Letting go of a possible future that never will be…

It’s not really letting go of the past that’s the problem.

It is coming to terms with letting go of a possible future that will never be.

That is the struggle.

The mind wants to keep its fantasies.

Even when they are wrong, unhealthy, dangerous, or even cruel.

To let go of the past, you must let go of the future and live in the present. 

— Bella Love 

My biggest issue was understanding my own needs and wants. I was also unsure of how perfect a match one could expect. We routinely hear that relationships take work, so at what point do we throw in the towel? I always found it hard to meet someone I was even attracted to, let alone a perfectly suited companion. But in the end, the differences drove a wedge in all of my past relationships. I came to the end of the line and knew I couldn’t do another almost relationship, because they fracture in the end, at least for me. So I took off the rose tinted glasses, and wrote a starkly honest vision of how I live my life and how I want to continue living my life. This meant no more outdoorsy dates. No more compromising on my foundational needs and wants, period. I met the love of my life and perfect partner within a year. Sure, we need to navigate issues at times. But we invite transparent discussions with one another and make mutually agreed upon adjustments when needed. Above all, we’re aligned partners, with one set of goals and a shared vision. Just sayin’ :) Hugs, and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl

Food and brain health…

Grocery shopping may be surprisingly important when it comes to brain health.

Why is that? The food we buy in the grocery store becomes the physical building blocks of our brains. It turns into neurostransmitters that influence mood and thoughts. It affects our gut-brain connection, inflammation, and so many more pathways that relate directly to our brain health.

* Certain foods and nutrients have an outsized benefit for our brains

* Avoiding processed foods and prioritizing whole foods is an excellent strategy

* Reading food and beverage labels allows you to avoid hidden sugar that may damage brain health

Unfortunately, most of the products in grocery stores are doing the health of our brains no favours, and may, in fact, contribute to a higher risk of brain diseases like depression and Alzheimer’s. 

— excerpt from How to Grocery Shop for Better Brain Health, Psychology Today, Nov 18 2022

I was aware of nutrition on overall health (including mental health), but I hadn’t really thought about the potential link with brain diseases such as Alzheimers. Yikes. Time to add more fruits and vegetables to the old diet! Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Decision/change fatigue…

There’s a lot of chatter about the fatigue many of us (all of us?) are feeling around the issues of our time; pandemic (are we post now?), climate change, escalating cost of living, work-from-home/return-to-office pressures, lack of space if WFH, the ongoing war, losing loved ones to cancer (which seems more prevalent than ever). Apparently change does actually cause significant physical and emotional stress, if you look at the scientific evidence. Making decisions is extremely hard on our nerves as well. So this constant flux is making for a lot of discontent! Hang in there everyone. Being a glass half-full girl, I just believe things will calm down and get better again. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Turn the page…

Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there’s more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. 

Close this chapter of hurt, and never re-read it. It’s time to get what your life deserves, and move on from the little things that don’t deserve you. 

Don’t try to fix what’s been broken in your past, let your future create something better.

— Trent Shelton 

I wasn’t able to “turn the page” sufficiently without professional help. My favourite therapist says that we cannot reason or logic away our deepest issues and hurts. Those issues are typically rooted in our upbringing and tend to idle in our heart and the recesses of our mind (some people actually have no memory of past abuses, until something triggers them down the line). We simply do not have the emotional maturity to process traumatic events when we’re children. Total disclaimer: delving into the tough upbringing was not fun, by any means, but it’s been a game changer for my personal and professional life. Kinda like cleaning out the attic or storage locker, it’s freeing to see what’s there, revitalize some items and throw others out for good. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Time out…

There’s nothing like a time out to recharge the batteries and gain a little perspective…

I’m on a warm and sunny beach get away right now and life looks a little more manageable. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and Good luck! XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Love doesn’t hurt…

Love didn’t hurt you.

Someone who doesn’t (didn’t) know how to love you hurt you.

(Don’t confuse the two)

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says that we’ll typically have relationship issues if we have parental issues. I’ve certainly found this to be the case. Once I resolved my father issue (As best I could. Still working on it to some extent), I was able to attract my perfect mate. I also had to learn new relationship skills. For example, I learned how to make requests (instead of suffering in silence and/or sulking or complaining). I also learned how to choose a better match (for example, I’m not out-doorsy and so I chose a partner who is also opposed to camping and hiking). Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you haven’t healed it, you keep reliving it…

If you haven’t healed it, 

every time you think about a negative event from your past, 

your body produces the exact same chemicals in the body as when it happened. 

That means you relive the experience hundreds of times simply because you haven’t let go.

— Unknown 

My favourite therapist says that when we’re young, we don’t have the emotional skills to understand and cope with what’s happened (or happening) to us. As adults, we it is possible to process such events (especially with the help of a professional), remove some of the charge and, better yet, learn some new coping skills. He says we cannot change where we come from or what’s happened to us, but we can evolve through it and achieve a deeper level of understanding and compassion for ourselves and others. This learning will probably improve all of our relationships. Just sayin’ :) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl  

 

Cats or dogs (emotional people prefer cats?)…

“Emotional people may prefer cats over dogs to relieve stress: “The warmth of a cat’s body, the vibration of a purr, the texture of the cat’s hair, are all sensory inputs for us that can assist us with staying in the present moment when we are distressed.” 

— medicalnewstoday.com

I guess that explains why I’m a regular at the Catfe (great little coffee shop with kitties that you can visit with and/or adopt). I travel a bit too much for work, so I can’t have one of my own unfortunately. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Coping with injustice (because life isn’t fair!)…

Tips to stop anger and injustice from hurting you 

Improve your health and well-being by releasing feelings of injustice.

You know that life is not fair. But sometimes circumstances feel so unfair that it’s difficult to let go. You may have persistent feelings of injustice and good reasons to support it. For instance, you may be challenged with a personal betrayal, a traumatic childhood, or a physical assault…

Persistent anger and feelings of injustice come with a steep price: They rob you of happiness in the moment and have negative impacts on your health.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Have compassion for yourself. Recognize that you are doing your best with a difficult situation. The more you focus on compassion, the less room there is for anger. 

2. Decide it’s not worth it. Remind yourself that gaining control over your current experience is the best way to rise above any negative people and circumstances from the past. Doing so puts you in the driver’s seat, and the past in the backseat. 

3. Anger and feelings of injustice beget physical pain. Anger is associated with increased tension and inflammation in the body, which can worsen pain and overall health. Feelings of anger and injustice can keep you focused on what’s wrong and who is to blame. Remind yourself that focusing on it gives it more energy.

4. Choose to be empowered by separating the facts from your emotions. Don’t let your anger contaminate your ability to enjoy life. Work at releasing the anger. 

5. Seek treatment modalities that melt anger and feelings of injustice. 

6. The Relaxation Response is an antidote for anger. Reducing the inner tension can neutralize the emotions. 

7. Use positive imagery, such as thoughts of being in nature or with a loved one, to break through the pattern and neutralize the emotions.

8. Have patience and compassion with yourself. This could all take time. 

9. Don’t stay stuck. Focus on relaxation in your mind and body. Working with a professional can help. 

— Beth Darnall, PhD (Paraphrased from 9 Tips to Stop Anger and Injustice from Hurting You, Psychology Today, Dec 16 2014)

Personally, I didn’t have a great childhood. Too much tough love, not enough warmth, affection and support. Fortunately, I developed an early interest in psychology. I’ve always been curious about why we do what we do and how we interact with one another in society. I continue to educate myself, which is profoundly helpful in quelling some of my feelings of injustice. My favourite therapist says some things are just our legacy and we need to allow for that. You can’t change where you come from, but you can certainly create a better future, if you so choose. Just sayin’ :) 

Blessings,

Chatgirl