Emotional healing and empowerment…

Trauma

is a result of an overwhelming sense of danger, powerlessness, and fear

Healing 

is a result of feeling safe, empowered, and supported

— Unknown 

I returned to deep healing work after my mother died, and I’m quite proud of the decision really. In a nutshell, this work is about going back in time and saving your younger self. When we’re young and impressionable, we don’t have the tools and maturity to process what’s happening to us. And if we face trauma, the powerlessness and fear are exponential. I lived through a violent, sadistic, sort of work camp upbringing. Equally tormenting was the unpredictability of the situation, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I did my best to be perfect, and avoided the worst of it (vs my older brother and sister). Fast forward to adulthood and you have a perfectionist, neat-freak, anticipating kind of person. Fortunately, I got into therapy pretty early and I’ve managed to find my way. This time around, the work is more about putting a bow on the past and moving forward with greater freedom and empowerment. Just sayin’ ;) Wishing you the happiest of New Years. XO 

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Did your best with what you knew then…

Trauma says

I should have done things differently

Healing says

Hindsight offers clarity, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. I deserve to be gentle with myself even when I make mistakes

— Unknown 

What I continue to learn from my favourite therapist is a that lot of of us grew up short on validation and support. And unfortunately, it tends to land on us as adults to solve. I looked for foundational support in my relationships, and it was an epic failure. It wasn’t until I properly addressed my childhood trauma that I became free to love side by side with someone, and not look to them for safety, love and unconditional acceptance. I needed to do that for myself, and once I did, everything in my life improved, including career and finances. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Waiting for the next thing to go wrong?…

Psychology says when we face constant stress and uncertainty, our bodies learn to live in survival mode. We stay alert, tense and exhausted. Always waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Even in moments of calm, our minds don’t relax. It’s not because we’re overreacting, it’s because our nervous system has forgotten what safety feels like. 

— Unknown  

I’m working on this with my favourite therapist as we speak. I admitted to feeling wound just a wee too tight, for as long as I can remember. I don’t know about you, but I faced some violence growing up, sniff, sniff. And my therapists says it’s tough to root out because the stress and fear pretty much stay in your cells. Anyhow, the work is working, and I’m feeling a lot less stressed after some deep healing sessions. Which involve uncovering and facing some surprising, and unsuspecting fears. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Not everyone will right their wrongs…

My therapist once told me:

“The moment you stop seeking closure, explanations, and apologies is the moment you set yourself free. Not everyone will right their wrongs. Not everyone will understand the damage they caused. And waiting for them to do so only keeps you stuck. 

Heal for yourself. Move on without the apology. Elevate without the validation. Because the best revenge isn’t proving a point, it’s living so fully and freely that nothing from the past can touch you.”

— Unknown 

I am fully embracing this advice. I had regrets after my father died, thinking with more dialogue we may have repaired our relationship. So, having learned the lesson, I spent loads of time talking to my mother and trying to achieve a level of understanding. Nothing changed, and then she died and pretty much left everything to my brother. Big ouch to me and my sister, who also tried very hard to connect with our mother. Thank God for therapy, that’s all I can say. There’s no way I could sort through this complicated grieving without my favourite therapist. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Knowing you deserve more…

Trauma Whispers:

I need them to admit what they did, to validate the pain they caused me.

Healing Replies:

Some people simply can’t see beyond their own blind spots. My peace doesn’t depend on their apology—just on knowing I deserve more.

— Unknown 

A troubled relationship with my mother has been quite the Achilles Heel. Mercifully, and finally, with the help of my favourite therapist, I look forward to processing and unloading some of this burdensome pain (now that no new damage can occur. Fewf). Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

 

Hard truth: some pain stays…

Hard truth:

Some things you will never fully heal from. And that’s not failure. Not because you’re broken. Not because you’re doing it wrong. But because some pain stays. Some stories leave marks. And expecting to erase them? That’s not healing-that’s denial. Healing isn’t about forgetting. It’s about building a life that still feels meaningful-even while carrying what hurt you.

— Unknown

I got the BEST advice from my favourite therapist, ahead of Christmas, which always brings a level of sadness and loss, due to the troubled family of origin. He said, simply, “Lean into it.” He said it’s counterintuitive, because we tend to try and talk ourselves out of feeling bad. We try the rational approach and talk about how it’s not as bad as all that, or we should focus on gratitude and enjoy what we do have that’s good. But nope, therapist says, feel all that you’re feeling and validate each and every one of those feelings, as a kindness to yourself. Then things will ebb and calm. Cool! I’m going to do exactly that. Thank you Joel Brass, therapist extraordinaire. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Trauma says one thing, healing another…

Trauma says:

Why wasn’t I enough for them to stay or treat me better?

Healing says:

Their actions reflected their choices, not my worth. I was always enough, and I will never have to beg the right people to see that.

— woctherapy

As we speak, I’m working with my therapist on my complicated mother relationship. She passed away three years ago, and left quite the legacy, by pretty much cutting my sister and me out of the estate. There’s no way I deserved that. I felt we had a pretty good relationship, for the most part. TOTAL ouch. So I’m learning how it’s possible to heal from such a torturous wound. My favourite therapist says we’re going to go back in time and focus on her biography, and what led her to make such a calculated, and negative indictment of me, her youngest, and in my opinion, most overtly warm and cuddly child ;) I actually look forward to this exercise because I do NOT want to carry the heavy weight of this troubled relationship. I’ll let you know how it goes. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck to you. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl