Too much kindness can become self abandonment…

Stop being so considerate in situations where you are not even considered. Kindness is a gift, not an obligation. You will be drained if you keep pouring into people who don’t reciprocate. Your kindness is a strength, but when it comes at the expense of your own well-being, boundaries, or self-respect it becomes self abandonment.

Protect your spirit and well being. Redirect your warmth toward those who reflect it back to you.

— Unknown 

It’s taken me a long time, and a lot of therapy, to learn this lesson. Fortunately, my favourite therapist has enabled me to question duty and obligation. In truth, I hadn’t really thought of it because when it comes to long term friends and family, I thought there were things you just needed to do. But now, I consider my overall mental health and well being before I make commitments. Apparently, the rule of thumb is, if you have the energy and you choose to be there for someone else, go for it. But if you are low on energy and you need to focus on your own self-care (a nap, a rest, a do nothing day, errands or grocers, cooking and/or cleaning, preparing for your work work, exercise?), that always comes first. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Change your mind, change your life…

Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you’ve always acted, you will continue to get what you’ve always gotten. 

If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.

— Anonymous 

I can attest to that. I’ve had two life altering experiencing that changed my thinking permanently. I turned a final, painful and humiliating break up into a substantial halt on dating, and full accountability for my role in my failed relationships. I also learned how to choose a more suited partner, as I realized that all of my past relationships had significant deal breakers that I had either been unaware of, or ignored in order to drive that round peg into the square hole. My other significant life event was a near bankruptcy after the 2008 financial crisis. Fortunately, I learned how to NOT spend money. I had no choice during my lean years, but I never returned to the old habits of shopping for pricey garments and failing to track my finances properly. The end result was going from a year’s worth of salary in debt to ZERO debt and $600,000 in cash and assets in less than ten years. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck to you. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If it drains you, it’s not for you…

Love, friendships, jobs. Anything meant for you will nourish you, not exhaust you. If you constantly feel depleted after being around someone or something, it’s not aligned with your soul. 

Your peace is the biggest sign of what belongs in your life. Protect it.

— Unknown

I wish I could talk to my younger self about this. I spent far too many hours, days and years walking on egg shells, accommodating other people’s moods, and antics, frankly. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

My therapist once told me…

The moment you stop seeking closure, explanations, and apologies is the moment you set yourself free. Not everyone will right their wrongs. Not everyone will understand the damage they caused. And waiting for them to do so only keeps you stuck. 

Heal for yourself. Move on without the apology. Elevate without the validation.

Because the best revenge isn’t proving a point, it’s living so fully and freely that nothing from the past can touch you.

— Anonymous

I believe my favourite therapist would say, you still may need to process your feelings and experience around significant moments of trauma. Repressed emotion can really get stuck in your subconscious and conscious mind, and can actually cause physical illness. I should know. I’m dealing with an early cancer diagnosis, and my therapist is certain that repressed emotion is a big factor. So we’ve gone back to the drawing board and we’ve uncovered some really old stuff that we hadn’t gotten to. It’s about feelings of parental rejection/neglect and a lack of overall safety in my family of origin. It’s tough stuff, and I’m glad to finally be tackling it. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Family patterns that are signs of dysfunction…

• Moving on by pretending like nothing happened.
• Staying silent when things need to be addressed.
• Always having to be the bigger person.
• Having to walk on eggshells because someone can’t manage their emotions.
• Pleasing the person with the most dysfunction to keep the peace.

— Unknown 

My family patterns most definitely set me up for dysfunctional friendships and love relationships. Fortunately, it’s never too late to learn a different way. It’s taken loads of therapy and relationship to understand and establish healthy boundaries and healing communication. Life really is so much better when you don’t have to walk on egg shells anymore. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Learn to say no—it’s a superpower…

• Health is the real wealth—protect it early
• Time moves fast—don’t waste it
• Skills pay more than degrees—keep learning
• Friends come and go—family is forever
• Save money when you don’t need it—you’ll thank yourself later
• Choose peace over drama—it’s not worth your energy
• Your daily habits shape your future, not motivation
• The world owes you nothing—work for what you want
• Learn to say no—it’s a superpower
• Mental health is just as important as physical health
• Nobody is thinking about you as much as you think
• Never stop growing—age doesn’t mean stop evolving

— Unknown

Reading this list, I have a lot of compassion for my younger self. There is so much I didn’t know, so much I didn’t understand. I had a serious lack of awareness around my needs and wants, and around the importance of healthy boundaries. I didn’t realize I was choosing, or “allowing” drama over peace. It’s never too late to learn though, that’s all I can say. Life is infinitely better with healthy relationship skills and respectful boundaries. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

You deserve a calm love…

with someone who sees you, hears you, understands you, appreciates you, supports you, and loves you. You deserve someone who brings you peace, calmness, and consistency. A safe space with someone who brings out your soft side — not your survival side.

— Unknown 

My parents were basically at war throughout my childhood and beyond, so I certainly didn’t learn about healthy relationship modelling. I feel like all of my relationship choices were pretty good by comparison. But I learned, the hard way, that an excellent match AND good relationship skills are pretty critical and achieving a sound relationship. Above all, I needed to learn about my own wants and needs and then be willing to communicate them to my partner. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl