Relax your body to feel safe…

The easiest way to raise your vibration is to relax your body. The most essential way to relax your body is to slow your breath. The most effective way of slowing your breath is by loving your own heart. One “I love you” at a time, your breath is inspired into a slower pace, which reminds the body to feel safe enough to relax, as your vibration elevates into higher frequencies of light. This is the heart of transformation.

— Unknown 

I tend to be a Type A over-achiever and feel-good pleaser. But I’ve also learned about the physical and emotional cost of walking on egg shells.  So I continue to work on slowed breathing, calming self-talk, yoga, spending time with animals, good friends and anything that lowers my stress level. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Dealing with worry…

Any time that you are worried about something say to your higher self, “Take this, I release this over to you, rearrange it, transform my thoughts, feelings and experience regarding this, it’s yours now, do with it as you see fit, hand it back to me if it’s worth receiving.” After saying and doing that, do you feel lighter? If you do, that’s because you’ve just removed your focus from that which was holding you in a place of discomfort or resistance. You’ve started to come back into alignment with your best self and the solution that you have been looking for. 

— S. G. Ruddy - @aMessageOfLove

I don’t know about you, but I felt a sense of ease and relief just reading that. Studies actually show that a significant portion (one study claims 85%) of things people worry about never materialize, and even when they do, they’re easier to handle than expected. I need to keep this top of mind! Just sayin’ ; ) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Words matter…

My therapist taught me that…

That words matter. Instead of saying “I can’t” say “It’s not a priority for me right now.” 

Replace “I’m jealous of them” with “I’m inspired by them.” 

Replace “I have to do this” with “I get to do this.” 

Replace “I failed” with “This attempt didn’t work.” 

Replace “Why is this happening to me?” with “What am I learning from this?”

Words matter, because even if you don’t fully mean them, your brain can’t tell the difference.

— @latenightepiphanies

I notice I’ve been sulking lately. And fair enough, given my mother’s passing and the resulting fall out with my siblings, and some friends too. Your foundation shifts when you lose both parents, and I’ll give myself the breathing room to adjust. But I also know from excellent therapy and life coaching that slipping into a victim, or poor me, mode is a trap. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Anger is a way to protest…

• A response to disempowerment
• A sign our boundaries are being ignored or violated
• A response to invalidation or unfair treatment
• A response to disrespect
• A part of the grief process
• A sign of built-up resentment or unresolved emotions
• A symptom of hyper vigilance and trauma
• A sign that you may feel attacked, threatened, or deceived
• A way to protest that we cannot control the reality around us

— @the.love.therapist

My favourite therapist taught me about the layers of emotion, and that beneath anger is often hurt. And that childhood trauma tends to be the root cause of our biggest issues. I also learned that it’s pretty tough to tackle deep baggage without professional help. Therapy is, at least for me, very safe, comforting, and anxiety reducing. It can really take the monkey off your back. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

It’s okay…

It’s okay

To make mistakes

To have bad days

To be less than perfect

To do what’s best for you

To be yourself

— Unknown 

Three of these stand out for me; the trap of perfectionism, prioritizing self-care, and accepting oneself, flaws and all. Embracing myself fully, regardless of any perceived limitations (impatient, neat freak bordering on OCD at times, not out-doores’y and perhaps not cultured enough), was a huge turning point in my life. And really it was all thanks to a painful and humiliating break up. I vowed to never go through another break up, and in order to do that, I realized I had to be completely honest about who I am, how I want to live my life, and what sort of person would match up well with that. I met the love of my life within a year, and interestingly enough he had come to the same conclusion. Just sayin’ :) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

Need a willing participant…

I want to help you, but you have to be a willing participant. 

If you’re not, then I’m no longer helping you up; it is you who is pulling me down. 

— Dr Steve Maraboli

When I was younger, my relationship, and making my partner happy, was my top priority. It took far too long, and too many break ups, to realize I needed to take better care of myself emotionally. I finally sorted out what makes me feel safe, loved, joyful and fulfilled. And that actually led to a much better pairing in the end, duh. Just sayin’ ;) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl 

If you want to develop emotional maturity….

If you want to develop emotional maturity, practice:

• Facing uncomfortable emotions without letting them dictate your actions
• Embracing change (learn how to bend without breaking)
• Allowing people to feel their emotions without trying to “save” them
• Accepting feedback
• Making decisions based on your values
• Having difficult conversations
• Being honest with yourself and others
• Honouring boundaries (even if you don’t like them)
• Making space for vulnerability and intimacy
• Acknowledging your flaws without letting them define you
• Observing how you show up in the world

— @millennial.therapist (Dr Sara Kuburic - psychotherapist, speaker, former USA Today columnist)

I owe my new and improved life (met the love of my life, riding a career high and enjoying a sweet level of financial freedom) to a few of these for sure. I hit an all time low during the 2008 financial crisis, including a humiliating break-up, where I turned a blind eye to my own truth, delayed the inevitable and paid the price. Thankfully, I embarked on a personal overhaul. I took a year long relationship hiatus, went back to intensive therapy and did a post-mortem on my relationships and career approach. My biggest learnings were; accepting myself for who I am and how I want to live my life, I made decisions about love and career based on my values/needs/wants, and learned how to have difficult conversations. Just sayin’:) Hugs and good luck. XO

Blessings,

Chatgirl