your feelings are always valid…

I heard a therapist say, “Your feelings are always valid, your behaviour is not.” She explained by saying feel what you feel BUT you need to be accountable for what you do as a result of those feelings.

— Unknown 

Therapy has taught me many things. The most important lesson is learning to be a part of the solution. I used to sit silently, sulking. I learned that I was actually quite emotionally paralyzed, due to a volatile and unpredictable upbringing. I was stuck in freeze mode, of the fight/flight/freeze coping mechanisms. It is freeing and empowering to be able to collect my emotions and thoughts, and address whatever’s going on. Usually this entails explaining what hit me sideways and making a request. This is simply amazing for the health of a relationship. Respectful, productive and full of self care. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Stuck on why?…

Sometimes 

our minds get stuck asking “why”, but in life not everything has an answer. When we can accept this, we find our peace. 

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy. We can’t change who are parents are/were and we can’t change where we grew up, or how we grew up. I have found a reprieve in this truth. I now allow my upbringing to be a backstory and a baseline. Having said that, I’m still processing some of the old trauma, after my mother’s passing. With both parents gone, it feels easier to look back, with perspective. With professional help of course, because, honestly, I’d be lost sorting this out on my own. My therapist says we may not resolve the issues in full, but with each session, the burden eases. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Friends who feel like home…

Some friends feel like home. Not because they fix you, but because they never ask you to be anything other than yourself. You can be quiet around them. You can be tired, messy, honest. And somehow, even in your worst moments, they still choose you. 

— Unknown 

Thank goodness I have such friends. And they feel more like family than much of my actual family. They just make life better, safer and cozier. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

The physiological impact of trauma and stress…

My trauma didn’t make me strong:

It turned me into someone who’s always paranoid, anxious, and unable to relax without feeling guilty.

— Unknown

According to both my favourite therapist and my Craniosacral therapist (light touch therapy that releases tension in the central nervous system, and allows the other systems to relax and correct), trauma and stress can actually get stuck in our bodies, causing us to be in survival mode. And this can affect our energy and hormone levels, and create inflammation and physical tension, such as shoulder pain or jaw clenching. Stress and trauma can also cause emotional reactivity even in safe environments. The good news is that it is possible to rewire these biological patterns. I have found traditional therapy and Craniosacral therapy to be very complimentary in easing angst and anxiety. In my experience, it really is possible to put some of these burdens to rest. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Emotional healing and empowerment…

Trauma

is a result of an overwhelming sense of danger, powerlessness, and fear

Healing 

is a result of feeling safe, empowered, and supported

— Unknown 

I returned to deep healing work after my mother died, and I’m quite proud of the decision really. In a nutshell, this work is about going back in time and saving your younger self. When we’re young and impressionable, we don’t have the tools and maturity to process what’s happening to us. And if we face trauma, the powerlessness and fear are exponential. I lived through a violent, sadistic, sort of work camp upbringing. Equally tormenting was the unpredictability of the situation, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I did my best to be perfect, and avoided the worst of it (vs my older brother and sister). Fast forward to adulthood and you have a perfectionist, neat-freak, anticipating kind of person. Fortunately, I got into therapy pretty early and I’ve managed to find my way. This time around, the work is more about putting a bow on the past and moving forward with greater freedom and empowerment. Just sayin’ ;) Wishing you the happiest of New Years. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Did your best with what you knew then…

Trauma says

I should have done things differently

Healing says

Hindsight offers clarity, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. I deserve to be gentle with myself even when I make mistakes

— Unknown 

What I continue to learn from my favourite therapist is a that lot of of us grew up short on validation and support. And unfortunately, it tends to land on us as adults to solve. I looked for foundational support in my relationships, and it was an epic failure. It wasn’t until I properly addressed my childhood trauma that I became free to love side by side with someone, and not look to them for safety, love and unconditional acceptance. I needed to do that for myself, and once I did, everything in my life improved, including career and finances. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Waiting for the next thing to go wrong?…

Psychology says when we face constant stress and uncertainty, our bodies learn to live in survival mode. We stay alert, tense and exhausted. Always waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Even in moments of calm, our minds don’t relax. It’s not because we’re overreacting, it’s because our nervous system has forgotten what safety feels like. 

— Unknown  

I’m working on this with my favourite therapist as we speak. I admitted to feeling wound just a wee too tight, for as long as I can remember. I don’t know about you, but I faced some violence growing up, sniff, sniff. And my therapists says it’s tough to root out because the stress and fear pretty much stay in your cells. Anyhow, the work is working, and I’m feeling a lot less stressed after some deep healing sessions. Which involve uncovering and facing some surprising, and unsuspecting fears. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl