When someone takes responsibility for their own healing…

A love language we rarely mention is when someone works on themselves for the sake of the relationship. Someone who takes responsibility for their own healing, who works on their triggers… instead of making it your burden. The opposite of this would be “that’s just how I am.” You deserve more than that - you deserve someone who notices their toxic patterns and actually works to change them, instead of expecting you to tolerate them.

— Unknown 

The mistake I made along the way was not knowing my deal breakers. Fortunately, I finally understood how to choose the right match for my happiness and well being. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

Cannot receive love even if it’s offered to them?…

Unhealed people cannot hear you with their heart, because they are living from their wounds. They are wired for condemnation rather than compassion. Survival rather than safety. They will always filter you through a distorted lens of suspicion and fear. You will always be perceived as a threat they need to defend and protect themselves against rather than a force of love that has the potential to heal them. Unfortunately many are so wired for war they cannot receive love even if it’s offered to them. Have compassion, but don’t take their reactions and hostility personally… sometimes patience is required and sometimes it might always be necessary to move away and love them from a distance. 

— Erika Stanton

I felt so much better reading this. I have experienced a number of unhealed people (some family among them), and it’s really quite a painful and confusing experience. Distance has been a kindness to self. Just sayin’ :/  Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Fall in love with what what we didn’t even know we wanted…

It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey.

— marcandangel, inspiringandpositivequotes.com 

If I could go back in time I would tell my younger self “Know your value, dare to ask for more for more and hold out for what you deserve.” Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Emotional triggers are revealing…

Major life unlock: Your triggers are your teachers.

What makes you angry shows what you value. What makes you sad shows what you’ve lost. What scares you shows you where growth lives. 

Most people avoid triggers. Winners study them.

— @scottdclary

I’ve worked with a therapist for a while now, and my triggers are inevitably rooted in early childhood/youth. My favourite therapist says that what you acknowledge, you can feel. And what you feel, you can heal. Resolving old grievances is really quite freeing. For example, I used to get my back up when someone questioned what I was doing and how I was doing it. I felt my intelligence and capability were being insulted. Now, I tend to be curious and ask for more information. I’ve ended up learning a lot, and I connect more deeply with others, including my spouse. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Struggle is inevitable…

Your entire life will change when you realize that suffering is negotiable but struggle is mandatory.

You get to pick your hard. The hard of discipline or the hard of regret. The hard of growth or the hard of staying stuck. Choose your suffering wisely.

— @scottclary

I can thank my ex-husband for the intro to my favourite therapist. Early on in our dating, I was agonizing over some family drama, and he stopped me cold. He said, “And who do you have to talk to about this stuff?” To which I said, “Well, my friends, and you.” To which he promptly said, “Yeah, that’s not happening. You need to speak to a professional about these issues, which are clearly deep rooted, and very upsetting for you.” Boom! Surprisingly, I wasn’t offended. I was curious. He recommended that I attend a couple of deep healing workshops, run by his favourite therapist. I was game, and the moment the therapist opened his mouth, I was mesmerized. I’ve been working with this therapist ever since and I owe him a lot. I simply would not be where I am in both career and my personal life without his teachings and wise counsel. I chose the hard of growth, and this is hands down the best decision I’ve made in my life. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Mind’s struggle with uncertainty…

A wise monk once said:

Anxiety isn’t just fear, it’s the mind’s struggle with uncertainty. When you can’t tolerate the unknown, you try to control it through overthinking, over-planning, and overdoing. But that only convinces your brain you’re unsafe. 

Healing begins when you train your nervous system to feel safe in the unknown. I don’t know what will happen, but I trust I’ll be okay.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist gave me a great exercise to help with a big heath unknown I’m dealing with. The exercise is from the 12 Step program actually, and I must say it has been profoundly helpful. So I spent considerable time writing out the statement “I admit that I am powerless against____ (fill in the blank), and my life has become unmanageable. I ended up writing out a hundred of these statements, addressing all of my fears and worries. And then my therapist had me read a bunch of them out loud. He says having a witness is key in getting the most out of the exercise, which is humbling, and effective. Honestly, I don’t think anything has EVER helped me deal with anxiety and the unknown more than this exercise. I now have a sense of calm around the waiting. Fewf! Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Rejection leads to something better?…

• Let people be who they want to be, then decide if you want them in your life.
• Trust that rejection is always redirection to something bigger and better.
• Some people are only meant to help you grow, not be in your life forever.
• What if everything is falling apart to come together in a way you can’t guess?
• Focus only on what you can control.

— Unknown 

I’ve been notorious in my resistance to change. Which is weird because change has always gone extremely well for me. But I’ve sat in fear of the unknown, holding onto a troubled present, particularly in relationships. All of my past relationships, in truth, had at least two deal breakers; chronic and disrespectful lateness, an obstinate disregard for division of labour on chores, anger issues, lack of affection and compassion, lack of common interests. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self to be non-negotiable on deal breakers because they tank any relationship. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl