Unhealed people don’t hear clearly…

Unhealed people don’t listen for understanding, they listen for danger. 

They hear rejection inside boundaries.

They hear disrespect inside honesty.

Abandonment inside silence. 

You can speak with calmness, patience, and love — and they will still respond to wounds you never created.

Because you’re trying to communicate in the present… while their nervous system is fighting ghosts from the past. 

THAT’S WHY HEALING MATTERS.

Not just for peace within yourself.  

But so you stop bleeding on people who came to love you. 

— Anonymous 

This explanation is kind and helpful, and allows me to have greater compassion for the people I’ve struggled with. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Having to break down basic awareness is draining…

I read something that stuck with me. It said, “It’s strange having to explain to someone why what they did was inconsiderate. If they didn’t feel it was wrong while doing it, what can you really say?” And that’s the truth. When empathy is naturally in you, you don’t need reminders. You move with care automatically. If it would bother you, you wouldn’t do it to someone you value. Having to break down basic awareness is draining, because genuine consideration dosen’t need to be taught; it shows up on its own. 

— Anonymous 

This makes so much sense to me. I’m finding that people who lack empathy, and an interest/ability in  accountability and the necessary clearing of conflict make relationships pretty tough. It’s a no thank you, frankly. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

A relationship without emotional safety is an attachment or trauma bond…

A relationship without emotional safety is not a relationship, it’s an attachment or a trauma bond. You deserve to express yourself freely, to voice your needs, to require resolution after conflict and to feel emotionally safe in your relationship.

— Anonymous

Well said. I really wish I’d learned this earlier. It would have saved me two divorces and some very stressful friendships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Can’t hear without getting defensive…

Some people will never grow because they can’t hear without getting defensive. They can’t see the ways they hurt others, only the threat they feel when someone points it out. They focus on their own discomfort instead of the impact of their actions. 

If someone can’t sit with the truth of their behaviour, they will keep repeating the same patterns. 

— Unknown

It’s too bad really because this one thing (getting defensive, instead of hearing how someone is feeling) tanks a lot of relationships. I’m just glad I ended up on a healing journey, which has allowed me to not take things so personally. We are going to impact one another, and life is so much better when you can sit down and chat in a safe, mutually beneficial space. I also know, however, that some pairings are just not compatible enough, which explains my two divorces! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

No reaction was safe, so you turned everything inward…

You were not allowed to be angry. If you cried, you were unstable. If you went quiet, you were cold. If you spoke up, you were abusive. 

No reaction was safe, so you started turning everything inward until the only person you were allowed to hurt was yourself.

— Anonymous 

This is exactly what happened to me! My father ran our house like a court of law, and we all found ourselves on the hot seat regularly. My father also considered pretty much any reaction, however honest, authentic and often involuntary, a rebellion. He believed in corporal punishment and had a sadistic streak. It’s no wonder I ended up with a broken compass, as my therapist diagnosed. He said “You want everything to be sunny and sunnier, but without the “negative” emotions, you are missing out on very important information.” He went on to explain that our uncomfortable emotions tell us how we’re feeling and that we should probably take action. Do we need to draw additional boundaries; learn to say no, walk away from certain people and/or situations? Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not every outcome is yours to decide…

As much as you want to fix it, control it, or even fight it, sometimes the wisest and hardest thing you can do is let go… 

Because not every battle is yours to fight.  

Not every burden is yours to carry.

Not every outcome is yours to decide.

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It means believing in better timing and perhaps a better outcome. 

— Anonymous 

I do NOT like change. I typically find the process stressful and painful. Even getting a new device seems to come with technical difficulties and a bunch of start up/re- sign on to-do’s. I hate it. Having said that, once past the hassle, there’s usually some sweet upside, with easier processes. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Lower capacity for other people’s chaos…

I thought healing would make me softer but it made me harder in some ways. Less tolerant of disrespect. Quicker to walk away. Lower capacity for other people’s chaos. I’m not mean. I’m just protective of the peace it took years to build. Boundaries feel cold to people who benefitted from you having none. 

— Anonymous 

I’ve had a similar experience. I needed to walk away from relationships that were causing quite a bit of stress. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl